Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Level 44 hit our Springfield’s about a month ago…maybe a little less…and brought a new kid to town…Database! Database comes with a super long, dialogue wise, questline that’s full of fun and laughs!
While we’ve had the Turbo Tappin’ walkthrough up since the update first hit (you can view it here) I know many of you still love going back and reading old walkthroughs. They’re great if you missed any of the dialogue while playing the level, or if you just want to know what to expect when you reach Level 44. So for those that may have missed it (or for those of you that want to live it again)…I bring you all the fun and humor of Database & Level 44…..
Database Recovery Pt. 1
Power Plant: MELTDOWN IMMINENT. MELTDOWN IMMINENT. LAST CHANCE TO CARRY NO REGRETS.
Carl: Homer, good God, what are you doing?! You can’t let an elephant drink up all the reactor coolant! It may be an incredible visual for all of us who can see inside the power plant, but it’s also very dangerous.
Homer: What, so I should let this majestic creature slurp water from a curb puddle like some common hippo?
Carl: Spit out that coolant, Schnoozo!
Stampy: *trunk blast*
Carl: Homer, why ya trying to blow up the town for the…third time? Sixth? I lost count a while ago.
Homer: This Springfield is a crummy imitation of the old one, and everyone named Homer knows it! Why it’s missing this town’s most famous landmark — Honest John’s Computers!
Lenny: Are you guys talking about Honest John’s Computers? Man, I miss that place.
Carl: Sure, Honest John’s was the beating heart of this ‘burg. No one’s disputing that.
Moe: I always loved how it looks like an auto-body shop, even though they sold ‘puters.
But I don’t need to describe what Honest John’s looks like. It’s an image we all treasure.
Quimby: Truly, I would rather be mayor of North Korea than run a Springfield without Honest John’s.
Carl: Then let’s just rebuild it in the town we have. Trust me, no one wants to start at the beginning remaking this thing.
Build Honest John’s Computers– $1,058,000 (when level first hit that’s the price. This price will drop with each new level till it reaches his base. Check out our Real Estate Page for the final price drop), 24hr Build. Build unlocks Database.
Database: Gaaah! By Dr. Who’s Tardis, I’m back!
Database: Thank you for tirelessly working for my return, good citizens.
Moe: Who the hells is that?
Database Recovery Pt. 2
Database: Delicious. To once more smell the grass and hear the jingles of home is wondrous.
Moe: Again, whose is ya again?
Bart: I heard we got a new kid! Is it…oh, it’s Database. I was hoping for Hubert Wong.
Database: I promise my presence will delight and–
Homer: Whatever, nerdburger. We’ve got Honest John’s back! Time to celebrate by browsing marked up computers and computer accessories!
Mr. Burns: Ah, Honest John’s. Such a magical place! Why, their counting machines melt my hard drive into a floppy disk.
Database: That is not accurate to…
Homer: Ignore the child! To Honest John’s and the Springfield of our dreams!
Make Townspeople Hang Out at Honest John’s Computers- x10. Send 10 Springfield Residents to Hang Out at Honest John’s. 6hrs, Earns $225, 55xp Freemium and $225, 55xp Premium. Anyone in Springfield can do this.
Make Database Be Alone- 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Homer: This mousepad looks like it’s made of cheese. Oh bless you, Honest John’s! Bless you!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 1
Database: Lisa! Want to spend time bonding as social equals? You’re the only Superfriend this town has. Haven’t you noticed whenever Bart’s skateboarding or you’re rejecting Milhouse, I’m in the background, next to a tiny tree? It’s impossible to miss. I fear Ham is lost for all eternity.
Lisa: I’d really like to, Data…Data…
Database: Database! Like the structured assemblage of information that can be sorted, modified, and deleted.
Lisa: You seem neat and all, but I need to get to Honest John’s. I want to buy up their USB memory sticks. They’ll be valuable, vintage collectibles once the aughts nostalgia craze happens.
Database: Oh. Okay. I guess I can focus on the hobby I’m famous for.
Lisa: …Is it wheezing?
