Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Time to flash those jazz hands, as things get jazzy in TSTO! The All This Jazz mini-event has arrived in Springfield, and it has Lisa swooning.
This mini-event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event. Skinny Palmer is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who not only helps earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.
So let’s take a look at Skinny Palmer’s questline, a real whodoneit! Here’s the full dialogue for The Couch Caper…
The Couch Caper Pt. 1
Skinny Palmer starts
Skinny Palmer: Honey, I’m home! What in the heck are you doing?
Lunch Lady Dora: Just squeezing these free ketchup packets into our old bottle of ketchup.
Skinny Palmer: Why don’t you just buy more?
Lunch Lady Dora:With the money you make playing jazz? I can only afford the essential condiments: salsa and Dijon.
Skinny Palmer: *sigh* It won’t always be like this. I promise. I’m gonna land that record deal and things will be looking up for— Wait, where’s Eleanor?
Lunch Lady Dora: Who?
Skinny Palmer: Eleanor, my trumpet! I left her right here by the couch before I went out, and now she’s gone.
Lunch Lady Dora: Am I your trumpet’s keeper?
Skinny Palmer: Well, jazzos and jazzettes, it looks like we’ve got ourselves a good old-fashioned mystery.
Lunch Lady Dora: You haven’t even started looking yet.
Skinny Palmer: I will get to the bottom of this.
Make Skinny Palmer Follow the Clues- 2hrs
Make Lunchlady Dora Squeeze Ketchup Packets- 2hrs
Lunch Lady Dora: *groans* What are you doing now?
Skinny Palmer: If I shine this blacklight, it’ll show you where bodily fluids are. I learned it from every CSI that’s ever aired.
Lunch Lady Dora: You really think a robber took the trumpet and then left a trail of fluid everywhere?
Skinny Palmer: I’m only following the evidence.
The Couch Caper Pt. 2
Skinny Palmer starts
Skinny Palmer: Hmm, it looks like the trail of clues heads out the door and then goes cold. To crack this case, I must combine all the skills of Sherlock Holmes, Poirot, Bosch, and Veronica Mars.
Lunch Lady Dora: I used to love that show! Anyway. If you’re going out will you at least swing by Krusty Burger and get me some more ketchup packets?
Skinny Palmer: The game is afoot! And justice waits for no condiments.
Make Skinny Palmer Stock Up on Detective Supplies- 4hrs
Squeaky Voice Teen: One box of gloves. *beep* One set of night-vision goggles. *beep*
Skinny Palmer: And they better be the kind that make everything look green.
Squeaky Voice Teen: One hidden camera. *beep*
Skinny Palmer: It’s not hidden yet.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Thank you for shopping at Try-N-Save.
Skinny Palmer: Now it’s time to catch the thief who stole my instrument!
Squeaky Voice Teen: Before you do that, could you fill out a short customer experience survey?
The Couch Caper Pt. 3
Skinny Palmer starts
Skinny Palmer: Shoot, I forgot my magnifying glass and I need it to find my trumpet.
Manacek: I hear you’ve got quite a case on your hands…Skinny.
Skinny Palmer: Who are you?
Manacek: My name is Manacek.
Skinny Palmer: You look like you time-traveled here from the 1979 set of “Big Shamus, Little Shamus”.
Manacek: See, the curious thing about your stolen trumpet is…stealing it was an inside job.
Skinny Palmer: So you think I stole it?
Manacek: No, but I’m going to get to the bottom of this…even if it means leaving no pet rock unturned. We have to stock up for the stakeout. I’m thinking a bottle of Cognac and a thick stack of “Paris Match” magazines.
Skinny Palmer: A stakeout? Who do we need to stake out?
Manacek: There’s a little lunchlady who isn’t little and isn’t telling the truth either.
Make Skinny Palmer Have a Stakeout- 4hrs
Make Manacek Have a Stakeout- 4hrs
Skinny Palmer: So why exactly are we staking out my girlfriend? Don’t you think the robber is long gone by now?
Manacek: They always come back to the scene of the crime. And in this case, the robber lives at the scene of the crime.
Skinny Palmer: These night-vision goggles make my head hurt.
Manacek: You flip the 8-track and I’ll test out this so-called “night-vision”.
Skinny Palmer: Do you see Lunchlady Dora in there?
Manacek: Yeah, she’s cooking up some tater-tots…in her birthday suit.
