Thank Grog It’s Firday!
Wow…what a week! And, I’m not just talking about the fact that we are finally finished with this “less than inspiring” event. Imagine my disappointment in finding out that Homer’s great, great, great grandfather is only an android in our game! Why are all of the other “younger versions” allowed to be full, regular characters, while this great, multi-talented man of color, is relegated to just being a mechanical representation? I could start a whole conspiracy theory about this…
But, I won’t.
There are enough REAL conspiracies out there, in the REAL world, to make any conspiracy about the intention of the writers for TSTO seem trivial. I mean…HOLYFREAKINSHIRT! There’s a Pandemic Goin’ On Out There!!!
Forget about not having enough donuts to rush the event…there is a widespread shortage on TOILET PAPER in the real world!!!! Toilet paper!!!
So…as I write this, the whole world is telling you to buckle up, stay inside, and stop gathering in places with lots of people. They are cancelling concert events, playoffs, seminars, church services, and university and community school classes, along with untold profits in the stock market.
But, WE ARE AHEAD OF THE PANIC!!! We have a plan to get through all of this…
After all…Tapping by it’s very nature is the kind of “group activity” that is perfect for a pandemic! You don’t really see or touch anyone! There is no real food involved, as the donuts are all virtual! And the best news, is that it doesn’t take single piece of toilet paper to accomplish your goals, no matter how many virtual donuts you consume!
Which is a good thing…because there is no toilet paper to be had!
But, that isn’t to say that you shouldn’t exert the utmost of caution in your tapping!
Here are some TIPS to SAFE TAPPING During the PANDEMIC!!!
1. Wash your hands. This is just common sense. After all, nobody knows where in the heck your hands of been. Right? They recommend that you wash your hands for at LEAST 20 seconds, several times a day. For those of you who have a problem imagining 20 seconds, it is about the length of time it takes for your game to get the “Bart Screen of Death” while trying to collect donuts from KEM or Rat Truck Truck farming.
2. Clean your padular device with antiseptic wipes, or a mild alcohol swab. It has just been released that to kill the Coronavirus, wipes with bleach do not work. Those only kill bacteria, and Covid-19 is a virus. So…you need wipes that have alcohol in them…like a light wipe with Purell. Of course, the fact that you can’t find Purell for less than $970 a bottle because of a shortage, and online price gouging, may cause you to look for other solutions.
Why do you need to clean your padular devices?
Because…they are NASTY Petri Dishes for germs!!
According to many experts in this article, there are as many as 2500 bacterial germs per square inch on your screen. So those of us with big phones (and yes…size does matter when it comes to phones), have anywhere between 175,000 and 250,000 bacteria on the average Plus-size screen!
I do NOT recommend using infused vodka, unless you are trying to give yourself an internal alcohol cleans. It turns out that flavor-infused alcohol, while very tasty, is also very sticky, and may in fact gum up your padular device’s keys. Which will lead you to needing those Purell wipes…which you can’t get. So, I repeat…do not use vodka on your phone, only in your drink of choice, as you await the coming Zombie apocalypse. NOTE: Rumor has it, that the zombies will no longer be seeking brains, but will be searching for toilet paper.
3. If you can’t afford Purell, (and who can these days, after the stock market just tanked?), there are a couple of lower priced options for you.
a. You might want to do your tapping with a bit of a plastic barrier between you and your screen. Simple sandwich bags, or freezer bags for larger devices work great! For whatever reason, they are still readily available at the store (until people see this article and start hoarding them).
I found that a standard sandwich bag was not big enough for my iPhone 8+…so I opted for a One Gallon Freezer Bag. This is also adequate for most padular devices.
b. You might want to just use a pair of those cheap latex gloves they sell by the box-load online. The plus side of buying large quantities of rubber gloves, is that they are extremely handy (get it? handy? hahaha) for other types of play, which are too personal to go into on a family site.
But, we are also being asked to cough and sneeze into our elbow…which I find really odd, as they are also asking us to do our “hand shake alternative” as an “ElBump,” basically bumping elbows in a weird “I see you…I’m not really going to block you like a downfield linbacker on a kickoff…I’m just saying hello!” kind of thing.
