Heaven Won’t Wait: Act 1 Dialog Recap

If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time then you’re in luck. Here’s all the dialog and tasks for Act 1 of this event

An apology, I completely forgot about this until I was out for a pint with my Dad, sorry ’bout that. Backache and insomnia don’t make a good mix.

Also a reminder Act 2 starts tomorrow, Friday April 21st at 15:01 UTC
15:00 UTC is US 11 am EDT or UK 4 pm BST

What’s in this post
• Intro
• Prize track parts 1 to 5

Intro:

Peace Was Never an Option:

Quimby: I, Joe Quimby, am once again running for mayor of Springfield, to save you all from the America-hating traitors in our midst — by which I mean anyone who disagrees with me or criticizes me.
Lisa: Mayor Quimby, you’re running unopposed! Why are you embracing such negative, divisive rhetoric?
Quimby: What can I say? My Q-Rating is down, and anger sells!
Quimby: Besides, no one running against me just proves the other side hates democracy!
Quimby: There’s a caravan heading our way from North Haverbook! Why do you think they call them Ogden-villains! Shelbyville will pay for the moat!
Lisa: Oh, brother.

• Make Quimby Give an Angry Stump Speech – 6 seconds
• Make Lisa Appeal to Human Decency – 6 seconds

Lisa: Are we really saying that in the “home of the brave” people would rather just be scared and angry than embrace hope and peace?
Quimby: It’s cute that you think that has ever not been true.
Homer: Yeah! No one has ever really wanted peace and love, silly hippie girl!
Homer: The only reason we sing about the “home of the brave” is we’re afraid people will see us if we don’t sing.
Homer: If I was really brave, I’d sit down and eat my hot dog during the anthem, like I want to.
Thundercloud: RUUUUUUUMBLE…
Ned: Wow, that supernaturally big and dark thundercloud really came out of nowhere fast. Maybe we should think about giving peace and love a chance?
Quimby: Nah! That’s just manmade climate change in action — which is also something Americans don’t believe in.
God: Oh, you’re going to wish you could not-believe your way out of this!
Ned: *gasp* It’s God!

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP

Once completed this unlocks the Store Items and Tasks for the event

Prize track: Children of an Angry God pts. 1 to 5

Children of an Angry God part 1:

God: Okay, I’ve had enough of your collective nonsense!
Homer: You’re really that upset about us not being into peace and love and all that stupid stuff?
God: That and dogs being allowed in restaurants, people worshipping their cell phones, there being eight million streaming services now…
God: If I wanted humanity to pay streaming subscription fees, I wouldn’t have created commercially-supported broadcast!
God: And don’t get me started about meme stocks, Elon fanboys, dad-jokes, dad-bods, dad-anything…
Quimby: Hippie lettuce being legal…
God: No, I’m cool with that. I created that so people would chill out.
God: But you didn’t, so now it’s time for “The Great Flood 2: Wetter and Wilder”!
Homer: Oooh, that sounds fun! Like Spring Break for everyone.
God: No, not like that at all.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 115
• Make God Prepare to Flood the Earth – 4 hours
• Make Springfielders Panic – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Homer Wonder if Gil is Selling Flood Insurance – 4 hours

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Barnacle Bay Church

Children of an Angry God part 2:

Ned: But Our Heavenly Father-eeno, you can’t do that!
God: What part of “omnipotent being” don’t you understand? Being the all-powerful creator of all things, I assure you I very much can!
God: Other than not wanting to die, give me a good argument why I should spare you all.
Ned: Uh…
God: That’s what I thought.
Ned: Lisa, you know how to make annoying arguments that I can’t refute through logic and facts. Say something!
Lisa: God, I think if you look at the demographic data, you’ll see that the younger generations are embracing peace, love, and acceptance like never before.
Lisa: We do score a bit high in “sense of superiority,” but that’s just because we’re more honest, too.
Lisa: We shouldn’t be punished for the sins of the preceding three hundred generations. Now, if you want to just get rid of everyone over the age of forty…
Ned: Yeah! Do that. Wait, what?
God: Ugh, FINE. I’ll give humanity a do-over. But you really better not blow it this time! I’m feeling very Wrath of Me right now.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make God Create a New Garden of Eden – 4 hours
• Make Ned Feel Grateful for God’s Benevolence – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Fear Human Nature – 4 hours

Lisa: You created a new Garden of Eden?
God: Too 90s comedy? *sighs* I’ve been carrying it around for a while. Can’t you see the poster — Jim Carrey eating an apple out of Daryl Hannah’s hand while the snake stares at the bulge in his leaf? Hilarious! Coulda been a hit.
God: But no! Tom Shadyac can make movies about the Almighty, but the Almighty can’t sell a movie that sounds like a Tom Shadyac idea!
God: You caught me off guard, and I couldn’t think of anything fresher.
Ned: Thank you, Lord! But if there’s a new Garden of Eden, is there a new Adam and Eve too?
Eve: Oh my! This fig leaf really doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.
Adam: Then who am I? I don’t know me from Adam!
Eve: That’s who you are — Adam! You can tell because you don’t have a belly-button.
Adam: You don’t have a belly-button either!
Eve: That’s because I was made from one of your ribs.
Adam: Eek! My rib! How could you, Eve?
Eve: Don’t worry. It grew back!
Adam: Oooh, I know what I’m having for dinner. Bottomless ribs — this place really is paradise!
Old Scratch: Say, God, could I interest you in a little wager on whether or not humanity is going to screw up their latest second chance?
God: No bet.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: Tree of Knowledge

