Heaven Won’t Wait: Act 1 Dialog Recap

Heaven Won't Wait Splash
If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time then you’re in luck. Here’s all the dialog and tasks for Act 1 of this event

An apology, I completely forgot about this until I was out for a pint with my Dad, sorry ’bout that. Backache and insomnia don’t make a good mix.

Also a reminder Act 2 starts tomorrow, Friday April 21st at 15:01 UTC
15:00 UTC is US 11 am EDT or UK 4 pm BST

What’s in this post
• Intro
• Prize track parts 1 to 5


Peace Was Never an Option:

Quimby: I, Joe Quimby, am once again running for mayor of Springfield, to save you all from the America-hating traitors in our midst — by which I mean anyone who disagrees with me or criticizes me.
Lisa: Mayor Quimby, you’re running unopposed! Why are you embracing such negative, divisive rhetoric?
Quimby: What can I say? My Q-Rating is down, and anger sells!
Quimby: Besides, no one running against me just proves the other side hates democracy!
Quimby: There’s a caravan heading our way from North Haverbook! Why do you think they call them Ogden-villains! Shelbyville will pay for the moat!
Lisa: Oh, brother.

• Make Quimby Give an Angry Stump Speech – 6 seconds
• Make Lisa Appeal to Human Decency – 6 seconds

Lisa: Are we really saying that in the “home of the brave” people would rather just be scared and angry than embrace hope and peace?
Quimby: It’s cute that you think that has ever not been true.
Homer: Yeah! No one has ever really wanted peace and love, silly hippie girl!
Homer: The only reason we sing about the “home of the brave” is we’re afraid people will see us if we don’t sing.
Homer: If I was really brave, I’d sit down and eat my hot dog during the anthem, like I want to.
Thundercloud: RUUUUUUUMBLE…
Ned: Wow, that supernaturally big and dark thundercloud really came out of nowhere fast. Maybe we should think about giving peace and love a chance?
Quimby: Nah! That’s just manmade climate change in action — which is also something Americans don’t believe in.
God: Oh, you’re going to wish you could not-believe your way out of this!
Ned: *gasp* It’s God!

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP

Once completed this unlocks the Store Items and Tasks for the event


Prize track: Children of an Angry God pts. 1 to 5

Children of an Angry God part 1:

God: Okay, I’ve had enough of your collective nonsense!
Homer: You’re really that upset about us not being into peace and love and all that stupid stuff?
God: That and dogs being allowed in restaurants, people worshipping their cell phones, there being eight million streaming services now…
God: If I wanted humanity to pay streaming subscription fees, I wouldn’t have created commercially-supported broadcast!
God: And don’t get me started about meme stocks, Elon fanboys, dad-jokes, dad-bods, dad-anything…
Quimby: Hippie lettuce being legal…
God: No, I’m cool with that. I created that so people would chill out.
God: But you didn’t, so now it’s time for “The Great Flood 2: Wetter and Wilder”!
Homer: Oooh, that sounds fun! Like Spring Break for everyone.
God: No, not like that at all.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 115
• Make God Prepare to Flood the Earth – 4 hours
• Make Springfielders Panic – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Homer Wonder if Gil is Selling Flood Insurance – 4 hours

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Barnacle Bay Church

Children of an Angry God part 2:

Ned: But Our Heavenly Father-eeno, you can’t do that!
God: What part of “omnipotent being” don’t you understand? Being the all-powerful creator of all things, I assure you I very much can!
God: Other than not wanting to die, give me a good argument why I should spare you all.
Ned: Uh…
God: That’s what I thought.
Ned: Lisa, you know how to make annoying arguments that I can’t refute through logic and facts. Say something!
Lisa: God, I think if you look at the demographic data, you’ll see that the younger generations are embracing peace, love, and acceptance like never before.
Lisa: We do score a bit high in “sense of superiority,” but that’s just because we’re more honest, too.
Lisa: We shouldn’t be punished for the sins of the preceding three hundred generations. Now, if you want to just get rid of everyone over the age of forty…
Ned: Yeah! Do that. Wait, what?
God: Ugh, FINE. I’ll give humanity a do-over. But you really better not blow it this time! I’m feeling very Wrath of Me right now.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make God Create a New Garden of Eden – 4 hours
• Make Ned Feel Grateful for God’s Benevolence – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Fear Human Nature – 4 hours

