Splash and Burn Full Dialogue: The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide

Reminder: Next event starts Wednesday…Spoilers can be found here.

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we always do when an event winds down, it’s now time to take a look at the hilarious dialogue for this event…just in case you missed it by tapping to fast.

So here’s the full dialogue for the Splash and Burn mini-event main questline…

Summertime Blues Pt. 1

Homer: It finally happened. Our team is good enough to fly across the country for.
Lenny: What about last year when we won the championship?
Homer: That was a fluke. Now that we’re good again this season, it means we’re actually good.
Carl: Yeah, last year came out of nowhere. It was like when Leicester City won the Premier League in 2016.
Lenny: We don’t get your soccer references, Carl.
Carl: Sorry.
Intercom: We will begin the boarding process for Flight 196 to Boston shortly, starting with our Group One first-class passengers.
Lenny: Come on Carl, Group One — that’s us.
Carl: Yeah, let’s hit the fancy airport lounge before boarding starts!
Homer: What?! YOU guys are Group One?! FIRST CLASS?!
Lenny: Carl and I got upgraded.
Homer: But they only do that for newlyweds on their honeymoons and flight attendants on their off days!
Carl: Well, this time they did it ’cause we bought our tickets with points.
Homer: Points? That’s it? I’ve got tons of those on my driver’s license.
Lenny: No. Platinum Praetorian points.
Carl: *holding out thick metal credit card* We just got our credit cards in the mail — you get crazy benefits when you book flights.
Homer: But I want crazy benefits…
Lenny: Can’t without the points.
Homer: Fine…
Make Travelers Bump Into a Sad, Lonely Homer- x3. 6s
Make Lenny Drink Free Platinum Duff- 6s
Make Carl Get a Neck Massage- 6s
Make Homer Squeeze Into His Economy Middle Seat- 6s
Homer: That was the worst trip ever! Stuck in stupid economy, while you guys got to experience all the travel perks known to man.
Carl: Look, Homer, I’ll just send you my referral code, and you can apply for your own platinum card. That way you’ll get a nice point bonus in time for your next trip.
Lenny: Carl just wants you to do that so he can get even more points for himself. Use my code instead!
Carl: No way! I brought up the referral code thing first!
Homer: I don’t care about which code — send me both! Because I’m going straight home and getting myself a fancy Praetorian card!

Summertime Blues Pt. 2

Lisa: Hi Dad, how was your trip?
Homer: No time! Must apply for credit card! *typing*
Computer: DENIED. STOP APPLYING. EVERY DENIAL IS FURTHER LOWERING YOUR CREDIT SCORE.
Homer: I guess I have to just keep applying… *typing*
Computer: APPROVED.
Homer: Woohoo!
Computer: JUST KIDDING — DENIED. ALSO, PLEASE STOP.
Homer: How come Lenny and Carl can get approved for fancy cards, and I can’t?! We have the same job, and we even go to the same bar!
Lisa: Well, it does make some sense. Lenny and Carl don’t have mortgages, they don’t have kids, and they probably don’t throw all their “past-due” bills in the garbage.
Homer: Stupid kids! Ruining my financial health!
Lisa: Dad, have you ever sat down and actually taken a look at your credit report?
Homer: No, I pay “Credit Nirvana” $29.99 a month to take a look for me.
Lisa: Well, after we see what’s on there, maybe we can fix things. *typing*
Make Homer Give Lisa His Credit Nirvana Password- 6s
Make Lisa Log Into Homer’s Credit Nirvana Account- 6s
Make Bart Laugh at Homer’s Password- 6s
Lisa: Voila! Here’s your credit report, Dad.
Homer: AAAAH!
Lisa: Yeah, this is pretty unfixable.
Bart: Why do you have a Banana Republic credit card?
Homer: I don’t know. All I wanted to do was walk in and buy a pair of pants! It’s all I ever wanted…
Lisa: Wait, it says on the report that your spouse has a Platinum Praetorian Card and you’re listed as an “Authorized User”!
Homer: What?! Marge, do we have a Platinum Praetorian Card?!
Marge: Of course, it’s how we’re able to afford and book all of our “Simpsons Go To” vacations.
Lisa: Our what?
Marge: You know, all the trips we go on: Brazil, Australia, Costa Rica, England, Tokyo, Italy, France, Ireland…
Homer: Woo-hoo! That means we must have millions of travel points by now! Kids, where do you want to go to next? Because we’re all flying first-class and getting free neck massages at the airport lounge!
Lisa: Ooh! We should go on an ecological tour of the Galápagos!
Bart: Fiji! No — the Bahamas! No — whatever the island Fortnite is based on!
Marge: Homer, I am not going to waste all of our points on first class tickets to some random island. I book our trips using a very specific and cost-effective system of well-timed deals and promos.
Homer: Okay, then where does your *air quotes* “system” think we should go?
Marge: *typing* Hmm, my system is only giving me two choices that we can currently afford…
Homer: *praying* Please be somewhere awesome. Please be somewhere awesome…
Marge: Our choices are…a Crypto Cruise around a floating server farm in the North Sea…
Lisa: Sounds like a scam.
Marge: Or…a three day stay at Mt. Splashmore Water Park & Resort.
Bart and Lisa: Water park! Water park! Water park!
Homer: But Mt. Splashmore is right outside Springfield — which means we wouldn’t get to fly first-class or get free airport neck massages…
Bart and Lisa: Water park! Water park! Water park!
Homer: Fine, I’ll get my swimsuit…’

