Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
The Monorail Event should be coming to a close for us at some point today (remember it will take an App Store update to remove, so until that hits you can still collect B&W), but the event awarded us several new trash inspired characters.
While we’ve had the questlines up for each character for a while now, we thought now would be a fun time to take a look back at all the dialogue and jokes of the character questlines that popped up during the Monorail Event. So if you missed any of the dialogue during the event, or you’re just curious what one of the characters had to say that you didn’t unlock…we’ve got it all here for you!
So let’s get started with the complete dialogue walkthroughs for all of the Monorail characters that hit our game during the event…we’ll get things rolling with Jesse Grass (the only premium in the bunch)…
The Grass is Always Greener Pt. 1
Lisa: Ooh, Jesse Grass! It’s so nice to have a fellow vegetarian in town. Care for some kale?
Jesse: Actually I came to Springfield to protest Krustyburger. Rumor is that they murder innocent cows and serve them in their burgers. People need to know.
Lisa: Well, yeah. That’s how hamburgers are made. People probably already know that, but…*sigh* I’m sorry, I got lost in your eyes.
Reach Level 7 and Build the Krusty Burger
Make Jesse Grass Protest Eating Animals- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
The Grass is Always Greener Pt. 2
Jesse: Well, my protest worked. Almost no one went inside Krustyburger. They just stayed outside with me, staring longingly at my eyes.
Lisa: *sigh* It sure is.
Jesse: But then I learned that it’s not just animals that Krustyburger is murdering. They ALSO put lettuce and tomato on their burgers.
Lisa: Are you not familiar with what a hamburger is?
Jesse: Plants have feelings too. We have to save the plants!
Make Jesse Grass Protest Eating Plants- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
The Grass is Always Greener Pt.3
Lisa: I’m sorry, Jesse, but why are you protesting the eating of plants. I thought you were a vegetarian…
Jesse: Not just a vegetarian — a level 5 Vegan. Didn’t you see my unlock message? And I’m on my way to Level 6. I won’t eat anything that was ever alive.
Lisa: Wow, you’re so idealistic and caring and brave and…Wait, doesn’t that describe all food?
Jesse: I don’t know. I never touch the stuff.
Make Jesse Grass Protest Eating Food- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
The Grass is Always Greener Pt. 4
Lisa: These protests are making less and less sense, Jesse. How exactly is sleeping in the Krustyburger ball pit going to change people’s eating habits?
Jesse: I don’t know. I was supposed to be marching in front of their door. I just got so tired.
Lisa: I think maybe you need to eat something.
Jesse: I had a bite of air earlier. But I spit it out because I was worried it would kill some airborne bacteria.
Lisa: Yeah, I think we need to go back to Krustyburger one last time.
Make Lisa Force Jesse to Eat a Burger- 30s, Earns $8, 3xp
Jesse: Oh my God! That burger tasted so good! And it gave me all this energy! Who knew eating could do that? The only problem is… now I’m a fraud. Because of that burger, I’m responsible for the death of plants and animals and whatever cheese comes from.
Lisa: I know, but you have to eat some food.
Krusty: Not at Krustyburger, you don’t! My burgers contains no meat, and no vegetables. There’s nothing in them that qualifies as food.
Jesse: Perfect! *eating noise*
Krusty: Man, that boy has dreamy eyes…
King Trash of Garbage Mountain Pt. 1
Homer: Ray Patterson! You’re the man whose Sanitation Commissioner job I took! You want it back?
Ray: No, Homer, thanks. But those days are over for me. I used to love the sexy world of waste removal. I was driving my garbage truck in the fast lane. But then I hit rock-bottom. It was over the holidays. I should have been home with my family, but found myself on the street… hauling away old Christmas trees. I wrapped my kids Christmas presents just so I could throw away the paper. I made a vow after that that I would never pick up another piece of trash again.
Homer: Not a vow of silence clearly. So what do you do now?
Ray: I’m a sales manager.
Homer: For a waste removal company?
Ray: For a waste removal company.
Make Ray Explain How He’s Not a Garbage Man- 5m, Earns $10, 3xp
King Trash of Garbage Mountain Pt. 2
Ray: Mayor Quimby, I’ve come to talk to you about your city’s trash problem.