Children of an Angry God part 3:

Eve: If we’re Adam and Eve, we should probably go into the Garden of Eden — or at least The Gap. You don’t have to be conscious of shame to notice that everyone else has clothes on.
Adam: Okay, but I’m not doing any gardening. The sweat of my brow is the one thing I’m never going to earn my living by.
Adam: The sweat of my back against a hammock is another matter entirely.
Eve: Mr. Burns! What are you doing here at the new Garden of Eden?
Burns: Charging admission. Technically God placed it on land that I own.
Lisa: What?! Don’t you realize God is about to kill everyone for being greedy and terrible?
Burns: Oh, the flood thing? You obviously don’t realize how big my yacht is, child.
Burns: I made the Netherlands lower their country even further below sea level just so I could dock it next to a windmill.
Adam: Mr. Burns, sir, I hate to mention this but we need to get into the garden. An Eden without Adam and Eve is like an Awesome Show without Tim and Eric.
Burns: Very well, you may go in. The real money is in my forbidden fruit monopoly anyway.
Adam: Forbidden fruit? That sounds delicious!
Lisa: Dad, are you serious? You don’t even like fruit!
Adam: That’s just regular fruit. Making it forbidden is like adding frosting and sprinkles to a donut.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make Springfielders Pay to Enter the Garden of Eden – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Burns Overcharge for Forbidden Fruit – 4 hours
• Make Homer Yearn to Eat Forbidden Fruit – 4 hours

Lisa: Well, at least with Mr. Burns charging so much for forbidden fruit, no one will be able to afford to eat any.
Adam: *NOM NOM NOM*
Lisa: Dad, how could you — and how did you even afford to buy any?!
Adam: I took out four mortgages on the Garden. We’re in hock up to the snake.
Adam: Besides, with the flood insurance I bought from Gil, we’re going to come out big winners on the other side of this flood!
Lisa: *sigh*

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and pet: Gary the Unicorn

Children of an Angry God part 4:

Eve: Mr. Burns, I don’t mean to complain, but this is a new garden paradise given to us by God, and it’s being torn up by bulldozers and giant chainsaws!
Burns: Isn’t it glorious? I’m mining below the ground and building luxury residential towers on it! And when the towers fall into the mines, I’ll build more. It’s a capitalist paradise!
Eve: Hmm, there’s something about despoiling the Garden of Eden that doesn’t seem like a great idea.
Adam: Yeah, don’t be so silly, Eve! Rich old guys are really smart or they wouldn’t be rich. We can trust them to always have the interests of non-rich people at heart.
Adam: Mr. Burns, are you okay? You look like you’re choking.
Burns: No, I was just laughing.
Eve: But doesn’t it seem like we’re just making the same mistakes that made God want to wipe out humanity in the first place?
Adam: I don’t understand.
Burns: Are you even speaking English?
Eve: Nevermind. I need to get out of here.
Gary The Unicorn: I can help with that!
Eve: A unicorn?!
Burns: If it isn’t the kind that has a pre-IPO market cap of at least one billion, I’m not interested.
Gary The Unicorn: We never got past Series A.
Gary The Unicorn: But if I can gallop over rainbows, I can get you out of this Garden.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make Homer Believe Rich Guys Are All Smart – 4 hours
• Make Marge Escape From the New Garden of Eden – 4 hours

Eve: Thanks, Gary. I didn’t know unicorns could dig tunnels like that. Why didn’t you just leap over the walls?
Gary The Unicorn: Oh, wow. You’re right. That would have been way easier.
Gary The Unicorn: Another stupid screw-up, Gary! Are you starting to see the pattern, Gary? Because everybody else sees it!
Gary The Unicorn: Anyway, Marge, I hope you find happiness out there.
Eve: You’re not coming?
Gary The Unicorn: Nah. I’m gonna stick around here and stab rich guys in the butt with my horn.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Springfield Cathedral

Children of an Angry God part 5:

Lisa: This is insane! You’re turning a brand-new paradise into a lifeless hellscape!
Burns: The customer is always right…and my customer is always Satan!
The Devil: We’re expanding Hell to accommodate the Hell-less.
The Devil: You don’t support Hell-less-ness do you, Lisa?
Lisa: That’s a false framing!

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 195
• Make The Devil Exploit Liberal Guilt – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Feel Exploited – 4 hours

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, can you talk to them, businessman-to-businessman?
Ned: Sorry, Lisa, but the Hell-less need to be helled somewhere.
Lisa: Mr. Burns doesn’t care about Hell-less-ness! He’s just exploiting the issue to push through his greedy real estate development.
Burns: I’m disappointed in you, Lisa. I knew we’d run into some NIMPYs but I never thought you’d be one of them!
Lisa: *sigh* Fine. What’s a NIMPY?
Burns: Not In My Paradise-Y’s.
Lisa: So you just tack on a “Y” at the end?
Burns: It’s not perfect. I’ll be the first to admit it.

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and skin for Homer: Adam

Back tomorrow with the Act 2 Rundown, TTFN