Springfield Enlightened Act 1 Full Dialogue: Girl, Enlightened

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we prepare for Act 2 of the Springfield Enlightened event to start tomorrow, it’s time to wrap up Act 1 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!

So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Girl, Enlightened…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

Sunday Manifesto
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Lisa: …and at that moment, Siddmartha achieved enlightenment.
Lenny: Wow, Lisa. That was really beautiful.
Lisa: Um, what are you doing in Sunday school?
Carl: Learning about…Sunday.
Lisa: But I thought you two were Buddhist.
Lenny: We thought you were, too.
Lisa: Wait. You’re just here for the free donuts, aren’t you?
Carl: Not JUST the donuts. We like the coffee too.
Lenny: You know who I’d like to have coffee and donuts with? Siddmartha.
Carl: I’d go with Richard Gere.
Bart: Wish granted.
Carl: *gasp* You can summon Richard Gere?!
Bart: Pfft. No. There’s not enough coffee in Brazil for that. I meant Siddmartha.
Make Bart Manifest Siddmartha- 6s
Make Lisa Question Reality– 6s
Lisa: Bart, how did you do that?
Bart: I dunno. How does anything happen around here? EA or Sky Finger.
Lisa: Why does she look exactly like me? It’s creepy.
Siddmartha: Excuse me, I believe it is YOU who looks like ME. And it IS creepy.

Girl, Enlightened Pt. 1
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Homer: Another religious event? Didn’t we just have one of those like… *counts on fingers*…a while ago?
Lisa: It was six months ago, and your spirituality is no worse off than your counting. But Buddhism isn’t a religion. It’s a philosophy.
Homer: Another philosophy event?
Make Lisa Explain Buddhism to Homer- 4hrs
Make Homer Try to Seem Interested- 4hrs
Collect Lotus Flowers- x150.
Carl: So, Siddmartha, what brings you to the Springfield tire fire?
Lenny: Carl, you brought her here.
Carl: I did?
Lenny: And then you fainted and when you woke up you said you’d had the craziest dream.
Carl: That sounds familiar…
Lenny: And then you saw Siddmartha and realized it wasn’t a dream and then you fainted again.
Carl: It’s coming back to me…
Lenny: And the last time you woke up, Siddmartha asked if we’d give her a tour of Springfield and you said let’s start with the tire fire.
Carl: I’m feeling faint again.
Siddmartha: Although it’s a very nice tire fire, I get the impression that this town is…rather unenlightened.
Lenny: Oh, yeah. Big time.
Siddmartha: I believe I can help. With the right teachings, the good people of Springfield may achieve balance and peace.
Lenny: Oh, you won’t find that here.
Siddmartha: Balance and peace?
Lenny: Good people.
Carl: *faints*

Girl, Enlightened Pt. 2
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Siddmartha: Before I begin teaching the people of Springfield, we need to create a place for them to seek out their curiosities and answer their myriad questions.
Lenny: What, like a psychic?
Siddmartha: I was thinking more of a university. Somewhere people could take classes on enlightenment, balance, inner peace, comparative bioeconomics…
Lenny: Comparative bioeconomics?
Siddmartha: Well, you need a balanced education. In fact, we could start a local campus of Kathmandu U.
Carl: I heard that was a huge party school.
Siddmartha: Only if you do Greek life.
Lenny: Wouldn’t it be a lot cheaper to just add some classes to Springfield University rather than build an entirely new one?
Siddmartha: Yes, but then we wouldn’t have a building on the prize track.
Make Siddmartha Make Plans for Kathmandu U- 4hrs
Make Lenny Hand Out Admission Flyers- 4hrs
Make Carl Design the Course List- 4hrs
Collect Lotus Flowers- x125.
Siddmartha: Very well. Please summon everyone to the town square.
Lenny: Everyone?
Carl: Yeah, you’re not gonna want everyone.
Siddmartha: Why not?
Carl: Have you seen everyone?

Girl, Enlightened Pt. 3
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Siddmartha: Thank you for attending this address on the virtues of Buddhism.
Helen Lovejoy: I thought this was a Tubberware party!
Siddmartha: You see, inner enlightenment can search the depths of your soul and root out corruption.
Quimby: Corruption? Who said corruption? I’ll need to see your warrant.
Siddmartha: It all starts with balance. Everything in life weighs on the scales—
Wiggum: Who said balance on the scales? And I don’t need a warrant!
Siddmartha: *sigh* Explaining Buddhism to this group will be a true test.
Homer: Test?! Who said there would be a test?!
Make Siddmartha Try to Explain Buddhism- 4hrs
Make Springfielders Get Belligerent- x10. 4hrs
Collect Lotus Flowers- x100.
Kirk: I think I’m starting to get it. Thanks to karma, people get what they deserve.
Siddmartha: That’s right. Karma is a good place to start on the journey to enlightenment. If you do good for others, it will bring even more good.
Kirk: No, I mean getting what THEY deserve. See, there’s this guy from high school…
Siddmartha: I think it’s better to focus on the positive aspects, like doing good for others, rather than on people getting their just deserts.
Kirk: I don’t want Chad to get desserts, I want him to get a good punch in his ugly face! Now that would be karma!

Girl, Enlightened Pt. 4
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Siddmartha: Thank you for sharing that story, Kirk. I can see that Chad really hurt you.
Kirk: He did.
Siddmartha: Then channel that energy you feel into positivity.
Krusty: Screw positivity. Let’s get this Chad guy! Anybody know his number?
Siddmartha: This kind of vengeance will only fill you with negative energy.
Krusty: I’ve got some negative energy for you! *throws a rotten tomato*
Siddmartha: *wipes tomato off* Okay, that was uncalled for.
Meditating Bear: Raawwararrr!
Krusty: Aaaah! Dear God! What did I do to deserve this?!
Kirk: A bear! Krusty threw that tomato and now he’s being attacked by a bear! Karma is real!
Siddmartha: No, that’s not what happened. It’s just a random occurrence!
Kirk: A bear in the middle of Springfield? Seems like divine intervention to me.
Krusty: Can we debate this later? I’m getting mauled over here!
Make Siddmartha Clean off Rotten Tomato- 4hrs
Make Krusty Fight the Bear-  4hrs
Make Kirk Plan for Revenge Against Chad- 4hrs
Collect Lotus Flowers- x125. 

Girl, Enlightened Pt. 5
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Siddmartha: Advisor Frink, I need your help. Everyone in Springfield is obsessed with the negative effects of karma.
Advisor Frink: Sometimes a little obsession can bring about good things.
Siddmartha: But they learned the exact opposite of what I was trying to teach them. They’re trying to pervert karma to harm their enemies!
Advisor Frink: By Buddha’s flavin, does that work? Because I have this colleague named Professor Chad—
Siddmartha: You’re not helping.
Advisor Frink: Then perhaps you need to find a solution in Zen, with the dreaming and the omming… *enters trance*
Siddmartha: Well, Zen is sort of a different brand of Buddhism, but sure, I can think about — I mean, meditate on it.
Make Advisor Frink (if Owned) Test the Limits of Karma-  4hrs
Make Siddmartha Contemplate Advisor Frink’s Advice- 4hrs
Collect Lotus Flowers- x150. 

And that’s it my friends!  The full dialogue for Act 1 of Springfield Enlightened!

Thoughts on the dialogue? Did you read it live or catch up on it here? What was your favorite part of Act 1? Ready for Act 2 to start? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!