If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time then you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this act . . .
What’s in this post
• Intro quest
• Act 1 Prize track parts 1 to 5
Intro quest: Game On
Game On:
Bart: Ugh, another update? My phone is fat with all these downloads!
Milhouse: But updates show that the developers care.
Bart: It says it’s gonna take two hours to finish! Thirty seconds in and I’m already bored.
Martin: Gentlemen, might I suggest a game of Vaults and Vandals to pass the time?
Nelson: Or I’ve got a game: Pound the Nerd.
Martin: I just thought you might lend a hand in defeating the murderous bandits in my V&V campaign.
Bart: Murderous bandits?!
Milhouse: My mom says I can only play scary things nine hours before bedtime.
Nelson: My fists are tired so I guess we can play your stupid game.
Martin: Wunderbar! Would you rather be a noble knight or a majestic druid?
Nelson: With every word outta your mouth my fists get punchier and punchier.
• Make Bart Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Milhouse Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Martin Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Nelson Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
Martin: With great trepidation you enter the crypt… Your eyes adjust to the darkness, and you discover a figure standing over a sarcophagus.
Nelson: I say we bash this figure guy in the face.
Milhouse: I say we run away!
Bart: I’m in the “bash in the face” camp!
Martin: But this could be an ally ready to assist you. Are you sure you want to attack?
Bart: I’m itching for mayhem!
Martin: But that’s not how the game is played…
Nelson: Maybe we should just “bash” Martin Prince.
Martin: *sigh* Very well. The Vaults and Vandals online community is never going to let me hear the end of this.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP
Unlocks the prize track and Store items when completed
Prize track: Phoning It In parts 1 to 5
Phoning It In part 1:
Martin: A quick recap — you’ve pillaged the local village. You’ve extorted all the craftsmen for gold…
Bart: Don’t forget the travelers we robbed.
Martin: Now that you’ve stuffed your pockets with gold, shall we pursue the primary quest — defeating the evil dragon?
Bart: *phone chimes* My phone finally finished downloading the update!
Nelson: Mine too! Smell ya later, nerds.
Martin: But what of our adventure here?
Bart: It’s over, dude.
Milhouse: Now we can play more mature games on our phones.
Bart: Except for Milhouse. That “Happy Little Elves” game you’re playing is for babies.
Milhouse: But it’s for BIG babies!
• Collect Dice – x 115
• Make Bart Go Home – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Go Home – 4 hours
• Make Martin Pack Up – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Play the “Happy Little Elves” Game – 4 hours
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: The Serfsons Mailbox
Phoning It In part 2:
Bart: What the heck?! My phone is downloading another update?!
Lisa: Your phone is four versions old! You’ll be updating forever.
Marge: So you’ve got time to do some chores around the house.
Bart: Actually, Mom… I’m late for a game of Vaults and Vandals with my friends.
Homer: Vaults and Vandals? That’s a nerd game!
Bart: Yeah, but there’s a kid at school who doesn’t have any friends. I thought it would be nice to play with him.
Marge: That’s sooo sweet.
Homer: Sweet like a fox.
Marge: *handing Homer a broom* And your game can be doing Bart’s chores.
Homer: D’oh!
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Round Up the Gang – 4 hours
• Make Homer Do Bart’s Chores – 4 hours
Nelson: So why are we all playing Vaults and Vandals again?
Bart: Because I have housework waiting for me at home.
Milhouse: I’m here for pleasant company with my good friends.
Nelson: I got your “pleasant company”. *punches Milhouse*
Milhouse: Ow! Good friends.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Banana Monarchy
Phoning It In Pt 3:
Martin: Ready to continue our Vaults and Vandals adventure, gentlemen? Who shall assume the Vault Master role today?
Bart: No one else knows the game, so you’re it.
Martin: Surely you jest! I’ve a twelfth-level wizard itching for action.
Nelson: Either you do it or we all walk, dingus.
Milhouse: Nelson, you’ve played Vaults and Vandals, so you might be considered a dingus too.
