Whatever you are, be a good one.

Well, hello there friends.  You know, there’s nothing like a casual stroll through all your neighborinos towns.  So many cool things to see.  Building placement, decorating finesse, 2D/3D amazingness, Abraham Lincoln….

Wait, did I just say Lincoln?  How’d he get there?  Can I get him?  How the heck does he have anything to do with The Simpsons?

Well, I’m here today to try and answer these questions for those of you who may have noticed the 16^th President of the United States wandering around in Springfield.

First off, how did he arrive?  Although it might seem like some hacker’s invention, EA actually gave us (gave is a loose term here) this character during the 4^th of July event.  Abe came as a premium character for 150 precious donuts.  With the purchase, you received not only Lincoln but his log cabin.  Not too bad a deal considering the cost of other character/building combos.  Unfortunately, the President was a limited-time offer and was gone before all the fireworks could be dumped in Springfield Gorge.  As he was available for both ioS and Android users, it seems doubtful he will return but I hope I’m wrong.

UPDATE 7/11/14: Lincoln returned for President’s Day 2014 and once more for the 4th of July 2014 event.  I was wrong and couldn’t have been happier for new tappers.  Only Jebus knows if he’ll ever come back again.

Lincoln has 3 really fun outdoor tasks (of his 5 total, all pay out premium) which is why you may have seen him.

Abraham Lincoln is considered by most to have been one of the Best. Presidents. Ever.  His image is recognizable by many courtesy of his stove-pipe hat and delightful beard sans mustache.  His most famous home?  Springfield, Illinois. Not the same town we love in TSTO, but interesting nonetheless.

Even for those unfamiliar with American History who think he is just a face on a useless coin or a bad a$$ vampire hunter, President Lincoln should be a well known historical figure.  He was President during the American Civil War, authored the Emancipation Proclamation, vehemently supported the 13th Amendment which formally ended slavery in the US.  He instituted other Acts which gave land to the poor, created colleges and established the national currency.  Ultimately, he is best known as being the first president to be successfully assassinated.  This alone secured him in history books for all time.

While his addition in the game may seem silly, Lincoln actually appears in The Simpsons much more than some of the other items gracing our towns.  Sometimes it’s just dialogue…

“I can’t read porno by candlelight!  Who am I… Abe Lincoln?”~ Krusty

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.  The assasination thing bummed me out and I needed something more light-hearted.  Lincoln has appeared in many episodes right next to our favorite characters.  What is considered to be his first appearance was in Season 5, Episode 20, The Boy Who Knew Too Much.  Bart is daydreaming about being away from school.  He’s chillaxing away on a raft with Huckleberry Finn when who should appear…  yup, Abraham Lincoln.

The truth is, this isn’t his first “appearance”.  Good old Abe appeared a whole season earlier in Season 4, Episode 13, Selma’s Choice.  Lisa and Selma go to the Duff Hall of Presidents in Duff Gardens.  Audioanimatronic Abraham Lincoln is the narrator.

Robot Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago… we took the finest hops and barley to brew a refreshing, full-bodied lager.  (starts beatboxing) Weeeeeellllllll… I’m rapping AB and I’m here to say… if you want to drink beer, Duff’s the only way.  I said the oooooonly way. 

Lisa: This is a disgrace. 

Selma: Settle down… anything this bad has to be educational. 

Soooo funny.  Having been to Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln at Disneyland and The Hall of Presidents at Disney World…  this satire makes me giggle no matter how many times I watch it.

Wait a tick folks… I’m being told by the booth that we need to interrupt this post for breaking news…

 “A special bulletin… the Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated…” 

This hilarity comes from Season 3, Episode 13, Radio Bart.  Earlier in the episode, the Springfield Shopper has this headline:

And of course the writer’s continue the joke by killing the squirrel.  Irreverant?  Yes.  Funny?  Always.

In Season 3, Episode 2, Mr. Lisa goes to Washington, Lisa is off to D.C. with an award winning essay about American Government.  Unfortunately, her faith in democracy is shaken after she witnesses her local Congressman accepting a bribe from a lobbyist (that never happens, right?).  She wanders D.C. to renew her optimism.

“Honest Abe… he’ll show me the way.”

Unfortunately the Lincoln Memorial is too crowded with people looking for answers so off to the Jefferson Memorial young Lisa goes… he gets so lonely.

In Season 4, Episode 15, I Love Lisa, there is a whole play dedicated to US Presidents and of course Lincoln is portrayed with Milhouse getting the honor.

