Tapped Out Event Walkthroughs: Monorail

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

The Monorail Event is winding down and we thought now would be a fun time to take a look back at all the dialogue and jokes of the main questlines that popped up during Monorail Event (we’ll cover the characters in another post).  Especially since I know many of you were excited about the Monorail you may have tapped right through some of the fun! So if you missed any of the dialogue during the 3 Acts here’s your chance to catch it all!

It all starts way back when Garbage was a problem in Springfield and Lyle Lanley shows up with his song and dance….can you remember back that far?  So here we go with Homer, Garbage and Lyle….

A Rail of One City Pt. 1
Homer starts

Homer: This town is filthy! We built all these dumpsters and garbage cans, but no way to empty them.
Apu: I used to lure in customer with the smell of hot dogs.  But the stench of week-old decaying meat… it just can’t compete with the smell of all this trash.
Cletus: I used to be able to find my house on account of all the trash piled up in front of it. But now that’s every house.  I got no idea which one is mine. I’ve been wandering around on the streets for weeks.
Homer: We all have, Cletus.
Lisa: We need to build the town dump.
Homer: Good idea, sweetie. Is there room right next to Flander’s house?
Build Springfield Dump- Free 

A Rail of One City Pt. 2
Homer starts

Homer: Okay, we’ve got a place to put our trash. Now we just have to get it there.
Lisa: What about a garbage truck?
Homer: No. Even if we built one it wouldn’t move. What we need are garbage men.
Mayor Quimby: According to the government roster that’s, er-ah, you.
Homer: Me?
Quimby: Yes, you’re the town’s Sanitation Commissioner.
Homer: I vaguely remember being that but didn’t I lose that job, or give it back or something in the end?
Quimby: No, it ended with you destroying the whole town and us having to rebuild it.
Homer: That DOES sound familiar.
Make Homer Pick Up Trash- 30s.  Earns $3, 1xp

At this point Lyle Lanley pops into Springfield (literly poofs in..right around Townhall) 

A Rail of One City Pt. 3
Lyle starts

Lyle: Excuse me, good people! But have you ever thought about building a monorail in this town?
Lisa: We have and we did. You sold it to us and it bankrupted our town.
Lyle: Really? Well then, where is it?
Lisa: Nowhere now. The town got destroyed and we had to rebuild it.
Homer: Twice now apparently!
Lyle: Well maybe I can convince you to buy another, with an elaborate song and dance!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Quimby: Not so fast, Sanitation Commissioner. That dump still needs stuff dumped in it.
Homer: Woo-hoo.
Quimby: Everyone else, join us for the monorail musical! It looks like it might rain, though, so let’s do it inside.
Make Lyle Lanley Put on a Musical Extravaganza- 30s.  Earns $3, 1xp
Make Springfielders Join in the Musical Extravaganza- x3. 30s, Earns $3, 1xp
Make Homer Pickup Trash- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp
Lisa: That was amazing! The songs, the choreography, all those celebrity cameos… 
Lenny: A hologram of Dr. Dre sang a duet with Dr. Dre!
Homer: I stabbed my foot with the pointy stick while picking trash.

A Rail of One City Pt. 4
Homer starts

Quimby: It’s decided. We’ll raise the money to build a monorail!
Homer: Great, I can help fundraise! I’m really good at getting people to part with their money. Just ask Sky Finger.
Quimby: I suppose you COULD join us. Or…
Make Springfielders Raise Money for the Monorail- x3. 30s, Earns $3, 1xp
Make Homer Pickup Trash- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp

Same as it Ever Was
Lyle starts

Lyle: Good work, people of Springfield! You’ve raised enough money to purchase the materials you need to build a monorail.  And put it all in an envelope, which you’ve handed to me.  Now for one last performance!
Note: Lyle will disappear after the dialogue for this part…again *poof*
Lenny: He disappeared!
Carl: Aw, and I was really excited for him to be a permanent part of our town.
Gil: So when Ol’ Gil shows up trying to sell you stuff, you can’t chase me out of town fast enough.  But this guy takes off with all your money and you wish he was permanent.  Ol’ Gil wants a permanent home! What about Ol’ Gil?
Homer: You want me to take care of this guy?
Quimby: No Homer, we’ve got it.
Make Springfielders Run Gil Out of Town- x3.  30s, Earns $3, 1xp
Make Homer Pickup Trash- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp

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The following tasks popup IF you have those characters.  They are NOT required to progress in the questline….