But, that makes for a ton of runny, sloppy, sleeves that most likely have WAY more germs per square inch than our padular devices. For this reason, I wrap my arms in garbage bags and tape them off with duct tape. That makes for Extra Safe tapping when combined with the latex gloves!
I tried this combination by upping the protection to a sturdy pair of work gloves. While it certainly made me feel safer (especially from slivers, or cuts from sharp shards of metal) it did not allow me to make enough contact with the screen, to actually Tap in my game!
But with the shortage of toilet paper (pictured below) , hand cleanliness is only part of the problem. If there is no toilet paper (and apparently there isn’t). we need to address other areas of Tapping Cleanliness.
So…knowing that a shortage of Toilet Paper is going to create sanitation problems in your nether region, I knew that I had to test my other concepts in the most logical place to get clean…the SHOWER!
The garbage bag, rubber glove, freezer bag method, proved exceptionally successful. I was able to keep my phone in full, waterproof, tapping mode, while uncovering my nether regions and man-parts to the cleansing cascade of hot water! Now…if someone would invent a Vodka on a Rope shower accessory, I’d be completely ready for the coming Pandemic and resulting Zombie Apocalypse.
Successful Safe Tapping for Any Impending or Current Pandemic!
I hope you are all staying safe, and warm, and dry, and coronavirus free! It’s gonna get weirder before it gets better…and let’s not forget that it’s also an election year!
But, let’s not forget the Simpson’s ability to predict the future… dum,dum, duuuuuuuuuuum…
I may just stock up on rubber gloves and vodka…and call it good.
Great article. Thanks for the laughs brought to our virtual community!
Ha! I’m laughing at all of the toilet paper fights in the supermarket. Who needs toilet paper? I’ve got a Japanese Toilet. It’s a car wash for your butt. Even Homer likes them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QecplAPd-K4
I just love all the misinformation on the Interwebs about how to deal with the virus. My personal favourite is to drink bleach. I think that it’s a great idea, for those who want to do it. It’s called “thinning the herd”, and we needs lots more of it!
Great thread.
How much TP do people need for two weeks of self-isolation? This virus doesn’t even have THAT as a symptom. In my area, bottled water is in demand (even though our taps still work fine), pasta is gone (sooo many carbs), coffee (ok, I get that one)….people are freaking out.
Best of luck everyone. I hope we all get through this insanity. May you have patience and common sense in these strange times.
The problem is not two weeks of self isolation but a couple of months. You have possible supply chain problems. The raw materials, manufacturers, the truckers/shippers, retailers. Each can be affected by limited workers. Then you don’t know if your area will get less attention than others.
Water is necessary and you never know when a main breaks or if there are not enough workers at the water plant. Plus if you do go out you don’t want to use the water fountain. Pasta is good, it is cheap, filling and last a long time (so you can use it in your regular meals after the crisis is over). Plus you can cook it with a sterno if the power goes off. (You never know when a storm might knock out power for a couple of weeks). Toilet paper is being used to make masks (don’t thing it will really help). Look for canned soups, peanut butter, crackers, and other long lasting items to be cleared out. Also a limited amount perishable items of fruits and vegetables.
Funny. But I thought he was clone not an android.
Epic sarcasm. Love it. I like how initially you were somewhat common sense serious then took it to another whole level. I can totally see a Southpark episode like this. Oh wait what website am I on..?
Well…that’s kind of how I am about the whole thing. I started off taking it seriously…but then find myself being entertained by the pandemonium. I had a really bad case of flu over the holidays. All of the same symptoms…and I kicked it in a week…and I’m OLD!!!
I would think at a time where a 5 second google search would show that in Italy (which has more hospital beds than we do), doctors are currently so overwhelmed that they are turning away elderly patients because they are just going to do die anyway and need to treat someone healthier, and stories are emerging of people being quarantined with the corpses of their loved ones for days, this type of post may come across as stunningly lacking in self awareness.
