Marge gets things started in Level 30
Military Antiques Pt. 1
After tapping Marge
Marge: Lisa, I would never criticize your town-building skills, but I’ve been to all these stories a zillion times. A shopper needs variety!
Lisa: Well, I was thinking we could rebuild Herman’s shop. But I don’t think you’d shop there. It sells military antiques.
Marge: A store’s a store. Build it! Build it now!
Build Herman’s Military Antiques- 24hr build
New Character Unlock!
Military Antiques Pt. 2
After tapping Herman
Herman: They say when you go over to the other side, you come back changed. Unfortunately, I remain exactly the same.
Make Herman Run Antique Shop- 8hrs
Keep Marge free when complete
Customers Pt. 1
After tapping Marge
Marge: At last, a new store! Herman, I’d like some military antiques please. : I’ll take a box of musket balls, three “potato masher” grenades, and a dozen bazookas.
Herman: I didn’t realize you were such a fan of antique firearms.
Marge: Oh, I’m not. I just need to bring something to the register, and you have to charge me for it. You know – shopping!
Make Marge Browse Herman’s Military Antiques– 8hrs
Keep Grampa free when complete
Customers Pt. 2.
After tapping Herman
Herman: Hey, old man! Want to buy a gun? There’s no better way to protect yourself. After all, it’s scary getting old, isn’t it?
Grampa: You have no idea. My vision’s gone, I’m always forgettin’ who I am, I panic in stressful situations…my trigger finger aches something terrible, my aim isn’t what it used to be, I often mistake loved ones for dangerous intruders, I forget whether things are loaded… and above all my time on Earth is short, and I’d love to take a few people with me when I go.
Herman: You’re the perfect gun owner! Step inside!
Make Grampa Browse Herman’s Military Antiques– 8hrs
Keep Bart and Milhouse free when complete
Customers Pt. 3
After tapping Bart
Bart: Hey, Milhouse, want to go check out the new gun shop in town?
Milhouse: Of course! After all, the NRA says it’s the safest place for kids.
Bart: They also say us kids should sleep under a blanket of loaded guns. You know – for safety.
Milhouse: I eat my cereal every morning with a gun instead of a spoon. Because more guns everywhere means safer kids. Thanks, NRA!
Make Bart Browse Herman’s Military Antiques– 8hrs
Make Milhouse Browse Herman’s Military Antiques– 8hrs
Keep Fat Tony free when complete
Customers Pt. 4
After tapping Fat Tony
Fat Tony: Herman, I’ve grown tired of my gang’s “look.” Black suits, pistols and shoulder holsters — it’s so 1989. We need a fresh take on the mob thing. Do you have any weapons that will create more “wow” factor for my associates?
Herman: A good blunderbuss. Of course, it only shoots one bullet every 30 seconds.
Fat Tony: A small price to pay for fashion. I’ll take a hundred.
Make Fat Tony Browse Herman’s Military Antiques– 8hrs
Keep Wiggum free when complete
Military Antiques Pt. 3
After tapping Wiggum
Wiggum: I’d like to purchase this AK-47, please. Will you need to run a background check on me?
Herman: Of course not. That would infringe on your Constitutional right to never be inconvenienced – even in the tiniest, most reasonable way – when guns are involved. It’s all part of the “Gun Buyers Are To Be Hailed As Our Worthiest Heroes” Act of 2013… sponsored by the NRA.
Chief Wiggum: Great! The ready availability of guns to the public makes my job as a cop safer AND easier.
Make Wiggum Read NRA Pamphlets-24hrs
Military Antiques Pt. 4
After tapping Wiggum
Wiggum: Apu, give me a Squishee, beef jerky, and an advanced assault rifle-type weapons platform with integrated laser range finder and grenade launcher. Something experimental, like Tony Stark wishes he had.
Apu: We don’t stock guns, you overweight imbecile.
