Friday Filler – EA Confidential – Story of Bob- Final Reconning

Thank Grog It’s Firday!

OK…I KNOW that right off the top, many of you think that I misspelled reckoning.  But, I didn’t…because I chose to use a word that sounds like something, but can mean a whole lot of other things.

In this case, we are going to “recon” the “Tale of Bob,” to do our best to poke any holes in the logic, divulge any hints or tips about the future of the game, and otherwise, bring this tawdry (and Lemon Drop Soaked) tale to a conclusion. Mostly.

There’s that word again.  “Mostly.”  Like mostly dead…or mostly true. I have to admit, I love when a word says so much, without saying anything specific.  There are LOADS of words like that…which we’ll get to in a bit.  But, for now…let’s just concentrate on the word, “mostly.”  Let’s do so, with a little “recon.”
“Recon” is short for reconnoiter. It is defined as a verb, meaning to “Inspect, observe or survey, in order to gain information.”

“Mostly,” is defined as “for the most part,” and “generally.”  Which in the case of my use of the term, means…well…MOSTLY true. As in, everything you have read thus far about “Bob,” and his mighty band of cohorts, COULD be true, as it makes as much sense as what may actually be going on with “Bob.” But, let’s face it…”Bob” has never really been very real with us from the start.

Let’s break down how this would have to work…and then we’ll jump to some clues as to how it is most likely actually working, as revealed by evidence of the most recent MINI-EVENT.  Yes…there were clues there as well.

So….to put all of the pieces together, of the puzzle I left you with in the last post, there are loads of moving parts that had to happen for this to work. But, let’s start with the facts.

1. The game suffered a huge LULL last year, around the same time that Disney acquired the Simpsons.  EA got shut out of the profits of this sale, but retained the rights to TSTO, which is why we are still playing it. Mostly.
2. EA put almost all of their resources into other games, with a load of new releases coming out, while any real new features or significant programming updates for TSTO went by the wayside.
3. There is in fact an EA/TSTO programmer who met my daughter, and follows our blogs carefully.
4. Matt Groening is still involved with the game, at least to the point of doing the primary opening screens…but, clearly doesn’t play the game, or likely follow its process. He just does the part he likes…the art.
5. In order for “Bob” to take the game “offline” while keeping it “online,” he would have to be able to access the original programming, even perhaps physically, by finding a remote store-room “hidey-hole” with computer access, that allowed him to gain access to the two root servers, to upload the new stories (provided by one of the unnamed Simpsons writers), the artwork (provided by one of the unnamed Simpsons artists), which could only happen if he was able to get by the security guard (also unnamed), and then re-channel any of the income derived from continued donut sales, to another account, with the help of an unnamed EA accounting person…all seamlessly…with the tacit approval of “the Owner,” who in this case is Matt Groening. Mostly.

I could go on and on and on with the details of how this could happen.  But, frankly, some of the replies and comments that were posted scared me to death. It became obvious to me, that NOTHING is obvious to some people. As it turns out, there are clearly some who are “literalists” who believe anything written on the internet.   So any further explanation of how gullible people are is not necessary. But, I digress….

Here’s the deal folks…This is NOT the first time I have written EA Confidential posts. Not by a long shot. Remember the “True story of Chester Dupree?”  Remember the long, extended tale of “Jeanine?”

For the love of God people! If you think that I was rude to “Bob” by throwing a Lemon Drop in his face…you don’t remember that Jeanine was held captive…for MONTHS…in a storage room off of the office of the “Executive Premium Product Manager.”

The difference of course, is that those tales were outlandish, with almost no references to anything real. The “Tale of Bob,” has just enough truth in it, that many apparently WANT to believe it.

And that my friends, sums up what is wrong with the world today. Far too many people, believe things that they know aren’t likely, but because of their own fears,  or dissatisfaction, choose to let “mostly” become “fact.”  But, of course, “mostly” is never fact. Something is either real…the truth…or not. But that doesn’t stop loads of “influencers” from spinning their own versions of “the truth,” while making millions off of the disinformation to gullible folks willing to buy their products. THAT is a fact.

