Springfield Choppers Full Dialogue: Springfield Turf Wars

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

We’re in the final weekend for the Springfield Choppers mini-event (ends Wednesday 3/31).  As the event winds down it’s time to grab your biker shorts and take a look back at the dialogue for this event, just in case you missed it while tapping to fast!  So here’s the full dialogue for the Springfield Choppers mini-event main questline…

There Goes My Heroes
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Bart: The bucket is in position. When Skinner opens that door, he’ll be covered in shrimp.
Milhouse: Abort! Abort! The bullies are in his office and they’re walking out first!
Jimbo: *bucket drops* What the SHRIMPPP?!
Kearney: I’m allergic!
Nelson: Craw-Craw! Your bald head is swelling up!
Skinner: Crevette in a net…this prank has Bart Simpson’s name all over it.
Jimbo: There he is on his skateboard!
Dolph: Quick! Steal those nerds’ bikes!
Database: Our bicycles!
Bart: Oh man, I can’t out-skate bullies on bikes!
Kearney: You’re going to pay for this, Simpson!
Bart: I’ll just duck into this sketchy dive bar and hide. *enters* AHHH! REAL BIKERS!
Meathook: Well, lookie here. Seems like we got some fresh meat, fellas.
Ramrod: What do you think, Meathook? Should we show this kid our idea of “hospitality”?
Bart: Why did you air-quote hospitality? Are you gonna kill me and send my body to the hospital?!
Spiro: Kill you? No, no! We don’t kill people anymore. We’re the Spiro’s Heroes. I’m Spiro. This here is Meathook, that’s Ramrod, and back at the pool table there is Porkchop.
Homer: Mmmmm…porkchops…
Bart: Homer? What are you doing here?
Homer: Moe’s got shut down again. Something to do with not having a liquor license for thirty years. Anyway, don’t mind me — carry on.
Spiro: Look kid, we need young recruits like you, so do you want to join our gang or what?
Bart: *gasp* You’d let me join your badass biker gang?
Ramrod: You still gotta go through the initiation, but we’ll let you skip the written test.
Homer: Unfair! You made me take the written test!
Meathook: And you got a 0 out of 100…and it was multiple choice…
Homer: *annoyed grunt*
Make Bart Get Initiated- 6s
Make Meathook Sew the Patch on Bart’s Gang Jacket- 6s
Make Ramrod Prepare Bart a Virgin Daiquiri- 6s
Bart: Okay, all done.
Apu: Thank you, Bart, for cleaning the graffiti off of the Kwik-E-Mart.
Spiro: Initiation complete. Welcome to the Spiro’s Heroes.
Bart: How is cleaning graffiti off a wall an initiation? I thought you guys were hardcore bikers.
Spiro: Oh, we’re hardcore alright. Hardcore about making a difference!
Meathook: Yeah, we used to just ride our hogs around and chain-whip people for fun. Now we ride our hogs around and chain-whip our community into shape.
Bart: Oh, that’s too bad… I thought if I joined the gang, then you guys would help me terrorize the bullies.
Meathook: Hmm…if we help you, can we chain-whip them?
Bart: I was thinking more like some mild intimidating with a couple of pranks sprinkled in.
Meathook: It’s a deal! Let’s wreak havoc on those bullies!

Springfield Turf Wars Pt. 1
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Nelson: There he is! Bart’s walking into that dive bar!
Kearney: I’ve been waiting all afternoon for this. Excuse me, is your toilet bowl regulation size?
Jimbo: Yeah, we want to make sure the opening will fit the head of an average boy.
Ramrod: Bart, I assume these are the bullies we’re about to give a world of pain.
Kearney: Whoa, Bart, you’re friends with these biker dudes?!
Meathook: Oh no, he’s not our friend — he’s part of our gang.
Kearney: You’re in a biker gang now?! This changes everything. Sidebar!
Nelson: Sidebar!
Kearney: Guys, now that Bart is a real gang member, we should recruit him to join our band of bullies.
Nelson: So we can’t give him a swirly?
Kearney: Not today. Having a real gang member join us would lend some much-needed legitimacy to our operation, and potentially cut down on attacks by the older scary high school bullies.
Jimbo: I hate those guys!
Dolph: So we all agree…sidebar over!
Nelson: Sidebar over!
Kearney: Bart, we have a proposal: join our bully gang and we’ll make you Springfield Elementary royalty.
Jimbo: Instead of you being a swirlee, you’ll get to be the swirler.
Kearney: We’ll even hunt down Milhouse if you want him to be your first victim.
Bart: Hmm, this is all very intriguing. Do you guys have a cool hangout like Spiro’s?
Nelson: Prepare to have your mind blown. Follow me to the Stolen Bicycle Graveyard.
Meathook: Man, new recruits are so unreliable. The moment you initiate ’em, every gang in town tries to poach ’em.
Make Bart Go See the Stolen Bicycle Graveyard- 4hrs
Make Nelson Show Bart the Empty Swimming Pool- 4hrs
Make Jimbo Carve Bart’s Name in the Diving Board- 4hrs
Make Dolph Clean the Necklace of Unknown Retainers- 4hrs
Make Kearney Pick Up His Kid from School- 4hrs
Collect Gas Cans-  x125.  4hrs.
Jimbo: Welcome to the Stolen Bicycle Graveyard.
Nelson: Our old hangout was under the football bleachers, but it got turned into a mass vaccination site.
Bart: I dig the archway built out of beach cruisers. Nice touch.
Nelson: So…? Will you become a bully?
Bart: I think I’m gonna stick with Spiro’s Heroes.
Dolph: Come on! What does Spiro’s have that the Stolen Bicycle Graveyard doesn’t?
Bart: Well, for one: they have a roof, WiFi, and soda direct from the tap…
Kearney: We can’t compete with solid WiFi!
Bart: Look, we can still form a partnership. How about we have a truce? You guys promise to leave me alone, and as a member of Spiro’s Heroes I can guarantee your protection.
Dolph: Sidebar!
Nelson: I think this is a good deal for us. That biker gang can help us scare off the older bullies when they try to mess with us.
Jimbo: Agreed.
Bart: Agreed.
Dolph: Sidebar over!
Nelson: Alright, Bart. We agree to your terms.
Bart: Spitshake?
Nelson: *spits in his hand* Pleasure doing business.
Bart: Do you have any hand sanitizer by chance? Can’t be too careful these days.
Nelson: I want to punch you so bad right now…but I can’t.
Bart: See? The partnership’s already working.