Quimby: Oh, are you a sanitation collector?
Ray: A garbage man? Not anymore. I’ve been through TA and quit cold turkey. I can assure you, I’ll never pick up a piece of trash again.
Quimby: That’s great… *coughs* quitter *cough* But if you’re not, er-ah, a garbage man, how are you going to help with our trash problem?
Ray: By helping you privatize your refuse collection with the help of my company!
Quimby: Oh, so you’re a lobbyist. Great, leave your bribe on the desk!
Make Ray Explain How He’s Not a Lobbyist- 5m, Earns $10, 3xp
King Trash of Garbage Mountain Pt. 3
Quimby: I still don’t get it. Why would a recovering trashaholic work for a trash company?
Ray: To prove to myself that I don’t need it. I’m like Sam Malone running Cheers.
Quimby: Pfft, that show died after 10 seasons.
Ray: So what do you say? Will you let my company manage your sanitation issues? We’ll handle everything from the purchase of overly loud garbarge trucks, to the hiring of ex-cons to drive them.
Quimby: I say the same thing I said before… leave your bribe on the desk.
Ray: But it’s not like that. We’re a legitimate business trying to facilitate–
Quimby: You’re a garbage company! You compete with the mob! If you don’t want to leave it on the desk, leave it on the dresser… but you’re leaving a bribe if you want our business.
Make Ray Leave Mayor Quimby a Bribe- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp
King Trash of Garbage Mountain Pt. 4
Wiggum: Ray Patterson, you’re under arrest for attempting to bribe a government official.
Ray: Attempting? Your mayor took the money! He set the whole thing up!
Wiggum: Yeah, but I can’t arrest him. He outranks me. This whole town is kind of corrupt.
Ray: Very well. I suppose there’s to be a trial now…
Wiggum: Well, normally there would be. But we’ve done that so much in this game, and it’s never that funny. Let’s just skip it!
Make Ray Skip the Trial- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp
King Trash of Garbage Mountain Pt. 5
Judge Snyder: After not hearing the arguments, I find the defendant guilty of attempted bribery.
Ray: Again it wasn’t attempted bribery, it was actual bribery. He took the money.
Judge Snyder: You realized that only makes it worse, don’t you?
Ray: Yes, but… he TOOK the money. Aren’t we going to even address that a little?
Judge Snyder: Ray Patterson, I sentence you to community service, picking up trash.
Ray: But… TA… I swore I’d never again…
Judge Snyder: Do you have a problem with my sentencing?
Ray: God no. Let me at it!
Make Ray Pickup Trash- x10. Pickup Trash at the Dump. Earns 10 Junk each time and takes 30s.
It Ain’t Easy Being Tie-Dyed Pt. 1
Hippie: All this recycling going on, yet the profits are still going right into the “man’s” pockets!
Lisa: What do you mean? We’re recycling. There are no profits, and certainly no “man” that I know of.
Hippie: Yeah, right. Whenever goods trade hands, there’s a corporation involved that’s making money.
Lisa: Nope, no corporations involved. It’s just people like you and me trying to make a difference.
Make the Hippie Start a Recycling Corporation- 5m, Earns $10, 3xp
It Ain’t Easy Being Tie-Dyed Pt. 2
Blue Haired Lawyer: Sir, we’ve drawn up your articles of incorporation, in the state of Delaware of course.
Hippie: I’ve never been there, but of course. What are our earnings looking like?
Blue Haired Lawyer: Well, we’ve had to take on some debt with start up costs. But I project by year’s end we can—
Hippie: I don’t want to know about year’s end. Tell me about Q3!
Make the Hippie Pour Over Projections- 5m, Earns $10, 3xp
It Ain’t Easy Being Tie-Dyed Pt. 3
Blue Haired Lawyer: Congratulations sir, but with your business acumen, you’ve joined the three comma club.
Hippie: You mean I made a billion dollars?
Blue Haired Lawyer: No, but you’ve joined the group of elite who talk so stiltingly, that every sentence has, at the least, three commas in it.
Hippie: Ohh, what’s happened to me?! I went from being a young Steve Jobs to an old Steve Jobs!
