No Bucks Given Main Questline Full Dialogue

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Now that the No Bucks Given event is officially in its final days…ends Wednesday at 10am…it’s time to take a look back at the dialogue of this event!  Just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

No Bucks Given Intro
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Kent Brockman: Welcome to Isotopes Stadium for the opening day of baseball!
Lisa: I hope this is the year the Isotopes finally win a World Series!
Homer: With Buck Mitchell in the lineup, we won’t lose a single game!
Kent Brockman: Sadly the Isotopes will be without star slugger, Buck Mitchell, who is facing the proverbial “changeup” of marriage: divorce.
Homer: Buck and pop superstar Tabitha Vixx are divorcing?!
Marge: How could our unlicensed marriage counseling not keep them together?
Homer: I’m going straight to the opening day of divorce court!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Hot dogs! Ten-dollar hot dogs!
Homer: And you and your hot dogs are coming with me!
Make Homer Rush to Divorce Court- 6s
Make Marge Try to Stop Homer- 6s
Marge: Bart, you and Lisa wait here so I can stop your father from stopping that divorce!
Kent Brockman: Smack on that lip balm because it’s time for the “KISS CAM”!
Bart: Moe and Lunchlady Dora?! The Van Houtens?! Skinner and his mom?! Oh no…
Bart And Lisa: Us!
Lisa: Ew! Ew! Mom, wait! We’re coming with you!

No Bucks Given Pt. 1
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Blue Haired Lawyer: And that’s why my client wants to split everything down the middle, equally.
Judge Snyder: Sounds good to me. Well, if anyone objects to this divorce let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
Homer: I, Homer Simpson, OBJECT!
Tabitha Vixx: Here to offer more sage marital advice, Homer?
Homer: I also OBJECT to your sarcastic tone! You two belong together. True love and the Isotopes’ season depend on it!
Buck Mitchell: Homer, getting divorced doesn’t stop me from playing baseball.
Homer: *chewing noise*
Buck Mitchell: Are you eating a hot dog?
Judge Snyder: Ooh, I’ll take one. No relish.
Make Homer Object Again to Buck and Tabitha’s Divorce- 4hrs
Make Judge Snyder Postpone Buck and Tabitha’s Divorce- 4hrs
Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets- x200.
Judge Snyder: I’m putting an immediate thirty day hold on your divorce! You are hereby… still married!
Buck Mitchell: All ’cause some mustard-covered jerk said “I object”?
Judge Snyder: Springfield law is clear: “If a shout causes doubt, you must hear them out”.
Tabitha Vixx: This is crazy! Mr. Lawyer Guy, aren’t you going to do anything?!
Blue Haired Lawyer: Judge’s orders. We’ll just have to reconvene next month.
Tabitha Vixx: But how can I re-learn all my song lyrics before Homerpalooza if Buck is filling my head with boring baseball words?
Buck Mitchell: As if your songs are so complex?
Tabitha Vixx: I wrote “Trouble-istic” and it went platinum faster than you can swing a bat!
Homer: Hmm, can I “un-object” to this divorce?
Buck Mitchell: Shut up, Homer!

No Bucks Given Pt. 2
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Buck Mitchell: Look, you guys helped us rediscover our love, but since then we’ve been more miserable than your average Mets fan.
Tabitha Vixx: Buck and I love each other, it’s true. But maybe love isn’t everything.
Marge: Take that back! I know Homer and I weren’t the best unlicensed marriage counselors in the world–
Buck Mitchell: All Homer did was put on glasses, nod, and pretend to write things down in that notebook.
Homer: I was playing tic-tac-toe against myself.
Marge: And sure, it was wrong that Homer legally objected to your divorce. But now the court is giving you one more marital at-bat. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit a home run this time?
Tabitha Vixx: Seems unlikely.
Homer: Wait! I know the perfect place for you to overcome all the obstacles of marriage. The Springfield Ninja Conqueror Course!
Make Homer Attempt Obstacle Course- 4hrs
Make Marge Attempt Obstacle Course- 4hrs
Make Tabitha Vixx Attempt Obstacle Course- 4hrs
Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets- x200.
Kent Brockman: Welcome to Springfield Ninja Conqueror: #ConqueringLoveEdition. Here’s our first Ninja, Homer Simpson. All he has to do is leap from each floating heart and cross to the other side…Oh no! Homer’s weight has submerged the step, which is now spring-loaded! He’s just launched himself over the course and straight into a parked car!
Marge: My station wagon!
Kent Brockman: Next up, popstar sensation Tabitha Vixx on the Salmon Ladder.
Buck Mitchell: Tabitha, you’re supposed to climb with the pole, not dance on the pole!
Kent Brockman: And the judges give it a perfect ten. Tabitha Vixx is the Ninja Conqueror… and five hundred thousand dollar GRAND PRIZE winner!
Buck Mitchell: Half of that is mine!

