Tavern Trouble Premium Dialogue: Harv Bannister

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Homer’s looking for a new bar in Springfield!  Ready to drink around Springfield with Homer J?!  Well, this is the mini-event for you!

This mini-event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Harv Bannister is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Harv, here’s the full dialogue for Failing the Trend Test…

More details on Harv can be found here

Failing the Trend Test Pt. 1
Harv starts

Harv Bannister: Okay, kid. If we can’t come up with new drinks to draw in business to Tipsy McStagger’s Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium, we’ll have to find other ways to drive business!
Squeaky Voice Teen: Wait, I recognize you! Are you that news anchor who fell face first into that alligator?
Harv Bannister: Why does everybody think that? No! I’m Harv Bannister and we need to come up with a new drink!
Squeaky Voice Teen: Why are you yelling things at me? I don’t even work for you.
Harv Bannister: Then you’re hired!
Squeaky Voice Teen: I guess I am already working eighty-three jobs in this game. What’s one more?
Harv Bannister: So what do we do about creating this new drink? So far all we have is the “Flaming Moe”.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Hmm, I’m not really an idea guy. More of a customer-facing grunt worker who’s seriously underpaid…
Harv Bannister: Then I guess we’ll just have to do the boring thing everyone does when their business is failing.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Light it on fire and make an insurance claim?
Harv Bannister: Nope. Hire a contractor and do a super expensive remodel no one asked for!
Make Harv Bannister Hire Willie as Contractor- 4hrs
Make Willie Remodel Inside of Tipsy McStagger’s- 4hrs
Willie: Welcome to the new Tipsy McStagger’s!
Harv Bannister: What?! It looks exactly the same except you added a tree in the middle!
Willie: Yeah, do you like it?
Harv Bannister: No, I hired you to remodel the interior, not plant trees!
Willie:  I’m a groundskeeper not an architect!
Harv Bannister: But I paid you a ton of money!
Willie: Trees are expensive.
Harv Bannister: I want my money back.
Willie: Willie doesn’t do refunds! Make sure the tree gets enough water and sunlight.

Failing the Trend Test Pt. 2
Harv starts

Harv Bannister: Now how do I get more customers at Tipsy’s?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Well, a lot of people like video games. Maybe we add some arcade machines?
Harv Bannister: Ah, I like that. Very cutting edge.
Squeaky Voice Teen: I was gonna say nostalgic. But sure.
Harv Bannister: Video games it is!
Make Harv Bannister Install Video Games – 4hrs
Make Nerds Criticize Harv’s Choice of Games- x3. 4hrs
CBG: “The Silmarillion” the videogame? And Morgoth isn’t even a playable character?!
Martin: “Connect Four” isn’t fun as an arcade game!
Kumiko: “Dance Dance Revelations”? I can’t dance to church hymns!
CBG: This selection of games is an insult to my people. Nerds, we are leaving!
Database: Gah! But I already paid for twenty dollars of tokens!

Failing the Trend Test Pt. 3
Harv starts

Harv Bannister: Who wants nerds around anyway? Sure, they have money to spend, but they kind of lame up the place.
Squeaky Voice Teen: So you’re saying I’m not a nerd?! Cool!
Harv Bannister: The next market to target are sports fans. That’s why I’ve put TVs all over the restaurant!
Squeaky Voice Teen: That’s a great idea, sir. We can sign up for one of those ultimate sports packages and show the most popular sports from America and around the world.
Harv Bannister: Yeah, it turns out those are really expensive. I went with the discount package instead.
Squeaky Voice Teen: What sports does it show?
Willie: I’ve finally found a place where I can watch me beloved goat-chucking and scotch-snorkeling!
Make Harv Bannister Purchase the All-Scottish Sports Packager- 8hrs
Make Willie Watch Caber Tossing and Shinty- 8hrs
Make Barflies Pretend to Understand Shinty- x3. 8hrs
Carl: Hey, these sports suck!
Lenny: Yeah, I came here to watch real sports like professional football and college football!
Carl: We should have never left Moe’s.
Willie: Eh, down in front, ya riddy clipe! Yer in the way of me futsal! He’s about to— GOAAAAAALLL! I knew Aberdeen would beat Kilmarnock!

Failing the Trend Test Pt. 4
Harv starts

Harv Bannister: People, get ready for the Tipsy McStagger’s Grand Reopening Gala!
Squeaky Voice Teen: But sir, all we’ve done is gone back to the same old Tipsy McStagger’s from before you started trying all these promotions.
Harv Bannister: Exactly. Now we’re Tipsy McStagger’s CLASSIC! All we need are some fireworks, balloons, and new uniforms for the staff, and people will start swarming the place again!
Bart: Fireworks? Cool!
Lisa: Balloons are fun!
Marge: Ooh, I like the new uniforms here. Sleek.
Harv Bannister: See? It’s already off to a good start!
 Make Harv Bannister Launch Fireworks- 4hrs
Make Lisa Watch Fireworks Set Restaurant On Fire- 4hrs
Make Bart Enjoy Fireworks Accident- 4hrs
Make Squeaky-Voice Teen Try to Put Out the Fire- 4hrs
Harv Bannister: I can’t believe it! I’m ruined. This is a disaster.
Squeaky Voice Teen: But this was a real accident and the insurance will definitely cover it.
Harv Bannister: Yeah, but I still don’t know how to get people to start coming to Tipsy’s again.
Barney: My drunky senses are tingling. One of the drinks survived the fire!
Harv Bannister: Oh, that’s just a new drink I tried mixing earlier. It wasn’t that good.
Barney: *takes a sip* Whoa! That’s the best drink I’ve ever had…and I’ve had a lot!
Homer: What?! *takes a sip* Everyone has to try this!
Harv Bannister: *drinks* This drink is amazing. My business is saved! And it’s all because of ME!
Moe: Whaaaa?!
Harv Bannister: I’m the one who lit the fireworks, which caught the drink on fire, so technically I invented the new Flaming Harv!
Homer: What?! But that’s just the Flaming Moe all over again.
Harv Bannister: Not anymore it isn’t! It’s the Flaming Harv and it’s all mine!
Moe: Homer, I’m starting to understand the rage you felt before…let’s get him!
Harv Bannister: *shrieks* Run!

And that’s it my friends, the Tavern Trouble premium dialogue.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Harv? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!