Treehouse of Terror XXIX Act 2 Prize Guide – Barking Good Butchery

So, this is one of the prizes that would be a total “meh” if it wasn’t for the dialogue that comes with it.  I have to admit, I have a soft spot (in the head?) for anything Cletus and his clan say.  They are hilarious…even when they are talking about meat.  Or maybe, ESPECIALLY when they are talking about meat.

Let’s face it. There really isn’t that much funny about meat.  To get meat, you have to have some living creature donate their parts to the process.  And yes, while it has been made clear that Alissa is very fond of veal, after my trip to visit her children and my grandson, “baby meat” (even if it is from a baby cow), doesn’t sound great to me.

OH…SLOW DOWN!  I’m not talking about baby meat…I’m talking about cow meat! And let’s be honest…we rarely if ever think about the actual animals we have in our meals, because we don’t have to.

Deb and I have gone away from most red meat, opting instead for turkey, chicken and fish…which are much healthier for you, and come primarily from stupid animals.  After dealing with wild turkeys for the past few years on an almost daily basis, I can assure you that they are one of the most ridiculously stupid animals in creation…followed very closely by chickens and fish.   But, I digress…

Let’s get back to the Butchery…and Cletus.

Wait…I just thought of something else. 

I wonder if we would eat as much meat, if we also had to resort to a day of cannibalism a couple of times a month?  I mean, there are loads of stories about people who had to.

As a former Rugby player, I almost never get on a plane without remembering the story of that Rugby team that crashed in the Andes, and had to resort to cannibalism.  So…when I look around the plane, knowing we are likely flying over the Rockies, I admit to looking at some passengers with an “Entree” in mind.

KIDDING!!!!  Come on. I wouldn’t eat any of you. Well…not all of you. I mean it is close to Halloween…and I have been binge watching “the Haunting of Hill House”…so maybe my mind is off a bit.  But, come on… if we thought about “meat as meat,”  the old joke about the “Butcher putting his thumb on the scale” starts to take on new meaning!

And back to the Chicken/Turkey thing. I mean…come on!! They hardly have a brain at all!!  Take the case of “Miracle Mike,” a chicken who lived 18 months without a head.  I’m not making this up. This is a real story…about a real chicken.

And if you look at a chicken or a turkey, and compare it’s brain to the rest of the body, you can see why they end up as chicken strips at a fast food place.

The only question I really have…is how the hell did they FEED Mike after his head was cut off to keep him alive for 18 months?  Who got that chore?  “OK Tommy…your turn to stick some feed down the feedin’ hole!” UGH! 

All right… sheesh. Let’s let Cletus lighten things up a bit…

Act 2, Prize 4- Barking Good Butchery

Size: 3×5
Build Time: 4hrs
Earns: $90,10xp/4hrs
Conform-O-Meter: Consumerism +10
Can be Placed: On grass|pavement|boardwalk|pier|dirt
Arrangement Bonus: None
What Does It Do: Comes with a quest and earns income every 4hrs. Permanent 1hr task for Cletus (Order Dog Sirloin)

Barking Good Butchery
Auto starts when built
Cletus: Look-e-Maw, there’s one a ’em artisanal butcherterias, where ‘n they sell ya locally sourced meats!
Maw: What you need em’ fancy pants boutiques for, son? If we want some locally sourced meat, God gave us State Route 46.
Cletus: Just once I want a cutlet flattened by a meat hammer and not a whitewall radial tire.
TASK: Make Cletus Order Dog Sirloin- 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
Cletus: You was right, them meat counters is just a rip off. They wasn’t even one ounce of buckshot in that there loin chop.
Maw: I told ya boy! World’s full a folk trying to take advantage of ya.

SEE?? I told you Cletus would lighten things up…

But, wait…this isn’t far from the truth… Take a look at THIS ARTICLE!
No WONDER I don’t see many animal by the side of the road…

16 responses to “Treehouse of Terror XXIX Act 2 Prize Guide – Barking Good Butchery

  1. I always wonder how many people would still eat meat if they had to kill the animals themselves…

  2. Some horrible images made me sick….
    no complaints, though…
    Patric always delivers.
    I would love to know how exactly you dealt with wild turkeys on a daily basis, Patric – with juicy details and all!
    Wild life is fascinating, and I personally observed flocks of wild turkeys while we lived in Connecticut. But we were always driving on a highway or getting on / off highways, impossible to stop and absorb the experience…

    • Well,,,where we live, the turkeys run in huge, roving flocks…eating anything that resembles bugs and worms. Good. But, also digging up all of the gardens in the neighborhood, looking for said bugs and worms. Bad.

      I have taken to “training them out of our yard” with well-placed BBs from my pellet rifle (just 5 pumps…so no skin is broken). But, they require a TON of training. You can go down a rood line…shooting one at a time. And the others don’t stir at all. Like I said. Incredibly stupid.


    (…wrong name/ eml on other post)

  4. 😜…& let’s not forget, ‘Pinchy, you taste so good!’🦀

  5. Thank u for not going all Morrissey on us…🐂🐖🐓🐄🐟

  6. Barking Good Butchery

    Once again, I think EA heard the complaints and delivered a Building that doesn’t take up too much real estate (check), earns Simpson’s $ and XP (check), has permanent Character Task (check – and yes Cletus has a funny one hour Task), can be plopped down on any surface (check – well, except water, but that’s a given) 😀👍

    And now – because I’m embracing a heart healthy diet – I’ve a craving for the Turkey Burger from FAT BURGER (Las Vegas has some fun places to dine at any hour) 🍔

    • We have replaced all ground meats with turkey. Just had turkey meatballs and spaghetti last night. Yum!
      I also make a killer turkey meatloaf…cilantro turkey burger…and all sorts of turkey tacos.

  7. Just got mine this morning, I have a quest to build one. now that I have built one I still have the quest to finish!

  8. There’s a Treehouse Of Horror episode where Homer eats himself…

  9. Interesting perspective on chickens. I’ve spent years raising small flocks of chickens and while they sometimes display unintelligent behavior, they can learn calls, appear to observe patterns, and clearly form bonds with “their people.” I don’t condemn you for eating poultry, but there appears to be a side of chickens that you may not have seen based on your perspective.

    • That’s so true. Chickens know “their people”. Also goose do. We had some next door, and when there was movement at night they came out loud and really threathening. Until they recognised me,, then the noise stopped at once. They got eaten anyway

    • I raised chickens at one point as well…when we lived in the country. Yes. They understand “eating time.” But, the rest…no so much. I tried for the better part of a year to get one to fetch the paper for me. No luck.

      And the other downside…is that their feed attracts rodents. By the ton! Eugene allows chickens to be raised in urban settings…and now has a growing rat population. Not. Cool.

  10. Thanks for the post Patric 😊 I also enjoyed the questline!

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