The Kidz Aren’t Alright: Michael D’Amico

Do you hear that? Me either. It is so nice and quiet and… OH NO!! Spoke to soon! Here comes the kids! D’OH!!

In our silly lil games, there are some smaller sized characters roaming around that don’t seem to get as much attention as the adults.

“Won’t somebody think of the children??!!” Lol.

Well, we thought of the children, decided that the kids aren’t alright, figured it was time someone took them out of the time out chair, so we can give you an idea of what it’s like growing up in Springfield.

For this installment of The Kidz Aren’t Alright, we’ll be taking a look at the bambino who joined our games with Level 49…Michael D’Amico.

This legacy to the D’Amico Mafia Family came to our games with the D’Amico Summer Home but you may have found yourself wondering why the newest kid on the block was him.  Well, the easy answer is the EA designers wanted to add more mafia elements to our towns and he was the obvious choice.  Easy answer aside, it is nice to see more of a character so let’s do just that.

Michael D’Amico made his debut in “The Mook, The Chef, The Wife and Her Homer” (S18:E1).  Prior to this, we’d only heard the little Ceaser mentioned during the prison riot in the Frank Gehry designed prison in “The Seven-Beer Snitch” (S16:E14).

Fat Tony: “There’s the filthy rat we’re gonna kill… and his wife who sometimes drives my son home from school.”

Marge: “Ohhhhh… you must be Michael’s dad.”

In Michael’s first appearance, we see him as the werid kid who never says anything but quickly learn he’s Fat Tony’s son. No surprise, Marge is picking him up in her carpool.  Being a mobster’s kiddo basically mean even Nelson is afraid to bully him and Willy is even willing to lay down in puke so Michael doesn’t have to walk in it. We also learn Michael plays 3rd clarinet in the Springfield Elementary band.  Unfortunately, being a mob boss’ son doesn’t equal too many friends.

Lisa befriends Michael and discovers he’s got the makings of a great chef. Unfortunately Fat Tony wants his son to go into the family business… waste management. They hit it off and Michael invites the Simpsons family to eat at the D’Amico mansion. It’s really nice inside. The paintings have brushmarks and the statues have wieners.

At dinner, Michael makes delicious souffles aka brownies in the Simpson home. Homer describes them as what angels taste like. Mistakenly, Lisa convinces Michael to share his delectable deserts with his Dad who’s having a sit-down with his rivals in the waste management business, the Calabreses. They may enjoy them like an erotic dance in their mouths, but are aghast when they discover Michael didn’t boost them off a truck but instead made them and has aspirations to be a chef.

Tony has been made to seem weak in the eyes of his enemy and they attempt to whack him. While Tony recuperates, someone has to be in charge of the family for 3 months. Enter Homer & Bart to help out.

They do well but Michael decides the family is going to get out of the business. He makes peace and a delicious dinner for the Calabreses.  Ok… he poisons them but he is a D’Amico after all.

Also a good idea to not ever ask him about his business… which is playing with toy cars. 

EPISODE BONUS: Metallica! Otto kept the band from breaking up when he shouted “Metalicca rules!” at the Springfield Arena Tour ’97 from Row XX Seat 94.

The rest of Michael’s appearances in the Best. Show. Ever. are brief blips. We see his name among the students on Skinner’s list in “Yellow Subterfuge” (S25:E7). In “The Yellow Badge of Cowardge” (S25:E22) during the race around Springfield Elementary, Michael is seen in a hilarious gag of kids we never see as main characters of episodes. Others joked about are Lewis, Jessica Lovejoy, Brockman’s little daughter, Jailbird’s son and the Frank Sinatra kid. Strangely, Michael is described by Super Nintendo Chalmers as Fat Tony’s nephew. Me thinks the superintendent doesn’t know his kids.

Michael was also recently in “The Man Who Came to Be Dinner” (S26:E10) at Dizzneeland. Gotta love Tony making the operator release the sword from the stone. He certainly looks a little different but maybe it’s because he’s finally embraced his destiny?

So, our new character is really just a one episode wonder that has even been acknowledged as such by the show’s writers.  He’s a great cook but deep down, just like his Mafia dad.  His TSTO quest mirrored this quite nicely and hey… everyone got a sun-bathing wookiee too!  Let’s take a look at his tasks in-game.

So that wraps up this edition.  Up to you to decide whether Michael D’Amico is alright or not. He is the product of his environment and who doesn’t like some gazpacho every once in awhile?  Sound off below with you thoughts on him and stay classy as usual.

TTFN… Wookiee out!