Lisa: You created a new Garden of Eden?
God: Too 90s comedy? *sighs* I’ve been carrying it around for a while. Can’t you see the poster — Jim Carrey eating an apple out of Daryl Hannah’s hand while the snake stares at the bulge in his leaf? Hilarious! Coulda been a hit.
God: But no! Tom Shadyac can make movies about the Almighty, but the Almighty can’t sell a movie that sounds like a Tom Shadyac idea!
God: You caught me off guard, and I couldn’t think of anything fresher.
Ned: Thank you, Lord! But if there’s a new Garden of Eden, is there a new Adam and Eve too?
Eve: Oh my! This fig leaf really doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.
Adam: Then who am I? I don’t know me from Adam!
Eve: That’s who you are — Adam! You can tell because you don’t have a belly-button.
Adam: You don’t have a belly-button either!
Eve: That’s because I was made from one of your ribs.
Adam: Eek! My rib! How could you, Eve?
Eve: Don’t worry. It grew back!
Adam: Oooh, I know what I’m having for dinner. Bottomless ribs — this place really is paradise!
Old Scratch: Say, God, could I interest you in a little wager on whether or not humanity is going to screw up their latest second chance?
God: No bet.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: Tree of Knowledge

Children of an Angry God part 3:

Eve: If we’re Adam and Eve, we should probably go into the Garden of Eden — or at least The Gap. You don’t have to be conscious of shame to notice that everyone else has clothes on.
Adam: Okay, but I’m not doing any gardening. The sweat of my brow is the one thing I’m never going to earn my living by.
Adam: The sweat of my back against a hammock is another matter entirely.
Eve: Mr. Burns! What are you doing here at the new Garden of Eden?
Burns: Charging admission. Technically God placed it on land that I own.
Lisa: What?! Don’t you realize God is about to kill everyone for being greedy and terrible?
Burns: Oh, the flood thing? You obviously don’t realize how big my yacht is, child.
Burns: I made the Netherlands lower their country even further below sea level just so I could dock it next to a windmill.
Adam: Mr. Burns, sir, I hate to mention this but we need to get into the garden. An Eden without Adam and Eve is like an Awesome Show without Tim and Eric.
Burns: Very well, you may go in. The real money is in my forbidden fruit monopoly anyway.
Adam: Forbidden fruit? That sounds delicious!
Lisa: Dad, are you serious? You don’t even like fruit!
Adam: That’s just regular fruit. Making it forbidden is like adding frosting and sprinkles to a donut.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make Springfielders Pay to Enter the Garden of Eden – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Burns Overcharge for Forbidden Fruit – 4 hours
• Make Homer Yearn to Eat Forbidden Fruit – 4 hours

Lisa: Well, at least with Mr. Burns charging so much for forbidden fruit, no one will be able to afford to eat any.
Lisa: Dad, how could you — and how did you even afford to buy any?!
Adam: I took out four mortgages on the Garden. We’re in hock up to the snake.
Adam: Besides, with the flood insurance I bought from Gil, we’re going to come out big winners on the other side of this flood!
Lisa: *sigh*

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and pet: Gary the Unicorn

Children of an Angry God part 4:

