Holidays of Future Past Premium Questline: Retired Homer and Empty-Nest Marge

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

With the Holidays of Future Past nearing the end, it’s time to take a look at the full dialogue for this event.

First up, the tales of Empty Nest Marge and Retired Homer…

Here’s the little bit of dialogue that appears with the Mars Vacation:

Rove Around Mars
Retired Homer starts

Empty Nest Marge: Boy, Mars is a lot more… Mars-y than I was expecting.
Retired Homer: You don’t like it here? Is it the deadly vacuum outside? The complete lack of water? The insanely frigid temperature?
Empty Nest Marge: The atmosphere is making my hair flat.
Retired Homer: Well I like it. I’m less than half my weight here! Guess I don’t have to go on that diet Dr. Hibbert was bugging me about!
Empty Nest Marge: He wanted you to lose weight so you didn’t breach your space-suit!
Retired Homer: What?! I can’t hear you over this loud hissing coming from my space-suit– D’OH!
Make Retired Homer and Empty-Nest Marge Pose for Martian Photo- 12hrs, Earns $1,200, 300xp

The Retired Homer’s Home Pt. 1
Retired Homer starts

Retired Homer: Marge! Retirement is boring! I used to fill my time with drinking, but since I quit I have nothing. What am I supposed to do, hang out with my *shudders* family?
Empty Nest Marge: Well, you have all these empty bottles now. Why don’t you do something with them?
Retired Homer: You mean like fill them with malt, hops and barley and let them ferment before drinking them??
Empty Nest Marge: Uh, maybe you build little model ships inside them.
Retired Homer: Little model rocket ships! That sounds relaxing.
Make Retired Homer Play with Bottle Rocket Ships- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Empty Nest Marge: Look at all these bottle rocket ships! How do you feel now?
Retired Homer: I could use a drink…

The Retired Homer’s Home Pt. 2
Retired Homer starts

Retired Homer: Now I’m bored of building bottle rocket ships…
Empty Nest Marge: Well, you promised me you’d take me on a trip someday.
Retired Homer: That’s a good idea, I’ll call our travel agent!
Empty Nest Marge:Uh, Homer, he’s dead.
Retired Homer: Really? Well that’s okay, as long as the travel agency industry is alive and well…
Make Retired Homer and Empty-Nest Marge Visit the South Pole- 24hrs, Earns $2,000, 450xp
Empty Nest Marge: The South Pole? Really?
Retired Homer: We saved a fortune by coming in the off-season!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: He’s right! You have all the sand to yourself, and it’s only two hundred percent hotter.
Empty Nest Marge: You’re still a teenager?!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: I got that movie de-aging software permanently attached to my face.

The Retired Homer’s Home Pt. 3
Empty-Nest Marge starts

Empty Nest Marge: Homer, what’s wrong now?
Retired Homer: Nothing… I was just hoping I’d run into Santa down here…
Empty Nest Marge: That’s the North Pole.
Retired Homer: Oh Marge, you don’t believe that old wives’ tale, do you? He lives down here.
Empty Nest Marge: You know, your father always seemed…content before we froze him.
Retired Homer: I wonder what his secret was?
Make Retired Homer Unfreeze His Father and Talk to Him- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Grampa: What? Where? Who am I?
Retired Homer: Dad, you were retired a long time before we put you in a home, and then before we froze you. How did you handle it?
Grampa: Wait until you can’t remember what your pills are for, then play medication roulette!

The Retired Homer’s Home Pt. 4
Retired Homer starts

Retired Homer: Face it, Marge, being retired is just one step away from being suspended in cryo-sleep. I’m useless!
Mooch Bart: Hey Dad, can you watch the boys while I sell blood plasma?
Jiff And Skippy: GRAMPA!
Retired Homer: Maybe I can still be useful!
Make Retired Homer Play with his Grandsons- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
Make Jiff & Skippy Play with their Grampa- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Mooch Bart: Alright boys, I ate the free cookie and feel kind of okay to drive. Let’s go.
Jiff And Skippy: Aw, Daaaad! We want to stay and play with Grampa!
Retired Homer: No, you kids are fun, but too much work. Bring on the cryo-sleep!!!