So…why would I go down this path?  There are several reasons.
1. Writing about the game is as boring as playing the game these days.
2. The world is on fire…and I needed a diversion, hoping that you did too.
3. There are so many things pointing toward the game being on its last legs, that I wanted to posit a story that was more entertaining than the reality that EA pretty much doesn’t care anymore (for reasons that should be obvious in that last EA financial statement).
4. I really just had fun. So shoot me.

I have stated load of times, in no uncertain terms, that I only continue to write for this blog, out of loyalty to Alissa, and more to the point, because many of you have supported the work we do for the Rural school in Buyijja, Uganda.  As with the rest of the world, the school is currently shut down, and conditions in the rural villages are dire.  But, until we can actually get “boots on the ground” to do some recon (there’s that word again), I can’t in good conscience continue to solicit donations.  We continue to pay our project manager…but he is still pretty much in “lock down” from traveling to the village.

So…I had two choices…stop writing for TSTOAddicts…or write something that I wanted to write…something fun. But, the “literalists,” took the fun out of the fun.

While my story is “mostly” fabricated from bits and pieces of facts, the most recent “Mini-Event” proved that there is still someone at the switch…even if it isn’t “Bob.”  Let’s look at the facts….and pull apart some of what is evident.

1. The dialogue was relatively current…referencing the need to “social distance” and shutting down most major sporting events.  So…someone on the Gracie staff, is still “working it.”
2. The art for the new characters (and another freakin’ Homer skin) are new.  But, once again…the programming is classic EALPish behavior (a winner’s podium that doesn’t have winners??? Sheesh).
3. Nothing has changed…at all…in the programming.  Same formats. Same gameplay. Same old same old same old.
4. And…a GREAT suggestion about how to deal the impending apocalypse!

So yes…rather than present the truth…that nothing is going to change again, perhaps until they finally pull the plug, we are left knowing that Item Limits and New Land, and anything remotely resembling interesting game play, is NOT going to happen.  As one famous purveyor of “Truthiness” recently said about ongoing disaster, “It is what it is.”

So……that leaves us with the mundane task of trying to make a purse out of a sow’s ear.  I never really understood that aphorism…but, “it is what it is.”

Words. Powerful to entertain, inform, and teach.  But when used to mislead, or confuse or obfuscate (a great word that people should know for these times) they can be downright abusive to common sense. But that would be for the Lizard People of the New World Order to figure out…?

I could go on and on, about my general dismay with the human condition, but instead, would like to challenge you to use some words. Some “old fashioned words,” that sound as fun as their meanings.

Take the words below…and use them all in a short paragraph or two.  I’ll start things off with my own…

Here’s mine…

Frankly, I was flummoxed and flabbergasted that you would pull this sort of malarkey. You young whippersnappers with your fancy thingamajigs, think it is easy to bamboozle an old chunk of pumpernickel like me, into writing one of those posts spewing nothing but gobbledygook!  But, I’m no nincompoop!

You’d think I’d take the easy route, and just use a pencil! But I chose to use that digital whatchamcallit instead, which regrettably got me a bit  discombobulated and created a bit of a kerfuffle!  Well, it turns out part of my distraction, was that the Mrs. had chosen this very moment to canoodle, and any delay when she is “in the mood” can make her more than a tad bit persnickety!

So there I was, like a dingleberry, hanging around at the wrong place and time, doing my best to not get distracted by your shenanigans,  while trying to keep her interest.  I skedaddled right over, pledging to put away this recent challenge for poppycock. But unfortunately, she saw through my ploy, and deemed my advances as a load of codswallop. Another opportunity for romance, purloined by distraction!

I threw in my favorite vocabulary word…purloined…just for good measure.

LET’S SEE YOURS….Have fun with it.  We could use a little fun. Right?