This entire episode is great.  “I choo-choo-choose you!” comes from this and I’ll probably never think of Monster Mash without Valentine’s Day ever again, but the play at the end is really awesome.  The song for the lesser known presidents is really great. 

I’m pretty sure John Wilkes Booth wasn’t like the Terminator but IT IS The Simpsons after all.

“Hasta la vista Abey.”

In TOH XIX (Season 20, Episode 5), How to Get Ahead in Dead-vertising, Lincoln appears in heaven.  Homer has been offing celebrities so weaselly ad men can use their images for free.

In heaven, Krusty is outraged.  George Washington isn’t at first but after seeing an ad for the Springfield Wedding Chapels’ Annual President’s Day Marriage-a-thon which shows him marrying AND kissing Lincoln, GW changes his tune.

GW: That ad implies that Mr. Lincoln and I are betraying familiarities.  It’s an outrage!

Lincoln: Uh huh… yes… an outrage.

Maybe Lincoln has a thing for GW?  Nah… that’d be scandalous.

All the dead celebrities go down to Earth to exact revenge for their images being used in horrible ads.  Examples include Buzz Cola with Lemon, Drought Resistant Grass Seed and Country Style Ragu.  Krusty kills Homer and the world is set right.

Joke’s on them though because they left the key to the pearly gates under the mat and Homer not only goes to heaven, but locks them out.  He walks off into the horizon with Mr.Pennyface aka Abraham Lincoln who may have liked that ad where he kissed Washington more than I thought.  Mrs. Lincoln and he “have an understanding”.

Wowza, calling one of the greatest American Leaders possibly gay.  That’s crazy, right?  While I’m certain IRL, he wasn’t, I thought I’d share this painting from 1860 entitled The Apotheosis of Lincoln.  Maybe the writers got their inspiration from this?

Ok… I know the 6’4”(1.93m) American History Legend seems to only appear in flashbacks or parodies but he actually has been in an episode interacting with real characters.  Abe Lincoln appears in the yellow flesh in Season 21, Episode 13, The Color Yellow.

Lisa is working on a family tree and disappointed by the stock of her family.  She happens upon a diary of an ancestor that might prove she actually has at least one that was heroic.

“Yeah, the Simpsons family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves and even a few… ALCOHOLICS.”

April 14^th, 1860

Eliza Simpson attempts to free a slave named Virgil.  Chased down by men on horses, they chance upon a traveling circus to hide for a spell.

“A little schmutz… a little schmear…  and presto!  You’re part of the Underclown Railroad.”

At the Simpson cabin, Hiram Simpson is not too keen on hiding Virgil until he is won over by Virgil’s wheel cakes.  Could this be the origin of the donut?  If only they cost Civil War prices and not the current rate, right?

Unfortunately, those wheel cakes clue his owner Colonel Burns in to Virgil’s hiding place.  The hiding place’s location is easily bought with a pleasant surprise for Hiram… new shoes.

Fortunately, Mabel Simpson foresaw the weakness of her husband and stands up to Colonel Burns.  She then takes Hiram by wagon to freedom in Canada.  On the run, Mabel realizes her hair is a dead giveaway and who should come to her rescue but Abraham Lincoln.  He offers her his hat to disguise her hair.

Marge: How’s it look? 

Abe: It makes you look like a potbellied stove. (Mabel grunts) Hey, hey, Honest Abe…  Haha… oh, I’m a riot.

Hiram and Mabel make it to Canada and end up falling in love and getting married.  There first child?  Abraham Simpson direct decendent of Grandpa Simpson.

Lisa points out at the end of the episode that this makes the Simpsons 1/64^th black.

Bart: So that’s why I’m so cool. 

Lisa: That’s why my jazz is so smooth. 

Homer: and that’s why I earn less than my white co-workers.

For an episode dealing with slavery, the writers are typically unafraid to lampoon anything.

This episode is most likely how Abe got his part in TSTO.  As you can see, Lincoln is a much a part of the show as a lot of other characters.  There are several more references I excluded for brevity’s sake.  When you get me going on anything history related, I’m bound to write quite a bit.  I am a self-procalimed History nerd and I love seeing Abe in my town.  Hopefully EA will bring Abraham Lincoln back next 4^th of July or maybe we’ll even get his boyfriend?  Just kidding Mr. Washington, you’re alright by me.

Well, it looks like Alissa left the Attic window open so I’m off to emancipate myself for a while.  Y’all stay classy… Wookiee out!