Quick note: There’s no week off !!
The event and Shattered Dreams ends on June 5th at 15:00 UTC
15:00 UTC is UK 4 pm BST or US 11 am EDT
Expect an update out tomorrow for an event to start on Wednesday.
If you’re running behind then DO NOT UPDATE!!
If your device usually automatically updates turn that off!!
Right then, on with the post …
If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this mini event …
Here’s what’s in this post:
• Intro: Reading the Room
• Prize Track: Cold as Charity parts 1 to 5
• Outro: Snack Down
Intro: Reading the Room
Quimby: What, eh, great turn out for tonight’s town hall meeting! You people do love your civic duty.
Moe: The poster said free pretzels. I’ve got a bar to stock!
Barney: Yeah. I need those pretzels. They’re like a paper towel for my liver.
Quimby: The pretzels like many of our city programs are now known as F.R.E.E.
Lisa: Wait, what’s F.R.E.E.?
Quimby: Funding Rescinded; Entrepreneurs Encouraged!
Marge: And what does that mean?
Quimby: That we get to privatize our fine institutions and let them thrive on the free market.
Lisa: And when has that ever worked?
Quimby: Never, except right now!
Marge: But who will run our schools? Who will light our streets? Who will salt our roads?
Homer: Mmmm salt… Hey! Weren’t we promised pretzels? Don’t we have any integrity left in politics?!
Wiggum: You’ve heard of good cop/bad cop? Well, I’m a carb cop. And if I don’t get wheat, I’m rioting in the street!
Quimby: FINE! I’ll get you a bag of pretzels. And then I’ll strip away your basic civil services.
Homer: Finally! That’s all we ask!
• Make Homer Wait for Pretzels – 6 seconds
• Make Wiggum Prepare to Riot – 6 seconds
• Make Quimby Buy a Bag of Pretzels – 6 seconds
Homer: Blood sugar rising, desire for social change lowering.
Quimby: Those Romans really had the right idea with bread and circuses.
Bart: The circus is coming to town?
Quimby: Not unless it’s privately funded and operated. We’ve got to trim the fat.
Wiggum: You’re right! A healthy fat would really help this pretzel. Maybe something in the nougat variety?
Lisa: What exactly are you cutting from the budget, Mayor Quimby?
Quimby: Not cutting, privatizing. And, eh, everything. With the exception of the mayor’s mansion. That’s still classified as a municipal park that no one except me is allowed into.
Prize Track:
Cold as Charity parts 1 to 5
Cold as Charity part 1:
● Blue Bail Bonds (Building)
Quimby: Rest assured that all your concerns regarding privatization went in one ear—
Marge: And out the other?
Quimby: What? No. We don’t have the money for two ears! Are you insane?
Marge: Didn’t you vote to give yourself a raise this year?
Quimby: That’s because of, eh, inflation.
Homer: Oh yes, inflation. Money that comes up, must come down.
Lisa: That’s gravity…
• Collect Calculators – x 155 
• Make Quimby Keep Saying “Inflation” – 4 hours
• Make Homer Pretend He Understands Inflation – 4 hours
Quimby: Don’t worry! In order to avoid any conflicts of interest, we’ll only be awarding city contracts to nonprofit organizations.
Marge: That sounds okay. I like charity.
Burns: As do I! For example, the majority of my money goes to my foundation to raise unawareness.
Lisa: You mean awareness?
Burns: No…we prefer people fat, stupid and unaware.
Homer: Woo-Hoo!
Cold as Charity part 2:
● Blue Check Cashing (Building)
Lisa: I don’t get this privatization play. What’s in it for the rich?
Bart: Can’t you just believe in the good of people? Artie Ziff gave the whole town free Wi-Fi. It’s so fast the pop-up ads are bulging out of the screen.
Lisa: Huh, well, that’s good, I guess.
Homer: Ziffcorp? Why isn’t my homepage the donut shop livestream like it always is?
Lisa: Ah-ha! I knew there was an angle. Artie Ziff is using the free Wi-Fi for free advertising.
Bart: All I’m hearing is a lot of free. And nothing free in life is bad!
Lisa: That’s not how the saying goes.
Bart: Not according to the Ziffternet.
Homer: Ziffternet! Show me donuts!
• Collect Calculators – x 155
• Make Homer Yell at the Computer – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Start to Investigate – 4 hours
• Make Bart Deep Dive Misinformation – 4 hours
Smithers: Congratulations, sir. You’ve been awarded the city’s contract for providing all the electricity to the streetlights.
Burns: Excellent. Converting the plant to a nonprofit has been very profitable.
Smithers: You could make even more profit if you brighten those streetlights causing them to require more power.
Burns: Excellent idea, Smithers.
Smithers: Perhaps that excellent idea warrants me a raise?
Burns: We’re a nonprofit, Smithers! We do this work out of the goodness of our souls. Now ready the tax-free cocktail shrimp bath.
Cold as Charity part 3:
● Lisa M. Simpson Foundation Rocket (Decoration)
Homer: Marge, giant groundhogs have tunneled under the roads at regular intervals. I think that means nuclear winter is upon us.
Marge: Those aren’t groundhog tunnels. Those are speed bumps. They’ve installed thousands of them in town.
Homer: WHAT?! But that will make my commute to Moe’s even longer.
Marge: You mean work.
Homer: I said what I said.
Lisa: According to city documents, the Rich Texan is now in charge of all road maintenance.