Chief Wiggum: You do realize that it’s now illegal to operate a store that doesn’t sell firearms? It’s all part of the “How Else may We Serve, Oh Wise and Powerful NRA?” Act of 2013. You’re going to jail!
Make Apu Serve Time-24hrs
Keep Marge free when complete
Military Antiques Pt. 5
After tapping Marge
Marge: Why are all of Springfield’s stores shutting down! There’s nowhere to shop!
Wiggum: Sorry Marge, that’s the law. I have to defend the people’s right to buy guns whenever the whim strikes them.
Marge: What about MY Constitutional rights to a decent downtown, fun window shopping, and jeans at a variety of price points?
Wiggum: Those aren’t rights! Or are they? Who can say! That’s the funny thing about the law — you never have the slightest clue what it is.
Marge: Well, I’m taking my message to the people!
Make Marge Protets… Something– 24hrs
Military Antiques Pt. 6
After tapping Marge
Marge: We need to organize to protest these terrible laws that our [sic] shutting down our God-given stores. Herman, are you in?
Herman: That’s affirmative. It’s time we took our government back.
Marge: That’s what democracy is all about, right?
Herman: Right. Now let’s mount an armed frontal assault on City Hall. Democracy-style.
Marge: Uh… come again?
Make Herman Draft Battle Plans– 4hrs
Military Antiques Pt. 7
After tapping Herman
Herman: The battle plans are ready, Marge. You say the word, and we take back City Hall!
Marge: Geez, I’m reading over these plans, and there’s an awful lot of shooting and yelling and reconnoitering. It all sounds very violent.
Herman: To the lay person, it probably does. But when you’re staging a blood-drenched coup, violence really helps keep up morale.
Herman: It’s something the whole battalion can have fun doing together.
Marge: Why not lose a pincer movement or two, and let’s see if we can overthrow the state without all the fisticuffs?
Make Herman Draft Battle Plans-4hrs
Military Antiques Pt. 8
After tapping Herman
Herman: The new battle plans are drawn. If all goes according to plan, not a single shot will be fired. But be warned: there WILL be mild swearing, intermittent sneaking around, and a post-operation cleanup where everybody — and I mean EVERYBODY — pitches in, leaving City Hall just as tidy as they found it. If that sounds like more than you can stomach, best stay home, soldier!
Marge: Much better. Let’s prepare for “battle!”
Make Herman Train for Battle- 1hr
Keep Marge free when complete
Military Antiques Pt. 9
After tapping Herman
Herman: Attack City Hall! Storm the gates!
Marge: Wipe your feet on the mat before entering! Pause to admire the mural in the lobby — it’s from the 1920s! And remember to be nice to the receptionists! They have a hard job!
Herman: We’re doing it, Marge! We’re taking back our government.
Marge: Shhh! No shouting inside City Hall. People are trying to work. Attack quietly or not at all!
Make Herman Stage a Coup-24hrs
Make Marge Stage a Coup-24hrs
Quimby: What is the meaning of this? Who is this rabble sitting patiently in my waiting area?
Herman: It’s a coup. We’re tired of government walking all over the people, so we’re taking back City Hall!
Marge: We’re not going to put up with limited shopping options, crazy pro-gun laws, a mob armed with blunderbusses, thinly-premised Wolfcastle films, and… and…what exactly ARE we trying to accomplish?
Herman: Honestly, I’ve forgotten.
Marge: I guess this whole story didn’t make much sense. You know, we never thought anyone would play long enough to get to level 30.
Homer: Guys, maybe this is a good thing. A real wake up call for everyone involved with this game. I mean, come on. Herman? THAT’S the best character we have to add? No offence, Herm.
Herman: Even I know it’s true.
Homer: Let’s get back to the drawing board, and get to work on a level 31 that’ll really knock everyone’s socks off!
Wiggum: Sorry about level 30, guys. If you promise not to gripe to EA too much, everybody can have three donuts.
And with that you’ve completed level 30, and got 3 free donuts too!