 

57 responses to “Friday Filler – EA Confidential – Story of Bob- Final Reconning

  1. From my thingamajig to yours, Thank you! I knew the outcome of your tale but boy did I have fun reading your tale. It took my mind off of everything going on outside, our household looked forward to the tale regardless of the outcome, as we all knew what was going on with our game we have played for all these years. Thanks for sticking by us when in all reality normally your game just stops working one day with no explanation at least we had fun and learned some things about the game we didn’t know. Thanks again!!

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  2. I will be forever grateful to the Simpsons for adding the word “poindexter” to my vocabulary!

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  3. Dingleberry!! Oh how I miss the shenanigans that Dingleberry George Carlin use to talk about! Those are two of my favourite words! Thanks as always Patric for the entertaining read!! You are appreciated!! Besides every group needs a resident Cranky Old Guy!! Hope everyone is staying healthy and peaceful! Happy Day Friends and Happy Tappin!!

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  4. Great read Patrick.

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  5. In a world where Facebook is news and the president of the USA communicates via twitter there will always be a place for Skyfinger!

    I enjoy your bit of flibbertigibbet and as an grumpy old curmudgeon myself just keep fighting the good fight.

    For evil to triumph it is enough that good men get tired of the nonsense.

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  6. Before 2020,,You realize all you had to do is got to your local English Pub? You can enjoy these words all night. Especially if their was Footy on the Tele 🙂

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  7. I’m flabbergasted that a nincompoop such as yourself has managed to bamboozle us with a story so full of malarkey. It was quite entertaining. What a koinkydink that your daughter really did meet an EA Programmer.

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  8. So as I suspected Patric, at the end of the day & after at least a month of long winded stories, you don’t really know much more than the rest of us.
    Still it kept me amused & certainly had many believing every word.

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    • I do know as much as you do…but unlike many, am willing to pragmatically go with common sense. I did my best to lay out the reasons that TSTO is in the current state of neglect…but it was more fun to lay out a “maybe” than an absolute.

      Facts are rarely entertaining. But I can tell you that some of the weird responses were very entertaining…to me.

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      • Of course as more & more folks leave the game, I think this will be the deciding factor in EA closing it down. Even in the ” bare boned ” state that it’s in at present, i only the hard core faithful are keeping TSTO ticking over.
        Thanks to all who run this site, it’s mainly due to you that I still play myself.

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        • Alissa gets 95% of the “thanks.” Safi and I really should just be known as “contributors.” She is the foundation…the daily glue…and our leader. I barely play the game anymore…because there is so little to do. I usually take one day a week, and play catch up. That’s about it. Not exactly the 24/7 addiction that it used to be in the “good old days.”

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          • Practically the same for me.
            I wouldn’t have dared miss a day in the past. Now I play maybe twice a week, bit more when an event is on.

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  9. Maddiethecool101

    Patrick,
    Please ignore the cockywobble literalists and their balderdash.

    “Creativity is intelligence having fun …… and a Lemon Drop or two”. – A. Einstein

    – Kathy

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  10. Skedaddle, you discombobulated whippersnapper! I’m flabbergasted that that persnickety nincompoop bamboozled you with a load’a malarky and gobbledygook, when any flibbertigibbet with half a whatchamacallit, a dingleberry, would make a codswallop of kerfuffle over the shenanigans that flummoxed ol’ canoodle pulled without any poppycock. What a pumpernickel!

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  11. Wait, this isn’t true? 😂 I was mad you threw the lemon drop, only because it is a clear party foul and a waste of alcohol. 🥃😂

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  12. It has been a great rollercoaster ride Patric, but I’m glad it’s time to get off. This last chapter of the story has helped to confirm something I’ve known all along but could not admit, for reasons too complicated and personal to share and that is, that this game really isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things and that I’ve spent enough hours of my life dedicated to it.
    You never know there might still be a miraculous resurrection of the game and I’ll still show up here from time to time to see if there has. Though traffic to this particular social hub has been pretty light of late, well if numbers of comments are anything to go by.

