Diary of a Wookiee: DIE SIMPSONS

Hello friends.  You know that title makes me laugh because our German friends will just see it and think I decided to be multicultural.  Sideshow Bob just laughs and says the title would be completely defensible in Court a la DIE BART DIE.

For everyone else, I certainly don’t want the Simpsons to die but I don’t always get what I want.  This September, on the Season Premiere of the 26th Season, a character will die.  Touted as the “Yellow Wedding”, showrunner Al Jean has stated that “It turned out bigger than we thought it was going to be,” he said. “It’s not going to be this bloodbath where they all get murdered.”  Well Al, only time will tell.

So if you haven’t been living in a bunker, you may have heard this news.  If not, here’s what we know via media, Simpsons big wigs and geeks everywhere…

– The character who dies was voiced by an actor who won an Emmy for the performance.

– It is reportedly not any of Hank Azaria’s characters according to the voice actor himself.

–  “People who reported on it then reported we were killing an ‘iconic’ character; I’d like to say it’s a great character, but I never used the word ‘iconic.’ It’s a terrific character and it [happens in] our premiere this coming year.” ~ Al Jean

– It’s not Edna Krabappel, the goodbye sequence in Season 25 marked her death.  🙁

– The character has appeared on the show more than twice.

– The death will occur in the Season 26 premiere entitled “Clown in the Dumps.”  Al Jean said at a Television Critics Association panel on 20 July 2014 that his clues have been “obvious” as to which character dies.

– According to Jean and Selman, there are people on the internet who have correctly guessed the character to die.

– And the best news: “What we told the performer is, ‘This does not mean the end of your participation in The Simpsons.” ~ Matt Selman.  Basically means the character could come back as a ghost, non-canon, etc or the voice actor could voice a different character altogether.

– Last little note is back in October 2013 in an article with Entertainment Weekly, Jean was quoted as saying: “We’ll be putting out a lot of false leads in the coming months to try to trick people into watching the premiere.”  Could all the leads just be hype?

The image I used at the top of this post is the very beginning of this glimpse of S26:E1. In the clip, Homer appears to be choking to death while connected to a CPAP machine. Wowza… poor Homer.  We know he’s not gonna die but sleep apnea is no joke. Just for fun, I thought I’d take a look at the characters FOX showed in the clip and see who might die.  The characters shown are Marge, Grampa, Marge’s Mom aka Jacqueline Bouvier, Bart, Comic Book Guy, Selma, Sideshow Bob, Patty, Krusty, Lisa, Moe, Homer, Rabbi Krustofski and Apu.

Right off the bat, I can eliminate all the Simpsons.  I also think of Comic Book Guy, Krusty, Moe and Apu as iconic Simpsons characters but that’s just me.  If any of them were to die, I don’t think the show would be the same.  Also important to note that CBG, Moe and Apu are Azaria characters which only means Krusty is eligible.  I could ramble on about why I don’t think it’s him but suffice to say I don’t. Krusty is iconic… nuff said.  Eliminating these eight from my deathwatch list, let’s look at the rest.

Grampa: (Emmy? Nope).  We all know he’s old and old people die.  While I would miss his silly stories and antics, it would make sense in a sort of way.  When the news first came out that a character would die, a lot of us immediately thought of him.  Seems he’s ruled out by the lack of an Emmy though.

Jacqueline Bouvier: (Emmy? Nope) Same idea as Grampa although I know one or two of you only recognized her as Marge’s mom because of the hairdo.  I don’t think it’s her just because it wouldn’t have any impact.  Also no Emmy.

Patty & Selma: (Emmy? Nope) I lumped the twins together because I just feel they would have to go out at the same time, Emmy or not.  It’d be too sad to see one of the identical twins all alone.  We all know Homer wishes they’d die.  For that reason alone, we should know they’ll be around to torture him for a long time.  If you are like Homer and really want to see them offed, just watch Treehouse of Horror XXII and see them die Roadrunner style.

Sideshow Bob: (Emmy? YES in 2006) Of the characters on the list, he ranks high.  While I have enjoyed every episode featuring him, how many more can be made now that the last one proved he’s super-human courtesy of GMOs.  I could see him dying from all that genetic tinkering.  The only reason I’m not certain of his demise is the title of the season 26 premiere.  I’m not sure Bob’s death would effect Krusty too much. Krusty loves Mr. Teeny more and was fine when number 1 thru 3 passed on. Add to this his integral role in The Simpsons Ride in real life and I pass on him.

Rabbi Krustofski: (Emmy: YES in 1992) If the death has to do with Krusty, this is my bet.  The death of his papa would certainly put him in the dumps.  Krusty’s Dad also must be up there in age as Krusty got his start in entertainment in the 1960s. Voice actor Jackie Mason is also up there in age.  (NOTE: I previously said Mel Brooks and that was a complete error on my part, I suck, thanks to reader Teddy Ray for pointing it out, the end).

The only character not shown that also has a voice actor who won an Emmy (Anne Hathaway in 2010) is Princess Penelope.  No news has come out that Anne will be guest starring in the season premiere but that could be to avoid spoilers.  The character has technically been shown in three episodes but two were during the opening sequence.  While I do think Krusty would be sad to see her go, it just doesn’t seem to make sense to me

So that’s my thoughts on all this.  Fact is it could be any one and the showrunners and producers could just be building hype for the premiere.  I could have also skipped over one of the characters they will kill.  My thoughts are that Krusty’s Dad is doomed. Regardless, I’m just excited that another Season is a couple months away.  What are your thoughts?  Got any theories?  Do you even care?  Sound off in the comments if you like.

Until next time.  TTFN… Wookiee out!