This is an experiment. You are all part of it. But in full disclosure, I’m not sure if you need to participate or not, beyond simply clicking below the fold to read what’s there.
You see…I have a pretty storied history with EA, and being able to force their hand to start a major event when I want it to start. All I have to do, is spend a bunch of time preparing a post about what’s in store. And like magic, EA will start the update, if for no other reason, than to render all of my hard work moot. It’s a love/hate thing.
This will be my 4th Winter/Christmas EA event. NO…WAIT…my FIFTH! Five Years. Not Four. Not three…or two…FIVE.. That is a whole lot of experience from which to draw.
For that reason, I am uniquely qualified to PREDICT THE FOLLOWING about the upcoming Winter Event…which will no doubt start within an hour of this post going live. EA hates me. But, I will fall on my icicle and “take one for the team” if it means we can start Winter/Christmas 2016 on time.
If you want to help…and see my predictions… KEEP READING.
First of all, contrary to all other predictions about Global Warming…or as many say BECAUSE of global warming…There WILL BE SNOW.
I know. Snow (as well as the arguments about global warming around the dinner table at Christmas) can be a contentious subject. Snow is one of those things that is NOT a global phenomenon. It is rare in much of the United States, Australia, Africa, and all sorts of places that deny its existence stubbornly. Unfortunately, it is also disappearing from some of the places that it is supposed to be, like the North Pole. However, if you ask someone from North Dakota, or Canada (not Victoria…where it just rains) or Wisconsin (where it was a cold day in hell that it was going to vote Republican…and then it did), what they think of snow, and you will likely get a completely different opinion.
I love snow. I only wish it stayed around our Springfields for more than 6 weeks.
Prediction #2… The event will last 6 weeks.
OK…so I kind of foreshadowed that one with the snow comment above, but this has become a standard in major updates. Three 2-week Acts, which adds up to 6 weeks. Now…some would argue that the Winter 2016 event already started, with the addition of the “Gnome In Your Home Box.” But that was given to us as an “EARLY CHRISTMAS SURPRISE” which really doesn’t count as the start of the event. More like a tease with a bunch of stuff in the store to buy early. Think of it like the “free pair of underwear” that Victoria’s Secret often gives away on Black Friday to lure you into their 50% off Bra Sale. Yes. Having five daughters has changed my understanding of Christmas Specials in ways I don’t care to admit. But, I digress…
Prediction #3…You WILL get EVERYTHING!
Yes. I even couched my prediction by NOT saying, “You will get everything you deserve,” which is a backhanded way of saying you will only get all of the Freemium Stuff if you tap regularly. Because, like it or not (and who’s not to like it???), EA has not only made these major updates EAsier…but they have been handing out BONUTS in buckets (except you can’t buy a bucket of donuts…only a tray). I have accumulated almost 200 Bonuts in the past two weeks, without farming, or KEM mining, or anything else that usually makes 200 Bonuts appear with a bit of tapping. EA has been VERY Generous with the Bonuts for daily tasks, bonuses, gift boxes, along with the regular “Where’s Maggie” and “Monorail Bonuts” that I earn. So…I will in fact get EVERYTHING I WANT…and you should be able to as well..
Prediction #4…You Won’t Get Everything!
And this is a good thing. Because, the fact is, these new style Event Updates are just tooooooooooooooooodamnfullaclutter! The new standard has become “Give ’em some more land” and then “fill it up with HUGE Event Items” and a bunch of clutter. You rEAlly have to work hard at making sense of where to put most of the stuff after an update. And, after 4 years of tapping, I’m hardly even trying anymore. I select a couple-three choice items, and store the rest. Thank Jebus I’m not having to pay for my EA Storage Unit! So, in the end…you will in fact NOT get everything…unless you do…in which case, you rEAlly need to rethink your priorities in life.
Finally…WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE BURNED OUT AFTER WEEK FOUR. I guarantee it. After tapping our fingers off for four weeks, while maneuvering through REAL Christmas and REAL New Years…we are going to want a break. But, we will hang in there….and keep tapping…because we are addicts. Don’t even try to pass this last comment off with “I can stop anytime I want.” You can’t. You won’t. You will finish the event. All. Six. Weeks.
And on a Final, Final Note… We will in fact…at some time in the near future, be lured into the “Christmas/Holiday/Winter Debate” of what to really call this event. It has been a hot political button for years…but I predict that EA is going to THROW US CURVE…and we may have a Winter Event, that is either completely secular, or goes the way of Rabbi Krustofsky. That’s right…it could FINALLY be “his” time. Not to be confused with “His” time…as we have never had the Baby Jebus in our game. The Nativity? Yes. The actual real-deal-Reverend and Ned quivering in a corner second coming Jebus? No.
But, who knows?
What I do know…is that as I hit “POST” on this post, the wonks over at EA are scrambling to get the BIG SHOW activated…just to make all of my work useless, disregarded, and irrelevant.
BRING IT ON!!!