Spalsh and Burn Premium Dialogue: Paul Flart

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

It is update time in Springfield my friends!  And summer is in full swing in our Pocket-Sized Towns!  Of course, an all-new event means all-new premium content in our stores, just tempting us to drop those pink sprinkles!

Arriving with this mini-event, Paul Flart is an all-new premium character to help navigate the event.  Not only will Flart help earn event currency, but he also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Paul, here’s the full dialogue for A Very Moist Mystery…

More details on Flart can be found here…

A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 1

Squeaky Voice Attendant: With the weekend rush over, and all the “repairs” completed, I guess you can finally relax.
Paul Flart: Did you just put “repairs” in air quotes?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Our “lawyers” said I’m legally required to.
Paul Flart: Wait, why are you air quoting “lawyers”?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Oh, because no real lawyers want to work with us anymore. So technically our “lawyers” are just me looking stuff up on the internet.
Paul Flart: Well, anyway, if there’s nothing going on, we might as well enjoy a few water park perks!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: We should check with the “HR Department” first.
Paul Flart: Now you’re air quoting “HR”? So are you doing that job too?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: No. We have an HR Department.
Make Paul Flart Enjoy Water Park Freebies- 4hrs
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Mr. Flart, a crime has been committed over by the Ankle Soaker!
Paul Flart: Ugh, I’ve only gotten to go down Mt. Splashmore three hundred times… I guess water park crime never sleeps.

A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 2

Wiggum: Flart, get over here! There’s been a crime.
Paul Flart: Why are you — WHOA! *slips and falls*
Wiggum: Oh yeah, be careful when you walk. That happened to me, too. Luckily, I had Lou to fall on.
Lou: And now I have a broken ankle.
Wiggum: It’s not broken, it’s sprained.
Lou: Anyway, someone stole all of your water park’s non-slip mats! WHOOPS! *slips and falls* My other ankle!
Paul Flart: If you’re already here, Chief, what do you need me for?
Wiggum: This isn’t my jurisdiction, Flart. I handle land crimes. This is a water park crime, and you’re the water park cop.
Paul Flart: That’s not how that works.
Wiggum: Come on Lou, let’s get some ice cream.
Make Paul Flart Look for Clues- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Eat Free Ice Cream- 4hrs
Paul Flart: I didn’t find any clues, Chief. I have no leads!
Wiggum: Where you’re going, you don’t need leads.
Paul Flart: What does that mean?
Wiggum: I don’t know. But it sounded helpful in my head.

A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 3

Paul Flart: Okay, we’ve got no leads, no clues, no nothing. But clues are always tricky to find.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Maybe you should take a closer look at the crime scene?
Paul Flart: A closer look? Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: No! All you’ve done is ride around the park on your scooter.
Paul Flart: Scooting around is part of my process. It helps me think.
Make Paul Flart Look for Clues- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Eat More Free Ice Cream- 4hrs
Wiggum: What’s your theory on how the crime took place, Flart?
Paul Flart: Examining the crime scene again, I would say that…the perpetrator was wet when they executed the heist!
Wiggum: Hmm, wet you say. That narrows the investigation considerably.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: But that conclusion is obvious. The non-slip mats were in a pool of water when they were stolen.
Wiggum: Wow, Flart, you really are good!

A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 4

Paul Flart: *picks up a fish scale* Oh, hey, look — an actual clue! Obviously the mats were stolen by a fish.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Or…maybe someone who works with or around fish.
Wiggum: Hey, the Sea Captain knows a lot of fish. Maybe he has something to do with it?
Paul Flart: Time to solve a crime!
Make Paul Flart Question the Sea Captain- 4hrs
Make the Sea Captain Provide a Fishy Alibi- 4hrs
Sea Captain: Why would I want to steal swim mats? What would be me motive?
Paul Flart: Does your ship’s deck ever get slippery?
Sea Captain: ‘Tis always slippery.
Paul Flart: Well, then there’s your motive right there. You stole those mats and put them aboard your ship.
Sea Captain: Fine. That actually is a good motive. But you’re missin’ one important fact: How did I steal them?
Paul Flart: You swam off with them!
Sea Captain: How would I be swimmin’ with the mats…when I can’t even swim!
Paul Flart: You can’t swim? But you’re Sea Captain.
Sea Captain: I have a peg leg and I only learned to swim “froggy style”…
Paul Flart: But you could have put a fin on your peg leg! Couldn’t you?!
Sea Captain: Look, I wasn’t even at the water park the day of the crime, I was at the Squidport Comedy Barrel doin’ their Open Mic Night.
Paul Flart: You do stand-up comedy?
Sea Captain: No, I sing comedy sea shanties. MY NAME IS HORATIO McCALLISTER COMMANDER OF QUEEN’S FORT GARRISON / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL HAUL, HORATIO BUT MOST CALL ME THE “WEIRD AL” OF SHANTIES AND I WELCOME THAT COMPARISON / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL HAUL, HORATIO!
Paul Flart: Wow, you’re actually pretty good. Doing the chorus too — respect.
Sea Captain: Thanks!
Paul Flart: You’re still my prime suspect though.