Make Database Plant Bonsai– 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 2
Database: Ahhhh. Nothing is as relaxing as the ancient art of bonsai. It’s way, WAY better than having friends. In fact, there’s a lot of scholarship about how plants can actually listen. Are you eavesdropping on me right now, my baby Ent?
Database: Well, dorks are cool nowadays, so I take your barbs as a compliment.
Database: Quiet, Bonnie! And you better not scream when I prune you. It’s no worse than a haircut, if hair were connected to the nervous system.
Make Databse Prune Bonsai- 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 3
Database: Oh, you came out nice, Bonnie. Now where can I get an ethnologically accurate pot to place you in?
Akira: May I be of service, sad weirdo? As a Japanese person who does many Japanese-y things, I know much about bonsai. My country created the practice to take our minds off tentacle pornography.
Database: Actually, bonsai originated in China, where it is called penjing or penzai. As early as the 6th century, diplomats took samples back to Japan and replanted the art form there.
Akira: Well, when my ancestors stole the idea, they yelled, ‚No backsies!‚ So it’s pretty much ours.
Make Database Re-pot Bonsai– 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Database: Thank you, Akira. You’ve really Japanesed up my little tree something proper.
Akira: That’s what I’m here for. Unless… I am not here. As the famous Zen proverb explains: rain cannot make a flower grow nor wind fill a sail, if it has not been purchased from in-app premium content.
At this point you’ll have earned a free Bonsai. It’s in your Inventory. This will also open up Bonsai in your store for purchase (for Donuts). Remember if you purchase Akira (for donuts) you can also earn more free Bonsai through him.
Seeking A Friend For the End Of this Update Pt. 1
Database: Hello, other children. Would anyone like to see my miniature forest? I would be happy to make one for you for the low, low price of social interaction.
Bart: Eh, we good. We’re all busy at the moment.
Database: Still RAMbunctious to take a BYTE out of Honest John’s and C++ what more they have? I used wordplay to show that I’m fun.
Bart: Wordplay is never fun. Anything you learn at school ‘words, numbers, self-identity and how to form meaningful peer relationships’ is lame.
Lisa: I like wordplay–
Lisa: Uh, thanks for your bonsai offer, Database. But while we’re done with Honest John’s, we’ve moved on to other things.
Bart: I’m poking a hive of dying yellow jackets with a dried-up highlighter.
Milhouse: And I’m leaning my rather large nose waaaay too close
Skinner: Children, whatever time it is, it’s time for school! So you better not be busy on one of your so-called “missions.”
Database: School! There’s no way people can avoid interacting with me once they lock the doors! *sigh* That did not sound good. Self-awareness brings so much misery.
Make Database Go to School- 6hrs, Earns $225, 55xp
Make Children Go to School- x8, Send 8 Children to School (Can Send: Bart, Lisa, Milhouse, Martin, Ralph, Nelson, Kearney, Dolph, Jimbo, Rod, Todd, Sherri and Terri) Earns $225, 55xp
Database: So Lisa, care to do a small chemistry experiment during lunch? I know where they keep the Bunsen burners and the magnesium sulfate.
Lisa: I’ve been trying to be polite, but that doesn’t seem to be working. I’m cool now, Database. Maybe it’s because I finally know who I am. Maybe it’s that most of the cool kids are still gone. Whatever the reason, I’m cool and in demand.
Database: So you’re saying‚ I can be cool too?
Lisa: No, I’m not saying that. I was one of the first ones back in this town. And when it gets updated, I’m often the one who introduces and explains what needs to happen. I never got to do and say this much before! I can’t risk that by associating with a noob.
Database: I…I can be central to a story.
Lisa: You have to face it. In life, there are minor characters and major characters. Some get a name. And some are just called Database.
Lisa: Hey, it’s not so bad. At least you’re not My-Ding-a-Ling Kid.
Database: I forgot I’m in the Gifted Child program. Which in Springfield means my classes are by myself.
Miss Hoover: Sshhh! Don’t let Lisa hear you. I need her to stay in my class to raise the GPA, so I can keep my J-O-B. I spelled “job” correctly, right?
Database: Yes, Miss Hoover.
Miss Hoover: And have tomorrow’s lesson plan to me by 10pm tonight. I like to review it while my kelp-and-volcanic-mud facial sets.
