Springfield Choppers Premium Dialogue: Wolfguy Jack

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Do you know cat named Way-Out Willie? Do you walk and stroll with Susie Q? Were you born the hand jive? Yes, it’s mini-event time in our pocket-sized towns, as Springfield Choppers makes its way to our games.

This mini-event ushered in one new premium character (as well as a cash for character premium) to help navigate this event.  Wolfguy Jack is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who not only helps earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Wolfguy, here’s the full dialogue for Greased Irony…

More details on Wolfguy Jack can be found here

Greased Irony Pt. 1
Wolfguy Jack starts

Wolfguy Jack: Come on in. Welcome to Greaser’s Café. You’ve got your pick of booths made of old cars. I’ve got a hot rod open and a ’55 Chevy Bel Air.
Wiggum: The whole family’s here so we’re gonna need one with some serious suspension.
Wolfguy Jack: Well, the Ford Super Deluxe in the back corner just opened up.
Wiggum: Perfect.
Wolfguy Jack: Where are all my employees!
Squeaky Voice Teen: Yes, sir.
Wolfguy Jack: I need you to stand outside and get some more butts in these seats!
Squeaky Voice Teen: But sir, I thought my job was flipping burgers, frying fries, and watering down the soda fountain?
Wolfguy Jack: Look, if you don’t think standing outside spinning a sign will help, then how else do we turn this place around?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Uh…you could try improving the food quality. Like, maybe start putting real cheese on the burgers?
Wolfguy Jack: What do you mean? Our cheese is legal.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Sir, the label says 100% American Singles Processed Cheese-Like Product.
Wolfguy Jack: Okay, fine. I’ll get real cheese for the burgers…
Squeaky Voice Teen: I have some other ideas as well.
Wolfguy Jack: I’m listening.
Make Wolfguy Jack Update the Menu- 4hrs
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Order Actual Cheese- 4hrs
Wolfguy Jack: I don’t know what half of this stuff you ordered even is. Meat that’s not meat? Gluten-free buns? Truffle oil?
Squeaky Voice Teen: You put it on the fries.
Wolfguy Jack: Okay. But what does it do, man?
Squeaky Voice Teen: It lets you charge people 11 dollars for fries!
Wolfguy Jack: Whoa, that’s three times the price of our burgers! Can we also put this “truffle oil” in the milkshakes?

Greased Irony Pt. 2
Wolfguy Jack starts

Lenny: Uh, excuse me. My burger doesn’t taste like a normal burger.
Wolfguy Jack: That’s because it’s not a normal burger! It’s the new Preposteburger™. Made entirely of plants and laced with synthetic burger-like flavoring!
Lenny: Oh, great. Well then here’s my payment.
Wolfguy Jack: Uh, this isn’t real money.
Lenny: No, it’s money-like currency.
CBG: These fries are not fries. They’re made of sweet potatoes. I want my money back or I will write a terrible review.
Wolfguy Jack: I’m not sure I can turn this around.
Make Wolfguy Jack Defend the Menu- 4hrs
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Stock Gluten Free Burger Buns- 4hrs

Greased Irony Pt. 3
Wolfguy Jack starts

Squeaky Voice Teen: Sir, I don’t think this new direction is working. I haven’t had a single request for our new locally-sourced gluten-free buns. Do you have any sort of secret backup plan to keep us from going out of business?
Wolfguy Jack: Well, usually when I’m sad I just go up on the roof and talk to nearby truckers on my CB radio. My call sign is WLF.
Squeaky Voice Teen: But how does that help the restaurant?
Wolfguy Jack: It doesn’t. Makes me feel better, though.
Make Wolfguy Jack Hit the Airwaves– 1hr
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Tap Local Craft Brews- 4hrs
Wolfguy Jack: Whoo-doggy! Set your socks on “hop” and your tutti to “frutti” because this place is more packed than a dance hall with an open bar!
Squeaky Voice Teen: Who are all these people? I’m seeing a lot of scarves, vintage tee-shirts, and Pharrell-sized hats.
Wolfguy Jack: Welcome to Greaser’s Café. Can I ask…how did you guys hear about us?
Hipster: Oh, it was all the rage on the CB airwaves last night. This one guy wouldn’t stop talking about the place.
Wolfguy Jack: You guys listen to the CB? You’re all truckers?
Hipster: Oh, we’re not truckers. We’re hipsters. We all just happen to own vintage radios.
Wolfguy Jack: Well, however you heard about us, I’m glad you’re here. I hope you enjoy our cool ’50s memorabilia on the walls and our booths made of old cars.
Hipster: Oh, yeah. We love all of that. I mean…ironically of course. But yes, we love/hate it.

Greased Irony Pt. 4
Wolfguy Jack starts

Wolfguy Jack: Alright, hepcats. It’s time for a doo-woppin’ dance off! The winner will take home this brand-new…Harley-Davidson!
Hipster: …
Wolfguy Jack: I, uh…was really expecting a bigger response than that. Maybe they don’t know what a Harley-Davidson is? I repeat: the winner of the contest will take home this BRAND NEW MOTORCYCLE!
Milo: …
Wolfguy Jack: Okay, um, uh… How about…the winner of the dance contest will take home this vintage bicycle!
Hipster: A vintage bicycle? Woo! I’m in!
Milo: It’s a one-of-a-kind! No one else can have that bicycle but me!
Hipster: Greaser’s Cafe is the best!
Make Wolfguy Jack Have a Dance Contest- 4hrs
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Buy Organic Grass-Fed Cage-Free Lettuce- 4hrs
Wolfguy Jack: I can’t believe my luck! I used to have to give away expensive motorcycles just to promote the restaurant, and it killed the budget. But all these hipsters want are crappy old repainted bicycles! I’m gonna save a fortune!
Nelson: Hey, uh, if you need a supplier for old bicycles, I got you covered.
Wolfguy Jack: Are they vintage?
Nelson: As vintage as your old menu items: “Allen Ginsburgers, Un-American Cheese Sandwiches, Polio Dogs…”
Wolfguy Jack: Yeah, I can’t believe this business survived at all with that menu.

Greased Irony Pt. 5
Wolfguy Jack starts

Wolfguy Jack: Wha – it’s 7pm, where is everybody? The dance contest is starting in ten minutes and I’ve got a vintage penny-farthing to give away.
Squeaky Voice Teen: None of the hipsters showed up tonight. Do you think it’s because I accidentally bought the wrong kind of soy-based pickles?
Wolfguy Jack: Wait, there’s two of ’em there. Hey you two! Where are all your friends? Why is nobody at my café tonight?
Hipster: Oh, uh…yeah. Greaser’s just isn’t the same anymore ever since everybody started coming here.
Milo: Yeah, it used to be cool, now it’s lame.
Wolfguy Jack: Wait, we’re not cool because we got too cool?!
Hipster: Yeah, we’re just back here because I forgot my beard comb. Oh, there it is!
Wolfguy Jack: But…I just expanded the café hours to include Saturday brunch and added avocado toast to the menu!
Milo: Sorry, dude. Avocado toast is very, um, last decade.
Hipster: You could add a drive-through. Then we could eat some of your food in our cars without being seen.
Make Wolfguy Jack Add a Drive-Through- 4hrs
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Try to Return Soy Pickles- 4hrs
Squeaky Voice Teen: Sir, adding that drive-through seems to have really picked up business.
Wolfguy Jack: Yeah. But it’s just not the same. Greaser’s Cafe was about the doo-wop dancing and 1950s experience. Oh well. At least we’re making money.

And that’s it my friends, the Springfield Choppers premium dialogue.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Wolfguy? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!