The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 1

Lisa: Oh man, I’m so excited for Mt. Splashmore!
Bart: Me too! Especially since they bought the infamous Devil’s Deluge water slide and made it twice as dangerous!
Lisa: They did what with who now?!
Bart: Lisa, The Devil’s Deluge is only the most awesome and dangerous slide in the world. You even get to sign onto a class action lawsuit while you wait in line.
Lisa: It can’t be that dangerous…
Bart: It was voted “America’s Most Dangerous Water Slide” eight years in a row and recently earned Water Park America’s “Deathtime Achievement Award”.
Lisa: *worried gulp*
Marge: We’re here!
Swimsuit Homer: Okay, have a good time kids! If you get injured, just make sure someone’s filming it for the future lawsuit.
Make Bart Rush to the Devil’s Deluge- 4hrs
Make Lisa Question the Water Quality- 4hrs
Make Homer Look for the Snack Bar- 4hrs
Collect Pool Floaties- x175. 4hrs
Bart: Come on, Lis, the line for the Devil’s Deluge is only two hours long!
Lisa: *super worried gulp*
Paul Flart: Hold it right there, spikey hair kid.
Bart: Me? Or my sister?
Paul Flart: You. *points at sign*
Lisa: *gasp* The dreaded “You must be THIS tall to go on this ride” sign!
Bart: Have I been standing in front of that this whole time?
Paul Flart: *points at Bart* You’re too short to go on the Devil’s Deluge.
Bart: No, I’m tall enough! Look! *stretches neck*
Paul Flart: Nope, short by an inch — and that’s counting your hair points.
Bart: Come on! Make an exception just this once! Please!
Paul Flart: Nope!
Bart: What’s your problem, dude? I mean, like who died and made you the Paul Blart of this water park?
Paul Flart: No one died. And the name isn’t Blart, it’s Flart. Paul Flart.
Bart: You’re a lame security guard, and your name is one letter off from the mall cop in that Kevin James movie?!
Paul Flart: Hey! I didn’t come up with the name, I was born with it! It was out of my hands!
Bart: Okay, Flart. But you best believe I’m getting on that super deadly slide.
Paul Flart: Don’t even think about trying to sneak onto that slide, pal, because I got my eye on you. Plus, you’re too short and might die if you go down it, which would be most unfortunate…
Bart: Well, you can EAT MY SWIMTRUNKS, Flart.
Paul Flart: Stop saying my name like that!
Bart: Whatever you say…FLART.

The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 2

Bart: Hey, Homer, I need your help distracting that water park cop weirdo.
Swimsuit Homer: Why would I help you do anything?
Bart: Please! All I need you to do is distract Flart so I can sneak onto the Devil’s Deluge.
Swimsuit Homer: His name is Flart?! Oh my God, what a dumb name! Okay, I’ll help.
Bart: That’s all it took to convince you?
SwimsuitHomer : *shrugs* Hey, I’m a reasonable guy.
Bart: No, you’re not.
Swimsuit Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE!
Bart: *getting choked* Case…in…point.
Swimsuit Homer: *lets go* Touché.
Make Homer Dance to Distract- 4hrs
Make Bart Try to Sneak Onto the Slide- 4hrs
Make Paul Flart Block Bart- 4hrs
Collect Pool Floaties- x175.
Swimsuit Homer: Look at me, everyone! I’m dancin’ in a swimsuit. *awkwardly dances*
Bart: I told Homer to distract the cop, not the entire water park!
Agnes: Shake it over here, baby! Momma’s got a dollar bill ready to slip into those swim trunks.
Swimsuit Homer: Uh, that’s not really necessary…
Agnes: Here’s a twenty then. *grabs Skinner’s wallet*
Skinner: Mother — that was all of my cash. How am I supposed to pay for lunch now?
Swimsuit Homer: *dancing* I hope my dancing doesn’t distract anyone — especially any water park cops.
Bart: Okay, I think the coast is clear for me to sneak onto the Devil’s Deluge—
Paul Flart: Not so fast!
Bart: Flart?! But you were supposed to get distracted by the dancing fat guy over in the lazy river!
Paul Flart: I knew you were going to try something like that. Which is precisely why I put the interns on drunk idiot duty. Can you believe we’re allowed to still have interns? These kids think they’ll actually get college credit for this…
Bart: *points* Whoa, is one of the interns doing a backflip off Mt. Splashmore Mountain?
Paul Flart: *turns around* I don’t see anyone jumping— *turns back* Wait, where’d you go? Aw man, he tricked me!
Bart: *does a backflip off Mt. Splashmore Mountain* Smell you later, Flart!

