I know… You are already sick of my “a-BORT” joke. Sorry. But, the fact is, after all of this grinding, to get a character that only appears in one episode, for 5 seconds, makes me want to a-BORT the game. But, it is a funny character…and the premise of the joke in the episode is funny, and strikes a familiar chord in my life.
Once again…I tell you to go and watch the episode (S6E4)…it’s worth tracking down and finding. It is loaded with action, and fun, and great gags…and you will see a BORT!
But, the best thing about reaching the final prize…is that you can finally get your own BORT! And YES…he is a FULL Character.
You will get BORT when you have collected 59,700 axes. That is a LOT of grinding…even if you have a few of the premium characters.
And, because I think you deserve a REWARD for all of the GRINDING you have had to do to earn your own BORT…I am going to include a YouTube clip of the Bort Joke…
As I said…it strikes a little close to home. I have been searching for 64 years for a personalized license plate, or mug, or shirt, or anything that actually says, “Patric.” Not gonna happen. I could get a “Patricia” and paint over the letters…but those things are embossed…and you’d still see the I and the A. Oh well…at least I’ll get BORT!
In fact…if you want your OWN Bort License plate…they actually sell them online at a ton of places…including WALMART. Click here to buy one!
Now…ON TO a BORT!
All right…you have him…now HERE ARE THE BORT DETAILS!
Prize 6: Bort
No benefit for the event other than just being Bort- does NOT earn event currency, can’t be sent on rides. Boo! Bort!
Questline
I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 1
Bort starts
Bort: Look, Mommy! The gift shop has license plates with MY name on them! Can I have a“Bort” license plate, Mommy? Mommy? Where’d you go, Mommy
TASK: Make Bort Cry for Mommy- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Wiggum: Hey, why are you crying, kid?
Bort: I’ve lost my Mommy. And I really want her to buy me a Bort license plate.
Wiggum: Yeah, you almost never see those in stock. There are so many people named Bort these days.
I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 2
Milhouse starts
Milhouse: Did you say your name is “Bort?” That’s funny, because my best friend is named Bart.
Bort: “Bart?” Is that even a real name?
Milhouse: I dunno. I’ll admit, “Bort” seems like a hipper, fresher take on the whole “B*rt” genre. Maybe if we shop for Bort merch together, people will think I’m a Bort, too. I’d like that.
Bort: Do you think your friend Bart will be jealous?
Milhouse: Who? Oh, that guy. Ever since I met you, Bort, I’d kinda forgotten all about him.
TASK: Make Bort Get Bort Merch- 4hrs, $175, 45xp
Bort: Dang it! They got a new shipment of “Bort” mugs in this morning, and they’re already sold out.
Wiggum: Kids, be careful. With all these Borts around and no Bort merch, we could be looking at a riot.
Diane: We just can’t keep up with the demand. Build another factory in China. Tell them to make nothing but Bort merch, twenty-four seven
I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 3
Milhouse starts
Milhouse: Bart, meet Bort.
Bart: “Bort?” Did the nurse misspell your name on the birth certificate?
Bort: Bort is the single most popular boy’s name in America. And the third most popular girl’s name.Want proof? I’ve got tons of stuff with my name on it.
TASK: Make Bort Proudly Display Bort Merch- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Bart: If Bort is so popular, name me ONE famous Bort.
Bort: Okay… there’s Packers legend Bort Starr, gymnast Bort Conner, linebacker Bort Scott…
Bart: Those are all Barts!
Bort: They WERE. But when Bort totally blew up, they all had their names legally changed. Get with the times, man.
I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 4
Willie starts
Willie: Somebody burned the word “Bort” into the school lawn!
Apu: There’s “El Borto Was Here” graffiti all over town!
Wiggum: Do you know how many Borts there are in Springfield? It could be any one of thousands of suspects!
Bort: See, Bart? Your time is past. The Age of Bort is here!
TASK – Make Bort Throw His Name Around- 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
Bart: There never has been, and never will be, anyone named “Bort!”
Skinner: Actually, as of this morning, Seymour Skinner is no more. Call me Bort.
Lindsey Naegle: And me!
Mr Burns: And me.
Smithers: Obviously, that means I’m going with Bort as well.
I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 5
Bart starts
Bart: Okay, fine! I’m a dinosaur! A relic of a Bart-friendly world that no longer exists.
Bort: Don’t feel too bad, Bart. You never really had a chance. Not when there’s a name out there that’s as beautiful, as evocative, as “Bort”.
TASK: Make Bort Hug Bart- 1hr, Earns $140, 34xp
Skinner: Simpson, get your hands off Bort.
Bart: Whatever you say, Bort.
Skinner: Bort? Oh, yes, I was briefly named Bort. But that name is soooo uncool now. Now everyone’s going with Birt.
Bort: Bort is uncool?
Quest Completion dialogue–
Diane: Blow up the “Bort” factory and open two new ones dedicated to the hottest license plate name out there, Birt.
Bort: I can’t believe it. The Age of Bort is over.
Bart: Well, you made the most of it: you were a real jerk while you could be. I respect that.
Milhouse : I just met this AWESOME kid named Birt. He’s so freaking cool. Later, losers!
Did you LOVE Bort? Or did you want to a-Bort? (sorry…had to play that one out again one last time).
Bort is fun. Birt is odd…Bart rules.