If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time then you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this act . . .
What’s in this post
• Intro quest
• Act 1 Prize track parts 1 to 5
Intro quest: Game On
Bart: Ugh, another update? My phone is fat with all these downloads!
Milhouse: But updates show that the developers care.
Bart: It says it’s gonna take two hours to finish! Thirty seconds in and I’m already bored.
Martin: Gentlemen, might I suggest a game of Vaults and Vandals to pass the time?
Nelson: Or I’ve got a game: Pound the Nerd.
Martin: I just thought you might lend a hand in defeating the murderous bandits in my V&V campaign.
Bart: Murderous bandits?!
Milhouse: My mom says I can only play scary things nine hours before bedtime.
Nelson: My fists are tired so I guess we can play your stupid game.
Martin: Wunderbar! Would you rather be a noble knight or a majestic druid?
Nelson: With every word outta your mouth my fists get punchier and punchier.
• Make Bart Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Milhouse Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Martin Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
• Make Nelson Play Vaults and Vandals – 6 seconds
Martin: With great trepidation you enter the crypt… Your eyes adjust to the darkness, and you discover a figure standing over a sarcophagus.
Nelson: I say we bash this figure guy in the face.
Milhouse: I say we run away!
Bart: I’m in the “bash in the face” camp!
Martin: But this could be an ally ready to assist you. Are you sure you want to attack?
Bart: I’m itching for mayhem!
Martin: But that’s not how the game is played…
Nelson: Maybe we should just “bash” Martin Prince.
Martin: *sigh* Very well. The Vaults and Vandals online community is never going to let me hear the end of this.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP
Unlocks the prize track and Store items when completed
Prize track: Phoning It In parts 1 to 5
Phoning It In part 1:
Martin: A quick recap — you’ve pillaged the local village. You’ve extorted all the craftsmen for gold…
Bart: Don’t forget the travelers we robbed.
Martin: Now that you’ve stuffed your pockets with gold, shall we pursue the primary quest — defeating the evil dragon?
Bart: *phone chimes* My phone finally finished downloading the update!
Nelson: Mine too! Smell ya later, nerds.
Martin: But what of our adventure here?
Bart: It’s over, dude.
Milhouse: Now we can play more mature games on our phones.
Bart: Except for Milhouse. That “Happy Little Elves” game you’re playing is for babies.
Milhouse: But it’s for BIG babies!
• Collect Dice – x 115
• Make Bart Go Home – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Go Home – 4 hours
• Make Martin Pack Up – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Play the “Happy Little Elves” Game – 4 hours
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: The Serfsons Mailbox
Phoning It In part 2:
Bart: What the heck?! My phone is downloading another update?!
Lisa: Your phone is four versions old! You’ll be updating forever.
Marge: So you’ve got time to do some chores around the house.
Bart: Actually, Mom… I’m late for a game of Vaults and Vandals with my friends.
Homer: Vaults and Vandals? That’s a nerd game!
Bart: Yeah, but there’s a kid at school who doesn’t have any friends. I thought it would be nice to play with him.
Marge: That’s sooo sweet.
Homer: Sweet like a fox.
Marge: *handing Homer a broom* And your game can be doing Bart’s chores.
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Round Up the Gang – 4 hours
• Make Homer Do Bart’s Chores – 4 hours
Nelson: So why are we all playing Vaults and Vandals again?
Bart: Because I have housework waiting for me at home.
Milhouse: I’m here for pleasant company with my good friends.
Nelson: I got your “pleasant company”. *punches Milhouse*
Milhouse: Ow! Good friends.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Banana Monarchy
Phoning It In Pt 3:
Martin: Ready to continue our Vaults and Vandals adventure, gentlemen? Who shall assume the Vault Master role today?
Bart: No one else knows the game, so you’re it.
Martin: Surely you jest! I’ve a twelfth-level wizard itching for action.
Nelson: Either you do it or we all walk, dingus.
Milhouse: Nelson, you’ve played Vaults and Vandals, so you might be considered a dingus too.
Nelson: Try calling me dingus again…without teeth!
Martin: Please, I’ll accept your terms. Now let’s resume our adventure in the magical Kingdom of Springfieldia.
Milhouse: And before we begin, let’s all put our hands together and sing a friendship song.
Nelson: *punches Milhouse*
Milhouse: Ow! We can skip the song.
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Martin Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Resume Playing Vaults and Vandals – 4 hours
Martin: You make your way to the local tavern. What’s your first action?
Bart: Drink some grog!
Martin: But the barkeep tells you they have none — they’ve been raided by bandits.
Bart: Lousy bandits!
Milhouse: I’ll ask the bartender to point me to the bandits’ lair.
Martin: He gives you the direction they traveled when they left. So you should all follow their tracks!
Nelson: Hold up. If we muscle these bandits to get the grog back, what’s in it for us?
Martin: All the grog you can drink.
Nelson: Oh right. Let’s roll.
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Mystery Box Token
Phoning It In part 4:
Martin: You dispatched that bandit camp quite easily.
Nelson: I have to admit, being able to punch your way through every problem in this game is cool.
