Prognostication with Wookstradamus

So EA took away our snow and brought us a winter take-down update. While I find my Springfield to be glaringly green all of a sudden and miss my Wookiee Winterland, this time of year always leads to some speculation about the future of the game. Of course, EA made that even easier with some teases in the app store descriptions.

iOS and Android – The New Year has been rung in, and the soggy decapitated goat heads have been wrung out. With Springfield getting back to normal, what will be next for your town? An inaugural incident? A romp around the world? A valentine visit from a gluttonous gal? Maybe some military miseducation? You’ll just have to wait to find out!

Amazon – The heretics have had their time and a new year has been celebrated. As the religious riots settle and the townsfolk get back to their normal lives, what’s next for your town? An inaugural incident? A romp around the world? An invasion of bow wielding gnomes?

I must admit, I laughed at these as I often do. Whoever writes the script for the beginnings of updates gets two furry thumbs up. Anyhoo… all these questions got me thinking about what the clues might mean. In a typical fashion, I sat down in the attic, blew the Cheetos dust off my fingers, and thought and thoughts and crunched and thought about what each hint made me reminisce about from the Best. Show. Ever. With some good thinks accomplished, Alissa convinced me to share my fuzzy thinking with all of you. I won’t share my cheesy poofs but I guess you can have my ideas. With all that being said, here’s Wookstradamus Prognostication based on veiled hints from a clever writer at EA.

An inaugural incident?

Ugh… of all the things stated in this, THIS is the one I hope was just a topical joke. Anyone following the American Presidential race and The Simpsons should know how the writers at Gracie feel about this situation. While there is always room for hilarity, I don’t want another divisive subject brought into our games. We had enough with religion. Of course, an inauguration doesn’t have to be about current events. It could involve Quimby or President Wolfcastle. What I secretly hope for is more past presidents to be brought into the game like Thomas Jefferson, George HW Bush, Gerald Ford, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and/or Ronald Reagan. Heck, they could do a whole full-blown event with all the former Presidents having it out and I’d be thrilled. I’m on record saying I’d love the Clinton and Dole skins for Kang and Kodos so that’s an idea too.

A romp around the world?

Does anyone besides me remember the Simpsons DVD episode collection entitled “Around the World in 80 D’ohs”? It featured episodes where the Simpsons went to Japan, Africa, Brazil, and England.

It could be so fun to see items from all of our favorite yellow family’s misadventures outside the Continental US. We’d get a chance to get the hot air balloon again and somehow get stuff from different episodes. Maybe they’d come up with some sort of internal game map where you have to travel to each country and you’d get a character and building. Here’s just a few ideas.

Japan – “Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo” (S10:E23) – I’d love George Takei’s Japanese game show host and a tatami room for our towns. They could also create a Tokyo Tower or give us Godzilla to fight Truckasaurus.

Africa – “Simpson Safari” (S12:E17) – Dr. Bushwell or Kitenge could be fun choices. I’m not sure of buildings but could always go for Joan Bushwell’s Chimp Refuge.

Brazil – “Blame It on Lisa” (S13:E15) or “You Don’t Have to Live Like a Referee” (S25:E16) – It seems like Ronaldo and the Orfanato Dos Anjos Imundos are no brainers here. I could also see them bringing the Brazilian rainforest Krusty Burger into the game. It’d look just like the others but EA would claim it was special. I know Pat would like to see the cast of Teleboobies.

England – (“The Regina Monologues” S15:E4) – Abbie! Bring on Homer’s half-sister. I’d really like anything, especially the store we saw J.K. Rowling at or Sir Ian McKellan’s theater where he was performing Hamlet (NOTE: It’s a different play mentioned but for superstitious reasons, I’m theatrical like that, I’ll not make Sir Ian experience any more bad luck… couch cough… it’s MacBeth… sorry Dr. X!) Buckingham Palace could be fun too. The Simpson family also visited Ireland in “In The Name of the Grandfather” (S20:E14) but we’ve already gotten a lot of items from this episode so other than the Guinness factory, I’m coming up short like a leprechaun.

