Silly Simpsons: Quotable Quotes

I did it all for the Wookiee, c’mon, the Wookiee, c’mon so you can take that Ewok and stick it….  uhhh, errrrr, hey constant reader.  Fancy meeting you here while I take another silly song and twist it to my own purposes… Random.  Well, since you caught me being silly as usual I guess I can share some more Silly Simpsons, eh?

Milhouse Lisa

So, I think it’s fair to say that most of us are pretty big fans of The Simpsons.  Also probably fair to say that one of the main reasons we like the show is it makes us laugh.  Isn’t laughter really the cure for what ills you?  In that vein, I just thought I’d share some silly Simpsons quotes with ya.  What really got me thinking about this was Cletus’ line in the one of the two new episodes, Diggs.  Not gonna make you read the recap so here’s the line.

“If you see the stork what brings us babies… Kill It!”

I enjoyed the episode but that little tidbit had me really laughing and it got me thinking about other great lines that make me giggle.  I could probably write a huge post on everything I laugh at but in an effort to keep this shorter than usual, I’ll just share some recent quotes I jotted down while watching episodes.  (NOTE: Some of the images below are from the episode, 3 actually, the others just were funny to me and I wanted to show them.)

Homer Scared

Any list of Simpsons’ quotes has to start with Homer J., so without further ado, here’s two…

Homer: “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

A wise man once told me that the lottery is a tax for people who are bad at Math.  Homer’s “wisdom” is often funny.  This is just one example from “Kamp Krusty” (S4:E1).

Homer: “Now we play the waiting game…Ahh, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!”

Makes me think of waiting for updates.  Yes we all want them but there are so many cool things you can do in the meantime.  We’ve written ideas down before but I think adding classic board games to the list is a good idea.  You could also fill the time by watching the Mr. Plow episode (S4:E9).

Ralph Wiggum: “I’m a Star Wars.”

Oh Ralph… just your silliness could fill a post.  Seeing you dressed as Princess Leia (my youngest daughter’s favorite princess btw) makes me happy inside and that’s what life is all about, right?  Well, being happy and having cool as heck kids.  Also funny to imagine what is “Inspirational Women” speech consisted of in “Once Upon a Time in Springfield” (S21:E10).

Ralph Wiggum Star Wars

Frink: “Unshrink you?! Well, that would require some sort of a re-bigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous, it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle, hmm-hey—ahh, but not at you, O holiest of gods, with the wrathfulness and vengeance and the blood reign and the hey, hey, hey, it hurts me.”

“Treehouse Of Horror VII” (S8:E1).  I love whenever Frink talks too.  Jerry Lewis was a great comedian with his timing and zaniness.  Having an incarnation of him for my enjoyment whenever I want IN The Simpsons is even better.

Frink Sarcasm Detector

Otto: “Hey little dudes, don’t learn anything I wouldn’t learn.”

Just funny in “Homer Defined” (S3:E5).  I’ve heard variations on this sage advice all my life and just laugh at Otto’s take on it.  Probably also good advice to not do anything Otto would do except for the listening to awesome music stuff, that’s a good idea.

Otto Rat Fink Pic

Grampa Simpson: “I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was, and now what I’m with isn’t it. And what’s “it” seems weird and scary to me.”

The older I get, the more this seems to apply.  Grampa is one of those characters that often makes me laugh.  This quote from “Homerpalooza” (S7:E24) is one I actually quote to other people.  If they get the reference, even better.

Grampa Simpson Turtle

Apu: “Well, I don’t like to leave the store (dusts off a “back in 5 minutes” sign) .but for the next five minutes I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99!”

Classic Apu in “22 Short Films About Springfield” (S7:E21).  Also a great reference for anyone who likes themselves a little Prince Rogers Nelson.  By little I of course mean his work and not his stature but some people like that too.

Apu Jury Duty

CBG: “I would kill the children of a thousand planets just to see you smile.”

Comic Book Guy utters this at his almost wedding with Edna Krabappel at the Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi Convention dressed as a Klingon in “My Big Fat Geek Wedding” (S15:E17).  There is nothing funny about hurting children, but this line still made me laugh because of the sheer nerdyness of it all.  People do get married in cosplay and I’m sure that doesn’t exclude the Trekkers or Trekkies.  I can imagine one of my friends saying this to his girlfriend.  It’s funny and I also probably love it because it’s a semi-romantic statement to Edna.  The episodes this weekend really made me miss Marcia Wallace’s and her Edna.  I might not hurt any kiddos but I sure would tickle the children of a thousand planets for one more smile or “Ha!”.  I’d even wrestle a man dressed as Catwoman.

CBG & Skinner Catfight

Chief Wiggum: “Fat Tony is a cancer on this city. He is the cancer and I am the… uh… What cures cancer?”

“Bart the Murderer” (S3:E4) is a great episode.  This sums up the relationship between Wiggum and Springfield crime perfectly to me.

Wiggum Double Picture

Lisa: “There’s a big dumb animal I love even more than that horse.”
Homer: “Oh no, what is it, a hippopotamus?”

“Lisa’s Pony” (S3:E8).  Such a great moment at the end of the episode but punctuated still with humor.  Love and humor often go hand in hand.

Homer and Lisa Horseyback

There are just a few funny quotes I’ve written down lately.  You can see I watched quite a bit of Season 3 and 4 lately.  For fear of writing some sort of definitive list or wasting too much of your time, I’m gonna close this Silly Simpsons for now.  If you like, I’d be more than happy to do more of them in the future, just let me know.  More importantly, this post begs the question… What are your favorite Simpsons quotes?  I’m certain there are tons I haven’t listed.  Jebus knows Homer has pages dedicated to just his hilariousness.  Let us know in the comments and also why if you like.  Until my next randomness…

TTFN… Wookiee out!