But hey man, you got a similar virus with a significantly smaller mortality rate that’s less contagious and didn’t require more serious treatment. Glad it worked out for ya.
Oh my goodness, best Friday Filler of ALL Time!!!
❤️ 😉
Lol! Thanks. I typed it wearing work gloves. Took a looooong time.
well… i would like to share my tips to prepare for this pandemic..
1st – make sure you have a current paid GOLD XBOX account..
2nd – make sure to have your TSTO game nearby..
3rd – get liquor plenty of liquor ….
And finally, kill the spider that’s crawling in your shoulder… 😛
Ha! I’d never kill Boris…as a spider, he’s pretty chill.
Before the downfall of humanity and if I survive I will post on this site my survival and exploits to you, the tsto community, I wish you all well and hope you, we, all, anyone survives the downfall of humanity, ggtth
I Can handle the end of NBA. The seats is too damn long anyway. But when they canceled the golf tournaments and March madness… Well that’s crazy. Oh and hockey… I forgot about hockey. But then again I always forget about hockey.
Vodka cleanse…sounds good, vodka in the shower…even better. Too funny.
Voka everywhere sounds delicious… 🙂
VoDka*** edit.
Have another!
right!?!?!?!?
So far it’s just the toilet paper and bottled water that are in short supply, but when the booze runs out, you really know the end is near. As long as I can still make potato vodka in the bathtub, I’ll be just fine.
Thanks…I fo7nd the rubber gloves helpful in clutching the bottle.
So my kids officially are off til the 6th and 13th. One hell of a spring break. God help us all.
I finally got the official network to watch the Cubs!…too bad baseball won’t be on for a while….
Was suppose to see Gabriel Iglesias tomorrow night. Also not happening.
But we are all healthy! So we got that going fir us! Stay safe! Wash those damn hands! ❤❤❤😷👏👏👏
They closed our office for three weeks, so of course I went in today. Light traffic due to the schools being closed, nobody around to bother me. It was great!
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-nerds-wake-up-in-utopia-where-everyone-stays-inside-sports-canceled-social-interaction-forbidden
Sooooooo many cancellations… I’m guessing Netflix stock is booming.
I’m buying airline stocks…some good buys out there, But still, wishing everyone health and wellness. Ok, going to pour another Vodka.
Just had one myself…what I call the Walmart Martini. They sell this super cheap sparkling water called “clear.” Nothing forboding about that. Add some (a lot) New Amsterdam infused vodka, in a 32 oz tumbler…BOOM! You stop caring about Clovid-19.
Here in South Texas the stores are pretty much empty of everything! It’s getting a bit too crazy for me. And that was before we even got one positive case.
As of always loved your post .
I was sick with the flu or something unlike I’ve never had before .
I’m feeling better but I still don’t have no appetite .
As far as the zombies go they walk among us already .
See ya bye. 👽
Take care of yourself!!! We don’t want a REAL Bye Bye from you!
Since everything seems to be closing down anyway, this might be a good time for a mini event. Lol
Yes, Pleeeaaaase EA! No better time to bring disgruntled Tappers back into the fold than to drop a Real Good Event while we’re all stuck at home.
I never ever thought here in Las Vegas things would come to a full stop (no hockey games, no live artist residencies, no buffets) ….. and I never ever thought I’d be paid to stay home (actually? I’ve been going into work training on how to use thermal cameras – because that’s how Guests are being checked for if they’re infected , or not!) 🤷🏼♂️
So, no St Patrick’s Day Parade, no trips to Walmart (I ordered anything we would need on Amazon prime last month), no Disneyland (or Universal Studios), but we’re using plenty of anti bacterial / viral hand wipes (who would’ve thought the same idea sold to parental units of diapered babies would be the “go to” item during an epidemic – in a more effective variety on hands and smartphones!) 🤔
Happy Tapping and stay germ free 👍🏻
Crazy…just a bunch of machines blinking in an empty room…
Ha ha, good post again. I think some folks are taking your tips too seriously though. Come on guys it’s Patric’s Friday spin on things, have a laugh.
