Itchy and Scratchy Land Act II Prize Guide – Prize #6 – a BORT!!

I know… You are already sick of my “a-BORT” joke.  Sorry. But, the fact is, after all of this grinding, to get a character that only appears in one episode, for 5 seconds, makes me want to a-BORT the game.  But, it is a funny character…and the premise of the joke in the episode is funny, and strikes a familiar chord in my life.

Once again…I tell you to go and watch the episode (S6E4)…it’s worth tracking down and finding. It is loaded with action, and fun, and great gags…and you will see a BORT! 

But, the best thing about reaching the final prize…is that you can finally get your own BORT!  And YES…he is a FULL Character.
You will get BORT when you have collected 59,700 axes.  That is a LOT of grinding…even if you have a few of the premium characters.

And, because I think you deserve a REWARD for all of the GRINDING you have had to do to earn your own BORT…I am going to include a YouTube clip of the Bort Joke…

As I said…it strikes a little close to home.  I have been searching for 64 years for a personalized license plate, or mug, or shirt, or anything that actually says, “Patric.”  Not gonna happen.   I could get a “Patricia” and paint over the letters…but those things are embossed…and you’d still see the I and the A. Oh well…at least I’ll get BORT!

In fact…if you want your OWN Bort License plate…they actually sell them online at a ton of places…including WALMART.  Click here to buy one!


All right…you have him…now HERE ARE THE BORT DETAILS!

Prize 6: Bort
No benefit for the event other than just being Bort- does NOT earn event currency, can’t be sent on rides.  Boo! Bort!


I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 1
Bort starts
Bort: Look, Mommy! The gift shop has license plates with MY name on them! Can I have  a“Bort” license plate, Mommy? Mommy? Where’d you go, Mommy
TASK: Make Bort Cry for Mommy- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp

Wiggum: Hey, why are you crying, kid?
Bort: I’ve lost my Mommy. And I really want her to buy me a Bort license plate.
Wiggum: Yeah, you almost never see those in stock. There are so many people named Bort these days.

I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 2
Milhouse starts
Milhouse: Did you say your name is “Bort?”  That’s funny, because my best friend is named Bart.
Bort: “Bart?” Is that even a real name?
Milhouse: I dunno. I’ll admit, “Bort” seems like a hipper, fresher take on the whole “B*rt” genre. Maybe if we shop for Bort merch together, people will think I’m a Bort, too. I’d like that.
Bort: Do you think your friend Bart will be jealous?
Milhouse: Who? Oh, that guy. Ever since I met you, Bort, I’d kinda forgotten all about him.

TASK: Make Bort Get Bort Merch- 4hrs, $175, 45xp
Bort: Dang it! They got a new shipment of “Bort” mugs in this morning, and they’re already sold out.
Wiggum: Kids, be careful. With all these Borts around and no Bort merch, we could be looking at a riot.
Diane: We just can’t keep up with the demand. Build another factory in China. Tell them to make nothing but Bort merch, twenty-four seven

I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 3
Milhouse starts

Milhouse: Bart, meet Bort.
Bart: “Bort?” Did the nurse misspell your name on the birth certificate?
Bort: Bort is the single most popular boy’s name in America. And the third most popular girl’s name.Want proof? I’ve got tons of stuff with my name on it.

TASK: Make Bort Proudly Display Bort Merch- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp

Bart: If Bort is so popular, name me ONE famous Bort.
Bort: Okay… there’s Packers legend Bort Starr, gymnast Bort Conner, linebacker Bort Scott…
Bart: Those are all Barts!
Bort: They WERE. But when Bort totally blew up, they all had their names legally changed. Get with the times, man.

I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 4
Willie starts
Willie: Somebody burned the word “Bort” into the school lawn!
Apu: There’s “El Borto Was Here” graffiti all over town!
Wiggum: Do you know how many Borts there are in Springfield? It could be any one of thousands of suspects!
Bort: See, Bart? Your time is past. The Age of Bort is here!

TASK – Make Bort Throw His Name Around- 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
Bart: There never has been, and never will be, anyone named “Bort!”
Skinner: Actually, as of this morning, Seymour Skinner is no more. Call me Bort.
Lindsey Naegle: And me!
Mr Burns: And me.
Smithers: Obviously, that means I’m going with Bort as well.

I’m Also Named Bort Pt. 5
Bart starts
Bart: Okay, fine! I’m a dinosaur! A relic of a Bart-friendly world that no longer exists.
Bort: Don’t feel too bad, Bart. You never really had a chance. Not when there’s a name out there that’s as beautiful, as evocative, as “Bort”.

TASK: Make Bort Hug Bart- 1hr, Earns $140, 34xp
Skinner: Simpson, get your hands off Bort.
Bart: Whatever you say, Bort.
Skinner: Bort? Oh, yes, I was briefly named Bort. But that name is soooo uncool now. Now everyone’s going with Birt.
Bort: Bort is uncool?

Quest Completion dialogue–

Diane: Blow up the “Bort” factory and open two new ones dedicated to the hottest license plate name out there, Birt.
Bort: I can’t believe it. The Age of Bort is over.
Bart: Well, you made the most of it: you were a real jerk while you could be. I respect that.
Milhouse : I just met this AWESOME kid named Birt. He’s so freaking cool. Later, losers!

Did you LOVE Bort? Or did you want to a-Bort? (sorry…had to play that one out again one last time).

Bort is fun. Birt is odd…Bart rules.

26 responses to “Itchy and Scratchy Land Act II Prize Guide – Prize #6 – a BORT!!

  1. I know that feeling about the names. I have an unusual name to start with, and my dad messed up on the birth certificate and spelled it wrong. So I have a weird name with the ‘boy’ spelling. On the extremely rare occasions (all two of them) I managed to find a thing with my name on, it was sport or race car themed.