Springfield Turf Wars Pt. 2
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Homer: Marge, do we have to go to Kirk and Luann’s game night?
Kirk: Homer, you’re already here. And we’re about to start playing Occupiers of Anatolia!
Homer: Ugh, sounds complicated.
Kirk: Okay everyone, flip your occupier cards to see who goes first!
Marge: Wait, before we start, one quick question: can I build unlimited aqueducts or only one at a time?
Kirk: As many as you want.
Bernice Hibbert: What if I want to trade my occupier card when it’s not my turn?
Kirk: You just wait until it is your turn.
Dr Hibbert: If I roll a double-three, do I get sent to the cistern or do I send someone else to the cistern?
Kirk: Depends if you have two or more barley bundles.
Homer: Ugh, this board game hasn’t even started and it already sucks! I wish I could be doing fun biker gang stuff like Bart.
Marge: What biker gang stuff?
Homer: Bart joined a biker gang. You know, the one over at Spiro’s Bar.
Marge: WHAAAT?!
Kirk: Oh yeah, those Spiro’s Heroes don’t mess around. One time I accidentally grabbed Ramrod’s latte at a coffee shop and he chain-whipped my laptop in half.
Homer: Man, I wish I had a motorcycle so I could be in a cool gang… Wait a second, I do have a motorcycle! And it’s a vintage 1955 Harley-Davidson! I won it at a ’50s dance competition at a diner!
Marge: Oh, I remember that now…that must have been at least 20 seasons ago.
Make Homer Gas Up the Hog- 4hrs
Make Marge Demand Homer Wear His Helmet- 4hrs
Make Lisa Remind Homer How the Throttle Works- 4hrs
Collect Gas Cans- x125.  4hrs.
Marge: Homer, I really think this is a bad idea. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you got on a motorcycle?
Homer: No.
Marge: That’s because of what happened the last time you got on a motorcycle!
Homer: But don’t you remember my bucket list? Number one: eat a bucket of fried chicken. Number two: eat another bucket of fried chicken!
Marge: And number three…
Homer: Eat a bucket of fried chicken as a member of a biker gang!
Marge: But Homer—
Homer: Hold on Marge. *dials* Can I order three buckets of fried chicken for delivery? Yes, of course I want all the sides!

Springfield Turf Wars Pt. 3
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Spiro: We’re glad you decided to stick with Spiro’s Heroes, Bart. With you on board, we can really make a difference in this town.
Bart: Okay, but we’re also gonna be doing badass biker gang stuff, right? I mean, there has to be a nearby music festival we can ride through and terrorize.
Meathook: Look Bart, we know you’re not old enough to ride a hog, so instead we got you a Spiro’s Heroes leather jacket and an electric bike.
Bart: Whoa, the license plate says “El Barto”.
Spiro: It sure does.
Wilbur Nurple: So this is the inner circle of Spiro’s Heroes, huh? The gang that thinks they can operate on our turf?
Bart: Uh oh. I know this guy. He’s one of the most notorious gang members in greater Springfield. One time he chased the bullies and me all over town.
Ramrod: I thought you ran FROM the bullies, not WITH them.
Bart: I’ve lived many lives, Ramrod. Many lives.
Wilbur Nurple: Your friend Bart is right. I’m the leader of The Purple Nurples gang.
Bart: You do realize that Spiro’s Heroes is a gang that does good? So…we don’t really have beef with you.
Wilbur Nurple: We Purple Nurples are the same way. We defend those who receive purple nurples. Unfortunately, that was a little too long to fit on the back of our jackets, so we had to shorten it.
Meathook: This town only has room for one group of defenders against wet willies, swirlies, and purple nurples!
Ramrod: Gang fight!
Make Bart Defend Turf with his Slingshot- 4hrs
Make Wilbur Nurple Call for Purple Nurple Backup- 4hrs
Make Meathook Give Wilbur Nurple a Purple Nurple- 4hrs
Make Ramrod Watch the Flank- 4hrs
Collect Gas Cans- x125.  4hrs.
Spiro: That’s enough! Can’t we all just come together and work out our issues in a more civilized fashion?
Wilbur Nurple: You’re right. Let’s settle this not like the gang members we are, but like the gang members we aspire to be.
Spiro: Then there’s only one way to resolve this conflict: The Ball of Death.