The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 3

Milhouse: *blowing air into floaties* Ah man, there’s a hole in my floaty…
Bart: Milhouse?! I didn’t know you’d be in this update!
Milhouse: I wasn’t supposed to be. I just happened to be at the water park today!
Bart: Well, I’m happy to see that you were included. And…since you’re here, you’ve gotta help me sneak onto the Devil’s Deluge.
Milhouse: I don’t know, Bart. I usually stick to the less dangerous rides like “The Lazy Puddle”, or “The Ankle Soaker” or “The SPF 60 Adventure…”
Bart: But those are rides for babies who wear water diapers!
Milhouse: *covering himself up* Yeah, you’re right. Only babies wear water diapers — I’d never wear a water diaper…
Bart: Anyway, I was thinking we’d sneak onto the slide with the classic “two kids, one trench coat” trick.
Milhouse: That is a classic! But also a weird choice for a water park… You know, because why would anybody wear a trench coat at a water park…
Bart: …
Milhouse: Sorry, I know it’s not really my role to start poking holes in your plan. It’s a great plan…great plan.
Bart: Just get on my shoulders and let’s trick this water park Flart-wad!
Make Bart Carry Milhouse- 4hrs
Make Milhouse Put On Their Disguise- 4hrs
Make Paul Flart Be Suspicious- 4hrs
Make Lisa Test the Park Water- 4hrs
Collect Pool Floaties- x125. 4hrs
Milhouse: I say, good sir, may I get on that slide? I believe it’s called the Devil’s Deluge.
Paul Flart: Are you sure you don’t want to take off your coat before going down the slide?
Milhouse: Uh, no, I need my coat because I’m from London and all Londoners wear coats!
Paul Flart: Are you okay? You’re shaking all of a sudden, and kind of yelling at me for no reason.
Milhouse: I’m not yelling — you’re YELLING. *trips and falls over*
Paul Flart: I knew you weren’t a Londoner! You don’t even have a British accent!
Bart: Great detective work, Flart.
Paul Flart: You two dummies are coming with me!
Bart: Instead of walking down all these stairs, wouldn’t it be faster if we took the slide down?
Paul Flart: Hmm, that would be faster…Wait, you’re trying to trick me again. I’m not falling for your—
Bart: *grabs inner tube* Milhouse, come on! Milhouse?!
Milhouse: I can’t! I’m too afraid to go down that slide!
Paul Flart: *grabbing Milhouse and Bart* That’s it! I’m sending you two to the only place you can’t escape in this water park!