No Bucks Given Pt. 3
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Judge Snyder: Since you both agreed to split that extra five hundred thousand dollars in prize money, you’re hereby officially divorced!
Buck Mitchell: Because of you, Homer, we’re happily divorced and even richer than we were before!
Tabitha Vixx: I invested my grand prize money in concert teleprompter technology. Now that I know my own lyrics, my tour’s sold out worldwide!
Homer: So everybody’s happy. Tic, tac, toe — I win!
Marge: I’m not happy! You spend so much time trying to fix other people’s marriages that you’ve neglected your own.
Homer: But we counseled them together — we were a team!
Blue Haired Lawyer: My client will only accept further communication in writing.
Homer: Your client?
Marge: If Buck and Tabitha are happier divorced, maybe we would be too. I’m moving out!
Homer: Not if I move out first!
Marge: Fine, you move out.
Homer: D’oh!
Make Bart Appeal to Buck and Tabitha for Help- 4hrs
Make Lisa Appeal to Buck and Tabitha for Help- 4hrs
Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets- x200.
Bart: Dad? I thought Mom kicked you out?!
Homer: She did, but I’m taking the fridge. Most of the stuff in there is mine anyway.
Buck Mitchell: Hey, Homer. Need a hand with that fridge?
Homer: Buzz off, you steroid hall-of-fame asterisk!
Buck Mitchell: Whoa, what’s with your dad?
Bart: When he tried to save your marriage, it destroyed his. He probably blames you or something.
Buck Mitchell: That’s awful! I’m sure if I talk to him, I can get him to win your mom back.
Tabitha Vixx: And I’ll talk to Marge. Just because Buck and I are happily divorced doesn’t mean it’s something everyone should do.
Kirk: Luann and I are getting divorced, so I wanted to see if Homer’d go splitsies with me on a bachelor pad.

No Bucks Given Pt. 4
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Buck Mitchell: Okay Homer, to win Marge back I’m gonna teach you the most important skill in baseball: reading pitches. Now, you’re the batter. If you know what the next pitch is going to be, then you’ll know where to swing.
Homer: Isn’t that how the Astros and Red Sox cheated to win the World Series?
Buck Mitchell: Yes, but I’m teaching you how to read pitches the old-fashioned way: with your eyes.
Homer: I just don’t get how this makes Marge like me again.
Buck Mitchell: Homer, if you’re better at reading and understanding what Marge wants, then maybe you’ll figure out how you can save your marriage.
Homer: Oh, I get it! It’s like a metaphor!
Make Homer Attempt Impressive Baseball Feats- 4hrs
Make Marge Attempt Suggestive Dance Moves- 4hrs
Make Tabitha Vixx Coach Marge- 4hrs
Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets- x200.
Marge: Homer, our marriage is on the brink and you’re playing a game of catch?!
Homer: Buck said learning to read pitches will make me a better listener or something? Is that what you said–?
Tabitha Vixx: Really, Buck? Baseball is your answer to everything. You should diversify!
Buck Mitchell: Well, sexy dancing is your answer to everything! Maybe you should practice singing instead of just Auto-Tuning everything!
Tabitha Vixx: I’m so relieved I’m not married to you anymore!
Buck Mitchell: Me too! I’d rather play for the Marlins than see your sexy dancing ever again!
Homer: Are you guys flirting or something?

No Bucks Given Pt. 5
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Tabitha Vixx: I still have feelings for you Buck. Maybe we rushed our divorce?
Buck Mitchell: I agree. Let’s get remarried!
Tabitha Vixx: This is like déjà vu all over again… I’m in! *making out noises*
Homer: Aw, divorces not lasting are so romantic.
Marge: You know, Homie, maybe we should also get back together.
Homer: Maybe if we renewed our vows, I could express my love for you better.
Marge: Oh, Homie, that’s all I ever wanted.
Make Homer Renew His Vows- 4hrs
Make Marge Renew Her Vows- 4hrs
Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets- x200.
Homer: I’m sorry. I got so caught up in Tabitha and Buck’s divorce that I neglected our own marriage.
Marge: Oh Homie, renewing our vows was such a wonderful idea!
Homer: So now can I move back into the house?
Marge: Of course, Homie.
Homer: Hey Kirk! I’m canceling my deposit on the bachelor pad!
Kirk: Man, I just bought us matching cigar jackets.

No Bucks Given Outro
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Homer: Ugh, it’s you guys again…
Tabitha Vixx: We’d just like to thank you and Marge for helping us realize we’re better off married.
Buck Mitchell: Yeah, you’ve taught us that no matter how crazy you make each other feel, it’s always less crazy than the prospect of going it alone.
Homer: That’s sort of depressing.
Tabitha Vixx:  Are you saying you’re just with me because you’re scared to be alone…
Homer: Marge, quick! Shut the door before they get divorced again!
Tabitha Vixx: Wait, Buck’s right. Maybe the secret to marriage is accepting that you’ll never do better.
Marge: Duh! Everyone knows that. *shuts door*
Make Buck Mitchell Get Remarried to Tabitha Vixx- 4hrs
Make Tabitha Vixx Get Remarried to Buck Mitchell- 4hrs
Make Homer Attend Buck and Tabitha’s Second Wedding- 4hrs
Make Marge Attend Buck and Tabitha’s Second Wedding- 4hrs
Lisa: You really scared me, Mom. I thought you were divorcing Dad for good.
Marge: No, your father and I are stronger than ever!
Bart: Then why is the fatso crying?
Homer: Because now that Tabitha and Buck are back together, Buck’s lost his baseball mojo!

And that’s it my friends!  What are your thoughts on the questline?  Dialogue? Thoughts on the mini-event?  Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!