Blue Haired Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive, Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge Snyder: What is the point of all this?
Blue Haired Lawyer: Your Honor, I’m so confident of Marge Simpson’s guilt, that I can waste the court’s time rating the superhunks.
Lionel Hutz: Ooohh. He’s gonna’ win.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Aaaaaaggggggg! A lawyer… kill it, kill it! All of a sudden I’m thinking about Dick the Butcher in Shakespeare’s Henry the Sixth and his famous line: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”. It’s also mentioned in the Eagles song “Get Over It”.
Wow… rambling and I just started? I think that’s a new record. So… this post is about our newest premium character, the Blue Haired Lawyer (BHL). For 90 donuts, you can add this character to your income earning arsenal. Not my place to say whether you should buy him, but check out this post by Alissa if you need some help making up your mind. He has a 10 part quest so that’s nifty.
The Blue Haired Lawyer is one of those characters that is all over the show. I found 53 episodes that he’s been in and there’s a strong chance I missed at least one. The latest Simpsons episode (Married to the Blob) was the 540th episode. That means that you have a little more than a 1 in 10 chance of seeing BHL while watching an episode. Holy moley! That’s basically a WDTCF book if you want to cover everything.
Jebus knows I love to ramble and be long-winded but even this list is a bit much for this Wookiee. I do however have some images and words to share cuz that’s what I do. First up a little bit of nerd knowledge about the character.
With his New York accent and many, many appearances representing Springfield Law, BHL is a competent, no-nonsense professional. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for Springfield’s other lawyers like Lionel Hutz and Gil. Most people think of the Blue Haired Lawyer as Burns’ Lawyer which makes sense since he’s often seen representing Charles Montgomery Burns. BHL also seems to be the lawyer for anyone going to court against the Simpsons. Besides serving as a prosecutor at the Springfield Courthouse, he also appears to work estate and copyright law. Hey Alissa, we need to hire this guy! I’d love to hear him say, “I represent the interests of TSTOAddicts. I have a court order demanding an immediate halt of this unauthorized imitation“.
BHL is an active member of the Springfield Republican Party and a home-grown professional (he attended Springfield University). Simpsons Animator Jim Reardon modeled him after actor Charles Lane. Even if you don’t recognize the name, you’d probably recognize the actor in one of the hundreds of films and TV shows he appeared in during his 60-year career (guy also lived to 102!). Some of these include Soap, I Love Lucy and The Odd Couple. His characters were often no-nonsense professionals. Perhaps Charles Lane’s most recognizable role was the rent collector in It’s a Wonderful Life. It was this performance which inspired the creation of the Blue-Haired Lawyer. BHL’s accent is said to have been based on Joe McCarthy’s chief counsel during the Communist witch hunts of the 1950s.
Since this is a WDTCF, of course you probably want to know where this character comes from. Initially I agreed with almost everyone that BHL made his first appearance in Season 2, Episode 10: Bart Gets Hit By a Car, but after doing some pretty thorough searching, I found a site that said (check out who is the other lawyer) he first appeared 6 episodes earlier. Do you think this is him in Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish.
I don’t know. I definitely see a resemblance and BHL’s hair has been grey and black in episodes but this one might be a stretch. Just for the record, I didn’t include this episode in my final tally.
BHL has worked for not only Burns, but also Fat Tony, Sideshow Bob, Roger Myers, Sr. and Jr., the Sea Captain, Charlie Chaplin, Jim Durante, Disney, Garth Motherloving (CEO of Motherloving Sugar), the Movementarians and even Bart. My favorite BHL episode is Barting Over (S14E11). Bart wants to get a divorce from Homer and Marge and seeks out the assistance of BHL at his law firm (divorce from his parents = emancipation). This is where we discover that BHL works for Luvum & Burnham, Family Law and has a paralegal named Uwa. We also learn that child divorces are a standard procedure in Springfield.