Nelson: Try calling me dingus again…without teeth!
Martin: Please, I’ll accept your terms. Now let’s resume our adventure in the magical Kingdom of Springfieldia.
Milhouse: And before we begin, let’s all put our hands together and sing a friendship song.
Nelson: *punches Milhouse*
Milhouse: Ow! We can skip the song.
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Martin Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
Martin: You make your way to the local tavern. What’s your first action?
Bart: Drink some grog!
Martin: But the barkeep tells you they have none — they’ve been raided by bandits.
Bart: Lousy bandits!
Milhouse: I’ll ask the bartender to point me to the bandits’ lair.
Martin: He gives you the direction they traveled when they left. So you should all follow their tracks!
Nelson: Hold up. If we muscle these bandits to get the grog back, what’s in it for us?
Martin: All the grog you can drink.
Nelson: Oh right. Let’s roll.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Mystery Box Token
Phoning It In part 4:
Martin: You dispatched that bandit camp quite easily.
Nelson: I have to admit, being able to punch your way through every problem in this game is cool.
Bart: I liked the part where you made all the bad guys march home in their underwear.
Nelson: That’s straight outta MY playbook.
Martin: So, same time tomorrow everyone?
Bart: I’m not much for planning my tomorrows. How ’bout anytime our phones have a new update we meet up to play?
Bart: *phone chimes* …and there’s another update.
Martin: I’ll get the maps and dice back out!
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Download Another Update – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Enjoy Not Being Punched – 4 hours
• Make Martin Set the Game Back Up – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Secretly Have Fun – 4 hours
Martin: A magical portal with glimmering gems and a mountain of gold now stands before you.
Bart: Whoa! That’s some real Mr. Burns-level jingle!
Martin: You are instantly teleported through the portal and into a world of wealth beyond your wildest imagination.
Nelson: We’re eating steak tartare tonight!
Martin: However, when you turn around, you see the mighty Dragon of Springfieldia preparing to burn you and your companions to a crisp.
Nelson: He better not burn my tartare!
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Victarion’s Secret
Phoning It In part 5:
Bart: We’re about to become dragon toast!
Milhouse: Don’t worry, fellas. I’ve got just the thing to handle dragons. *pulls out a V&V supplement*
Martin: Just what have you procured? Explain!
Milhouse: It’s a special V&V spellbook I bought with a super rare spell that I’ve been saving for a special occasion!
Martin: It’s got the official logo, so it’s technically within the rules of the game. I’ll allow it.
Milhouse: Hiding my lunch money from the bullies for a month paid off!
• Collect Dice – x 195
• Make Bart Hide Behind Milhouse – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Punch Bart – 4 hours
• Make Martin Allow the Spell to be Used – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Cast a Super Rare Spell – 4 hours
Bart: *ground shaking* What’s happening?!
Martin: It’s the spell cast by Milhouse!
Nelson: How’d you do that, dingus?!
Milhouse: If I told you, everyone would be as cool as me. Besides, it’s only a tiny earthquake.
Nelson: And it brought to life that wizard standing behind us!
Sorcerer Chalmers: What’s going on here?
Martin: Egads! It’s the head of the Wizard’s School from the Kingdom of Springfieldia!
Sorcerer Chalmers: Now I remember! You idiots opened a portal between our two worlds. But how?
Milhouse: We were playing this game called Vaults and Vandals.
Sorcerer Chalmers: Cease your game play at once! There are dangerous elements in Springfieldia that should never be pulled into your world!
Bart: And some great ones like this giant pile of gold!
Sorcerer Chalmers: Okay, gold, sure. But also know there are many dangers within my world. Now put the dice down!
Bart: And miss out on more treasure? No way! *rolls dice*
Sorcerer Chalmers: Fine. When an ogre bites your head off, don’t come running to me.
Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and character: Sorcerer Chalmers
That about wraps things up for this act.
Back soon with the Act 2 Rundown once that goes live.