Skinny Palmer: You’re not creeping on her, are you?
Manacek: Sorry, falling in love with a mysterious woman is the first step to solving a crime. Luckily for you, your lunchlady repulses me.
Skinny Palmer: You haven’t helped at all in finding my trumpet.
Manacek: Haven’t I?
Skinny Palmer: No.
Manacek: Well, for what it’s worth — and it is worth quite a bit — your trumpet isn’t at your house. It’s at Lunchlady Dora’s second boyfriend’s house.
Skinny Palmer: She stole my trumpet and she’s two-timing me?
Manacek: You really have a knack for this, Skinny.
The Couch Caper Pt. 4
Skinny Palmer starts
Skinny Palmer: *grumbling* That 1970s detective thinks he knows so much about my personal life just because his entire job is finding stuff out. I need to clear my head, get a good night’s rest, and pick up the clues in the morning after some waffles and— Wait, what’s this? A trail of footprints leading away from my front door?
Make Skinny Palmer Follow the Footprints- 4hrs
Skinny Palmer: It looks like these footprints lead right to the Municipal House of Pancakes.
Otto: Can I get a short stack of pancakes?
Lunch Lady Dora: And did you want those pancakes American, Swedish, or Scooty Hooty Sweet and Fruity?
Skinny Palmer: Dora? Since when were you working night shifts at MHOP?
Lunch Lady Dora: I need — I mean, we need the money.
Skinny Palmer: But I provide for you, right baby?
Lunch Lady Dora: Not really, no. I make more as a lunchlady, and that’s really saying something.
Otto: Actually, scratch that. Lemme have the Ham Slam with cheese and a side of Don’t Go Bacon My Heart.
Skinny Palmer: Otto, can you give us a minute here? Also, you should really try the French toast. It’s delicious.
Otto: Right on, amigo!
Skinny Palmer: Are you not telling me something?
Lunch Lady Dora: I’m not not telling you something.
The Couch Caper Pt. 5
Skinny Palmer starts
Skinny Palmer: You’re right, Dora. Losing my trumpet is probably a sign that I need to get my life together and try to provide for you more. So I guess my days of jazz are over.
Lunch Lady Dora: I’m sorry, Skinny.
Skinny Palmer: First thing Monday morning I’m going to get me a job that’ll make me the man you first decided to casually date.
Lunch Lady Dora: Oh, thank you.
Skinny Palmer: But first things first, let’s scrounge up what money we do have so we can find a new place and get out of this dump.
Make Skinny Palmer Search the Couch Cushions for Coins- 2hrs
Make Lunchlady Dora Search the Couch Cushions for Coins- 2hrs
Skinny Palmer: *searching the couch cushions* There’s got to be money in here somewhere! Hold on, what’s this? *gasps* My trumpet!
Lunch Lady Dora: *gasps*
Manacek: Don’t pretend to be surprised, Dora.
Skinny Palmer: No, Manacek. You haven’t solved anything. My trumpet was right here in the couch cushions the whole time!
Manacek: But was it? *flashback* It was a simple matter of Lunchlady Dora pretending to look for your trumpet when in reality she was hiding it right under your caboose.
Skinny Palmer: But then why would she leave it in the couch?
Manacek: Because that’s not your trumpet. It’s a perfect replica — examine the polish.
Skinny Palmer: It tastes unlacquered! It’s a silver varnish instead of brass.
Manacek: Once you left to pick up your dry cleaning, Lunchlady Dora went straight to King Toot’s to sell your trumpet to the highest bidder. And after selling that trumpet’s weight in brass, Lunchlady Dora thought she was in the clear. But then…you ran into me. So, panicking, she made a perfect replica of the trumpet, then stuffed that replica back into the couch.
Lunch Lady Dora: Nothing you say makes any sense!
Manacek: Oh, and one more thing. She’s having an affair with King Toot.
Lunch Lady Dora:: Okay, it’s all true! I admit it! I needed the money! And I needed King Toot! He’s the one I love!
Skinny Palmer: I’m sorry, Manacek. I should have never doubted you.
Manacek: Solving a crime has many fathers, but no sons.
Skinny Palmer: *chuckles* I like you, Manacek.
And that’s it my friends, the All This Jazz premium dialogue.
Thoughts on the event? Did you buy Skinny Palmer? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!