    So Long and Thanks for all the Fish!😁

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  13. So let me get this straight, Patric fed us a load of poppycock, and tried to bamboozle all of us? I am flabbergasted! Where did you come up with suck malarkey? This kerfuffle has made me so discombobulated now, that my canoodle hurts. Your shenanigans worked, and we all are nincompoops! But, before I go, I just want to say that now that this whippersnapper heard your tale full of gobbledygook, I can emphasize with Daffy Duck as the Scarlet Pumpernickel! Thanks Patric for the story. It was something fun to read!

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  14. I’m glad you had fun Patric spinning your yarn. Simpson’s tapped out and Tapped out Addicts went hand in hand in getting the best play possible. however, I think I’m going to cut back on both as my interest has waned. It has been fun and I’m not leaving completely but I need to pursue other interests.

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  15. Look what came out today!
    https://www.vans.com/shop/the-simpsons-x-vans?icn=landing-page_aem_shop-now
    It’s too bad they are so expensive.

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  16. I was entertained each Friday as you filled our minds with your flapdoodle. (One of my grandmother’s favorites). As I read each post it became obvious to me that it was pure humbuggery. Please continue with your shenanigans, you are a talented writer, and that’s no malarkey!

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  17. I am quite distraught over your words!

    Most importantly, is “Lemon Drop” the real name of the drink that may or may not have been tossed in the direction of “Bob” (not his real name).

    Second and most concerning, you mentioned that people take you too literally, then a few paragraphs later you use the phrase “So shoot me”. Frankly, that would just be wrong for that to happen. I hear the Dr. Fauci is getting death threats, whether these are just idle threats, or actually tangible, that does not matter. It is just simply wrong.

    Something to remember, just because you have the right to do something, does not mean that it is right to do it.

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  18. Before I start, I’ll give you a link to where I found unusual words:
    https://expresswriters.com/34-craziest-words-english/
    (I had to stop before I got to the 17th term)

    I am a little Wabbit, and I’m guessing Patric and readers are as well.
    Sometimes your writing (Patric) is is like a Pandiculation. There are different kinds or readers with different perceptions; some readers think of you as a Taradiddle Flibbertigibbet and feel Sialquent while reading your posts, I’m sure some even get the Collywobbles.
    Do you think the addicts have Abibliophobia?
    I understand that the game has felt all Cattywampus like Widdershins and some players are getting Bumfuzzled.
    You do your best to cut through issues with a Snikersnee. I appreciate the Gardyloo at the beginning of such posts, not all reader heed it.

    You may think smart devices are Gubbins (well maybe in some hands) but it all depends how people use it.

    As far as me and the game, I don’t mind to lollygag as long as new (desired) content still continues to come.

    [hope I used those words right 😅]

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  19. I truly had to let what Patric said last week sink in regarding ‘the slumping profits with mobile game apps’ and it’s 💯 true (remember three years ago at the E3 Convention when Consumers were promised a seamless gaming experience between their consoles and their mobile devices? lol – what a pipe dream!)

    I have already mentioned what a toxic environment the Gaming Industry is, I can also confirm that problem with ‘wage disparity’ , too (using Blizzard / Activision as an example!) and it’s no wonder why EA Bob has to work more than one job with today’s economy –

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-08-03/blizzard-workers-share-salaries-in-revolt-over-wage-disparities

    1. TSTO’s lull last year mirrors the same lull the gaming industry had (even though it generated $150 Billion via consumers!)

    2. There is no longer any profit with The Simpsons for EA post Disney takeover of FOX (if there is? it is very minimal!), but EA still has a contractual obligation (if you want to call it that!)

    3. There is a real EA Bob (who probably needs to leave the Gaming Industry!)

    4. Matt Groening still gets paid by Disney FOX, but I believe he’s more interested with his new contract at Netflix (more freedom!), and probably leaves The Simpsons to be managed by others (can you blame him? he’s an artist!)