Seeking A Friend For the End Of this Update Pt. 2
Database: Hey Martin – ! We are like-minded types, i.e. losers, i.e. people who say i.e. — want to hang?
Martin: Hang? Now? I seem to recall wanting to “hang” once upon a more convenient hour, only to be turned aside like a Timon of Athens or other lesser work of The Bard.
Database: I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to join Superfriends, Martin. The week we formed it you were a theater ponce, not a tech weenie. You change your interests around a lot.
Martin: I am a general, catch-all dork-type and everyone knows it! Now good day, sir!
Database: Martin, we can be Superfriends 2.0. That’s a reference to software upgrades I just thought of
Martin: I SAID GOOD DAY!
Make Martin Ride a Bike- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Martin: Ahhhh. Nothing restores balance to the mind like an 8 hour bike ride.
Database: So have you thought over Superfriends 2.0 yet? Think we got a real winner of a notion, I do.
Martin: C’mon, Database. Take a hint. I said,”I SAID GOOD DAY” and everything.
Database: Oh. “Good day” means “go away.” I get it now.
Martin: In this town, people can find you and talk to you no matter where you are or they are. That is super creepy. Though it does explain why we have no phones.
Seeking A Friend For the End Of this Update Pt. 3
Dolph: Hey dweebus, you look sad. If you miss the old Springfield, I can make this place seem just like it.
Database: Uh, your words sound like a set up to beating me up.
Nelson: What? Dolph was expressing sincere thoughts of concern.
Database: He started off by insulting me. I thought he was insinuating he’d make new Springfield seem more familiar by hitting me, as he used to do in the past.
Nelson: One: Dolph uses insults to couch his emotions. That’s just how Dolph is.
Dolph: Thanks for getting me, Nelson Butt-Muntz.
Nelson: Two: We were going to suggest visiting places that were important to you in the old town, and forging a new connection with those places. It helps us get through the day.
Dolph: You do not get to tell me when I am expressing empathy or not, D-Base! You don’t know me! You’re not my dream journal!
Database: I’m sorry, Dolph, truly I am.
Nelson: We’re bullies, so we don’t really do apologies. By our code, there’s only one way to gain forgiveness.
Database: I understand. Please avoid breaking my glasses, if you can. Whoever is in charge has yet to build an optometrist’s office.
Make Database Get Bullied- 8hrs, Earns $550, 140xp
Database: I have to say, it’s been nice to have a conversation. Most folks have been too busy to spend any time.
Dolph: Can you keep your mouth closed? We try to avoid the teeth, so we don’t cut our knuckles.
Database: Sorry. Oops. Does saying that mean you have to hit me longer?
Nelson: Errrr. I guess.
Database: Oh well. Sorry to take up your time.
Seeking A Friend For the End Of This Update Pt. 4
Nelson: If I had been asked before what body part would be sorest after pounding on a nerd, I wouldn’t have said the wrists. But my arm wigglers are barking!
Database: Thanks for spending some time with me, guys. If you want to meet up to bully me again, I’m open.
Dolph: I feel unclean inside. I need a bikini carwash for my soul.
Database: Doesn’t have to be a serious thing. I get you have a lot going on. Just when you’ve got no one better to pick on, you know.
Nelson: Keep your giant, creep-o head away from us, D-Base! You’ve taken the purity of hurting those weaker than you and made it seem disgusting.
Make Database Bully Himself– 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
Seeking A Friend For the End Of This Update Pt. 5
Marge: Why are you walking around like a humdrum little glum bum. Did someone make fun of your glasses?
Database: No. What’s wrong with my glasses?
Marge: Uh… nothing. Nothing could be wrong with wearing Sally Jesse Raphael’s binoculars. It’s a flattering look. I bet I know something that’ll pick that chin up. I’m kind of the Number One mom around here. Don’t tell Manjula or Bernice I said that. All you need to succeed is to be yourself. If you’re yourself, then everyone has to like you!
Database: That’s it! That’s exactly how I’ll get this town to like me!
Marge: Mom Number One does it again! I’m glad you let me give you some advice. The only time I get to spend guiding my children is when I walk Maggie.