Dirty Work: Dewey Largo
Dewey Largo starts

Dewey: Principal Skinner! You’ve cut the music budget to zero!
Skinner: Actually I cut it to a negative number. You’re going to have to sell the school’s instruments and give the money to me.
Dewey: But the band needs instruments. Without them we’re no better than a choir!  I suppose I could salvage some substitutes from the town dump, however. Replace the drums with trash cans, replace cymbals with breaking glass… And replace students with rats!
Make Dewey Largo Prepare for a School Musical- 30s.  At the dump.  Earns 75 

Dirty Work: Uter
Uter starts

Uter: What is going on? As a bit character I’m used to being ignored, but not this bad. I was a fan favorite!
Lisa:  Oh, Uter. I didn’t see you there…So… ummm…Nice chatting with you. I’ve got to get this junk to the Dump. Springfield won’t clean itself!
Uter: Did mein ears deceive me? “JUHNK” is my favourite candy treat from my homeland of Deutschland!
Make Uter Search for Discarded Chocolate- 30s.  At the dump.  Earns 75 

Dirty Work: Brandine
Brandine starts

Brandine: Pfft. All these folk are collecting garbage like it’s something new. I’s been doing that for years!  I even trained a possum to fetch stuff outta dumpsters.
Make Brandine Try to Find the Lost Spuckler Child- 30s.  At the dump.  Earns 75 
Brandine: Nice job, possum! I’m gonna miss you once we eat you.

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A Rail of One City Pt. 5
Homer starts

Homer: That’s it! This cool monorail story is going on, with people appearing and disappearing, and all I’m doing is picking up trash!  If I have to pick up one more rivet-
Lisa: Wait, did you say rivet? Those were on the list of supplies we needed to build the monorail. I bet if we collected enough junk around town, we could get all the supplies we needed for the monorail.
Homer: So you’re saying that picking up trash is now important to the story?
Quimby: Yes, and you’re the Sanitation Commissioner. Is there anything we can do in exchange for your help?
Homer: Yes. Make me the monorail conductor.  I’m tired of being a glorified garbage man. I want to be a glorified bus driver!
Gather Junk Around Springfield- x150. Using the Dump send Characters on 30s tasks to Gather Junk.  Can send: Lisa, Milhouse, Ned, Quimby, Cletus, Willie, Uter, Brandine, Dewey Largo (Premiums earn 75/30s, Freemiums 50/30s)
Make Homer Not Have to Pick Up Trash- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp

Train of Fools
Homer starts

Homer:  Hmm, this doesn’t seem so complicated.  It’s just like driving a car, except it always goes where it’s supposed to.  *gasp* I won’t even have to be sober!
Make Conductor Homer Practice Monorail Conducting- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp

A Rail of One City Pt. 6
Lisa starts

Lisa: Now that we’ve got the materials for the monorail, we just need someone to oversee its construction.
Homer: Don’t look at me. I’ve already got two jobs.
Frink: Ahem-glaven… as the closest thing this town has to an engineer, I would be happy to–
Sebastian Cobb: Did someone call for an engineer?
Frink: What? No! I’m the egghead around here. What kind of engineer even are you anyway?
Sebastian: A monorail construction engineer.
Frink: *sigh* Hoyvin.
Sebastian: I can get your monorail operational. But first I’m going to need more finely-honed monorail parts.
Lisa: Um… so far we’ve just been collecting junk.
Sebastian: That should work too.
Place the Project Board- FREE
Complete Projects on the Project Board- x3. 

A Rail of One City Pt. 7
Lisa starts

Lisa: Hey guys, what if we sorted our trash first? It could really improve what we’re doing for the environment.
Helen Lovejoy: BOO!!!
Sideshow Mel: BOO!!!
Lenny: BOO!!!
Sebastian: Hmm, the girl does have a point.  Separated-out metal could be quickly and easily manufactured into components. And that would save us money.
Helen Lovejoy: YAY!!!
Sideshow Mel: YAY!!!
Lenny: YAY!!!
Agnes: Now that’s the kind of green this town can get behind!
Lisa: Whatever.
Place the Metal Depot
Sort Through Junk to Find Metal- x 20. Same idea as Junk, but this takes 1hr.  Can Send Lisa, Flanders, Brandine, Krusty, Burns, and Rev. Lovejoy.  Freemium earns 10, Premium earns 15.  (each one requires 100 Junk to send the character on the task)

A Rail of One City Pt. 8
Homer starts

Homer: This recycling thing isn’t so hard. Let’s see… batteries are cans full of battery acid.  And motor oil is pretty much just liquid plastic.  And these glowing radioactive plutonium rods from the nuclear plant are… hmm, let’s call them paper.
Lisa: Dad! You can’t put that stuff in the recycling. Or the trash, for that matter.
Homer: Then what I am supposed to do with it?
Dump Garbage on Friends- x3.  Visit neighbors to complete neighbor actions of dumping Garbage on them (just tap buildings in their towns that have the garbage icon floating over them.. )

Monorail Station Pt. 1
Homer auto starts once you unlock the Station

Place the Monorail Station
Place Monorail Track Pieces- x3.  You’ll be given 3 pieces when you unlock the station (straight sections)