Homer: Kids, get in the car. We have an oil man to harass.
Lisa: But what about school?
Bart: Lisa! Dad wants us to participate in the democratic process of complaining. Isn’t that life lesson more important than school?
Lisa: Too many life lessons and not enough real lessons is how you end up at Barnard.
• Collect Calculators – x 115
• Make Homer Drive to The Rich Texan’s House – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Fret About Missing School – 4 hours
• Make Bart Partake in the Democratic Complaint Process – 4 hours
Homer: Hey! Guy with the ten-gallon hat and twenty gallon squishee, where did you get that squishee?
Lisa: Dad…
Homer: AND what’s the deal with all the speed bumps!?!
The Rich Texan: You mean my battery busters! Aren’t they great?
Lisa: Battery busters?
Cowboy Accountant: Electric cars. The scourge of every honest hardworking oilman!
The Rich Texan: If people stop driving real cars, then my oil will only be good for making plastic bags, medical equipment, and clothing! I’ll be ruined!
Cowboy Accountant: This way he can stop progress by slowing down traffic. It’s a win-win.
Lisa: Except for the planet.
The Rich Texan: That’s what space exploration is for! Yee Haw!
Cold as Charity part 4:
● Lisa M. Simpson Foundation (Building)
Lisa: These nonprofits aren’t helping people! They are just another way for the rich to exploit the working man!
Lisa: Well, two can play at that game — I’ll reopen the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation and give them a taste of their own medicine.
Dr Hibbert: You’re going to socialize medicine?!?
Lisa: I’m only eight, Dr. Hibbert. All I can do is run a semi-functional government.
Cowboy Accountant: You don’t need the hootinest, tootinest, best darn accountant this side of the Mississippi, do ya?
Lisa: Who’s the best on the other side of the Mississippi?
Cowboy Accountant: Stan Liebowitz.
Lisa: Don’t you work for the Rich Texan though? Won’t that be a conflict of interest?
Cowboy Accountant: Technically, but I switched out my non-compete clause with a non-complete clause. As long as I never finish anything, I’m free to work on anything.
Lisa: Will you finish my work though?
Cowboy Accountant: Let me circle back to that…
• Collect Calculators – x 155
• Make Lisa Re-open Her Nonprofit – 4 hours
Lisa: First things first—
Cowboy Accountant: Rubber band lasso contest?
Lisa: I was going to say repurpose the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation to start winning Springfield’s contracts.
Cowboy Accountant: Sorry, I forgot who I was working for for a moment. You and the Rich Texan are so similar.
Lisa: How exactly?
Cowboy Accountant: Well, you’re both my bosses. Speaking of bosses, we’ll need you in endless meetings that could have been emails.
Lisa: But I have a book report due for class.
Cowboy Accountant: Could you make it a PowerPoint instead?
Cold as Charity part 5:
● Cowboy Accountant (Character)
Cowboy Accountant: I’ve lined up some celebratory bottles to shoot because I’ve got some good news!
Lisa: You got your bosses mixed up again. I’m the precocious girl, not the scheming oil baron.
Cowboy Accountant: Man, I’m good with numbers but not with faces!
Lisa: We can recycle the bottles as a form of celebration. What’s the good news?
Cowboy Accountant: I won you all the contracts — the streetlights, the public Wi-Fi, the road maintenance.
Lisa: All of them? So fast? I’m starting to realize that I actually have no idea how to do any of this.
Cowboy Accountant: Unearned confidence? Maybe you and a 70-year-old white man aren’t so different after all!
Lisa: Gee. I think I’m gonna have a panic attack. I can’t run all these city departments.
Cowboy Accountant: Sounds like you need to hire a CEO.
• Collect Calculators – x 195
• Make Lisa Breathe Into a Paper Bag – 4 hours
Lisa: Thank you, townspeople, for coming to this meeting.
Moe: We were told there would be snacks!
Lisa: I think you’re mistaken. I’m here to publicly elect the new CEO of the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation because it’s currently running all of our city contracts.
Lisa: This is putting the power back with the people.
Wiggum: And the people want snacks!
Lisa: I would like to nominate my wonderful accountant as CEO. He’s the one who secured these contracts to begin with.
Homer: What snacks did you bring?
Cowboy Accountant: I’m afraid I already ate my secret jerky supply out of nervousness.
Quimby: I would like to nominate myself for CEO of this foundation with the promise of always bringing snacks. Both salty AND sweet!
Moe: He’s got my vote!
Wiggum: Mine too!
Lisa: He didn’t even bring the snacks. It’s just an empty promise.
Homer: Empty like my stomach! We vote Quimby!
Lisa: *sigh* I don’t know why I was expecting anything different.
Outro: Snack Down
Quimby: As the new CEO of the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation, I hope you’re all enjoying your snickerdoodles, bought and paid for by bribes! I mean lobbyists!
Moe: Woo! Go Quimby.
Wiggum: You’re the best, Quimby.
Lisa: *sigh* I set out to end the corruption of all this privatization, but I think I just made things worse.
Homer: I don’t think that’s true, Sweetie. I think you’ve made a positive impact on this town.
Lisa: You really mean that?
Homer: Of course! Now I have a cookie. That’s a positive impact in my book.
Lisa: Thanks, Dad.
That wraps things up for this event, back when the next update hits.
REMINDER: That’s due out tomorrow !!