Database: Actually, your advice was total gibberish. How can I be anybody but myself? Even if I’m uncertain or lying, that’s still me. Only dimwit actors pretend to be other people. For the rest of us, even our pretenses are just explorations of different aspects of our personalities. What was useful is that what you said was totally idiotic. Most of what people say is totally idiotic. If they could just see that, then they’d realize they aren’t superior to me. And then they’ll be willing to be my friends!
Marge: If this is being yourself, then you were right. That advice was terrible.
Make Database Browse Magazines on Code– 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Database: I just need to find the magazine that contains the source code for the universe. Let’s see: Matrixweek, Matrix Illustrated, Matrix People, McSweeney’s Matrix Report, Matrix & Garden Eureka! EA Guide! It’s just like TV Guide, only nothing like it! This should detail the programming language of our world, which is how I normally talk as I’m a nerd.
Seeking A Friend For the End Of This Update Pt. 6
Database: Prof. Frink, whether you’re here or not, I need to talk to you!
Frink: Yes, my young glaven! What goofball science need caused you to seek me out?
Database: I’m trying to build a machine that unlocks the code of the universe, so I can make it visible to all.
Frink: This isn’t for the hacking and the malware spreading and the free donuts that lose potential corporate income?
Database: No. I just want to show people that they’re worthless morons so they’ll agree to be my friends.
Frink: Ok. Well, that’s fine. You get the fake technology you need from my brand-name line, sold exclusively at Honest John’s Computers.
Database: Honest John’s? They carry gloybal circuits AND moyven sprockets?
Frink: They better. I didn’t put my face on a display table to sell a bunch of tablets and graphing calculators.
Make Database Nerd Out– 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Frink: You’ve done it! Your very first cartoonishly nonsensical contraption. I’m so proud!
Database: Thanks. In some way, I feel I have already accomplished my goal. For I have made a friend in you.
Frink: Yes, oy-um. But you can’t count on me. I’m premium and you’re regular — it’s a friendship that some cheapskates won’t allow. Also, once you build a machine, you’ve got to flip the on switch. Even the hydrogen bomb got a test drive.
99 Luft- Word- Balloons Pt. 1
Homer: Hey, what’s going on? How come I can read me saying, “Hey, what’s going on?”
Moe: I can read what you said too, Homer – And I can read what I’m saying right now! That means, youz alls can read my speak-a-ma-goos. Ew boy. If a Bartender can’t curse out patrons under his breath, his mind will snap like a twig.
Database: Don’t be afraid. I’ve just hacked the code of our universe – which is definitely a real thing – to show all of you exactly what you say.
Database: Exactly! Abstract guttural noises. Nonsense phrases doubling as slang. Strained pop culture references. Now do you see how much pointless speech fills your lives?!
Moe: I’ve always known that. But you don’t see me being a jerk about it.
Database: Self-awareness may be painful, but it’s also an opportunity to grow. Having to see and read what we say will force us to confront how we treat each other. This will spur us on to improve ourselves.
Lisa: Counterpoint: Texting.
Mayor Quimby: I’m not sure Springfield has enough room for these yap yap bubbles. The town’s borders are, ahm, a tad inflexible. And now that you know I know, please stop sending me comments about it.
Database: Oh, just tap on what’s said and you can send it away
Homer: Tap! Ooooooo! Now how do I get rid of the …Ooooooo! Uh… what’s it that I gotta do again?
Database: I feel honored people are–
Database: People are enjoying what I…
Database: Made. The greatest achievement is the joy…
Database: Oh lord, what have I…
Make Springfielders Tap Away Their Thoughts- x15, Send 15 Residents to Tap Away their Thoughts. Can send anyone in Springfield. 16hrs, Earns $500, 125xp Freemium and Premium
Make Homer Tape Away his Thoughts- 16hrs, Earns $500, 125xp
Make Database Bask in his Achievement- 16hrs, Earn $500, 125xp
Luft-Word-Balloons Pt. 2
Homer:Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.Tap. Hmmm.Tap. TAP. ZZZ…tap…ZZZ Tap.