Bart: I liked the part where you made all the bad guys march home in their underwear.
Nelson: That’s straight outta MY playbook.
Martin: So, same time tomorrow everyone?
Bart: I’m not much for planning my tomorrows. How ’bout anytime our phones have a new update we meet up to play?
Bart: *phone chimes* …and there’s another update.
Martin: I’ll get the maps and dice back out!
• Collect Dice – x 155
• Make Bart Download Another Update – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Enjoy Not Being Punched – 4 hours
• Make Martin Set the Game Back Up – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Secretly Have Fun – 4 hours
Martin: A magical portal with glimmering gems and a mountain of gold now stands before you.
Bart: Whoa! That’s some real Mr. Burns-level jingle!
Martin: You are instantly teleported through the portal and into a world of wealth beyond your wildest imagination.
Nelson: We’re eating steak tartare tonight!
Martin: However, when you turn around, you see the mighty Dragon of Springfieldia preparing to burn you and your companions to a crisp.
Nelson: He better not burn my tartare!
Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Victarion’s Secret
Phoning It In part 5:
Bart: We’re about to become dragon toast!
Milhouse: Don’t worry, fellas. I’ve got just the thing to handle dragons. *pulls out a V&V supplement*
Martin: Just what have you procured? Explain!
Milhouse: It’s a special V&V spellbook I bought with a super rare spell that I’ve been saving for a special occasion!
Martin: It’s got the official logo, so it’s technically within the rules of the game. I’ll allow it.
Milhouse: Hiding my lunch money from the bullies for a month paid off!
• Collect Dice – x 195
• Make Bart Hide Behind Milhouse – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Punch Bart – 4 hours
• Make Martin Allow the Spell to be Used – 4 hours
• Make Milhouse Cast a Super Rare Spell – 4 hours
Bart: *ground shaking* What’s happening?!
Martin: It’s the spell cast by Milhouse!
Nelson: How’d you do that, dingus?!
Milhouse: If I told you, everyone would be as cool as me. Besides, it’s only a tiny earthquake.
Nelson: And it brought to life that wizard standing behind us!
Sorcerer Chalmers: What’s going on here?
Martin: Egads! It’s the head of the Wizard’s School from the Kingdom of Springfieldia!
Sorcerer Chalmers: Now I remember! You idiots opened a portal between our two worlds. But how?
Milhouse: We were playing this game called Vaults and Vandals.
Sorcerer Chalmers: Cease your game play at once! There are dangerous elements in Springfieldia that should never be pulled into your world!
Bart: And some great ones like this giant pile of gold!
Sorcerer Chalmers: Okay, gold, sure. But also know there are many dangers within my world. Now put the dice down!
Bart: And miss out on more treasure? No way! *rolls dice*
Sorcerer Chalmers: Fine. When an ogre bites your head off, don’t come running to me.
Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and character: Sorcerer Chalmers
That about wraps things up for this act.
Back soon with the Act 2 Rundown once that goes live.
Hi Graham, great work, is this gig full time or are you just covering holidays/vacations
I’m here as long as I’m fit and they want me to keep posting.
It’s a volunteer position and I volunteered
(We want you to keep posting)
My design so far
I, for one, welcome our new column overlord. I’d like to remind him that as a trusted comment poster, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in his underground donut mines.
Bought heaps of returning content these last few events so it is time to think about firin’ up that ol’ collider . . .
Really? Mine runs non-stop…it more than pays for itself in the increase of donuts I earn with it running. In fact, I usually recharge it when I get to within four days of it running out, so I don’t accidentally let it run out without noticing.
Got Costmo and the Donut factory in both older towns. The 2019 town earns almost 3 level-ups just from a Skyfinger tap, and the 2015 town is post-nuke so not so much put back out yet and still gets 21 Ds in a day without much effort.
Takes longer to collect with the collider on and makes those Bart Screens more annoying knowing I’ll be losing Ds, so I’m happy to tick along unless I’ve spent a load and plan to farm them back.
21 Ds a day is 1,176 in 8 weeks and new content for a mini-event and a multi act is 5 premiums for 750 Ds and a Gil Deal for 200 typically over 8 or 9 weeks, so it’s only the returning items mean I might need to go get extra sprinkles.
Hmmm…other than the extra bonut rounds, I haven’t noticed it takes longer to collect with the Collider on (but maybe it’s the bonut rounds you’re referring to when you taking about it taking longer). I don’t really have persistent issues with getting a Bart screen while collecting. But, to each one’s own… There are no hard and fast “shoulds” when it comes to how one plays this “silly little game” (as Alissa likes to refer to it)! 🙂
It drip-feeds the counters so the more it needs to add the longer it seems to take – also not earning more than a level up or so means I can just pop to the Friends Towns bit and back and it’s counted everything without loss instead of waiting. Have more than 2 mil XP with what’s on the counter and what’s still to add and you get an apology bonut round and a counter reset to zero if you earn loads and try that, or if Bart strikes.
LOL! Nice job paraphrasing!
Thanks for posting. I missed some dialogue and was able to read it here. Keep up the good work!
Thank’s for the rundown. ^^