Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
As we prepare for Act 2 of the Treehouse of Horror XXXII event to start tomorrow, it’s time to wrap up Act 1 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!
So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Welcome to Geriatric Park…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…
Everyone Old Is Old Again
Burns: Ah, Smithers, with autumn in the air, I’m once again reflecting on my mortality. Mostly how to avoid it.
Smithers: Sounds like someone needs another injection of bovine calf serum.
Burns: Sadly, no. There’s no calf young enough to renew my zip-zam-zoom.
Smithers: Don’t fret, sir. I’m sure Springfield’s greatest scientists and doctors have something up their lab coat sleeves.
Make Smithers Assemble a Team of Geniuses- 6s
Make Burns Interview Geniuses- 6s
Make Dr. Hibbert Pitch Supplements- 6s
Make Dr. Nick Pitch Plastic Surgery- 6s
Make Frink Pitch Dinosaurs- 6s
Make Hank Scorpio Pitch the Elderly- 6s
Dr. Hibbert: Taking these supplements, fully endorsed by me, will completely restore your body. You’ll look and feel like you’re thirty again!
Burns: Thirty?! I don’t want to go back to my baby rattle and diaper days!
Dr. Nick: I could offer my services. Plastic surgery is nifty!
Burns: I don’t care about looking good. I just want to live forever!
Dr. Nick: And you will! We replace one body organ at a time with plastic parts.
Burns: Tempting. But what else?
Frink: One word: Dino-saurs! Unless that’s two words. I’m not sure.
Burns: What do dinosaurs have to do with my quest for immortality?
Frink: They’re really cool. Plus, there are no regulations against experimenting on things that are extinct.
Burns: Eh…I’m not saying no. I’m saying “eh”. What about you, young man?
Hank Scorpio: Stealing youth from the young? That’s been done to death. I’m focusing my own research on the elderly. By extracting the elderly’s fear of death into an injectable formula, we could actually repel death!
Burns: Sounds like a lot of hogwash, but the elderly would be easier to keep caged than children.
Smithers: And they cost less than guinea pigs.
Burns: Very well, let’s roll the dice with dinosaurs and the elderly and see what happens.
Welcome to Geriatric Park Pt. 1
Quimby: Mr. Burns, what brings you all the way up the steps to City Hall? That would require working legs.
Burns: Smithers carried me. I’ve decided to build a new version of Geriatric Park in Springfield. Apparently “permits” are needed? Just tell me how much.
Quimby: That’s not how they work. You have to apply, then there are hearings, community reviews…
Burns: *pulls out a wad of cash* Or I hand you a fist full of cash.
Quimby: Er…uh…permit granted!
Make Quimby Stash the Cash- 2hrs
Make Burns Acquire Permits for Geriatric Park- 2hrs
Collect Fossil Skulls- x115.
Lisa: Mayor Quimby, why is Mr. Burns’ new project skipping the permit approval process?
Homer: You better listen to my eight-year-old. She knows the law!
Quimby: Um…er…it’s part of our new initiative to promote tourism in Springfield. Geriatric Park will include a resort hotel and bring in big dollars for all businesses.
Moe: Tourist drunks?
Homer: They’re way better than local drunks. I say: permits approved!
Quimby: I already approved them.
Homer: I just wanted to feel like a big man.
Welcome to Geriatric Park Pt. 2
Geriatric Park Burns: Welcome to Geriatric Park! A serene respite for the elderly and a relaxing haven for tourists. Also, there will be terrifying dinosaurs.
Homer: Ugh…old people!
Lisa: Are you combining the elderly with the dinosaurs?
Geriatric Park Burns: No, definitely not…probably not…maybe…uh, no more questions!
Lisa: Grampa, are you going to stay here?
Grampa: Can I suck hard candy and watch Wheel of Fortune?
Geriatric Park Burns: All day and all night.
Grampa: I’d like to solve the puzzle: YES!
Make Geriatric Park Burns Unveil Geriatric Park- 4hrs
Make Smithers Invite the Elderly to Stay- 4hrs
Make Elderly Visit Geriatric Park- 4hrs
Collect Fossil Skulls- x155.
Welcome to Geriatric Park Pt. 3
Ned: Hi-diddly-ho, billionaire-arino!
Geriatric Park Burns: What are you doing here?!
Ned: Just wanted to see what blasphemous abominations against God your devil scientists are cooking up.
Geriatric Park Burns: Devil scientists, eh? Smithers, you didn’t tell me we had devil scientists.
Smithers: I don’t believe devil scientists are actually a thing, sir.
Hell Scientists Crowd: Oh, we’re a thing. We’re definitely a thing. *evil laugh*
Make Flanders Discover the Truth About Geriatric Park- 2hrs
Make Geriatric Park Burns Reveal Human-Dinosaur Hybrids- 2hrs
Collect Fossil Skulls- x115.
Ned: So you ARE creating human-dinosaur hybrids!
Geriatric Park Burns: Just an eensie-weensie couple.
Smithers: I don’t think there’s anything in the Bible against it.
Ned: The Good Book was already too long. Some things had to be edited out. The Almighty would not approve.
God: Truth be told, I just didn’t think of it. I’d kinda like to see where this hybrid thing goes.
Ned: *sigh* You love to test my faith, Lord.
Welcome to Geriatric Park Pt. 4
Frink: Eureka-noid! We’ve achieved a triumph of questionable science, with the chromosome manipulation and the splicing of the DNA-ayyy!
Geriatric Park Burns: Save your Frinkisms. What do you have for me?
Frink: Just the greatest breakthrough since fire, the internet, and those candies that fizz in your mouth… Behold!
Make Frink Present Grampasaurus- 2hrs
Make Geriatric Park Burns Marvel at his Lab’s Work- 2hrs
Make Grampa Be Confused If He’s a Dinosaur Now- 2hrs
Collect Fossil Skulls- x155.
Frink: I give you: Grampasaurus!
Grampa: Whose-a-ma-what-jit?! I’m a dinosaur now?
Frink: No, I’ve cloned your cells and spliced them with a T-Rex. That hoyvin-hybrid is now immortal!
Grampasaurus: I’m going to live forever? Hot-diggety-Dryptosaurus!
Geriatric Park Burns: You fool! You made it intelligent!
Frink: There was no sign of brain activity in the test subject.
Grampa: What time does the five o’clock news come on again?
Geriatric Park Burns: Yes, that elderly brain is clearly dead.
Welcome to Geriatric Park Pt. 5
Grampasaurus: Thanks for creating me. Now let me go free. It’s rampaging season!
Frink: Not an option. You’re locked in a 1,000% escape-proof enclosure.
Grampasaurus: But I know the keypad code to the lock, and with my new human-sized claws I can release myself!
Frink: I should have stuck with creating cat-dog hybrids. They’re cuter and easier to crate train.
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Grampasaurus Start a Dinosaur Rampage- 4hrs
Make Homer Run from Dinosaurs- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Try to Arrest Dinosaurs- 4hrs
Make Frink Wonder How He Didn’t See This Coming- 4hrs
Collect Fossil Skulls- x195.
Homer: Aaaah! Dinosaurs! HELP!
Wiggum: Aaaah! Panicking citizens! HELP!
Lisa: You really didn’t see this coming?
Frink: Try looking through my eyeglasses. You’ll know why I don’t see anything coming.
Lisa: *tries on Frink’s glasses* *moans* Stop the world from spinning. I’m getting sick!
And that’s it my friends, the full dialogue for Act 1 of Treehouse of Horror XXXII!
Thoughts on Act 1? Dialogue? Where do you think the story will head in Act 2? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!