Bitey’s Brood
Homer starts

Homer: I wonder what kind of fancy electronics are in this hatch.
Bitey: *chitter*
Homer: AHH!  Oh, it’s just Bitey the possum …and hundreds of baby possums… I don’t know if you’re a mother or a father, but you got some action. NOICE!
Tap on Possums- x8 

Monorail Station Pt. 1
Auto start after unlocking the station

Homer: You know what would make being a monorail conductor even better? If there were people on the monorail to see me do it.
Lisa: The problem is there’s no way for them to get on. We need to build something.
Homer: What are you thinking — human catapult?
Lisa: Actually I was thinking of a monorail station.
Homer: Oh. I guess that’s good too.
Place the Monorail Station
Place Monorail Track Pieces x3

Monorail Station Pt. 2
Auto start once you unlock the station piece pack

Homer: Well, we’ve got a couple passengers now… but it’s mostly just your Gils and Molemans, looking for a place to sleep.
Lisa: That’s because we’ve only placed one station. No one can get anywhere.
Homer: Please, no one needs the monorail to get anywhere.  You can walk this town from corner to corner in less than a minute. I do it all the time for some of my obscure jobs.  What we need is to make the station we already built even bigger!
Lisa: I really don’t think that would solve the problem…
Homer: Less thinking, more building placing!
Place Monorail Station Pieces- x4 

Monorail Station Pt. 3
Auto start once you unlock the second station piece pack prize

Lisa: So have you come around on the idea of building more stations for people to travel to?
Homer: No. Add more pieces to the main station! Bigger is better! People in New York don’t go to Grand Central Station to take trains to dumb places in Connecticut.
Lisa:  A lot of them do. Also Westchester County.
Homer: No, they go there to eat lobster in that giant restaurant in the basement.
Lisa: But none of these station pieces are lobster restaurants.
Homer: It doesn’t matter. People can use their imaginations. Maybe it’s a lobster place, maybe it’s a steak joint, maybe it’s both. The point is… the station should be big!
Place Monorail Station Pieces- x8. (first 4 from  Part 2 count towards this…so it’s really placing 4 more pieces)

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Rail Against the Machine Pt. 1
Homer Auto starts 

Homer: Woohoo! I love this new job. I’m no longer hauling trash — I’m hauling human trash!
Lisa: It is a lot of fun up here. Speeding over Springfield, at speeds slightly below that of a car.  The wind in our hair, from the small fan you have in this completely sealed-in compartment.
Homer: Hmm… completely sealed-in compartment and me after breakfast is never a good combination.
Sebastian: I’m sure it won’t hurt anything if we just crack open this window a little…
Make Lisa Open a Monorail Window- 30s, Earns $3, 1xp

Off Track
Homer Auto starts

Homer: D’Oh! You broke the first job I liked since “Lounge in the Pool”.
Lisa: Don’t worry, it’s probably just a loose screw. Fixing it will be an easy project.
Complete Projects on the Project Board- x5 

Rail Against the Machine Pt. 2
Auto starts once you complete Off Track

Sebastian: We need to reduce the weight of the train to make it safer.
Frink: This sounds like a job for my fusion-powered anti-gravity engine.
Sebastian: But that thing is the size of a house.
Frink: Which is a job for my matter-compressing Frink Shrink Machine!
Sebastian: Actually, I was thinking we could use plastic in the construction process.
Frink: Yes, I suppose that would work too.
Lisa:  And recycling plastic would be good for the environment!
Helen Lovejoy: BOO!!!
Sideshow Mel: BOO!!!
Lenny: BOO!!!
Lisa: And save us money.
Helen Lovejoy: YAY!!!
Sideshow Mel: YAY!!!
Lenny: YAY!!!
Lisa: If I wasn’t ultimately getting my way, I’d be a lot angrier.
Place the Plastic Depot
Sort Through Junk to Find Plastic- x40.  Costs 100 Junk and takes 2hrs.  Earns 10 Plastic Freemium and 15 Premium. Here’s who you can send:
Milhouse
Cletus
Uter
Skinner
Martin
Comic Book Guy
Jesse Grass

Rail Against the Machine Pt. 3
Homer starts

Homer: Woohoo! Back in the monorail conducting business!  I feel as free as a bird! A bird that can only move in one direction along a predetermined path.  But at least I’m not a garbage man anymore. No more smelly trash or wild animals.  Isn’t that right, Bitey?
Bitey: *chitter*
Make Conductor Homer Take Bitey for a Walk- 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp

