Thank Grog It’s Firday!
OK…I KNOW that right off the top, many of you think that I misspelled reckoning. But, I didn’t…because I chose to use a word that sounds like something, but can mean a whole lot of other things.
In this case, we are going to “recon” the “Tale of Bob,” to do our best to poke any holes in the logic, divulge any hints or tips about the future of the game, and otherwise, bring this tawdry (and Lemon Drop Soaked) tale to a conclusion. Mostly.
There’s that word again. “Mostly.” Like mostly dead…or mostly true. I have to admit, I love when a word says so much, without saying anything specific. There are LOADS of words like that…which we’ll get to in a bit. But, for now…let’s just concentrate on the word, “mostly.” Let’s do so, with a little “recon.”
“Recon” is short for reconnoiter. It is defined as a verb, meaning to “Inspect, observe or survey, in order to gain information.”
“Mostly,” is defined as “for the most part,” and “generally.” Which in the case of my use of the term, means…well…MOSTLY true. As in, everything you have read thus far about “Bob,” and his mighty band of cohorts, COULD be true, as it makes as much sense as what may actually be going on with “Bob.” But, let’s face it…”Bob” has never really been very real with us from the start.
Let’s break down how this would have to work…and then we’ll jump to some clues as to how it is most likely actually working, as revealed by evidence of the most recent MINI-EVENT. Yes…there were clues there as well.
So….to put all of the pieces together, of the puzzle I left you with in the last post, there are loads of moving parts that had to happen for this to work. But, let’s start with the facts.
1. The game suffered a huge LULL last year, around the same time that Disney acquired the Simpsons. EA got shut out of the profits of this sale, but retained the rights to TSTO, which is why we are still playing it. Mostly.
2. EA put almost all of their resources into other games, with a load of new releases coming out, while any real new features or significant programming updates for TSTO went by the wayside.
3. There is in fact an EA/TSTO programmer who met my daughter, and follows our blogs carefully.
4. Matt Groening is still involved with the game, at least to the point of doing the primary opening screens…but, clearly doesn’t play the game, or likely follow its process. He just does the part he likes…the art.
5. In order for “Bob” to take the game “offline” while keeping it “online,” he would have to be able to access the original programming, even perhaps physically, by finding a remote store-room “hidey-hole” with computer access, that allowed him to gain access to the two root servers, to upload the new stories (provided by one of the unnamed Simpsons writers), the artwork (provided by one of the unnamed Simpsons artists), which could only happen if he was able to get by the security guard (also unnamed), and then re-channel any of the income derived from continued donut sales, to another account, with the help of an unnamed EA accounting person…all seamlessly…with the tacit approval of “the Owner,” who in this case is Matt Groening. Mostly.
I could go on and on and on with the details of how this could happen. But, frankly, some of the replies and comments that were posted scared me to death. It became obvious to me, that NOTHING is obvious to some people. As it turns out, there are clearly some who are “literalists” who believe anything written on the internet. So any further explanation of how gullible people are is not necessary. But, I digress….
Here’s the deal folks…This is NOT the first time I have written EA Confidential posts. Not by a long shot. Remember the “True story of Chester Dupree?” Remember the long, extended tale of “Jeanine?”
For the love of God people! If you think that I was rude to “Bob” by throwing a Lemon Drop in his face…you don’t remember that Jeanine was held captive…for MONTHS…in a storage room off of the office of the “Executive Premium Product Manager.”
The difference of course, is that those tales were outlandish, with almost no references to anything real. The “Tale of Bob,” has just enough truth in it, that many apparently WANT to believe it.
And that my friends, sums up what is wrong with the world today. Far too many people, believe things that they know aren’t likely, but because of their own fears, or dissatisfaction, choose to let “mostly” become “fact.” But, of course, “mostly” is never fact. Something is either real…the truth…or not. But that doesn’t stop loads of “influencers” from spinning their own versions of “the truth,” while making millions off of the disinformation to gullible folks willing to buy their products. THAT is a fact.
So…why would I go down this path? There are several reasons.
1. Writing about the game is as boring as playing the game these days.
2. The world is on fire…and I needed a diversion, hoping that you did too.
3. There are so many things pointing toward the game being on its last legs, that I wanted to posit a story that was more entertaining than the reality that EA pretty much doesn’t care anymore (for reasons that should be obvious in that last EA financial statement).
4. I really just had fun. So shoot me.
I have stated load of times, in no uncertain terms, that I only continue to write for this blog, out of loyalty to Alissa, and more to the point, because many of you have supported the work we do for the Rural school in Buyijja, Uganda. As with the rest of the world, the school is currently shut down, and conditions in the rural villages are dire. But, until we can actually get “boots on the ground” to do some recon (there’s that word again), I can’t in good conscience continue to solicit donations. We continue to pay our project manager…but he is still pretty much in “lock down” from traveling to the village.
So…I had two choices…stop writing for TSTOAddicts…or write something that I wanted to write…something fun. But, the “literalists,” took the fun out of the fun.
While my story is “mostly” fabricated from bits and pieces of facts, the most recent “Mini-Event” proved that there is still someone at the switch…even if it isn’t “Bob.” Let’s look at the facts….and pull apart some of what is evident.
1. The dialogue was relatively current…referencing the need to “social distance” and shutting down most major sporting events. So…someone on the Gracie staff, is still “working it.”
2. The art for the new characters (and another freakin’ Homer skin) are new. But, once again…the programming is classic EALPish behavior (a winner’s podium that doesn’t have winners??? Sheesh).
3. Nothing has changed…at all…in the programming. Same formats. Same gameplay. Same old same old same old.
4. And…a GREAT suggestion about how to deal the impending apocalypse!
So yes…rather than present the truth…that nothing is going to change again, perhaps until they finally pull the plug, we are left knowing that Item Limits and New Land, and anything remotely resembling interesting game play, is NOT going to happen. As one famous purveyor of “Truthiness” recently said about ongoing disaster, “It is what it is.”
So……that leaves us with the mundane task of trying to make a purse out of a sow’s ear. I never really understood that aphorism…but, “it is what it is.”
Words. Powerful to entertain, inform, and teach. But when used to mislead, or confuse or obfuscate (a great word that people should know for these times) they can be downright abusive to common sense. But that would be for the Lizard People of the New World Order to figure out…?
I could go on and on, about my general dismay with the human condition, but instead, would like to challenge you to use some words. Some “old fashioned words,” that sound as fun as their meanings.
Take the words below…and use them all in a short paragraph or two. I’ll start things off with my own…
Here’s mine…
Frankly, I was flummoxed and flabbergasted that you would pull this sort of malarkey. You young whippersnappers with your fancy thingamajigs, think it is easy to bamboozle an old chunk of pumpernickel like me, into writing one of those posts spewing nothing but gobbledygook! But, I’m no nincompoop!
You’d think I’d take the easy route, and just use a pencil! But I chose to use that digital whatchamcallit instead, which regrettably got me a bit discombobulated and created a bit of a kerfuffle! Well, it turns out part of my distraction, was that the Mrs. had chosen this very moment to canoodle, and any delay when she is “in the mood” can make her more than a tad bit persnickety!
So there I was, like a dingleberry, hanging around at the wrong place and time, doing my best to not get distracted by your shenanigans, while trying to keep her interest. I skedaddled right over, pledging to put away this recent challenge for poppycock. But unfortunately, she saw through my ploy, and deemed my advances as a load of codswallop. Another opportunity for romance, purloined by distraction!
I threw in my favorite vocabulary word…purloined…just for good measure.
LET’S SEE YOURS….Have fun with it. We could use a little fun. Right?