RANDOM FACT: In Portuguese, his name is Advogado de Cabelo Azul.
For people that like lists or maybe want some episode recommendations to see more of BHL, here ya got:
- S2E4, Two cars in every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (is it the real BHL ???)
- S2E10, Bart Gets Hit by a Car
- S2E11, One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
- S3E4, Bart the Murderer
- S3E7, TOH II
- S3E24, Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?
- S4E4, Lisa the Beauty Queen
- S4E7, Marge Gets a Job
- S4E8, The New Kid on the Block
- S4E21, Marge in Chains
- S5E2, Cape Fear
- S5E3, Homer Goes to College
- S5E8, Burns’ Heir
- S5E21, Lady Bouvier’s Lover
- S6E5, Sideshow Bob Roberts
- S7E16, Lisa the Iconoclast
- S7E18, The Day the Violence Died
- S8E2, You Only Move Twice
- S8E12, Mountain of Madness
- S8E14, The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
- S8E21, The Old Man and the Lisa
- S9E8, Lisa the Skeptic
- S9E13, The Joy of Sect
- S11E22, Behind the Laughter
- S13E16, Weekend at Burnsie’s
- S13E8, Sweets and Sour Marge
- S13E21, The Frying Game
- S14E11, Barting Over
- S14E18, Dude Where’s My Ranch?
- S15E1, TOH XIV
- S15E2, My Mother the Carjacker
- S15E8, Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
- S17E4, TOH XVI
- S18E7, Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)
- S19E16, Papa Don’t Leech
- S20E1, Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes
- S20E4, TOH XIX
- S20E6, Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
- S20E20, Four Great Women and a Manicure
- S20E21, Coming to Homerica
- S21E2, Bart Gets a “Z”
- S21E3, The Great Wife Hope
- S21E7, Rednecks and Broomsticks
- S22E6, The Fool Monty
- S22E11, Flaming Moe
- S22E16, A Midsummer’s Nice Dream
- S23E7, The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
- S23E11, The D’oh-cial Network
- S23E15, Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
- S23E17, Them, Robot
- S23E20, The Spy Who Learned Me
- S23E21, Ned ‘N Edna’s Blend
- S24E5, Penny-Wiseguys
- S24E18, Pulpit Friction
Wowza… lots of episodes!
Just as a refresher…here are BHL’s tasks inside TSTO:
| Task | Task Length | Payout | Building |
| Shop at Kwik-E-Mart | 1hr | $105, 26XP | Kwik-E-Mart |
| Dine at the Truffle | 2hrs | $175, 40xp | Gilded Truffle |
| Visit Jake’s Unisex Hair Palace | 4hrs | $260, 70xp | Jake’s Unisex Hair Palace |
| Look Unimpressed | 8hrs | $420, 105xp | Outside Task |
| Attend Church | 12hrs | $600, 150xp | First Church of Springfield |
| Deliever Lawsuits to Local Businesses | 24hrs | $1,000, 225xp | Outside Task |
Do you have a favorite Blue Haired Lawyer moment? Did I miss an episode? Got an image you’re dying to show? Please share any of your thoughts/images in the comments. Until next time… y’all stay classy and TTFN… Wookiee out!
All original art and content © Up All Night, LLC and TSTOAddicts.com
All Screen Shots of Game Graphics & Dialogue and Game Graphics from files ™ and © EA, Gracie Films and FOX
No mention for Mr. Burns’ hilarious task to “Ride the Blue-Haired Dino Ride.”
Is it me or does TSTO kind of portray him as an ambulance chaser? It seems like that to me, which is weird because throughout the show he’s always the super competent lawyer.
I agree. That’s the first thought I had when I saw the dialogue…”ambulance chaser”.
It does seem that way and runs contrary to all his appearances in the show. Good catch Julian.
you can’t kill a lawyer, every time you kill one 2 more will take his place
Lol… like a legal hydra.