It’s funny to me (and perhaps less funny to some), how the EA/Gracie staff interjects little political barbs based on bits of reality. They are usually just lines in the dialogue, which most people bash through (I’d say Tap through…but, when you are in a hurry to get to the next task, bashing is more accurate).
In the “Around the World” event, there were a few items that could have riled the masses, including bits on immigration, municipal funding, and a couple of less minor topics that really got to me on a personal basis.
I get it. There is a lot to laugh at or lampoon in the world today. The whole bit with trying to woo the tourists, who didn’t speak our language was clever (they were French after all). The bit about funding schools with the lottery was wincingly accurate, at least in Oregon…where we don’t have a sales tax. So here in the Land ‘O Green, they fund schools with “sin taxes” including state run lotteries, and heavy taxes on cigarettes, alcohol, and now, the burgeoning growth industry of recreational Cannabis.
But then they went too far. They cut a little too close to home…it got PERSONAL.
They rolled out (not literally, but perhaps figuratively, as in this figure could roll like a boulder) the Sumo Wrestler, Sakatumi…with a bit of dialogue about obesity. The old “Laugh In” reference to “Sock It To Me” is clever…but watching this proud warrior be reduced to a slam poet, was just too much.
Sakatumi: I am here to train the proudly obese men of Springfield in the noble art of sumo. I see we have many enthusiastic trainees.
Wiggum: Actually, I’m only here for the giant diapers. Ralphie’s a heavy wetter.
Sakatumi: Just Ralphie?
Wiggum: There is another, Sakatumi-san.
Later…
Sakatumi: There is one thing people love even more than the slam of giant bodies onto the floor of a ring. The slam of poetry into their hearts.
Lisa: You’re putting on a Poetry Slam in the Sumo Stadium? I hate to break it to you, but this town does not love high culture.
Sakatumi: That’s because they’ve never seen it performed by a naked man in a diaper.
So…I already hear some of you firing up your fingers to post, “WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL!!! HE’S FAT!!”
But, people don’t realize that when you are my age, and have suffered decades of ritual abuse by pants manufacturers for having huge thighs, made larger by college football and years of rugby in my younger years, that seeing a fat man in a diaper can trigger traumatic memories.
And the sight of Sakatumi did just that…
The year was 1972…at least for a couple of hours. It was New Year’s Eve, and I was at a college party that featured more alcohol per square foot than most micro-breweries. And after a bit of time, a goodly portion of the aforementioned alcohol was inside of my large, chiseled (I really was a mountain of lean muscle back then) body.
There were two factors fueling my drive to drink that evening… I had just broken up with my long-time, first love (long distance relationships are hard…) after a tempestuous 2 1/2 years. And it was my birthday in just a few hours (I’m a New Year’s Baby), and I had nobody in tow for the midnight kiss. 1973 was not starting out well.
Add to that, a handful of the idiot-factor at the party knew I was a New Year’s Baby…and kept chiding me to play the part. Literally.
It’s amazing what a bit of induction and peer pressure can do, when the number of plastic beer cups stacked as an edifice to my consumption had grown to a height that defied gravity (as did the consumer being edified). I soon found myself giddily going into an upstairs bedroom (the party was at an apartment), disrobing, and then swaddling my man-parts in the sheet of one of my antagonists. (Double revenge).
As I came down the stairs in my new outfit, ready to bring in the New Year, one of the guys yelled out…”Holy Crap! He looks like a Sumo Wrestler! His thighs are huge!”
Yes. 28″ thighs stand out. Yes. 28″ thighs, even though rock solid, are larger than most women’s (and a few men’s) waist. But, they were the force that gave me thrust when destroying opponents on the football field…during games at which these same “fans” cheered every tackle. HYPOCRITES!
I wish I could say it was a sobering moment. Too late for that. The evening did not go well…although I did at least hold the attention of most of the girls in the room…from a distance…a wide distance.
I had blocked that memory out of my head. Until EA/Gracie went deep into “fat shaming” for a man that is undoubtedly revered for his athletic stomp-i-tude in his homeland of Japan.
Pick on tourists? Sure. Make fun of federal and municipal funding? OK. Shame the nerds? What’s new? But fat shaming? You have reached a new low EA!!
