What a weird week for Nuking. Not that there is any “good” week for nuking. But, Holyfreakinshirt! The number of weird coincidences that happened on Saturday, make one wonder JUST HOW MUCH POWER does Alissa really have???
She had planned our Addicts Live session about Nuking your Springfield, well before the little “SNAFU” that happened on the VERY SAME DAY in Hawaii. So…did Alissa foretell the future? Is the nimrod who sent out the false “You’re All Gonna Die” alert a disgruntled TSTO Player? Did Safi and his Nuking demonstration have something to do with it??????
And most important…Would I Nuke if I could Nuke? And, Why WON’T I nuke???
These are all important questions to ask…
First of all, the title of this post is homage to the Stanley Kubrick movie, “Doctor Strangelove,” which those of us of a certain age (old enough to have lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis) remember as a dark, and yet hilariously weird movie about how a series of events by inept political leaders, can result in the end of the world as we know it. Yes…it should be shown as the first in a double-feature, with “Planet of the Apes.”
As we are now in what feels like a “return to the 1960s” in so many ways, Nuking is something we all have started to keep in the forefront of our thoughts…especially if you were in Hawaii on Saturday.
I haven’t been able to do the math yet…and deconstruct the various time zones…but, it is possible…as in VERY Possible…that about the time that Safi was Nuking his Springfield on LIVE TV (ok…live streaming), the moron in Hawaii was sending out his “duck and cover” message to an Island that was most likely full of people soiling their garments with more than “Mai Tais.”
OK. I did the math…Hawaii was alerted at 8:08 AM Hawaii time…which would be 10:08 Pacific…or 1:08 Eastern….JUST 38 minutes or so, after Safi NUKED!!! What would Nostradamus have to say about that????
I can’t translate it…but I assume it doesn’t say, “It’s a radish the size of daikon!”
However, after hearing the details of human error…it occurred to me that EA actually makes it harder to Nuke your town (Four distinct warnings), than the State Emergency System in Hawaii makes it to send millions into panic…for 33 minutes!! That’s how long it took to hit the “undo” button on this fiasco… 33 minutes!!!
Now, imagine how long 33 minutes of “this could be the end” must feel like. Especially, some of you who freak out if the EA servers can’t connect so you can KEM farm if there is a server outage of more than 10 minutes! 33 minutes is a lifetime!! You could do all sorts of weird, “last time ever” things in 33 minutes… But, I digress.
The Good News/Bad News…is that this was a STATE SNAFU. Nobody (especially the guy carrying the Nuke Football around the golf course) even heard about it, until it was almost over. But, again, I digress…
I guess we’ll never know if the operator who was on call in Hawaii was watching our podcast, and panicked when he saw the NUKE happen in real time. (he Nukes around 30 minutes in, if you want to see a Nuke “live.”) We also can’t be sure if Alissa has inside connections to more than just the EA servers.
What we CAN be sure of…is that if we ever decide to Nuke our own towns, it takes at least FOUR “Yes…I WANT to Nuke” replies, before you can actually do it. Which is 2 MORE than the number of messages you get when you go to delete ALL of the data on your cell phone when you turn it in, or want to “toast it.” I know. I got a new phone on Sunday. And, it was weird to wipe my old friend clean with a couple of button pushes. Luckily, I had everything backed up to “the cloud,” which in the case of a giant EMP attack, may go away…along with our access to the TSTO servers.
So…what have we learned?
I want nothing to do with nukes. I’m not nuking my town. And if I get one of those horrible “This is not a drill” texts, the last thing I will be doing is clearing KEMs to get more donuts.
No. I will likely just put on my “solar eclipse glasses,” grab a HUGE drink of something alcoholic, and just watch the show.
I’m not going to get into the geo-political side of this topic, as I think we are all freaked out by the saber rattling, and “whose button is bigger” conversations these days. My only hope, is that unlike the poor sap in Hawaii…the REAL buttons, have loads and loads of “Are you sure? Are you rEAlly sure???” messages before you can push anything that has real consequences. It only seems right…
Meanwhile…stand down. We’ll follow up with Safi to see how his “Post Nuke” town comes together. No worries there. Safi has a spreadsheet of his layout. Safi is super organized. Safi is the kind of guy I’d trust with the real button…
What would YOU do in your last 33 minutes? If you have Nuked…did you think of the confusion your actions created for your characters?? Come on…they’re people too…right? OK. Maybe not.
Carry on…discuss among yourselves. I have a huge drink to fill up.