I get it. Really, I do! EA/Gracie have to stick to at least some semblance of storyline extracted from actual Simpson’s episodes. But, man…this just took a nasty turn.
Even worse, when I went back to look at the full episode that this final portion of our Love Springfieldean Style (E12S19) event is based on, I was reminded just how much I hated it.
This episode is from the era of the Simpsons that almost destroyed the legacy of great writing that proceeded it. Some would argue that the “Golden Era” ended after 10 years. But, I would argue that this past season has really been a return to clever, more personal stories that made the show great.
But, man…this episode…this “thing that defies description”…it really doesn’t cut it for me.
Don’t get me wrong…. I like a couple of the items we are getting for free this final chapter. But, the story behind it? Not so much.
Let’s take a look…
The episode opens in a nice, fun, kinda sweet way, with Homer and Marge going through the Tunnel of Love (which we got years ago with Krustyland).
They end up smooching so much that Bart laments, “If they keep smooching like that, a stork will lay an angel egg inside of Mom, and then we will find a new brother or sister in the cabbage patch.”
His solution is to add jello to the water in the tunnel of love, thereby hijacking the love cruise, and forcing Homer to come up with some “love stories” to pass the time.
This is where things get ugly…
This episode was written by Don Payne, who died tragically of bone cancer at just 49. So, maybe there was a reason for his darkness? But…holyfreakinshirt! This gets dark quickly.
Homer starts by telling the tale of two gangster lovers…Bonnie and Clyde.
In this version, Bonnie and Clyde get “sexed up” by shooting up buildings and people…and end up getting filled full of holes. Not a great chapter in American History.
This horrific “spoof” actually includes the line, “Cool…now we’re shooting the birds who are pecking at the bodies!” as the Quimby version of the sheriff pumps more than 100 rounds into our “romantic couple.”
I admit, that I was mildly traumatized by the movie version o f Bonnie and Clyde when it came out. It was one of the most violent movies of its time (pretty tame by today’s standards), and the slow motion death scene was simply gut-wrenching. They made us love the couple…played by Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. I was in 7th grade at the time…one of the first times I had been allowed to go to theater with my friends. I fell in love with Faye…and then had to watch her twitch violently with every slug that hit her body. Not cool.
Nothing says “I love you,” like a hundred rounds of death by Tommy Gun. So…no…not a fan of this chapter of the episode.
The next chapter Homer spins is an ugly version of “Lady and the Tramp,” that seems sweet…until the protagonists have to go on the run to escape the Dog Catcher and his Death Chamber.
I never liked the original movie…but, seeing “Goofy” from the Disney films thrown into the gas chamber was…well…anything but romantic.
Which brings us to the final chapter…a little re-telling of the story of “Sid and Nancy.” In this case…Nancy (Lisa) is drawn to the bad girl side of life by the siren song of punk rock and Sid (Nelson).
So…true to form, this episode takes us on a journey of drug abuse (snorting chocolate) to finally trying to mend their ways, with a conversion to a “Donny and Marie” act that gets them thrown out of CBGB by CBG, who says, “That music doesn’t live up to what Punk stands for…which is nothing…”
Thankfully…unlike the REAL Sid and Nancy…there was no death in this story.
Of course, there is the purloining of the REAL CBGB by Comic Book Guy, who says it stands for Comic Book Guy’s Bar...when all real fans of Punk Rock, know that it stands for Country Blue Grass and Blues.
Country, Bluegrass, Blues and Other Music for Uplifting Gormandizers
I never made it to CBGB when it was still a going concern…but have been to the existing location. But, more important, I remember fondly the acts that got their start there…including The Ramones, Talking Heads, Patti Smith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Police and Elvis Costello, just to name a few.
Fittingly…this episode ends with Homer, throwing out the trash into the alley behind CBGB, and saying, “Happy Valentines Day…and shut you gob.” So…I like to imagine that the shreds of paper are Homer dispensing with this horrendously unromantic script.
So…while I hate the episode…I am fine with many of the items, characters, and decorations we have won in this update. I like the event, waaaaaaaaaaay more than I like the episode on which it was based.
I have added a lot of land and buildings to my Springfield, along with a very rough, and not-remotely-canon version of Shelbyville. But, I like it. I would like it even more, if I hadn’t run into the ITEM LIMIT DEATH MESSAGE again. I am sick of talking about it…and then waiting for a minor increase. Don’t give us the land if we can’t fill it!!!!!! But, I digress…
Anyway….
All of my “Skater trappings” have been installed next to my other “Kid World” buildings and decorations just south of my casino area. I like to imagine the people dropping off their kids, and then heading to the slots until dinnertime.
And, as no practice putting green shall be left un-expanded…and they have not given us golf holes again yet…I have created my own course (which needs a LOT of landscaping…but is hindered by the DAMNITEMLIMITS!!!).
I’m on the fence about the Dog Pound…as I know the gas chamber is within. The whole place has kind of a macabre green tint to it. It’s creepy…and will likely end up in storage.
Finally… I love Valentines Day. I really do. No matter how much I complain about being held hostage by a holiday created by greeting cards, and having to “bring the heat” every year with something romantic. However, I am happy to remember that it was on Valentines (38 years ago) that Debbie agreed to marry me (after two previous attempts to get her to say yes…but without a ring to seal the deal).
Love…over the decades…takes work. But, it is never dark, creepy, or sad…as long as you have a real partner by your side. I’ve been blessed in more ways than you could know.
Here’s to true love!