India – “Kiss Kiss Bangalore” (S17:E17) – I think I just want the Indian Nuclear Power Plant and Homer dressed up like the villain from Temple of Doom.

Australia – “Bart vs. Australia” (S6:E16) – Well… I can think of a Phil Hartman character people don’t ask for in Evan Conover. We could get the giant boot and maybe some drop bears.

Israel – “The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed” (S21:E16) – Jakob and Dorit and the Church of the Holy Sepluchre… nuff said.

China – “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (S16:E12) – Madam Wu has made an appearance in text bubbles so why not come complete with whatever building EA sees fits to connect her to.

France – “The Crepes of Wrath” (S1:E11) or “To Courier with Love” (S27:E20) – Caesar and Ugolin could finally find a home in TSTO with Chateau Maison. Adil could feature into this too. The most recent episode in Paris was beautiful so I’d be okay with stuff from there too.

A valentine visit from a gluttonous gal?

I don’t know if this is a misdirect since Homer’s character name in the Mayan intro for “Treehouse of Horror XXIII (S24:E2) was named Glutton making Marge literally a lover of Glutton or if they’re making a deep cut to the show. If I go literal and think of heavyset female characters in the show, right off the top of my head I think of Dia-Betty and the Medicine Woman from The Simpsons movie.

Thinking deeper and then with a subtle prod from Alissa… like the “Hey Wook! Dust off that orange-powdered keyboard and remember you put her name on the 2017 Hey EA Wish List post!” sort of way that reminds me maybe I shouldn’t think full of junk food. I’ll give Alissa the Amazing credit for thinking of her first but agree that this clue probably has to do with Sarah Wiggum. Nothing more romantic than planting Crystal Meth on a lady just to meet her, right?

Maybe some military miseducation?

This one leads me straight to Homer in the military in “G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)” (S18:E5). This could also be something involving Grampa, Burns, and The Flying Hellfish. As a vet, I’d love to see some TSTO love in the military department. If we’re miseducating people about joining said military through song, the Party Posse and their YVAN EHT NIOJ message fits the bill too.

An invasion of bow wielding gnomes?

I went the furthest off the deep end with this different question from the Amazon app store. The first thing I think of when I think of something wielding a bow once I get over my obvious thoughts of the Green Arrow, Hawkeye, or Robin Hood… is Legolas from J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy. I guess that also includes The Hobbit if you count that too-long trilogy of movies somehow culled from a 300 page book. Before I digress and discuss the supremacy of Star Wars a la Kevin Smith, I guess I can just point out that we already have a reference to the Peter Jackson movies. The Drive-In Theater has a 3 hour task to view the Bored of the Things: Extended Cut movie. I then instantly think of the Hobbit couch gag from “Four Regrettings and a Funeral” (S25:E3).

Maybe we could get another event similar to Clash of Clones only featuring hobbits, elves, dwarves, orcs, goblins, and gnomes as they all battle in Springfield to be supreme. Of course gnomes could just be some sort of rehash involving Maggie’s new enemies. Maybe they seek retribution for her actions and/or Marge tossing one of their kind in storage.

For some reason I’m just thinking of the Leprechaun wedding from “Treehouse of Horror XII” (S13:E1). Maybe this is a tease for the next iteration of St. Paddy’s Day? Could a Wookiee dream of a Yoda appearance? I’d love a tappable version of Jim Jam Bonks I could beat ceaselessly. Anyhoo… I’ll stop before I go all Cosmic Wars based on a hint that has nothing to do with it.

We could also just get something involving the Happy Little Elves. Bunny did a good post all about them during Christmas 2013.

So many things. Maybe I’ll be right about one of them. If not, it’s always fun to conjecture. It’s just like planning a whole movie franchise just based off of images seen on twitter. I’ll end this speculatory post but I’m curious what you thought of all these hints. Anything you think they’re mentioning? Fearful like me that the inauguration hint was the true spoiler? Sound off in the comments and happy classy tapping friends. I’m off to open another bag of cheesy goodness.

TTFN… Wookiee out!