Christmas 2018: Week 4 Christmas Doesn’t Suck

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Grab your Santa hats and break out the tinsel because it’s Christmas time in Springfield! Yes the annual TSTO Christmas event has arrived in our pocket-sized towns, covering our usual perfect weather towns with a fresh blanket of bright, white, snow!

While the Christmas event, and snow, are annual the structure of this event is anything but!  This is the first major event in Springfield that’s structured like a mini-event.  Christmas consists of 4 parts (or Acts), with each part lasting a week and taking us through a new part of the Simpsons Christmas Special!

Act 4 tells the tale of a baby and her mother who visit the North Pole, only to find they must help Santa and save Christmas!   Maggie, through Homer, is the narrator for this Christmas tale, so let’ take a look at this Polar Express story…

First, here’s the Week 4 Synopsis from EA:

Homer announces that it’s his turn to tell a story, but quickly realizes that years of TV and beer have entirely killed his imagination. Maggie begins to draw a picture, and the family realizes it’s her way of telling a story, so Homer helps her by telling a story using her drawings as inspiration.

Maggie tells a story about a baby who is invited along with her mother, Marge, to visit Santa Claus at the North Pole. They take a magic train, driven by Otto, to the North Pole, and there learn from elves, Bart and Lisa, that all of the Christmas presents and sleigh were stolen by the evil Baby Gerald. Moreover, Santa, played by Homer, in his shame has gotten drunk on eggnog and wandered off into a snowbank. Marge and Maggie search for Santa, and upon finding him he flirts with Marge and then his wife Mrs. Claus appears to drag him home. The elves advise that Christmas should be delayed, but Marge and Maggie decide to save Christmas and they search for the missing presents and sleigh. They discover Baby Gerald at a fortress he’s built out of misbegotten toys, and he and Maggie have a showdown for the presents. Maggie is victorious, and she and Marge fly Santa’s greyhound sleigh back to the North Pole. Santa tells Marge that his wife has left him and asks her to stay in Mrs. Claus’ place.

Maggie punches Homer out of frustration that he ruined the end of her story by making it mushy. The TV then begins to work, and the Simpsons family is overjoyed that they can finally stop telling stories. However, Grampa Simpson appears and unplugs the TV, announcing that surely they didn’t think they could get away with telling stories without him. The Simpsons attempt to flee Grampa’s story by going to bed early, but he pursues them up the stairs, boring them with his nonsensical Christmas tale.

And now we’ll jump into the week 4 dialogue…

Where ever you see the story italicized indicates the story that Maggie is telling.  The regular font indicates real-time Springfield

Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7
Auto starts

Homer: Everybody ready for MY story now? Then buckle up, ‘cause we are “go” for story, in three…two…one……What am I doing? I clean forgot — in order to make up stories, you need an imagination. I killed mine at the age of eighteen. A thousand beers and — BOOM! That sucker was dead and buried. Rest in peace, my creativity!
Maggie: *suck suck* *begins to draw a picture*
Lisa: Look! Maggie’s drawing something, I think SHE wants to tell a story!
Homer: It looks like her block train!
Marge: Ooh! That’s how we’ll do this: Maggie, YOU make up the story and your father will translate!

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 1
Autostarts

Homer: Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Homer: Sorry, not “toy” trains — real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all — the North Pole Express!
Marge: Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Ooh, good idea! I’ll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes. I’ll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Look, I know you’re nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you’re one year old. Get a grip.
Make Marge Triple Check the Over is Turned Off- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Cookies- x100.  4hrs.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You’re right Maggie! Santa’s train is here to pick us up. 
Conductor Otto: All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Conductor Otto: Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around…