PS–for all of you “literalists” out there…I am kidding. I don’t really feel “fat shamed.” But the rest of this is true. Really. Sad. But. True.
And as always… you can find my “real rants” on my other blog…
http://www.crankyoldguy.com
Wow, sorry for that!
People try to fat shame me but I don’t let it get to me, they say when’s it due and I make up a date. Or they call me fat and I say I’m big boned (I actually think I am)
A kind heart is the most beautiful thing 💞
Thanks for the great story! I enjoyed it!
Thank you for that! I scipted the script as many of us. Great that u tell us what ea is gonna try us to believe.
large chiseled body
Patric, I loved this. Brings back memories.
Lol! Were you there????
I am totally in agreeance with movie buff. We are approximately the same age, and I could top your story with a stack of whinings as tall as you are. Suck it up buttercup😩 Fortunately I feel that every painful moment brought me to who I am today… and I like my life and who I am, but most of all feel very blessed for everything, imperfect and at times downright painful physically and mentally. I wouldn’t change one second of my past… we’ll maybe a few 😂 I am so disdained with the “oh poor me, this is why I (insert bad habit here)” crowd, or the ones who let minor things others do or say offend them to the point of anger & outrage 😡 We can’t control others actions, or insist that they behave or think the way we personally do. To be offended/butt hurt by a cartoon which is so satirical that it rivals the era of (Curtin, Belushi, Radner, etc,) in SNL, is a bit ridiculous. Change the channel, stop playing the game. We won’t even mention my knee-jerk reaction to the 2016 winter event… but I’m still here, still tapping away, and even enjoyed pizza & old Simpsons episodes with my grown son last night. It brought back happy memories of the good times I’ve had with him 😍 I’m amazed we both made it through his difficult years 😂 My point being that it made me remember the good times from then. That’s something wonderful about moments of CRS, it’s easier to forget about the battles, but still hold on to the good “shtuff” 😀 Well, enough about that, I think I’ve made my point. Getting back to Patric’s original post, here’s a tissue for your issue, or maybe you need a whole diaper? 👶
~ Patric… keep it coming, I was LMAOPIMD 😳😂 Now I know why Alissa said we’d get along great 👍
Now we know what Patric HAS to wear for the next Addicts Live!
Alissa, please make sure it happens…
🙏🙏🙏
Pretty sure it would break the internet…
😄😄😄
Toga toga… oops, diaper diaper 😂
Great post, Patric! As always. You’re a good storyteller and a good man for having a fine sense of humor and such perspective about your college self. That you choose to share a funny albeit slightly embarrassing story about yourself to make others laugh says a great deal about your big heart.
I’m not sure I understand how or why MovieBuff3000 took offence but perhaps whatever is triggering in Patric’s posts will come into clearer perspective for MovieBuff – usually things that trigger each of us are really about something within US, not about the person or words that do the triggering. I hope all the comments here help MovieBuff to lighten up a little and recognize that whatever it is that triggers you can sometimes best be defused by a little humor.
Thanks! But what I suspect was triggered in Moviebuff was his “inner troll.” We now live in an age of instant rage and indignation…where we react before hearing the full story. I suspect he read the headline and the first teaser paragraph… and went into full troll mode.
Ironically, it was a short read… And his comment was long enough, that it probably took him longer to write then it would have to simply read the whole post and understand it was a joke. Oh well…Trolls. Short attention span.
Awww… This party must have sucked for you. Thankfully, youngsters weren’t out taking photos with their “cellular phones” every time they got the chance to humiliate their friends on The Facebook back in the 70’s… But there were Polaroids, let’s hope no one owned one (does mine still works by the way? I’ll check that later).
Also, being born near New Year or Christmas sucks because your birthday always gets thrown in with the “more important celebrations”. My cousin born a 24 December can tell.
I have always been interested in that concept… Would I have been more careful about how I acted in my youth, or more inclined to provide digital entertainment for my friends if they had cellular phones back then? I suspect the latter…
And yes, having a birthday that close to Christmas definitely cut back on the gifts, no doubt about it.
But at least in my case, the whole world celebrates my birthday.!