On a serious note though I wish anyone who has this virus a speedy recovery.
This is the first time anyone has taken me seriously… seriously!
Awesome post! So no toilet paper at Sav-Mart, Dari-Mart or other stores that seem to only exist in Oregon?
I just ordered some online from walmart pickup. But the earliest slot for pickup was SUNDAY at 5p. Apparently there is absolutely mayhem at the stores today…
I haven’t check d Dari-mart yet… but even in good times, TP is like $6 a roll there. So…no. I’ll shower…thanks.
Me and my friend were supposed to be going on a 2 week holiday to Tokyo next week as you can imagine those plans got cancelled rather quickly thankfully we were able to get all of our money refunded.
Glad to hear it! I have loads of friends who weren’t so lucky with “Discount package travel deals” abroad. And my friend who is a travel agent is near suicidal…all she is doing is unwinding deals. No money in that.
I have 2 friends who insisted on going on their annual 2 week cruise no matter what. They dock back in Miami tomorrow night. Hubby and I have been making bets on whether or not they will be allowed to leave the Pandemic Princess or not. I say no way. Even if they didn’t catch anything (hopefully not), one of their fellow hostages, er I mean passengers, probably has. Let the quarantine commence! You would think they had more sense. They are both in their late 70s (a dangerous age for this virus), and she is a nurse, and he is a professor of microbiology.
Friend of mine boarded a small ship cruise and then the cruise line told them they didn’t have permission to dock at any of the scheduled ports so turned it around after three days circling ar sea. At least no one (known) got sick and they weren’t quarantined.
I don’t know where you’re getting your information from, but the CDC is very much still recommending the use of diluted bleach: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/home/cleaning-disinfection.html
Also, the plastic baggie solution (if you were being serious) is only helpful if you’re constantly replacing the plastic bag….otherwise, it will get just as get germ-filled as the screen itself would. If you wash your hands anytime after they’ve come into contact with something from the outside (like mail or if you’ve been out) and you don’t share your padular device with anyone else, then, in terms of coronavirus, I’m not sure why it would need more than the occasional cleaning, in terms of avoiding COVID-19, but maybe I’m missing something (other than, of course, washing your hands after using the bathroom and before using your device, as well)?
Yes
The joke being we’re living in a time when a virus has everyone on edge (or staying at home – if ill OR work has told you to). Cities are at a full stop, theme parks are empty …. and those things the CDC recommended are in short supply (not to mention the elderly aren’t being helped by this at all) –
CDC recommends washing hands with soap and water whenever possible because handwashing reduces the amounts of all types of germs and chemicals on hands. But if soap and water are not available, using a hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol can help you avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others (ok hand wipes, I mentioned them, find those they are anti bacterial anti virus and you’ll be fine)👍🏻
Here’s hoping Bob (or Barb) at EA’s TSTO feel stays germ free! 😂
Holyfreakinshirt!!!!!!!!!!!! I can always rely on you to take what was written as a spoof…as a literal guide to health tips. You REALLY need to do an internal vodka cleanse. Please stop.
How about everyone stops? Let’s try a little kindness.
That would be nice, but it ain’t gonna happen, especially if conditions get a lot worse. Human nature prioritizes survival over kindness. If things get worse, you will see the sweet old lady from down the street sucker punch a fellow shopper to get the last can of soup.
That said, I don’t think the authorities who tell the public not to hoard really understand why people are doing it. My guess is that people are not hoarding because they are afraid that common items will stop being available. They are hoarding because they are afraid that they may be prevented from leaving their homes to get supplies, either because they will be sick, or because the authorities will institute a large scale quarantine. Hence the toilet paper hoarding. You can always drink tap water, and it would take weeks to starve to death (a lot longer for many of us 🤣), but life without TP gets miserable fast!
Yes but how much toilet paper do you need? 1 pack from Costco lasts my family 6 months, do you really need 5 packs?!
I wouldn’t be surprised if people buying multiple packs at Costco are buying for friends and family who don’t share a household.