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 2
Auto starts

Marge: So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
Conductor Otto: Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.  Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time. *clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
Maggie: *suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
Conductor Otto: I don’t think the boiler speaks pacifier. I’m gonna need a translation, lady.
Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Maggie Draw A Picture of her Christmas Wish– 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Cookies- x350.  4hrs.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says she’d like a new pacifier for Christmas.
Conductor Otto: That’s depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we’ll freeze to death out here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: How about: “Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents”?
Conductor Otto: Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible. “Always leave ‘em a little disappointed”, Santa says. He’s one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 3
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Conductor Otto: North Pole! Everybody get out!
Elf Bart: Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Elf Bart: He stole Santa’s sleigh, with all the presents!
Elf Lisa: Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of ‘nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
Conductor Otto: In this cold, it’s probably best to just accept that he’s dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says we can’t give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes…?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge:…and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!
Place Pile of Presents- x3
Make Marge Marge Look for Santa– 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Maggie Resent Baby Gerald- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Collect Cookies- x350.  4hrs.
Marge: Over here! I think we found him!
Homer Santa: More ‘nog. Just want eggy oblivion…
Marge: Don’t give up, Santa! The world loves you!
Homer Santa: *notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don’t see many naughty girls up here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: She doesn’t like that you’re hitting on her mother, Sir.
Homer Santa: Hey, what Mrs. Claus don’t know won’t kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she’s here!
Mrs Claus: Santa, there you are! 

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 4
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Bart: Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you’re with other people?
Homer: I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it. Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo…
Mrs Claus: Come on, Santa. Let’s get you back home. 
Marge: What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don’t you want your sleigh back?
Elf Lisa: Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
Elf Bart: I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We’ll do it then.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You’re right, Maggie. I won’t let America get dragged down to Canada’s level, either. Let’s save American Christmas!
Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald– 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Cookies- x350.  4hrs.
Marge: Look Maggie, up ahead there’s a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald’s evil lair.
Maggie: *suck suck* 
Marge: Geez, I don’t think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 5
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Marge: Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Marge: Easy, Gerald. It’s not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let’s talk.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: I was praying it wouldn’t come to this…  BABY DANCE BATTLE!
Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp (if you have him)
Make Marge Watch Baby Dance Battle– 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Collect Cookies- x350.  4hrs.
Baby Gerald: *exhausted glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It’s hard to tell.
Baby Gerald: *cries*
Marge: Way to go, Maggie! Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We’re sending you home!

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Pt. 6
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Marge: I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa’s sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa’s Little Helper into the story. That’s great fan service, Maggie!
Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh- 12hrs, Earns $840, 200xp (requires Maggie)
Marge: Your sleigh’s all packed and ready to go, Santa!
Homer Santa: Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now. You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
Marge: What about Mrs. Claus? 
Homer Santa: She went out for candy canes and hasn’t come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
Marge: Oh, you poor man!
Homer: So what do you say? I could make you very jolly…
Marge: *girlish giggle* 

Christmas is Canceled Pt. 8
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Homer: *ow* Marge, Maggie punched me!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Bart: That’s what you get for ending another Christmas story with a Homer/Marge make-out fest.
Duffman:…and remember folks — the holidays is no time for moderation! Please drink Duff irresponsibly!
Homer: *screams* The TV is working again, oh thank goodness! Christmas is saved!
Grampa: *unplugs TV* Not so fast! You didn’t really think you’d sit around telling stories and leave out old Abe?! Hold tight to your cocoa, ‘cause I’ve got a lulu for ya!
Make the Simpsons Escape Grampa’s Storytelling- x5. 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp Freemium and $260, 70xp Premium.
Grampa:…and that’s how Eugene McCarthy saved Santa’s Workshop from the creeping threat of elf socialism. Of course, the foiled Reds weren’t about to just sit on their heels. Which is why they put together the greatest baseball team in history, the 1958 Albany Commie Spies, led by a young me.  Santa was fielding a pretty crackerjack squad himself. Mostly reindeer, but also the illegitimate half-elf son of Shoeless Joe Jackson. So, the World Series matchup was set…

And this concludes the full dialogue version of the Christmas 2018 Week 4 questline!

What are your thoughts on Maggie’s story?  Did you enjoy it?  Did you miss out on the dialogue the first time around?  Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!