Mad Men of Springfield: Snake

Welcome to another new addition to Addicts, the Mad Men of Springfield. We will be going into depth on the history and background of the male species running around our lil towns as well as those not yet in the game.

Just think about it. What Man living in Springfield is “normal”? Not a single one that I can think of. They all have at least ONE thing wrong with them. Seriously! Think about it. How many issues does Moe have? A Reverend a “little” obsessed with trains? An owner of a Kwik-E-Mart that goes to counseling with the same person that robs him, on a daily basis? Not to mention the “inbreeding” and other strange happenings going on at the farm. Oh the idiosyncrasies.

So sit back, relax, grab your favorite beverage, and enjoy as we kram your brains with some Simpson knowledge of the MAD MEN OF SPRINGFIELD.

madmenlivingroom

Apu: He used to rob me two, three times a week. Now, I’m lucky if I get it once a month.
Snake: He never initiates it; I have to do all the work. He just stands there
Dr. Swanson: Now now, don’t talk through him.  Talk to him.
Snake: Apu, sometimes when I rob you, it’s like you’re not even there.
Apu: That is because you are robbing my brother Sanjay.
Snake: Dude, I didn’t know.
Apu: Just shut up!
Season 18, E14 “Yokel Chords”
Screenshot_2014-04-12-23-59-51
This week we’re taking a look at one of Springfield’s favorite criminal.  A real “Jailbird” with some bitchin’ hair!  We’re talking about Albert Knickerbocker Aloysius Snake, or just Snake if you’re feeling less formal.

Car-jacker, successful author, robber, loving father, inmate, “Wallet Inspector” and cop fighter it would seem as though Snake fits the profile of a true “Mad Man”.  Of course we are all familiar with Snake and his many, many, MANY robberies of the Kwik-E-Mart, but there has got to be more to this character than just a Slushiee robber!  So with Snake making a “featured” appearance on last week’s episode of The Simpsons, Luca$..you can check out Bunny’s awesome recap here, I thought I’d “peel” back the layers of this consistent criminal and reveal just what makes him tick!

The first layer I want to explore was the criminal side of Snake.  What caused him to go so wrong in the first place?  To find the answer we have to take a look at Season 17, E13, The Seemingly Never-ending Story.  It is in this episode where we learn that Snake once had very different ambitions in life.  Would you believe Snake once wanted to become an Archaeologist, after being inspired by Indiana Jones?  Although this kind of makes sense, because isn’t Indy technically just a professional thief?  ANYWAY….as a youngster Snake discovered some rare Mayan Coins, which Moe promptly stole from him.  It is in this moment where Snake throws his previous ambitions away, decides to get revenge on the community at large and takes up a life of crime.

The Simpsons Luca$ Promotional Photo 4

Ah so, like many things in life,  Snake’s life of crime is all Moe’s fault!  So now we know a little more about what causes Snake to lead a life of crime but what about the other side of Snake.  We know he’s a father, but what’s his home life like?  During Season 13 E4 A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love we learn that Snake does in fact have a..er…romantic (?) side to him.  You see in this episode Mr. Burns has fallen for Snake’s Ex, Gloria, and well Snake’s not exactly a big fan of this idea.  Jealous much?  So Snake kidnaps Gloria and tries to win her back, unsuccessfully, with the promise of a pistol-whipping!  Now what women can say no to that?

So, what about Snake’s son?  Well the perfect, and most recent, place to start on that is Season 25, E 17 Luca$ (while it’s all still fresh in our minds!).  It’s in this episode where we’re reminded that Snake does in fact have a soft, loving father side to him too.  As he stole because he son needed braces, and he didn’t want the poor kids teeth to end up like his (yikes!  Can you say dentures anyone?)!  Just like any good father would do, wanting their kids to have better than they did…even if that means stealing a little to make it happen!

Screenshot_2014-04-06-21-22-23

During Season 7 E21 22 Short Films About Springfield we see that Snake wears a Middlebury T-Shirt under his vest.  We also learn that he has to repay student loans (don’t we all?!).   So Snake did in fact go to college, heck he wanted to be Indiana Jones after all!  There are also references that he attended Princeton (Jersey pride!), so not only did he go to college he’s also pretty frakkin smart too!

Despite leading a life in crime Snake is actually highly intelligent, and highly educated too.  So I guess not all criminals are dumb, are they?  Snake has written two successful books, “The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals” &”A Criminal’s Guide to Hiding in Mexico.”  And of course we all know, only “experts” write books, right?  

Snake_Jailbird

We first met Snake on The Simpsons during season 2, and he arrives in TSTO via Level 19 and comes with, what else, the Springfield Penitentiary.  Let’s take a closer look at some of this Jailbird’s tasks in TSTO:

Task Length Payout Location
Comb Your Bitchin Hair 45s $3, 1xp Outside
Rob the Kwik-E-Mart 1hr $70, 17xp Outside the entrance to Kwik-E-Mart
Rob the Krusty Burger 4hrs $175, 45xp Outside the entrance to Krusty Burger
Con Money from Old People 8hrs $275, 70xp Springfield Retirement Castle
Pose for a Police Lineup 12hrs $420, 100xp Police Station
Serve Time 24hrs $600, 150xp Springfield Penitentiary

So there you have it….the man behind the gun.  Another brilliant mind ruined by Moe!  Hopefully, this has given you a little more perspective on the man behind the jail bars, and make you think a little bit longer before you send Snake to yet another 24hr stint in the big house!

What do YOU think of Snake?  What are some of your favorite Snake moments in The Simpsons?  What are your favorite tasks to send Snake on?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we LOVE hearing from you!

9 responses to “Mad Men of Springfield: Snake

  1. Thanks so much! I leveled, and my righteousness went from 5 stars down to two. I’d read the article on righteousness, but wasn’t sure about this exact issue. The rating drop was coincidentally timed to my having had Snake do a LOT of tasks robbing different places. Good to know I can let him out of jail on ocassion, even if it’s only to comb his bitchin’ hair. 😉

    And it would be awesome if we could have his car (and Apu’s)! I 100% agree with the previous posters!

    Like

  2. Kimberlyah794

    Wasn’t sure where to post this, but it seemed a decent place. Anyone know if Snake’s criminal tasks affect righteousness in the conform-o-meter? Same thing with Wiggum collecting bribes, Quimby doing anything, and Fat Tony. Just curious. Thanks!

    Like

  3. Having both cars would be Fanfreakintastic!!!

    Like

  4. Obsession or hobby….?

    As for Snake my favourite is when his hair is transplanted to Homer with hilarious psychopathic consequences.

    Like

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