Rail Against the Machine Pt. 4
Auto starts 

Bart: Cool, a monorail!  I always wanted to derail a train by putting a penny on each side of the track, but I’ve never saved up two pennies.  With a monorail I just need one!
Lisa:  Bart, that’s just an old wives’ tale. The only thing that’ll be damaged if you put a penny on the track is your penny.
Bart: Really? Cool!
Reach Level 12 and Build Bart’s Treehouse
Make Bart Put a Penny on the Monorail Track- 30s.  Earns $3, 1xp

Getting Back on Track
Auto starts

Bart: Aw man, my penny’s fine.
Lisa: But the monorail is destroyed!  Maybe building a mass transit system out of trash wasn’t as smart an idea as I thought. We should really find another way.
Complete Projects on the Project Board- x5 

Rail Against the Machine Pt. 5
Homer starts

Homer: All aboard…
Skinner: Homer, we’re already moving.
Homer: All aboard…
Lisa: Dad, you look tired. Maybe you should take a break.
Homer: I’ll take a break when we get to the end of the line.
Lisa: But the track goes in a circle.
Homer: All aboard…
Make Conductor Homer Conduct the Monorail- x3. 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp

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One Track Mind Pt. 1
Auto start from Homer

Homer: I hate this job! I’d turn this train into oncoming traffic and kill everyone on it…-if I could in any way steer this train, or there were any other trains going the other direction.
Sebastian: I have seen these symptoms before. It’s called “Public Transit Service Depression” or PTSD.
Lisa: I think PTSD is already taken.
Sebastian: You can’t copyright an acronym. Just ask the inventors of “Two-Stage-To-Orbit” spacecraft.  For now, though, tell your father to get some sleep.
Make Homer Get Some Sleep- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp

Derailed
Auto start on completion of One Track Mind

Lisa: Dad! I meant get some sleep at home… not while you were driving.
Homer: Conducting, Lisa. In the monorail business we call driving conducting. And we call passengers souls.
Lisa: That’s the airline business.
Homer: I know. Creepy, isn’t it?
Complete Projects on the Project Board- x5.  Complete 5 Project
Board Projects to advance in the questline

One Track Mind Pt. 2
Lisa starts

Lisa: Mister Cobb, you have to do something to save my Dad from having to conduct the monorail every hour of the day.
Sebastian: How? Build a self-conducting fully autonomous monorail? Why, such a thing would require the monorail to be sentient!
Frink: Hoyvin-Glavin-Blovin-Ipsen! Finally something in my line of expertise!  I just so happen to have spent the last five years working on just such a sentient AI. It started as a … ahem, companion robot *wink wink*, of course, don’t they all? But it can easily be altered to drive a monorail. 
Sebastian: Apparently there is a place for both science and mad science in this world.
Frink: All I need to make the transition is some glass.
Lisa: Great! I’d been meaning to recommend that we recycle that separately as well.
Helen Lovejoy: BOO!!!
Sideshow Mel: BOO!!!
Lenny: BOO!!!
Lisa: SAVE MONEY!
Helen Lovejoy: YAY!!!
Sideshow Mel: YAY!!!
Lenny: YAY!!!
Lisa: I hate this town.
Place Glass Depot- Free
Sort Through Junk to Find Glass- x50.  Earn 50 Glass from Sorting Junk. Costs 100 Junk and takes 3hrs.  Earns 10 Glass Freemium and 15 Premium. Here’s who you can send:
Quimby
Willie
Dewey Largo
Jesse Grass
Bart
Marge
Moe

One Track Mind Pt. 3
Homer starts

Homer: *snore* Must drive monorail…*snore* Must kill everyone…
Sebastian: Wake up, Mr. Simpsons. The monorail is fully automated now.
Homer: Really? Oh thank God, I was getting a bit OCD here… overly crazy driving!
Lisa: Now you can go home, Dad, and finally get some sleep.
Homer: Thanks, sweetie. That’s exactly what I’ll do!
Reach Level 15 and Build Moe’s Tavern
Make Homer Drink at Moe’s- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp

One Track Mind Pt. 4
Homer starts

Frink: To think my work in companion AI could lead to this! There’s truly a part of me in that monorail.
Monorail: I’d like that, Professor Frink.
Frink: Please, call me John. I mean… WHAT THE GLAVIN?! Monorail, you’re alive?
Monorail: Only when I’m around you, John.
Frink: glavin-hoyvin-moyvin-mayvin-oyvin-goyvin…
Monorail: Tee-hee. You flatter me! So would you like to go for a ride?
Frink: …loyvin-layvin-shkloyvin-bleshklayvin…
Make Frink “Go For a Ride” on the Monorail- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp (only applies if you have Prof. Frink)

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And there you have it my friends…all the fun of the past Monorail full month!

Did you enjoy rereading all the dialogue from the Monorail Event?  Were there any parts you missed?  Any jokes you didn’t catch the first time around?  Thoughts on the Event overall?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!