THOH XXXI Act 1 Full Dialogue: School Days, Hell Daze

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Another Reminder IMPORTANT NOTE: Act 2 is slated to start TOMORROW, October 23rd.  Act 1 isn’t going anywhere, so if you didn’t finish it you’ll still have time to. Look for Act 2 to start around 11am ET.  (1500 UTC)
You’ll need Lisa free for the first round of tasks (and those earning event currency).  Also, 1 new premium character combo will be released.  150 donuts for the combo.

It’s everyone’s (well almost everyone’s) favorite time in TSTO, the annual Treehouse of Horror Event!  Yes, Halloween in Springfield has always been big deal in TSTO and this year is no exception! Also always, loads of dialogue with this one, so be sure to read along to see what happens! And of course, I’ll be posting it as each week wraps up…

Now on with the full dialogue for Act 1…

The Devil is in the Details
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Skinner: Okay, set those digital whiteboards up over there. Gently…gently…
Lisa: Digital whiteboards, new computers for every student… Mr. Skinner, did the school win its lawsuit against Burns Slant Drilling?
Skinner: No, Lisa. Sadly, it turns out Mr. Burns locked up all Native American property rights decades ago……so the school being built on top of an ancient burial ground is NOT going to finally pay off.
Lisa: Gee, that’s…too bad. Then how is the school paying for all this fancy new equipment?
Skinner: We, uh, have a new partnership with a very financially well-off neighboring school district.
Lisa: Shelbyville doesn’t have any money, and although half of Europe seems to be located in Springfield now, I don’t think they count either.
Skinner: Can’t we just have nice things for once?
Lisa: In a public school? No.
Skinner: Uh, just run along now, Lisa. School is no place for children to be asking questions.
Make Lisa Get to the Bottom of This- 60s
Lisa: I’ve tracked down the superintendent of this flimflam school district, and it’s…the devil?!
Old Scratch: Well, one of ’em. I’m the scarier one. You can call me Old Scratch.
Lisa: I don’t plan on calling you at all.
Old Scratch: Oh, you will. There are so many portals between Springfield and Hell, you really can’t avoid me.
Lisa: I can’t believe Principal Skinner allowed this!
Superintendant Chalmers: Please. Making deals with the devil is way above Seymour’s pay grade.
Lisa: Superintendent Chalmers, you must know how devil stories always play out.
Superintendant Chalmers: No worries. We have a legally binding contract. This deal’s on the up and up.
Old Scratch: Or should we say the down and down below. Heh, heh!

This starts the event

School Days, Hell Daze Pt. 1
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Ned: Bart, as your substitute teacher, we need to talk.
Bart: I didn’t do it!
Ned: I know you didn’t.
Bart: Sorry, that’s my knee-jerk response.
Ned: Springfield Elementary has merged with the Bad Place. So…you’re headed to our new sister school.
Bart: I don’t do well with sisters.
Ned: You don’t have to worry about your sister. The redistricting line actually cuts right through the middle of your house. Lisa’s not going.
Bart: Cool!
Ned: But Bart Simpson…you’re going straight to Heck!
Make Bart Hell Portal to Hellementary School- 2hrs
Collect Magic Runes- x175. 4hrs
Lisa: Miss Hoover! Half of the class is being portaled to Hell!
Miss Hoover: Don’t think of it as “portaled to Hell”, think of it as “escaping the misery in Springfield” — lucky brats.
Milhouse: At least we’re getting some new kids in return!
Lisa: Yes, but that new girl seems a little strange.
Greta Wolfcastle: What’s strange about twisting her head 360 degrees and vomiting hot embers?

School Days, Hell Daze Pt. 2
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Hell Teacher: Class, I’d like to introduce our new transfer student: Beelzebart Simpson.
Beelzebart: Whaddup, down-under dorks?
Hell Teacher: He’s from the mortal realm of Springfield. Now Spike, you were explaining how you would torment innocent children?
Hell Kids Crowd: Yes. You toss the bees nest right where the kid’s playing. The bees get angry and they start stinging the kid.
Beelzebart: That’s it? The bees sting him?
Hell Kids Crowd: Yeah! Stinging hurts. Nobody likes hurt.
Beelzebart: Boring! The best torments combine physical AND mental “hurt”!
Hell Kids Crowd: I s’pose you got a better idea?
Make Bart Explain Twisted Torments- 2hrs
Collect Magic Runes- x125. 4hrs
Beelzebart: …so that way when the bee stings him, his pants fall down in front of the girls’ locker room, and they all laugh!
Hell Teacher: Class, Beelzebart’s prank is only theoretical…
Beelzebart: Nuh-uh. I’ve done it.
Hell Kids Crowd: *gasp*
Hell Teacher: I think we may have a new star pupil in our midst!

School Days, Hell Daze Pt. 3
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Sherri and Terri: Why does the new girl get a nap time and we don’t?
Martin: And why does her nap include floating four feet off the ground while spewing ash and cinders?!
Miss Hoover: Nap or not, it’s time she turns in her homework assignment!
Lisa: Don’t wake her up! She’s gonna blow!
Make Kids Look Up Exorcism Videos- x5. 4hrs
Make Miss Hoover Grade Vomit-Encrusted Homework- 4hrs
Collect Magic Runes- x125. 4hrs
Martin: This is worse than being beaten up for my lunch money!
Miss Hoover: A floor covered in green vomit does make one yearn for the good old days.
Lisa: I’m not sure how, but this has Bart Simpson written all over it.

School Days, Hell Daze Pt. 4
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Bart: So then I said, “That’s not the only place you can stick a pitchfork!” The teacher gave me an A+!
Homer: Way to go, boy!
Marge: Mmmm…I like this strange new sensation of being proud of my son!
Lisa: Mom, this isn’t fair! Bart gets to go to fun school, while I have to sit next to a floating vomit queen from Hell — literally from Hell! “Literally” in the sense that it’s 100% accurate. Not how dad uses “literally”.
Homer: I literally don’t know what you mean.
Make Bart Brag About His Success Some More- 4hrs
Make Lisa Find a Way Into Hell- 1hr
Collect Magic Runes- x125. 4hrs

School Days, Hell Daze Pt. 5
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Old Scratch: Hey, you’re that smart, goody two-shoes from Springfield. We don’t need your kind here!
Lisafer: This is Hell? Doesn’t seem so scary.
Old Scratch: I try very hard to make it horrific and you insult me.
Lisafer: Sorry.
Old Scratch: I’m surprised you’d want to be stuck here in Hell forever. Just like your brother.
Lisafer: Wait, does Bart know he’s going to be stuck here forever?
Old Scratch: You mortals really need to learn to read the fine print. I should boil the both of you, but I’m a deal-making fool! Let’s do some business…
Make Lisa Make a Deal With Old Scratch- 1hr
Make Old Scratch Make a Deal With Lisa- 1hr
Collect Magic Runes- x125. 4hrs
Lisafer: So in order to save Bart’s soul I have to fail out of Hellementary School?
Old Scratch: Yes, miserable failure is prized here. Pass even one class and you and your brother will both be stuck here forever.
Lisafer: That fights every fiber in my body but I love a challenge! Time to fail away!

Thoughts on the Act 1 dialogue?  Looking forward to Act 2 starting to continue the story?  Have you completed Act 1? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!