  2. Could they have been poking fun at those lemming-like parents who always want their idea of the coolest, ‘original’ non-traditional name for their kids? In recent years there are lots of Aiden, Jaden, Caden, even Brayden. Another cliche convention is to stick the kid with the name of the city/area where they were conceived, wow – so original. No offfense to those who have been named in such a way, paris texan, alaska nebraska, or bort.

  3. What do you call Bort after he loses an electron?

    A Bort ion.

  4. I have a friend who is a huge Simpsons fan. He went to Universal Studios in Orlando with his family and rode the Simpsons ride which empties into the Kwik-E-Mart gift shop. Immediately he heads to the license plates display but finds the Bort hook empty. Just as he’s feeling the disappointment of finding that they’re *actually* out of Bort license plates, his uncle walks up to him holding about 10 of them and giggling like an idiot. He had removed them all from the display just to prank my friend.

    Needless to say, they both got Bort plates that day.

  5. oktober10aussie

    Got Bort yesterday. Haven’t been tapping a lot as I’m in a production of Macbeth at the moment. I bought all the premium characters so I haven’t had to worry too much.

    My name is Sam. I have no trouble finding things with my name on it. Having said that, I expect to now look for a license plate only to see they all say ‘Som’ 😀

  6. After visiting Univerdal Orlando I “found” a Kwik E Mart name tag with my name on it. I put some medical dressing tape over it and created me own “Bort” name tag. Nothing else with Bort in the whole place. But, if you’re a Simpsons fan Universal Orlando is a must ‘

  7. This is my all time favorite simpsons gag so I’m very happy to have this small time character in my town and his questline is pretty funny. My wife’s name is Bliss so we have a very hard time finding “name” trinkets when we go on vacations. I make this joke everytime. She asks if I see any Bliss items. I say no just a lot of Borts. She doesn’t get it but I laugh every damn time.


    Is anyone having a problem KEM farming? I went to sell my 48 stores and the game crashed. I have tried selling smaller number of stores (16 and 32) and the game crashes. I am not sure if its related to an earlier problem this morning when I was just loading the game and got an error message (android error message, not EA as far as i can tell but could be related) and it kicks me out before I even get to the login splash screen. I ended up moving my game to internal storage and that seemed to fix that problem but not being able to sell KEMs and crashing is a new unencountered problem

    • It could be a memory issue, not storage but processor memory so worth a look to see if there’s stuff running you don’t need and the other thing that should help and is in game is when you go to design mode to sell turn off ground tiles at the top of the right hand menu before selecting the KEMs to sell even if they’re on plain bare land tiles

  9. My daughter can relate….she gets so mad trying to find a SADIE anything! Lol

  10. wordsleadmeon

    I feel your pain, Patric. Ever try finding something that says ‘Courtnay’? Courtney, Courteney, and even Courtenay the odd time, sure, but the -nay doesn’t seem to exist. Saw another girl in my sister’s elementary school yearbook with the same name, though, so I know I’m not suffering this alone.

  11. After watching the video clip, I clicked on a link to another video, “‘The Fall of The Simpsons: How it Happened”. Extremely well done documentary. I highly suggest that every fan of the show search YouTube for it.

    • It’s interesting you would note that on this particular post of Patric’s. As I read through, I was thinking the Bort joke ememplfies what was so great about “The Simpsons” and why it dominated TV in the 90s, even killing the Cosby juggernaut when it moved to Thursday night (IMO).

      A joke rooted in a relatable situation, grounded in comedy, doubled down with a punchline and capped off minutes later – perfect theatre of the absurd.

      Through no fault of their own, the younger generations cannot relate to how epic the sea changes were because of this show, and why it holds such a special place in so many of our hearts.

    • I watched this! Sooooo true. I can’t stomach any new Simpsons…..honestly around season 12 is it for me. There are a few episodes here and there, but being in my early 40s…..i gravitate towards MY childhood and those early episodes are so dang funny. A day doesn’t go by without a Simpsons quote in this household. And my kids are coming along nicely. ….u can teach them to hate what u hate. Lol

  12. Finding a plate name has always been a problem for me… I’m Italian and I have a Russian name… Nothing in my country. I live in Spain, nothing there too. I’m currently in Ireland for a 6 month job, nothing here. Yeah, I could have my name written in Cyrillic from Russia or Ukraine… But sigh, it’s not the same…

  13. UptonSinclair36

    I don’t know why but when ever I went to a gift shop I would always look for the names of all my immediate family. I could never find the name Ian tho. 😂

  14. Since I only regained access to the game last week, I am surprised to see that I should be getting my own a bort before act 3. Still haven’t farmed enough KEMs to make up missing all of act 1 yet, but I am trying to have a couple donuts set aside for act 3 and if they drop a character for the 4th of July.

    • I also missed Act 1 due to the rollback bug, but from where I’m sitting… not worth the donuts to manually recover Act 1 prizes.

      I spent the 20 donuts to get the 1st prize (helicopter) since I like those decorations, but the other prizes look very un-appealing. And the character will almost certainly return for purchase in the future in a mystery box or for straight-purchase for fewer donuts.

  15. Clare Holland

    I unlocked Bort yesterday and I kinda think he’s a pretty cool kid to have in my Springfield.. looking forward to part 3 … Happy tapping guys.. ☺

  16. I’m surprised you didn’t change the word questline to mission for this post just so you would be able to say A bort mission.

  17. I wanted Bort. I should say I REALLY wanted Bort. There are so many one off Simpson’s characters this was actually one that I always remembered unlike so many others that roam my town. Loving this update except for the grinding. I love the classic episode events that make me realize how old I am and how episodes that feel like yesterday are from decades ago.

  18. The questline is very funny 😁

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