    5. A LOT of devoted effort by a small EA contingent ❤️, but it still seems like EA would be fine if TSTO was killed off (less resources spent on keeping it running, said resources go towards new games that generate profit!)

    I’m not going to let this bring me down, I’m going to make like Homer Simpson and enjoy a donut 🍩 (or 2), then partake in obtaining some Simpsons licensed from VAN’s (seeing El Barto on merchandise makes me smile, I see a new pair of black slip-ons in my immediate future!) 😀👍🏻

    https://www.vans.com/shop/the-simpsons-x-vans?icn=landing-page_aem_shop-now

    This is a temporary escape from covid-19 + the terrible Wild 🔥’s that has hit CA NV AZ UT (some are still burning out of control!) What I can’t escape? When Patric takes the time to write something thought-provoking! 😊

    Stay Safe

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  20. Irene García Muelas

    Although mostly mumbo-jumbo, your article is flabbergasting!

    (enough for a non English speaker).

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  21. Gobsmacked

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  22. I’ve stolen too much time from my real work to do your challenge justice, but I honestly was flabberghasted that so many were bamboozled by your poppycock and at how flummoxed and discombobulated they were. I can tell malarky when I see it, but you strung things out enough to make me wonder if I was being too cynical. WELL DONE SIR. This was one of the few fun threads I’ve been reading of late. Thank you for the much-needed distraction.

    PS and what the heck is pumpernickel doing in that list??? 🙂 Now I need to go get a bagel

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  23. You got me there Patric, so true 😂. I’m honestly mortified I took that so literally.. 🤦🏻‍♂️. On another note, It’s great and heartening to hear of the work you and Alissa have done with the school in Buyijja. I hope the situation returns to normal soon. Keep up the great work 👍

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    • Thanks, James. We are hoping for some alternate plans soon. But it will be a couple of weeks before we here anything conclusive.

      And as for your being duped…it appears that it’s human nature to believe in things we want to believe in…even if relatively outlandish. There seems to be evidence,that with the birth of social media and online “news,” people will believe all sorts of crazy stuff. And then defend to the death their right to believe it.

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      • Very true. You’re bang on there. My deepest apologies for misjudging you Patric.. I responded with hysteria and you’re actually quite a gentleman. I very much regret the whole lemon-drop debacle (another great word) but it has at least made me think. Anyways, love this site and all intel you all deliver. Knowing the good you do elsewhere as well is fantastic 👍 👏👏👏

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  24. Hands up, I took your EA Confidential / ‘Bob’ posts as literal. Relieved (and slightly embarrassed, considering how I reacted) to hear the lemon drop shenanigans were codswallop (see what I did there ;)). In my defense, I hadn’t read your earlier, more outlandish posts, and the confidential posts had enough ‘truth’ in there to make the rest seem plausible. I will take your posts with a much bigger pinch of salt on future. I will say this though – I didn’t actually ‘want’ to believe your blog ..it was seemingly, to my mind, presented as fact. I’ve read this site for years but mainly Alissa’s posts, which to my memory are all factual (not satirical) so took your experience with Bob at face value .. and was obviously flabbergasted at the idea of you throwing a drink in a developers face. Relieved to hear that didn’t really happen and I apologize for the way I reacted.

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  25. So what you are saying, Patric, is that the whole “Tale of Bob”, was just some poppycock that you put together to take our minds off all the kerfuffle that is going on out in what people laughingly describe as the “real world” at the moment?

    Well, You haven’t bamboozled me 🙂

    I’m not -quite- enough of a nincompoop to think that the story was nything other than a whole load of codswallop with no solid connection to “reality”.

    But, but, but, like all the best shenanigans, there’s enough plausible things in there to explain the current situation with TSTO, if the exaggeration is turned down a notch!

    I wasn’t in the least bit flummoxed or flabbergasted, but I did enjoy it all.

    Well played yet again, Sir!

    signed
    “Not a whippersnapper any more, but knows fun when he sees it”

    Like

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