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All Screen Shots of Game Graphics & Dialogue and Game Graphics from files ™ and © EA, Gracie Films and FOX.  The Simpsons ™ and ©  FOX and its related entities. All rights reserved.

66 responses to “Silly Simpsons: Quotable Quotes

  1. anakinskywalker

    look marge, you don’t know what it’s like – i’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. and i’m not out of order! you’re out of order! the whole freaking system is out of order! you want the truth? you want the truth? you can’t handle the truth! ’cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do!! forget it marge, it’s chinatown!!!`

  2. anakinskywalker

    jesse grass: i’m a level-five vegan. i won’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

  3. anakinskywalker

    homer: “if the plant ye wish to flee go to sector 7 b. “to overcome the spider’s curse, simply quote a Bible verse. ..

  4. anakinskywalker

    marge: “why all the black?”

    homer: why all the pearls?’ why all the hair?’ why anything?”

  5. anakinskywalker

    milhouse: how could this happen?` we started out like romeo & juliet but it ended up in tragedy!`

  6. anakinskywalker


    “dearest edna, i must leave you. why i cannot
    say. where i am going you cannot know. how i will get there i haven’t
    decided yet. but one thing i can tell you, any time i hear the wind
    blow it will whisper the name. .. edna. and so let us part with a love that
    will echo through the ages. — woodrow.’

  7. anakinskywalker

    devil: goodbye bart!`remember. lie, cheat. steal and listen to heavy metal music!`

    bart: yes sir!`

  8. anakinskywalker

    bart: yo, sensei, can I go to the bathroom?`

    sensei: you can if you believe you can.

  9. anakinskywalker

    lisa: miss hoover didn’t believe me! she called me a ‘pc thug’!

    homer: i’ve been called a greasy thug, too. it never stops hurting! so here’s what we’re gonna do: we’re gonna grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat!!`

  10. anakinskywalker

    i had a cat named snowball
    she died! she died!
    mom said she was sleeping
    she lied! she lied!
    why oh why is my cat dead?
    couldn’t that chrysler hit me instead?

  11. Oh my…I just laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight!
    Hahaha thank you, thank you, thank you all!

  12. anakinskywalker

    Bart: But I always drink plenty of. .. “Malk” ?`

  13. Lisa: “Can you guys keep it down?”
    Homer: “Honey, if we didn’t turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have?”
    Bart: “Um, you’re in the way Mom.”
    Homer: “Push her down, son.”
    Bart (in fantasy sequence): “I wash myself with a rag on a stick.”

  14. Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.

  15. Skinner: I…am a bomb (with hot dogs strapped to his chest)
    Wiggum: hey thats not a bomb. Those are hotdogs…Armour hotdogs…
    Supernintendo Chalmers: What kind of MAN wears Armour hotdogs!

  16. homer: guess how many boobs I saw today marge? fifteen!

    homer: beer beer beer, bed bed bed!

  17. ‘Mr. Gorbatschow! Tear down this wall! Because i sense the beef is behind that wall!’ 😀


    Blue-Haired Lawyer: ‘What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn’t it say ‘die Bart die’?’
    Sideshow Bob: ‘No, that’s German for ‘The Bart The’.
    Judge: ‘No one who speaks German could be an evil man.’

    And basically I love all quotes defining the relationship of Cletus and Brandine.

  18. I love Moe.

    Mr. Burns: ” Hello, I’m looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylon?”
    Moe: “Oh, so, you’re looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I’m gonna pull out your eyes and shove ’em down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I’m gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!”

  19. One of my favourite quotes, from Season 11, Alone Again, Natura-Diddly:

    Brandine: “Dang, Cletus, why’d you have to park right next to my parents?”
    Cletus: “Now, honey, they’s my parents too”

  20. One of my favorites is from season 2 when Marge try’s to get the violence taken out of the Itchy and Scratchy show. It works, but then things spiral out of control and the Springfielders want to ban the statue of of David. Marge gives in and says, “I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn’t.”

  21. It shows my bias toward my favorite episode, but:
    “It’s like there’s a party in my mouth, and everyone’s invited.”
    -Ken Griffey Jr. after chugging “Brain and Nerve Tonic”

  22. Hey Margie you came and you found me a turkey on my vacation awaaay from workee

  23. I would love to see more of these! I have not seen very many seasons, grew up without TV and they don’t stream them free anywhere, which is all my grad school budget could afford. Long story short I love reading posts about episodes I have not seen and may not see for awhile!

  24. [Homer answers the telephone AT WORK wearing only a bath towel] You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel. 🙂

  25. Season 8 Episode 18:
    Homer: “To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems,”

  26. WanderingCaveman

    A couple of my favorites are
    “I’m cold and there are wolves after me.”
    “No tv and no beer make Homer something, something…”

  27. My favourite quote of all time has to be:

    Lisa: Well, I know it’s absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under…
    Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I’ll get the gun!
    [Homer bursts into Bart’s room]
    Homer: Bart, I don’t want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!
    Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  28. Im billy corgan smashing pumpkins.

    Im homer simpson smiling politely?

  29. I think barney call the red hot chilli peppers ‘chilli willys’ is my fav i say it every time i play them

  30. My favourite quote is Milhouse “why did I have the bowl?”

    Remember when he ate my goldfish, and then you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. But why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

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