Eve: Mr. Burns, I don’t mean to complain, but this is a new garden paradise given to us by God, and it’s being torn up by bulldozers and giant chainsaws!
Burns: Isn’t it glorious? I’m mining below the ground and building luxury residential towers on it! And when the towers fall into the mines, I’ll build more. It’s a capitalist paradise!
Eve: Hmm, there’s something about despoiling the Garden of Eden that doesn’t seem like a great idea.
Adam: Yeah, don’t be so silly, Eve! Rich old guys are really smart or they wouldn’t be rich. We can trust them to always have the interests of non-rich people at heart.
Adam: Mr. Burns, are you okay? You look like you’re choking.
Burns: No, I was just laughing.
Eve: But doesn’t it seem like we’re just making the same mistakes that made God want to wipe out humanity in the first place?
Adam: I don’t understand.
Burns: Are you even speaking English?
Eve: Nevermind. I need to get out of here.
Gary The Unicorn: I can help with that!
Eve: A unicorn?!
Burns: If it isn’t the kind that has a pre-IPO market cap of at least one billion, I’m not interested.
Gary The Unicorn: We never got past Series A.
Gary The Unicorn: But if I can gallop over rainbows, I can get you out of this Garden.

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 155
• Make Homer Believe Rich Guys Are All Smart – 4 hours
• Make Marge Escape From the New Garden of Eden – 4 hours

Eve: Thanks, Gary. I didn’t know unicorns could dig tunnels like that. Why didn’t you just leap over the walls?
Gary The Unicorn: Oh, wow. You’re right. That would have been way easier.
Gary The Unicorn: Another stupid screw-up, Gary! Are you starting to see the pattern, Gary? Because everybody else sees it!
Gary The Unicorn: Anyway, Marge, I hope you find happiness out there.
Eve: You’re not coming?
Gary The Unicorn: Nah. I’m gonna stick around here and stab rich guys in the butt with my horn.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Springfield Cathedral

Children of an Angry God part 5:

Lisa: This is insane! You’re turning a brand-new paradise into a lifeless hellscape!
Burns: The customer is always right…and my customer is always Satan!
The Devil: We’re expanding Hell to accommodate the Hell-less.
The Devil: You don’t support Hell-less-ness do you, Lisa?
Lisa: That’s a false framing!

• Collect Forbidden Fruits – x 195
• Make The Devil Exploit Liberal Guilt – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Feel Exploited – 4 hours

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, can you talk to them, businessman-to-businessman?
Ned: Sorry, Lisa, but the Hell-less need to be helled somewhere.
Lisa: Mr. Burns doesn’t care about Hell-less-ness! He’s just exploiting the issue to push through his greedy real estate development.
Burns: I’m disappointed in you, Lisa. I knew we’d run into some NIMPYs but I never thought you’d be one of them!
Lisa: *sigh* Fine. What’s a NIMPY?
Burns: Not In My Paradise-Y’s.
Lisa: So you just tack on a “Y” at the end?
Burns: It’s not perfect. I’ll be the first to admit it.

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and skin for Homer: Adam


Back tomorrow with the Act 2 Rundown, TTFN

8 responses to “Heaven Won’t Wait: Act 1 Dialog Recap

  1. Next act starts tomorrow

    • 14 hours and 11 minutes from the time this reply goes up, roughly !!

      • 14 hours and 9 minutes from the time this reply goes up, roughly !!

        • We ain’t doing 424 more warnings spread 2 mins apart , are we ?!!

          • !Treat Francisco San, The Roni ‘ A Rice. Famous fishing…perhaps a Bananafish?…Raise High the Roof Beam..stupid Seymour…..”Skinner!…not you x-file….Doug Adams has a much greater opine…speaking of hitchhiking thumbs..no more free rides for the warrior of terracotta descent..or decent..either who.that’s a PRICEY thumb!…that’s what she said. Happy 4 TWENTY!

            • Blimey, think I’m drinkin’ the wrong beer 🤣

              • My friend Elaine once took a schfitz in a bagel shop after an acquaintance of hers tampered with the steam valve because he was on strike for not being able to have the day off for Festivus. She had been waiting there for a phone call…something to do with a punch card for a free sub….yes…BLIMEY!!!….she was gonna be a submarine captain….Probably..but I was wondering more about the Winnipeg (?) Jets….ponytail?…..get real

          • I was going to. But you stopped. So I guess I win!

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