Awesome story and thanks so much for sharing, I suppose if you had a “I’m alright with Agnew” or “Pat Paulson for President” day-glo styled tattoo on you it could have eased the pain a little for the other party members and it could have turned out a little differently, but, then again, I suppose you were never mistaken for Goldie Hawn too much anyhow. ; )
Wow… You’re really going back there now! I had a couple of hilarious Spiro Agnew the T-shirts… Back then, all of the things you see now on Internet Memes were on T-shirts!
You sounded so Hulk Like in your younger days.
LOL… I kind of was. 220 pounds… 8% body fat… 28 inch thighs…20″ neck… so yes… I’ve been fighting it ever since.
That body is still inside of me… deep inside…lol.
Protected by a substantial cushion.
Sounds huge and strong!
Glad to know I wasn’t the only goofball in 1973…when I look back, I sometimes wonder how I ever reached the age of 20 in one piece. So many parties, so few neurons firing…
I have to admit, this wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg for me. My friends often pointed out that my second stage of drunkenness went from Giddy, happy, funny, and morphed into running through fences and walls. There was something unhinged back then… And I’m sure I’ve paid the price since.
CTE anyone? Lol.
I hope someone got a photo!
😂😂😂 me too
“Pull out the Polaroid One Shot!”
Thankfully…no.
Loved your post. LOL!!!!
Dude, I hear that those Sumo guys get all the wimmins over there.
Clearly a different culture. Plus, my bedsheet got a bit loose quickly. Not exactly a sexy look.
Instant disqualification if that thing comes off, too.
😳🙈
Oh my goodness! Your post had me in stitches! Which I needed today, thank you!
Happy to make you smile!
Wow. I guess if you take things a bit too personal in this game then you shouldnt be playing it because The Simpsons as a whole is a satire of real life and if you cant take what they dish out then you shouldnt watch that show either. I really loved coming to the Addicts site to get info about this game on a positive note not read a whole article about how one guy took some dialogue personal when it is based on a cartoon that is a spoof about real life. If you cant roll with the punches for this game then you shouldnt be playing it. I have remained silent about your negative posts for too long and now I have to comment about it. I am really surprised that Alissa lets you post whatever you want when her and Bunny try to keep this site a positive one as much as possible. My mother said that if you cant say anything nice then dont say anything at all.
So my guess is you didn’t read the whole post..or get it. Because at the end of the post Pat says
“P.S. –for all of you “literalists” out there…I am kidding. I don’t really feel “fat shamed.” But the rest of this is true. Really. Sad. But. True.”
It’s just a funny story on a Friday…gotta not take everything so seriously 😉
Funny, I was in the same boat as “Moviebuff” until I read the whole thing and realized it was a cute anecdote of an embarrassing moment in Pat’s past which had me lmfao. Goes to show it pays to read all that is put forth before having an opinion. I like your rants Patric keep it up.
No. I didnt read the whole thing because I was already done half way through it and didnt bother to read the rest because I was already tired of hearing the complaining. Now if he had started out saying it was a joke that would have been different and I wouldnt have said what I said. So I apologize.
Patric is, how shall I put it, well… a great story teller with a greater sense of humor than most appreciate or take time to really listen to 😊
Thanks… I am an acquired taste that may require several samplings… lol.
Kind of like natto? 😂😂 (yes IHTG)
Lol? Whaaaaaa? Seriously???
YOU made me laugh on a Friday.
“I really loved coming to the Addicts site to get info about this game on a positive note not read a WHOLE article…..”
Way to read a title. Good post Patric, I enjoyed the read. My only gripe….stop being so good at it. Now all I can see is you in a diaper…………..thanks 🙈
Wait until the next Simpson’s live…
Wow. You can accept satire from a cartoon but, not in real life. He was just telling a funny story. Maybe you shouldn’t take it so personally.
Since it appears you are a movie buff, in the immortal words of Sgt Hulka, “Lighten up Francis.” Everything is fine, Patrick’s writings are satire. You should have been here during the great Pagan update of 2016. Now that was emotional…..
Lol… the “Great Pagen Update…” that killed me. It made it sound like some heinous purge by an alien force… Too funny!