Possible. It highly unlikely. Sorry. But we are seeing the worst of human nature coming out these days.
You’re absolutely right that people are buying too much. Part of that is the uncertainty of how long this will last. If I’m quarantined, will it be for 2 weeks, or a month? Things are still getting worse, not better, so the standard 2 weeks for a sick or exposed person may not apply. Plus, it’s a vicious circle: someone who may not have needed a certain item for another 2 weeks sees it being sold out, and thinks they had better get some now while they still can. So the panic hoarders turn the rest of us into reluctant over-stockers. And round it goes.
Well…this is really an age thing. From what is being reported, in GENERAL, the younger you are, the lesser the symptoms. That of course is mitigated by underlying health conditions. But…if you are older, and more frail, you have to be more careful. Just like the flu.
I just saw on the news that in the U.K., the Health Secretary will soon announce a date when people over the age of 70, and those with serious health conditions should go into self quarantine for four months. FOUR MONTHS! That’s bad enough if you have family who can shop for you, and drop supplies off at your doorstep, but what if you don’t? I’m nowhere near 70, and I don’t live in the U.K., but if I knew I had to isolate myself for that long, you had better believe I would hoard! I would go shopping in a rented moving van, with a fistful of credit cards in one hand, and brass knuckles in the other. Gives new meaning to the term “The Hunger Games”.
It has begun to get nuts… no wait. It IS nuts.
We are down to a paquet each now Down Under. 2 packs of rice, 2 packs of pasta. I wonder if it’s my fault! I a, the one who wrote to our prime Minister and member of parliament. So many are missing out, it’s about time they ration people.
Keep healthy and safe all over the world. If we become isolated at home, more time for donut farming!
We can all finally get to binge watch what we never had the free time for (air purifier on full blast!) 👍🏻
You guys are getting hammered over there… stay safe!
Sooo… ummmm… stupid question of the day: are you trying to troll the sci-fi geeks, or do you really not know the difference between a clone and an android? Because Zia said that she cloned him…
Post 2019, Virgil Simpson could be considered a Replicant 😉👉🏻
No…I guess I just don’t care…but, sure. We’ll go with the fact that she was able to clone someone into a 55 year old guy. Cloning only gives you a new BABY with the same genetics. Sorry…but SCIENCE and the storyline wouldn’t allow a clone to appear as an adult.
Who said anything about science? This is The Simpsons we’re talkin’ about! lol!
Right…so it COULD be a cloned android!
Okay – I get to eat crow, and thought you’d be amused to hear about it: My wife and I recently started binging Stargate SG1 on Prime, and season 1 episode 18 fits the bill far too closely. The episode is appropriately titled “Tin Man”, and basically involves… cloned androids. 😀
Very funny, everything is closing in Europe, so joke around.
The U.S. will get his share of the problems too.
Someone’s low on humour and/or vodka. There are plenty of things being closed and postponed in North America as well. Personally I think the media is having a great time making a mountain out of a grain of rice. Unless you have a compromised immune system or are elderly the “coronavirus” is no more dangerous than the flu.
~MIB🕶️
More misinformation. Covid-19 is ten times deadlier than the flu. It’s also faster spreading, as no one has built up immunity to it and there are no vaccines available for it yet. And, while healthy younger people are not at great personal risk for more than an uncomfortable experience, they’re still a major vector for spreading the disease to older and/or compromised people. If you have relatives or friends over 60, you should definitely be concerned for their well-being (or even if you just care about those citizens from a more altruistic perspective). It sounds like you’re getting you information from Fox News (or similar outlet), as opposed to from the CDC and general medical community.
Ok. Let’s all pump the brakes before this turns into a fight worse than Walmart on Black Friday. You’re both right in your statements. And you’re both saying the same thing. Just saying it differently.
Before we start throwing out stats, let’s just take a step back and breathe. Be smart. Don’t panic. And wait for the final assessments to come in. When all is said and done, once you take China’s numbers out of it…because those are unreliable..it’s possible this thing could be no worse than the flu. Or it could be worse than the flu. You won’t know until the numbers are fully extrapolated.