Springfield Turf Wars Pt. 4
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Spiro: The only thing you have to know about the Ball of Death is this: two men enter, and only one man doesn’t die.
Homer: Did someone say “man”?!
Bart: Dad, what are you doing here? We’re kinda in the middle of a turf war.
Homer: I’m here to join the Spiro’s Heroes. I know I didn’t pass the written test, but I found my old motorcycle, so they’ve got to let me in now.
Meathook: Just because you have a bike doesn’t make you one of us.
Spiro: Now, who is representing the Purple Nurples in the Ball of Death?
Wilbur Nurple: I will represent The Purple Nurples. And who is your champion?
Meathook: Well, I would do it, but my arthritic knee’s been acting up.
Ramrod: Uh, I don’t want to take all the glory, ya know after all the glory I’ve taken recently with other stuff. So I’ll let somebody else take this round of Ball of Death.
Spiro: Porkchop, you in? Really? You won’t even do it?
Homer: Bart, what is this Ball of Death I keep hearing about? It’s not dangerous, is it?
Bart: Dad, no. You don’t want to—
Homer: Everyone! As my initiation into the gang, I offer myself as your champion!
Make Homer Defy Death in the Ball of Death- 4hrs
Make Wilbur Nurple Defy Death in the Ball of Death- 4hrs
Make Bart Reluctantly Cheer on Homer- 4hrs
Collect Gas Cans- x100.  4hrs. 

Springfield Turf Wars Pt. 5
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Bart: Homer! Don’t forget to accelerate when you get to the top of the Ball of Death!
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. How hard can it be? *accelerates*
Wilbur Nurple: First one who doesn’t die wins. *accelerates*
Homer: Ow!  No-no-no-no-no! Ahhhh! I think I’m really getting the hang of this! D’oh!
Make Homer Eat it Hard- 4hrs
Make Wilbur Nurple Prevail- 4hrs
Collect Gas Cans- x125.  4hrs.
Homer: Am I the champion?
Bart: Yeah. You’re the champion, Dad.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Bart: No, I was being sarcastic…you lost and you’re seriously injured.
Homer: Oh… Yup. I’m starting to feel things…painful things. *moans*
Wilbur Nurple: Now that I’ve won, I better not see any Spiro’s Heroes around these parts cleaning up graffiti or protecting nerds from bullies.
Spiro: With our turf gone, how are we going to make a difference in our community?
Meathook: We could just go back to being badass bikers whose sole purpose is boozing, roughhousing, and more boozing.
Ramrod: Yeah, why’d we ever give that up?
Meathook: Let’s ride through Springfield and rough up all who get in our way!
CBG: No! Don’t chain-whip my comics! You just destroyed an original Cyberella! This is just like when the necronauts overran the city and Cyberella had to rally the citizens against them!
Moe: No! You’re defiling my love-tester machine! How am I supposed to test my love now?!
Apu: Oh, hey Meathook. Are you here to help remove some new graffiti on my wall? What are you doing? You’ve chain-whipped all of aisles one, two, and three! And I only have three aisles!
Homer: Ah man, right when I get seriously injured, they start doing all the fun biker gang stuff…

Where the Blubber Meets the Road
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Homer: Marge, when they take this full-body cast off of me, we’re hitting the road on my hog and never looking back.
Marge: Absolutely not. You’re never driving a motorcycle ever again!
Homer: Who said I’d be the one driving?!
Marge: *annoyed grumble*
Homer: Well, Bart, one day that beautiful hog will be passed down to you just as my grandfather gave it to my father, and my father gave it to me.
Bart: I thought you won the motorcycle in a dance contest at Greaser’s Café?
Homer: I did. I sure did…
Bart: Is something wrong with his brain?
Dr Hibbert: Not any more than usual. *chuckles*

And that’s it my friends!  All there is to the Springfield Choppers mini-event!

What are your thoughts on the mini-event?  Prizes?  Design plans?  Don’t forget showoff next week, submit those designs by Tuesday!  Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!