The Van Houtens Act 4 Full Dialogue: The Van Houten Curse

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Nearly time for Milhouse’s fame to end…the Van Houten’s ends tomorrow.  So while we count down till the next event, let’s look back on the Act 4 dialogue for the Van Houtens Event…

The Van Houten Curse Pt. 1
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Jimbo: Hey, Milhouse. What’s your hat size? I wanna get you a cap just like mine.
Milhouse: Why don’t you just give me yours?
Jimbo: That’s a great idea! This is gonna be your best birthday party this week!
Bart: Unbelievable. Milhouse is friends with Jimbo now? Every time I try to make him uncool, he ends up even cooler.
Database: Excuse me, Superfriend, if you’re done monologuing, it’s your turn to roll the dodecahedron.
Bart: *sigh* Okay here goes.
Database: Gack! That’s the icosahedron! Bart, get your head in the game!
Bart: Look, the only reason I agreed to play Dungheaps and Doofuses with you guys is because you’re the only ones left who can’t get into Milhouse’s dumb birthday parties.
Database: Actually, we hacked the app and acquired a reservation to tonight’s late seating.
Bart: Of course you did.
Make Bart Roll for Initiative- 4hrs
Make Database Cast a Protection Spell on the Party- 4hrs
Collect Pasta- 4hrs, x155.
Bart: Heya Homer, wanna get some frosty chocolate milkshakes for old times’ sake?
Homer: Sorry, boy, but I already agreed to drive Lisa and Milhouse to get gelato. They pre-ordered forty-three of them for me.
Marge: Maybe we can hang out tonight? Just mother and son. And Maggie.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Bart: No thanks. I’ll just be up in my room binge watching anime until my eyes fall out.
Homer: Have fun!

The Van Houten Curse Pt. 2
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Milhouse: Hey Lisa! Boy, have I got a special surprise for you tonight!
Lisa: Really? What is it?
Milhouse: We get to pick up my Nana from the airport.
Lisa: Didn’t we just spend hours with your grandmother?
Milhouse: That was my Dad’s mom. This is my Mom’s mom. She arrives at the INTERNATIONAL terminal. From Italy!
Lisa: *sigh* Bellissimo.
Make Milhouse Wait for Nana at the Airport- 4hrs
Make Lisa Wait With Milhouse at the Airport- 4hrs
Collect Pasta- 4hrs, x110.

The Van Houten Curse Pt. 3
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Milhouse: Welcome to Springfield, Nana!
Nana Sophie: What I tell you about speaking English?
Milhouse: But we’re in America! That’s what we speak here.
Nana Sophie: Fine. But use your hands so I understand what you say. And who’s this? Bella ragazza! Much too pretty for you. What does her family owe us?
Milhouse: Nothing, Nana. This is my girlfriend, Lisa.
Lisa: *wildly waving hands* It’s nice to meet you.
Nana Sophie: Ah! I like her! *squeezes Lisa’s cheeks* Bella! Bella ragazza!
Make Milhouse Introduce Lisa to His Nana- 4hrs
Make Lisa Meet Milhouse’s Nana- 4hrs
Make Nana Sophie Mussolini Examine Milhouse- 4hrs
Collect Pasta- 4hrs, x150.
Nana Sophie: Milhouse, take my bags inside. And be careful! They are entirely full of wine from my vineyard. Take them straight to your wine cellar.
Lisa: Milhouse, do you think maybe we could go do something now, just the two of us?
Milhouse: Well, as soon as the feeling is back in our cheeks we could get gelato.
Nana Sophie: I can’t see what you’re saying. Raise your hands!
Milhouse: Nana, Lisa and I only need to buy two more gelatos to get a free—
Nana Sophie: Gelatos? Stupido! More than one gelato is gelati! Bring those cheeks right over here now!

The Van Houten Curse Pt. 4
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Lisa: Milhouse, I think we should stop hanging out.
Milhouse: Why? Was it Nana?
Lisa: No, I liked Nana. She had very strong pinching fingers. Much stronger than your other grandma’s. It’s just that I realized that, just because other people think you’re cool, doesn’t mean I have to.
Milhouse: I learned a lesson, too. That it isn’t important what others think of me. Just what you think of me.
Lisa: Oh, Milhouse, that’s sweet.
Milhouse: Sweet enough to change your mind about hanging out with me?
Lisa: No. But sweet enough to make me pity you.
Milhouse: I’ll take that.
Make Lisa Break Up With Milhouse- 4hrs
Make Milhouse Cry and Run Home- 4hrs
Collect Pasta- 4hrs, x150.
Milhouse: Nana, Lisa doesn’t want to hang out with me! What am I gonna do?
Nana Sophie: *shakes him* You could act like a Van Houten!
Milhouse: Alright. I’ll try to suck it up.
Nana Sophie: No! Cry! Cry like a bambino! Get used to it. This is the Van Houten Curse.
Milhouse: What is?
Nana Sophie: All Van Houtens have a short time when they become popular. How do you think your Papa won over my Luann?
Milhouse: I thought he could crush beer cans on his forehead.
Nana Sophie: And remember — the Van Houten popularity never comes back after it leaves. Ever.
Milhouse: Never?
Nana Sophie: NEVER.
Nana Sophie: Now, come. I’m going to get you the best gelato Springfield’s Little Italy has to offer. Not that good, but I have a coupon. Buy ninety-eight…

The Van Houten Curse Pt. 5
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Janey: Did you guys see Milhouse crying earlier?
Sherri and Terri: Yeah, Lisa broke up with him.
Janey: So, does that make Lisa even more popular now?
Sherri and Terri: Maybe if Milhouse was still cool. But since he cried like a baby, he definitely isn’t cool anymore. So, by the transitive properties of coolness, Lisa’s just Lisa again.
Janey: I don’t think I follow…
Sherri and Terri: Me neither. Let’s just say they’re both uncool now. C’mon, let’s go jump rope!
Milhouse: Hey Bart, let’s go to my house. There may be some Squishee syrup left over from the last of my parties.
Bart: That sounds great! But you know what sounds even greater? We go to MY house.
Make Bart Invite Milhouse to His House- 4hrs
Make Milhouse Play at Bart’s House- 4hrs
Collect Pasta- 4hrs, x109.
Bart: So how come your Nana is so cool but she’s still related to you?
Milhouse: She’s not a Van Houten. She’s a Mussolini.
Bart: Oh. That’s a name to be proud of.
Milhouse: No one is cooler than an authentic Italian. I wonder if I inherited anything from that side of the family.
Bart: I could shoot you with the Go-Go Ray and see if you dance the tarantella.
Milhouse: Worth a try!

True Friend
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Bart: So, Milhouse. Now that everything’s back to normal, what was the best part of being popular?
Milhouse: When I learned that there’s a Van Houten Curse.
Bart: There’s a Van Houten Curse?
Milhouse: Yep. It means I will never, ever, ever be cool again.
Bart: Wow. That is so cool.
Milhouse: Thanks, Bart. You’re a true friend.
Bart: Okay, now you ruined it.
Make Bart Think Milhouse Is Cool- 4hrs
Make Milhouse Ruin It- 4hrs

And this concludes the Van Houtens!

Thoughts on the Fourth Act?  The event in general?  Ready for what’s next? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!