Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
It is update time in Springfield my friends! And summer is in full swing in our Pocket-Sized Towns! Of course, an all-new event means all-new premium content in our stores, just tempting us to drop those pink sprinkles!
Arriving with this mini-event, Paul Flart is an all-new premium character to help navigate the event. Not only will Flart help earn event currency, but he also comes with a short questline.
So let’s take a look at the questline for Paul, here’s the full dialogue for A Very Moist Mystery…
A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 1
Squeaky Voice Attendant: With the weekend rush over, and all the “repairs” completed, I guess you can finally relax.
Paul Flart: Did you just put “repairs” in air quotes?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Our “lawyers” said I’m legally required to.
Paul Flart: Wait, why are you air quoting “lawyers”?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Oh, because no real lawyers want to work with us anymore. So technically our “lawyers” are just me looking stuff up on the internet.
Paul Flart: Well, anyway, if there’s nothing going on, we might as well enjoy a few water park perks!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: We should check with the “HR Department” first.
Paul Flart: Now you’re air quoting “HR”? So are you doing that job too?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: No. We have an HR Department.
Make Paul Flart Enjoy Water Park Freebies- 4hrs
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Mr. Flart, a crime has been committed over by the Ankle Soaker!
Paul Flart: Ugh, I’ve only gotten to go down Mt. Splashmore three hundred times… I guess water park crime never sleeps.
A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 2
Wiggum: Flart, get over here! There’s been a crime.
Paul Flart: Why are you — WHOA! *slips and falls*
Wiggum: Oh yeah, be careful when you walk. That happened to me, too. Luckily, I had Lou to fall on.
Lou: And now I have a broken ankle.
Wiggum: It’s not broken, it’s sprained.
Lou: Anyway, someone stole all of your water park’s non-slip mats! WHOOPS! *slips and falls* My other ankle!
Paul Flart: If you’re already here, Chief, what do you need me for?
Wiggum: This isn’t my jurisdiction, Flart. I handle land crimes. This is a water park crime, and you’re the water park cop.
Paul Flart: That’s not how that works.
Wiggum: Come on Lou, let’s get some ice cream.
Make Paul Flart Look for Clues- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Eat Free Ice Cream- 4hrs
Paul Flart: I didn’t find any clues, Chief. I have no leads!
Wiggum: Where you’re going, you don’t need leads.
Paul Flart: What does that mean?
Wiggum: I don’t know. But it sounded helpful in my head.
A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 3
Paul Flart: Okay, we’ve got no leads, no clues, no nothing. But clues are always tricky to find.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Maybe you should take a closer look at the crime scene?
Paul Flart: A closer look? Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: No! All you’ve done is ride around the park on your scooter.
Paul Flart: Scooting around is part of my process. It helps me think.
Make Paul Flart Look for Clues- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Eat More Free Ice Cream- 4hrs
Wiggum: What’s your theory on how the crime took place, Flart?
Paul Flart: Examining the crime scene again, I would say that…the perpetrator was wet when they executed the heist!
Wiggum: Hmm, wet you say. That narrows the investigation considerably.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: But that conclusion is obvious. The non-slip mats were in a pool of water when they were stolen.
Wiggum: Wow, Flart, you really are good!
A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 4
Paul Flart: *picks up a fish scale* Oh, hey, look — an actual clue! Obviously the mats were stolen by a fish.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Or…maybe someone who works with or around fish.
Wiggum: Hey, the Sea Captain knows a lot of fish. Maybe he has something to do with it?
Paul Flart: Time to solve a crime!
Make Paul Flart Question the Sea Captain- 4hrs
Make the Sea Captain Provide a Fishy Alibi- 4hrs
Sea Captain: Why would I want to steal swim mats? What would be me motive?
Paul Flart: Does your ship’s deck ever get slippery?
Sea Captain: ‘Tis always slippery.
Paul Flart: Well, then there’s your motive right there. You stole those mats and put them aboard your ship.
Sea Captain: Fine. That actually is a good motive. But you’re missin’ one important fact: How did I steal them?
Paul Flart: You swam off with them!
Sea Captain: How would I be swimmin’ with the mats…when I can’t even swim!
Paul Flart: You can’t swim? But you’re Sea Captain.
Sea Captain: I have a peg leg and I only learned to swim “froggy style”…
Paul Flart: But you could have put a fin on your peg leg! Couldn’t you?!
Sea Captain: Look, I wasn’t even at the water park the day of the crime, I was at the Squidport Comedy Barrel doin’ their Open Mic Night.
Paul Flart: You do stand-up comedy?
Sea Captain: No, I sing comedy sea shanties. MY NAME IS HORATIO McCALLISTER COMMANDER OF QUEEN’S FORT GARRISON / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL HAUL, HORATIO BUT MOST CALL ME THE “WEIRD AL” OF SHANTIES AND I WELCOME THAT COMPARISON / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL HAUL, HORATIO!
Paul Flart: Wow, you’re actually pretty good. Doing the chorus too — respect.
Sea Captain: Thanks!
Paul Flart: You’re still my prime suspect though.
A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 5
Paul Flart: The Sea Captain’s alibi checked out?! — WHOA! *slips and falls*
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Oh yeah, the replacement mats were also stolen.
Paul Flart: Who is doing this?! We need a lead!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Before you go riding around on your scooter again, there’s an actual trail of water leading away from the crime scene.
Paul Flart: Finally — a trail! You’re going down, unknown thief I haven’t caught yet!
Make Paul Flart Follow the Trail- 4hrs
Paul Flart: The trail leads to…King Snorky?! I should have guessed! It’s always King Snorky!
King Snorky: It wasn’t me! I swear on my mother’s blowhole.
Paul Flart: I don’t know what that means, but it’s very convincing. I believe you didn’t do it.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: He’s holding the mats behind his back!
King Snorky: Yeah, okay, you got me.
Paul Flart: Why’d you do it, Snorky?
King Snorky: Do you know what these things go for online? As climate change destroys our coast, the sidewalks get slippery, and what’s the first thing people need?
Paul Flart: A moving truck to move away from the flooded coast?
King Snorky: Non-slip mats!
Paul Flart: Really? That seems like a stretch.
King Snorky: No, it’s the real deal. I’m selling these babies for fifty apiece — and there’s thousands of mats at this water park.
Paul Flart: I’ll look the other way for a fifty-percent cut.
King Snorky: Ten percent.
Paul Flart: Deal! I’ll take it!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: What about my share in all this?
King Snorky: Let me ask my other “secret” partner.
Sea Captain: Give him five percent.
Paul Flart: I knew you had something to do with this.
Sea Captain: HORATIO WAS A CRIMINAL, A TREASURE STEALING MISCREANT / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL STEAL THE HAUL, HORATIO!
Thoughts on the event? Did you buy Paul Flart? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!