Snow Place Like the Woods: Act 1 Dialog Recap

 
If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this act …

PS – a reminder that Act 2 starts tomorrow.

In this post:
• Intro: Looking to the Future
• Prize Track:The Road More Travelled parts 1 to 5

Intro: Looking to the Future

Homer: Ugh, fine. Here we go.
Phone: RING! RING!
Grampa: Aah! They’re shelling!
Phone: RING! RING!
Grampa: Yeah, I heard you! Ring ring! Not much for conversation are ya?
Phone: RING! RING!
Grampa: Wait! That’s the phone bell! This must be that Nigerian prince I gave money to.
Grampa: Hello?! Hello?!
Homer: I bet he’s just shouting hello at the phone.
Phone: RING! RING!

• Make Homer Continue Waiting for Grampa to Answer – 6 seconds
• Make Grampa Finally Remember to Answer the Phone – 6 seconds

Grampa: *picks up phone* I said hello!
Homer: Hi Dad.
Grampa: You? Put someone else on.
Homer: I was calling about Christmas—
Grampa: *gasps* You want me to spend it with the family! Oh, son, this is the greatest present a man could ever—
Homer: Let me finish! Stop jumping to conclusions.
Grampa: It’s the only exercise I get! *laughs* Actually, that wasn’t a joke.
Homer: We thought a nice gift for all of us this year would be to help you set up your last will and testament for when you die and stuff.
Grampa: Last who and testicles for when I fly? What kinda gift is that?
Homer: No. We want to set up your estate plan and a DNR order to ensure we, by which I mean you, don’t need to suffer needlessly.
Grampa: Oh, a will! A man came by the home and got all of us sorted out a while ago. Estate plans, wills…the lot. He even threw in a handsome coffin to sweeten the deal.
Homer: What?!
Grampa: Yup. All sorted out. So about Christmas dinner…I won’t bring a gun if you don’t bring up politics. Deal?

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

Prize Track: The Road More Travelled

The Road More Travelled, part 1:
● Now Leaving Springfield Sign (Decoration)

Homer: Okay, Dad, I got here as fast as I could.
Grampa: But it’s a month before Christmas! I didn’t think you wanted me to spend THIS much time with you.
Homer: I came to see your will. There’s no telling what you signed. You once gave away your kidneys.
Grampa: They gave ’em back!
Homer: Dad, just give me the will.
Grampa: I would if I could remember where I put it around here. Probably with my kidneys.

• Collect Diner Waffles – x 115
• Make Grampa Try to Remember Where the Paperwork is – 4 hours
• Make Homer Grow Increasingly Annoyed – 4 hours

Homer: Come on, Dad, where is it?
Grampa: Hey, here it is! It was under this pile of butterscotch wrappers.
Homer: Ah! My father’s will. Finally, a story with a happy ending.
Homer: Wait, what language is this written in?
Grampa: Lawyer, I think.
Homer: Ugh. I can’t read this!
Grampa: And they try to claim that public education’s gotten better since our day…

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

The Road More Travelled, part 2:
● The Buzzing Sign Diner (Building)

Homer: Marge, can you come here and help me read this?
Marge: Is this Maggie’s “Sleepy Bunny Dreamy Dream” book again?
Homer: No, I gave up on that. It’s my dad’s will. Some fast-talking lawyer set it up for him and I’m a slow-reading law breaker.
Marge: Let me have a look. I’m pretty good with legal speak from reading all the disclaimers on the Krustyland rides.

• Collect Diner Waffles – x 150
• Make Marge Try to Decipher Legalese – 4 hours
• Make Homer Get a Beer While He Waits – 4 hours

Marge: Hmm, looks to be pretty normal, though there’s one thing here I can’t make sense of.
Homer: Is it where he reveals he’s not my father?
Marge: No.
Homer: Damn.
Marge: According to this, he’s leaving a vacation home and the land it’s on to us.
Homer: Woo hoo!
Marge: Woo hoo what, Homer? Did you know your father had a vacation home?
Homer: No, but who cares? Free vacation home!
Marge: I have a bad feeling about this.
Homer: Well, I got a good feeling and I’m not even drunk.
Marge: Don’t you find it disturbing he never mentioned a vacation home?
Homer: Still feel good.
Marge: How about that he’s leaving it to you?
Homer: My God…that makes no sense! Oh, I wish I was drunk.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

The Road More Travelled, part 3:
● Snow Place Mystery Box Token

Homer: Marge, I’m gonna do it. I’m going to do something no one said I could ever do.
Bart: Lose weight?
Homer: No.
Bart: Win a handsome competition?
Homer: No.
Bart: Fart the alphabet?
Homer: Bart, you know I did that! Every letter. Even “Z”. You try to fart a “Z”!
Marge: Homer, just tell us what you’re going to do!
Homer: I’m going to go see my father for the second time in one day.
Marge: Oh, Homie, you’re my hero!
Bart: You are what you eat too much of.
Homer: Bart! Just for that you’re coming with me.
Bart: Aw man!
Homer: Aww, now I have to go with Bart.
Bart: I know. We both stink.