A Very Moist Mystery, Pt. 5

Paul Flart: The Sea Captain’s alibi checked out?! — WHOA! *slips and falls*
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Oh yeah, the replacement mats were also stolen.
Paul Flart: Who is doing this?! We need a lead!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Before you go riding around on your scooter again, there’s an actual trail of water leading away from the crime scene.
Paul Flart: Finally — a trail! You’re going down, unknown thief I haven’t caught yet!
Make Paul Flart Follow the Trail- 4hrs
Paul Flart: The trail leads to…King Snorky?! I should have guessed! It’s always King Snorky!
King Snorky: It wasn’t me! I swear on my mother’s blowhole.
Paul Flart: I don’t know what that means, but it’s very convincing. I believe you didn’t do it.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: He’s holding the mats behind his back!
King Snorky: Yeah, okay, you got me.
Paul Flart: Why’d you do it, Snorky?
King Snorky: Do you know what these things go for online? As climate change destroys our coast, the sidewalks get slippery, and what’s the first thing people need?
Paul Flart: A moving truck to move away from the flooded coast?
King Snorky: Non-slip mats!
Paul Flart: Really? That seems like a stretch.
King Snorky: No, it’s the real deal. I’m selling these babies for fifty apiece — and there’s thousands of mats at this water park.
Paul Flart: I’ll look the other way for a fifty-percent cut.
King Snorky: Ten percent.
Paul Flart: Deal! I’ll take it!
Squeaky Voice Attendant: What about my share in all this?
King Snorky: Let me ask my other “secret” partner.
Sea Captain: Give him five percent.
Paul Flart: I knew you had something to do with this.
Sea Captain: HORATIO WAS A CRIMINAL, A TREASURE STEALING MISCREANT / WAY, HAUL AWAY, WE’LL STEAL THE HAUL, HORATIO!

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Paul Flart? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

9 responses to “Spalsh and Burn Premium Dialogue: Paul Flart

  1. What song is the Sea Captain supposed to be parodying?

  2. Thanks for the information. Unfortunately the tree is not in my inventory. I also checked my Springfield for unfinished buildings. Couldn’t find it there either. Oh well. If the next event is far enough away, maybe I’ll take this opportunity to make some sense out of my chaotically placed Springfield.

    • Did you check the store to see if you can buy one? If it’s in store for purchase (70 donuts) then you don’t own it. If it’s not in the store, it’s somewhere in your inventory.
      The only other option would be to contact EA directly and ask them to place the tree in your town. Tell them you owned it and it disappeared from your game.

      • Checked the store and didn’t find it. I’ll look again. Would there be a specific section I should look? Thought I checked them all. Found your post from May 1, 2019 really: contacting EA, of course I can’t get the linked page to load. Lol. Thanks for your help.

        • In the store it’s just listed under the event as Water Slide tree, it’s with all the other event-specific items. If it’s not in your store, that means you own it. It’s either in your inventory or in your town somewhere.

          This is the link for EA

          https://help.ea.com/en/contact-us/new/?product=the-simpsons-tapped-out

          BUT caution it is a unique item. So if it’s already in your town and they place another one in Springfield for you, it’ll just be trapped in your inventory. Check around your town to see if you have it.

        • As Alissa initially said, try looking through the uncategorized part of your inventory (which has EVERYTHING in your inventory). Some things don’t end up categorized, so you can’t find them in any category. Often, uncategorized stuff is at the end, but, sometimes, it’s with the other items that it would have been categorized with. Knowing the exact name for it is helpful when you’re looking, because the items in the uncategorized view are in alphabetical order, within various sub-groupings. Also, it tends to show unique items in that grouping before it shows items you can have multiples of.

          One of my top three wishes for game enhancements would be a searchable (not just browsable) inventory…if they built that code module, they could probably also use it for the Town Hall, which would be helpful, too. (Scrolling through over 500 characters to get to, say, Yahweh, is a pain in the you-know-what!

  3. Paul Flart w/ Mt. Splashmore was an instant buy and his Questline was brief (it was still funny!) 😊 👍🏻

  4. Event looks fun. Wish I could participate. Where is the waterslide tree. Bart and Lisa need it for The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 1

    • The waterslide tree was a premium item with a past event (a really long time ago). Odds are you own it already because it wouldn’t trigger you to have it if you didn’t…since it’s premium…and it may be tucked away in your inventory.

      For SURE it wouldn’t trigger to go the waterslide tree if you don’t already own it. I just ran it in my very low-level game where I do not own the tree, and it allowed me to move through the questline without sending them there. So the most likely scenario is the waterslide tree is in your inventory and you just haven’t been able to locate it. Try looking through your entire inventory, not just by category and see if you can see it listed.

      Also, it’s available in the store for purchase via donuts if you do not already own it. So, if it’s in your store that means you don’t own it. If it’s not in the store…it’s in your inventory.

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