Plenty of diseases have circulated that were worse than this in recent memory (H1N1, Ebola, SARS…etc). So lets all wait, stop hoarding toilet paper, and see what happens. Wash your hands. Stay away from elderly friends and family. Stop playing politics and just be kind to each other.
They just had a Debbie Downer segment on SNL this past week. I thought of you.
Overthinking…the art of creating problems that we’re even there.
Not sure how correcting dangerously wrong misinformation (the bleach thing and the “it’s no worse than flu” thing) makes me a Debby Downer, but I can always count on you to go in for cheap personal insults. Just stop.
k enough guys.
That’s me…cheap and personal. Nailed it!
Just keep in mind that they don’t know how many people are infected, so the “rate” is high. It is possible that number of infected is 100 times higher than currently known. There are a lot of people infected that, if not tested, would have thought they had a mild cold or flu. My guess there are a lot of children out there who are infected and don’t know it. It only when it hits a vulnerable person that it becomes serious. It may be less dangerous then the standard flu or cold, but because there is no “herd” immunity it is more likely to find the vulnerable. Keeping people out of events may allow the virus to spread at a rate the medical systems can handle.
Mr. Black, I worked for a global network for 25 years. I can assure you that we didn’t hype stories. In fact, during 911, we were instructed by upper management to be careful how we chose our words. No network wants to cause panic, and no network wants to be responsible for crashing the stock market. Do you think we hired crisis actors in Italy, South Korea, and China?
I think people have the illusion of media hype because there are so many 24 hour a day TV and radio stations, as well as newspapers online, Twitter feeds, etc. We are bombarded with news and it can become sensory overload.
Oh trust me! The U.S. isn’t enjoying the fact we have no NBA, NHL, etc …. nor do we have easy access to CDC suggested items to help thwart the spread of this virus ….. clubs, buffets, or other places for entertainment are closed ….. some of us do get to take a long paid leave from work (imagine having all that free time but nothing to do except keep your household clean and tap on TSTO)😂 👉🏻
No, we are just trying to stay sane. I have some good friends who live in Italy, so nothing but warm wishes for good health.
Haha soooo funny, was joking about the toilet roll shortage with my wife and next thing there’s 48 loo rolls in the toilet, time for a vindaloo lol, hope for a st Patricks day event soon unless that’s been cancelled as well, borders being closed everywhere and not a zombie in sight, take care and wash those hands lol
Any guidelines to protect your 401k??😳😳😳. 😊
It’ll come back. The important thing is not to panic. Panic selling screws the little guy and benefits those with boatloads of cash that can buy up the stocks cheaply, and reap the benefits when they shoot back up.
Personally, I’m kind of hoping we’re just about near the bottom. I want to grab some more stocks while they’re low again.
I’ve read, as long as you’re not really close to retirement, that this economic downturn is good for retirement accounts. This is because your contributions from each paycheck are now buying more shares of whatever you’re buying. So, when the market goes back up, which I would say there is a good chance it will, you will benefit because of the increased shares you are buying now.
I do feel bad for people that are retiring soon, though. My father was going to retire in about a year, but he has lost a good amount of money in his retirement account. So I am so sure that will happen now. But it is a wait and see game. No need to panic yey, especially if you’re years away from retirement.
Yes. Diversify. You don’t want much in open market risky stocks…unless you can afford to lose it. Don’t treat your retirement fund like a trip to Vegas or Atlantic City.
Do nothing during a panic. Invest regularly as part of a dollar cost averaging strategy (that way you buy more shares when the price is down). Consider all money invested in the stock market as a “loss,” that way swings will not affect your sleep. Depending on what happens the market may fall further or rebound quickly. Don’t invest any money you will need in 5 years.
Despite Friday’s uptick, short term wild swings in the market are generally done by computers. The 1987 panic recovered in a year.
Vodka will be a necessity if the next event is as dull as the last one. Stay safe out there!
and rum …… yes plenty of rum!😉👍🏻
Agreed! I almost killed that entire bottle in the last one.