Thank Grog It’s Firday!
At least part of this mini update revolves around a Premium Character that I bought in a heart beat… One, might say, a “Heart Attack and Vine,” beat.
For anyone who is a fan of Tom Waits (he is in my top five favorites artists), you may or may not remember that Tom voiced Lloyd, in the episode, “Homer Goes to Prep School” (E9S24) which is where the Preppers come from. What’s interesting to me, is that this one of the lowest rated episodes (according to the rating bots at “simpsonsworld.com” where you can watch every episode online). But I beg to differ…especially in current conditions where “the end of the world” is fairly regular dinner conversation (if you live with people who give too much credence to the headlines than they should). This episode is hilarious, and could have been shot in a remote Southern Oregon town, where loads of real life “Preppers” live off of the grid…or grow pot…or both. But I digress…
Homer starts the doomsday talk with, “I guess despite all of our so-called civilization, anarchy lurks around every corner like a racially diverse street gang, on a network cop show.” Classic…
And who was in preparation for the upcoming, and inevitable anarchy? The “Preppers,” led by Lloyd…who is voiced by Tom Waits. The fact that the TSTO character is not voiced is a freakin’ tragedy…because Tom has one of the most distinctive speaking and singing voices around.
In the very next breath after his amazing quote, Lloyd says, “My friend…you just experienced WROL first-hand!” To which Moe points to the “No Acronyms” sign.
Of course those who are REAL “Preppers” know that WROL stands for Without the Rule Of Law. In Lloyd’s words, “Anarchy, the end of civilization. Coming soon to an America new you.”
And again…not giving Lloyd a voice it TSTO is just EALPish! (bite me, Moe!)
To which Homer replies, “America Can’t Collapse! We’re as powerful as ancient Rome!”
And that my friends is as far as I will go, with anything political in this post. Alissa warned me. She said, “don’t go there!”
What’s weird, is that I’m not really sure where “there” is…but, I’m not taking any chances. I’m not going ANYWHERE…which is pretty much what the whole Prepper bit is all about. Hunkerin’ and Bunkerin’ until it all blows over, blows up, or both!
This stuff is everywhere. With the advent of an unchecked Internet, it can be found with a simple Google search…and before you know it, BOOM! You’re scared spitless! As Homer says, “Oh my GOD! This unsourced, undated video has convinced me beyond any doubt!!”
Which takes us into the inner sanctum of “Herman’s Military Antiques,” where we find the rest of Springfield’s “Preppers” preparing… for EMPs (Electro Magnetic Pulse…bite me twice, Moe!).
Homer goes home…get’s exposed by Bart, who is then shown a giant list of Hollywood doomsday movies, by Homer. Asking Bart what he has learned, Bart replies, “Guys who call themselves Preacher or Deacon are very bad. Water is money, unless gasoline is money, and even though lots of things are razor sharp, nobody ever shaves.”
Again. Classic.
If we do what they do in Hollywood, and “cut to the chase,” the episode rounds out with Homer and the family running off to the compound after Homer causes an EMP and Springfield goes dark, bringing on what they believe to be the Apocalypse, but then Marge convinces Homer to go back and save Springfield, and then they find out that the EMP was short-lived and the world didn’t end, and Lloyd and the other Preppers are bummed that the world didn’t end, until Lisa says, “Can’t you see that even an imperfect society is better than the savagery of creating a new one? I for one am glad that we are done with civilization, and I think we will be, for a long, long time.”
And yes...that was the longest run-on sentence ever. You have to talk fast with the pending end coming from a zombie-encrusted meteor, which is likely to hit us soon as it bypasses the mysterious “hidden planet” Nibiru, which was supposed to happen in September…but has been moved forward, conveniently, for a few more months or years, until the author can sell a few more books.
Look…I don’t prepare for doomsday, because as far as I’m concerned, the “survivors” are the real victims. I mean, have you SEEN the 92 seasons of “The Walking Dead?”
OK. There are only 7 seasons so far…with 8 coming soon. But, it is SOOOOO BORING! Blow up the dead guys before they eat your brains. “Night of the Living Dead” was scarier, and only ran a little less than 2 hours! Sheesh! Die. Get on with it! I’m not gonna hang around and watch. But, I digress, again…
The fact is, I just don’t worry about the apocalypse. I lived through the 60s, which had loads of lethal political riots, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Vietnam war, and three major assassinations. The current state of affairs is child’s play comparatively. Been there…done that.
So, I prefer to just get a chuckle from Tom Waits…who always sounds something like a survivor of the end times. But, man…what an amazingly creative mind.
Don’t believe me? Check out this hilariously weird interview with David Letterman (who had Waits on fairly regularly) describing something that a real PREPPER may want to use in the end times…
Or this one, where he coins a phrase that my wife Debbie, actually came up with a year prior…but once it’s on national TV, making money with it is over…Free The Glutons! (happens at around 5:30)
And finally…a song that was sung on Letterman’s last week…that really feels like a “Prepper’s Lament.”
Man…that guy can write.
Anyway…if you think LLoyd isn’t worth 150 donuts…then you don’t know the whole story. And yes…he isn’t voiced, and doesn’t bring in a ton of Bonus %. But I didn’t hesitate. Because if I end up surviving the insanity that many believe is on the way, I want Tom there…even if I have to keep him silent to keep him from tipping off the zombies about my whereabouts.
And just in case you think Tom is one dimensional…he’ll break your heart. One of my all time favorite Tom Waits songs…
And if you STILL doubt this guy’s range of talent… check out the amazingly funny movie, “Down by Law.” About a Pimp, a Disc Jockey and an Italian Tourist who end up in the same jail cell. Not doomsday…but it is hilarious.
Trust me on this…Tom…Lloyd…whatever… It’s always worth “One Last Look.”