The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 4

Bart: I can’t believe we ended up in the water park’s “Drunk Tank Dunk Tank”.
Milhouse: Yeah, if you’re going to put us in water park prison, it should at least match our crime. We’re kids — and this place is filled with weird, smelly drunk people.
Barney: *belches* I’m not drunk. I just accidentally drank one of those floating chlorine thingies thinking it was a piña colada!
Sea Captain: Nor am I imbibed with the sirens’ spirits! All I’ve got is a brief spell of scurvy and some light indigestion on account of my IBS!
Bart: Yeah, yeah, everyone in prison says they’re innocent…
Kearney: *walking up* Whoa, “Drunk Tank Dunk Tank” — “dunk a drunk and win a prize”. *throws ball*
Sea Captain: *falling into dunk tank* Arrrr, me wooden peg leg is not waterproof!
Jimbo: My turn! *throws ball* Got him!
Barney: *falling into tank* How is this legal?! *belches*
Milhouse: Bart, we need to get out of here before we start getting dunked! My floaty is out of air! I’ll drown!
Bart: Relax, the moment Flart gets distracted, we’re making a run for it.
Milhouse: Look, Lisa’s walking up to Flart!
Lisa: Mr. Flart, you have to close the water park! We have an emergency situation.
Paul Flart: An emergency?! The kind where I need to run away and hide or the kind I can safely ignore?
Lisa: Can you safely ignore what may be the dawn of one of the greatest ecological disasters in human history?
Paul Flart: I’m guessing…no?
Lisa: Look at the results from these water tests I conducted!
Bart: Come on! Now’s our chance.
Milhouse: But I wanted to see the water test results.
Bart: We will — after the quest objectives are completed.
Make Lisa Expose Tainted Water- 4hrs
Make Paul Flart Make Excuses for Tainted Water- 4hrs
Make Bart Sneak Out of Water Park Jail- 4hrs
Make Milhouse Follow Bart Out of Jail- 4hrs
Collect Pool Floaties- x125. 4hrs
Paul Flart: We’re aware that bacteria is a thing, little girl. That’s why we use whatever that chemical is that makes your eyes burn to keep everyone healthy.
Lisa: Look, I’m not talking about normal water park bacteria. The water quality here is so poor that you’ve managed to breed chlorine-resistant bacteria!
Paul Flart: Okay. And that’s bad?
Lisa: It’s an emergency!
Paul Flart: Okay, okay! Let me take the inmates out of the “bacteria” filled dunk tank, and then I’ll call the top brass to get this sorted out. Wait, where’d they all go?
Sea Captain: Those two criminal cadets exited starboard and are headed north at fifteen knots.
Paul Flart: I know exactly where they’re going…

The Devil and the Deep Blue Slide Pt. 5

Bart: Devil’s Deluge, here we come!
Milhouse: But Bart, what about the attendant?
Squeaky Voice Attendant: *snoring*
Bart: You were saying?
Milhouse: Uh, look, Bart, you go ahead. That slide looks cool and all, but…but it’s not safe.
Bart: Of course it’s not safe, you big baby. That’s the whole point!
Paul Flart: Hey! *pant* Come…back…here! *gasp*
Bart: Milhouse, it’s now or never!
Milhouse: I choose never.
Bart: If I die, tell everyone I died doing what I love most! *goes down slide*
Make Bart Dive Onto the Slide- 4hrs
Make Paul Flart Dive After Bart- 4hrs
Collect Pool Floaties- x205. 4hrs
Paul Flart: Gotcha!
Bart: Hey man, let me go! *shoves Flart*
Paul Flart: Careful, kid, this deadly slide isn’t that stable — WHOA! *slide starts to collapse*
Bart: I’m falling!
Paul Flart: I got ya, kid! *grabs Bart and helps him to hold on* We just gotta hold until the fire department gets here.
Bart: Okay! We can do this together. Wait, what’s wrong?
Paul Flart: Curse my sweaty palms! *slips and falls, grabs Bart’s ankles on the way down*
Bart: AAARH! Can’t…hold us…both up! *slips and falls*
Paul Flart: We’re all gonna die!
Lisa: They’re going to…land in the Lazy Puddle kiddie pool?
Paul Flart: Oh God, kid, you landed on my collarbone. And my spine. And my bad knee. *groans*
Bart: We…we made it!
Swimsuit Homer: That was great! I didn’t know there was going to be a stunt show.
Marge: That wasn’t a stunt show, that was our son!

Summer Splashin’, Had Me a Blast

Bart: That was amazing the way you almost killed me then accidentally saved my life!
Paul Flart: And it was amazing the way you held us up as long as you could. But also you’re under arrest again.
Bart: What? After all we went through together?
Paul Flart: Sorry, kid, but for a water park cop, water park law always comes first. Wait, hold on. Look!
Bart: What? Oh, the “You must be this tall…” sign. Gonna rub it in my face again?
Paul Flart: No, you’re somehow taller?
Bart: You’re right! I am!
Paul Flart: I guess when I was holding onto your ankles, I must have stretched you out.
Bart: *gasp* So I’m tall enough to ride the slide now?!
Paul Flart: I mean, you would be if the Devil’s Deluge wasn’t just completely destroyed when we just slid down it.
Bart: Oh yeah…forgot.
Make Paul Flart Let Bart Go- 4hrs
Make Bart Steal Paul Flart’s Scooter- 4hrs
Lisa: So, Bart? You just had to steal Paul Flart’s scooter…
Bart: I didn’t “have to” do anything. But yes, I’ve acquired a certain water park cop’s official cop scooter. Now I can ride it around our neighborhood for the rest of the summer.
Homer: Bart, take your scooter and get me a six-pack of Duff.
Bart: But I’m not old enough.
Homer: This kid and all of his excuses!

And there you have it my friends, the full dialogue for the Splash and Burn mini-event!

Final thoughts on the event?  Dialogue? Which prize was your favorite?  What do you think we’ll see next?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!