Blue Haired Lawyer: Yes, you have, congratulations… uh, yes.
Hippie: I need to get back to my roots! And the other parts of my plants… you know, leaves and buds and such.
Make the Hippie Get Back to His Roots- 5m, Earns $10, 3xp
It Ain’t Easy Being Tie-Dyed Pt. 4
Hippie: I’ve managed to regain my balance, and learn a lot, thanks to my medicine.
Lisa: Are you referring to medicinal marijuana?
Hippie: What? No, that stuff isn’t really medicine. It’s just a fun way to relax, and it makes crappy music tolerable. I was referring to antidepressants, anxiety pills and ADD meds. I didn’t even know I had all those things, but apparently we all do.
Lisa: So what did you learn?
Hippie: That it’s okay for a hippie to make money, as long as he’s doing something that makes the world a better place.
Lisa: Like recycling?
Hippie: Yeah, or making phones that are really supercomputers…-or even to make countercultural cartoons that turn into mainstream media. The important thing is I’m not alone.
Make the Hippie Hang Out with Other Corporate Hippies- Requires Matt Groening. 4hrs, Earns $350, 90xp
Social Engineering Pt. 1
Sebastian: I’m starting to like this town. Perhaps I will stay here.
Frink: As the principle of mass dilation said to the matter accelerating near the speed of light, not so fast! I’m the scientist in this town. I even have a crazy house that’s never been in the show to prove it!
Sebastian: I’d have thought you relished the idea of another intellect in town. We could work on papers together.
Frink: Nice try, Cobb. But I don’t publish with people whose names come before mine alphabetically.
Sebastian: But you can’t make me leave — I’ve already been paid for.
Frink: You made the wrong mad scientist mad!
Make Sebastian Cobb and Frink Have a Science Off- 1hr, Earns $175, 43xp (if you have Frink he’s required)
Social Engineering Pt. 2
Sebastian: How did that man beat me in science? Half the things he was saying didn’t even make sense.
Frink: Science isn’t about making sense — look at quantum mechanics! If you want a role in this town, you’re going to need a new angle.
Sebastian: Hmm. Well, I HAVE always been a bit of a doom-and-gloom pessimist. Does this town need a nay-sayer?
Comic Book Guy: I should say not.
Sebastian: You think you’ve got a more negative attitude than me? You clearly love food, while I love nothing.
Comic Book Guy: Wrong! I am heavyset not because I love food, but because I hate myself. When I’m done with you, those glasses you’re wearing will be rose-colored!
Make Sebastian Cobb and Comic Book Guy Have a Negative Off- 1hr, Earns $140, 34xp (requires Comic Book Guy)
Social Engineering Pt. 3
Sebastian: Defeated again. That man is as bitter as denatonium.
Comic Book Guy: Worst. Joke. Ever.
Sebastian: I need a niche… but what?
Sebastian: Yes, what.
Moe: I’m sorry, but when you say “what” it sounds like “vhat”… even though it ain’t written that way.
Sebastian: Yes, that is because of my German accent. Hey, maybe that can be my thing!
Wolfcastle: Zat seems unlikely.
Uter: There are already TWO of us.
Have Sebastian Cobb and Wolfcastle AND Uter Have a German Off- 1hr, Earns $245, 60xp (requires Wolfcastle AND Uter (if you have him)
Social Engineering Pt. 4
Sebastian: It’s useless. I have nothing to contribute to this world. I may as well not even exist.
Moe: Nice try there, Colonel Clink. But utter hopelessness is MY thing! You don’t want to have a lack of self-esteem with me. I’ve got noose bruises in places you can’t imagine.
Sebastian: *sigh* I must be the most unoriginal character in Springfield.
Moe: Well, at least that’s something.
Sebastian: You’re right! That’s my defining characteristic. Being non-unique is what makes me unique!
Moe: There you go. Everyone’s happy!
Make Sebastian Cobb Celebrate His Originality- 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
Make Moe Wallow in Depression- 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
And that concludes the Monorail Event character questlines!
What are your thoughts on the dialogue? Anything you missed the first time around? Any characters you didn’t unlock? Thoughts on the event overall? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!