Marge: Homer, everyone in town can…
Homer: Marge, sweetie, that was an accident. I, of course, wanted to hear the entirety of your worried nagging. I’m trying to. But every time I get rid of these speechy thingums, another one takes its place.
Moe: Hey yammer bags, clamp those lips, or I will staple gun them shut!
Homer: Tap. SEE! Tap. D’oh!
Lisa: Before you get caught in a loop, Dad, might I advise you to just tap silently. Then the word “tap” won’t appear, needing you to tap it.
Homer: Got it. Thanks, Lisa. Tap.
Lisa: I tried.
Bart: Why do any of you read all these stupid letter jumbles we barf? If they’re annoying you, I’ll show you how to deal with them.
Make Bart Skateboard– x3. Send Bart to Skateboard 3 times. 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Lisa: Every time I say this I’m incredulous, but Bart’s right. We should go out and be active and live our lives instead of commenting on them.
Marge: That may be true. I know I have more important things to do. But I feel bad ignoring all this dialog. People put a lot of time into it
Homer: Tap. D’oh!
Marge: Yeah, I really gotta start doing something better with my time.
Luft-Word-Balloons Pt. 3
Homer: gldfhklfkj *hiccup*
Frink: ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Dr. Hibber: ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Burns: $$$$$$ *vomit*
Database: How come everyone is making even less sense than usual?
Lisa: Exhausted by having to constantly reflect on their words, most have sought refuge in the incoherency of alcohol.
Database: Lisa, I’m not sure you’re any more central than you were before, if you still only say exposition.
Lisa: Yeah, well now I say a lot more of it. So there.
Database: If what you say is true, no one can claim they’re too busy to spend quality time with me.
Database: Who wants to play a board game where we compete to determine price earnings ratio for the 15th century Hanseatic League?
Lisa: I’m afraid that answer will undoubtedly be no one.
Frink: Except me, of course, but only if I get to be Lebeck. Love me some Lebeck.
Lisa: Don’t you get it? You can’t get people to want to quote unquote ‘hang’ with you by making the rest of their lives worse.
Database: But how they now experience the world is how I do all the time!
Lisa: SHUUUUUUUHB?! Ugh, did I just say “SHUUUUUUUHB?!” I’m becoming more like my father every day.
Database: I’m very well aware that everything I do, even the very sound of my voice, is a nerd cliché. It’s like I was designed by a team of self-loathing losers as an effigy of all the things they hated about themselves as kids.
Database: As if they could expunge their pasts by watching me be burned in flames of youthful humiliation. Ugh, who says such things? I can’t take being exposed to such thoughts any longer. It’s time I joined these drooling, oblivious morlocks.
Martin: No, you can’t! Primo, you’re underage. Secunda, your brain is a gift.
Lisa: Database, you’ve shown your intelligence has the power to change the world. You just need to learn how to harness that ability to improve the lives of others.
Frink: Or at least entertain them at a moderately successful rate. Like 63%. Maybe 42% after you’ve built up enough good will.
Martin: I, for one, would be glad to join you on your journey toward fulfillment. If you would have me, Superfriend.
Lisa: To begin such a journey, I recommend following a spiritual practice to gain control over your emotions. You never hear of the Dalai Lama getting in a bar fight, do you?
Make Database Meditate– 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Lisa: By the way, I know most of what I just said was exposition. But I said it to help you. So don’t sass off about it.
Moe: Youz guys, I don’t see no more words no more! I can go back to not being sure how youz is spelled. Should I include an…’? Should I not? Two …’ vowels back-to-back like …booze’? I ain’t at all sure!
Database: Yes. I reset the universe code to the way it was. And to make up for messing with everyone, I even managed to pry out some of those donuts you all like.
Martin: Yay! We can all be welcome to Superfriends 2.0!
Database: Superfriends 2.0.1. Don’t forget the latest patch!
Lisa: Oh Database. Life is going to be hard for you. At least until college.
Build Bloaters at the Squidport- $650,000 (at update launch. Price will decrease with each new level update). 24hr Build
Make Database Go for Shakes– 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Make Martin Go for Shakes- 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Make Lisa Go for Shakes- 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Completing THIS Quest earns 5 FREE Donuts!