• Collect Diner Waffles – x 115
• Make Homer Struggle to Get Bart in the Car – 4 hours

Homer: Get in the car, Bart!
Bart: Why do I have to go?
Homer: To teach you to respect your elders!
Bart: I already respect my elders, you bloated sea cow!
Homer: Why you little… Just for that we’re staying until Grampa remembers who he is!
Bart: Let go or I swear I’ll never visit you in the nursing home!
Homer: I can’t wait! Now get…in…the…car!
Bart: Ahh! *door slams*

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

The Road More Travelled, part 4:
● Roadside Car Football Launcher (Decoration)

Homer: Dad do you remember anything at all about a vacation home you owned?
Grampa: The only home I owned was the one we lived in and that was mortgaged out the wazoo.
Homer: Think, Dad. Think.
Grampa: Hm…nope. Nothing. Wait a second! Nope, that was a movie…still thinking. Still nothing. Wait….
Grampa: I got it!
Bart: Oh, thank God!
Grampa: First Wazoo Bank of Springfield! That was the lender. Got seventeen percent interest and a toaster. Toast was different back then. Could eat it or scrub a frying pan with it.
Homer: Oh, this is useless.
Bart: And this peach yogurt tastes like a foot.
Grampa: Because it’s my foot cream!

• Collect Diner Waffles – x 115
• Make Grampa Be Confused – 4 hours
• Make Homer Look for Grampa’s Keys – 4 hours

Bart: How can he not remember a vacation house he owns but he recalls every detail about the Ford Administration?
Homer: That part about Betty’s struggles was moving.
Bart: And really freaking long. Damn, girl, get a grip!
Homer: I wish we knew more about this place. The will mentions an address.
Bart: So, let’s check it out. *jingles some keys*
Homer: Bart! Where did you get those keys?
Bart: Stole them while we were visiting.
Homer: You stole them?
Bart: Sure, they were just sitting there in a locked safe under a false floor behind a dresser. Talk about asking for it.
Homer: Bart, stealing is very very very wrong except for this one single time. Now hand them over.
Bart: Try and get ’em! *keys jingle* Dangle. Dangle. Dangle.
Homer: Bart! Stop it! I’m trying to drive!
Bart: What ev’. Here, catch.
Homer: Whoa! *swerving tires*
Homer: If we survive this, I’m giving you all the cheapest Christmas gifts I can think of.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

The Road More Travelled, part 5:
● Holiday Cabin (Building)

Homer: Gather round, one and all, I have great news!
Lisa: You found the source of the smell?
Homer: Still looking. Listen, we’re all going on a family Christmas vacation!
Marge: Homer, we can’t afford that.
Homer: Correction! We can’t not afford that. It’s all taken care of, Marge, and there’re no fancy hotels or expensive luxuries to deal with. Just a long car ride.
Marge: Well, this must be good. A Pacific Isle with swaying palm trees?
Lisa: Or strolling the rustic simplicity of Provence under Van Gogh skies!
Bart: Oh please let it be the Krustyland Kruss Kringle Kristmas Karavan!
Maggie: *suck suck*

• Collect Diner Waffles – x 185
• Make Homer Take His Family on Vacation – 4 hours
• Make Marge Dream About Palm Trees – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Brush Up on Her French – 4 hours
• Make Bart Pack His Favorite Krusty Pranks – 4 hours

Homer: All right, the map says we just have to turn here…
Marge: Homer, I don’t mean to doubt you but we’re in the middle of nowhere. I haven’t seen one palm tree.
Homer: And you shan’t! Ta-da! Feast your eyes on this! *pulls car to a stop*
Homer: Grampa’s vacation home!
Marge: Oh God, all these years of marriage, I thought we’d already been through the “for worse” part of our vows.
Lisa: To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, “There’s no ‘here’ here”.
Bart: To quote Maggie, this place sucks sucks.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: What kind of life do you have to lead that this place is the vacation from it?

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP

That wraps up Act 1, back tomorrow with the Act 2 Rundown.