Everything Old is Old Again Pt. 1
Empty-Nest Marge starts

Zia Simpson: I’m such a loser… I’ve got a school dance tonight and I don’t have a date.
Empty Nest Marge: You’re not a loser, you’re cool!
Zia Simpson: I know I’m cool, that’s the problem! But being cool is terrible! It means you’re *trying*! Being a loser is way better, but not as good as being a nerd.
Empty Nest Marge: Is this like one of those opposite things, like where “bad” means “good”?
Zia Simpson: No! Bad still means bad! God, you’re so old!
Empty Nest Marge: Does “old” mean “young”??
Zia Simpson: NO!
Make Empty-Nest Marge Contemplate Her Age- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp

Everything Old is Old Again Pt. 2
Empty-Nest Marge starts

Empty Nest Marge: I’m too old to relate to Zia.
President Lisa: Yeah, you’re pretty out of touch…
Empty Nest Marge: Lisa, that’s not very nice!
President Lisa: It’s not a bad thing. Grammas should be old and out of touch, that’s what makes them so sweet. You don’t want to be that pathetic grandmother who’s trying to use teen-age lingo and staying up with the latest fashion trends, do you?
Empty Nest Marge: Yes! Being pathetic has got to be good according to the rules of language that Zia established!
Make Empty-Nest Marge Play with Auto-Hairstyler- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Empty Nest Marge: Hey Zia, check out my new look! Aren’t I “pathetic”?
Zia Simpson: Yes!

Everything Old is Old Again Pt. 3
Empty-Nest Marge starts

Empty Nest Marge: Hey boys, you still speak in a way where what you say is exactly what you mean, don’t you?

Jiff And Skippy: Of course we do, Gramma! We’re post-ironic.
Empty Nest Marge: Phew! Do you want to hang out with Gramma?
Jiff And Skippy: No, we’re going to go do reckless, dangerous stuff with Grampa Homer.
Empty Nest Marge: I think I liked it better when they lied to me…
Make Empty-Nest Marge Worry About Her Grandsons- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
Make Retired Homer Endanger His Grandsons- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
Make Jiff and Skippy Break Bones and Have Fun- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp

Everything Old is Old Again Pt. 4
Empty-Nest Marge starts

Empty Nest Marge: Homie, how do you relate so well to our grandkids? They all love you.
Retired Homer: The trick is to let them play video games… and give them energy drinks… lots of energy drinks. Sometimes they keep drinking them in their sleep!
Empty Nest Marge: You’re letting our grandkids play violent video games?
Retired Homer: Marge, everyone plays violent games nowadays! Where have you been the last thirty years??
Empty Nest Marge: Mostly zonked out on pills…
Retired Homer: Speaking of which. Let’s go get wasted!
Empty Nest Marge: I don’t want to take pills anymore!
Retired Homer: No, “wasted” is the food they serve at that new romantic restaurant that just opened. Don’t you know nothing is what it means anymore?
Make Empty-Nest Marge and Retired Homer Go Out for a Romantic Dinner- 4hrs, Earns $520, 140xp
Empty Nest Marge: This was wonderful, Homer. As soon as we finish dessert we can go dancing!
Retired Homer: *ZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
Empty Nest Marge: I’ll still never get used to the way Z’s come out of people’s mouths when they sleep now…

Everything Old is Old Again Pt. 5
Zia starts

Zia Simpson: Hey Gramma, I need some help with a school assignment. Can you help me?
Empty Nest Marge: You want my help?! I would be happy to! What’s the assignment?
Zia Simpson: It’s a history paper. I need to interview someone who was alive before there was Ultranet or television.
Empty Nest Marge: Well, there used to be this thing, “respecting your elders…”
Make Empty-Nest Marge Recount Tales of Her Youth- 24hrs, Earns $1,000, 225xp
Zia Simpson: Wow, Gramma! You’ve had a way more interesting life than I thought a person like you was capable of having!
Empty Nest Marge: Thanks?
Zia Simpson: I’m sorry I blew you off earlier. You’re just so lame and I didn’t want to be around you because you made me sad.
Empty Nest Marge: Really?
Zia Simpson: Yes.
Empty Nest Marge: I finally understand my granddaughter!

And that’s it my friends, the full dialogue from the premium future!

Thoughts on the dialogue?  Did you buy Empty-Nest Marge and Retired Homer?  Where did you put the Mars Vacation? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!