Woo hoo! The MAGGIE ACT!!!!
In our silly lil game, we sometimes see things pop in that we have no clue as to their Origin. They seem familiar, but we just can’t pinpoint from where. So that is why we decided to make a fun lil reminder out of it. To let you know just Where Did THAT Come From?
It’s still snow time like the present to be playing an event in TSTO and we keep getting more and more amazing stuff. You know what that means… it’s time again for me to dip into my noggin of Simpsons info and write about specific stuff. For this post I will be going over one of the premium items from Act III of the 2015 TSTO Holiday Event for 110 Donuts… Ling Bouvier. Ok… a baby Bouvier… and Ling indicates Asian ancestry. Most of us recognize this bambino but if you’re confused… that’s where I get to chime in on her origins. Ok… I get to do it whether you recognize her or not. But where in the Best. Show. Ever. did this kiddo come from? Let’s check out the TV Series to find out.
I talked a little about the first episode Ling appeared in for the Springfield Orphanage but in “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (S16:E12), Selma undergoes menopause and yearns to have a child. Jub Jub doesn’t cut it considering he’ll only eat her when she dies and even eyes her foot when it falls asleep. Selma wants a baby. Selma tries the orphanage first but the baby she is supposed to get is Cletus’ and he mistakenly gave the baby away. The next option is adoption in China. “Another job lost to a foreigner.” Only problem is Selma is not married so she fakes being married to Homer on her application… and he has to go to China to adopt the baby.
Also funny that she flies the Simpsons to China and doesn’t tell Homer why until they are in the air. Homer agrees after some coaxing by Marge. All it takes to get a baby is a passport, marriage, and a sack of ten thousand happinesses. Unfortunately they have to wait several days so the marriage can be evaluated. Meanwhile… it’s tourist time with Shaolin monks pursuing “spiritual peace through mastery of bare-fisted murder” (very unlike Buckingham Palace Guards btw), the tomb of Chairman Mao, the Great Wall of China, and Chinese theatre doing “Death of a Salesman.” Why don’t we have Krusty Fried Chicken in TSTO already?
Possible hiccup in the plan when Homer lies about being a Chinese acrobat to the adoption lady and the unforeseen outspokenness and bullet-related death of the final stunt performer at a performance results in Homer to be called on to perform their most popular stunt… Chairman Wow. I’m sure you can imagine how this goes. But Homer survives AND gets hit by a porcupine in the hospital. But at least Selma got her baby… Ling Bouvier.
Selma is so happy she allows Homer to spend time with Miss October the Nanny, Marge’s alias don’t worry, but the adoption people are spying and discover it and take Ling away. “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on Woo.” Thankfully Lisa has a plan… disguise Homer as a Buddha statue, sneak him into the Chinese Orphanage, and have him kidnap Ling. So many Chinese bambinos… thankfully Ling has a thing for Homer’s eyeballs.
The family makes it as far as Tiananmen Square but the adoption people are there with a tank. As an employee of the DMV, Selma talks to the adoption folks bureaucrat to bureaucrat. She may love the enforcement of pointless rules but claims there’s a greater joy in bending them for folks without hope. I’m sure there’s a bunch of Springfieldianites who might disagree with Selma but the discussion works and Selma gets to keep Ling even though she’s a single mother. Homer however cannot keep the panda. All is well and for some strange reason they leave in a Chinese Junk when they were heading for the airport.
Anyhoo… thus begins Selma having a daughter. We don’t often see her with her mom but there are plenty more appearances. In “Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore” (S17:E17), we see Ling in Patty and Selma’s apartment after they kidnap Richard Dean Anderson aka MacGyver. In “The Wife Aquatic” (S18:E10), Patty & Selma “save” the film in the park after the bullies huck radishes and ruin Ned’s silent film. Of course they hold on to home video film reels at all time. I’m surprised they didn’t have a slideshow too. Oh yeah… Ling is with them. The trio are also there to see the Simpsons off on their trip to Barnacle Bay.
Apologies in advance but you can usually rely on a certain amount of cringeworthiness when talking about Patty and Selma and since Ling is Selma’s kiddo, you should expect it. In “Rome-Old and Julie-Eh” (S18:E15), Selma starts a relationship with Grampa Simpson. Awkward, right? Their budding relationship starts when Marge asks Selma to watch Grampa watch the kids. Selma brought Ling with her to play with Maggie. Won’t someone think of the children? I agree with Homer… “It’s like an old sea turtle dating a suitcase that fell out of a plane.” They even get married. In the words of Esteban de Sexface… ay yay yi!
It is funny that Grampa watches Ling while Selma works at the DMV. “I told her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers then they had to tickle them out with machinehugs and funthrowers. They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well sir. It doesn’t.” The age gap also doesn’t work out even if Grampa is cute with Ling.
“Poop in the tub. Poop in the tub. I’m not going to poop in the tub.” Our next Ling sightings are in “Pranks and Greens” (S21:E6) during a playdate at the Simpson home The Mid-day mommies are none too thrilled with Marge’s choice of Kwik-E-Milk and Hydroxy-Os. She’s pulled from snack rotation. They also don’t like her PPOA-encrusted non-stick pans. I guess you should never suck seven.
Do you remember when Selma became Marion D’Amico’s goomar in “The Real Housewives of Fat Tony” (S22:E19)? Well you shouldn’t since he died in episode 9 of this season and was replaced by Fit Tony but I’m straying from the point. Ling is in this episode too when Selma pseudo-marries Tony. She’s mysteriously absent from their Jersey shore mansion though. Probably for the best considering Tony’s niece and nephews.
In “Changing of the Guardian” (S24:E11), Homer and Marge seek guardians for the kids after nearly dying in a tornado. Marge thinks the obvious decision is her sisters but discovers that the two are Tiger mothering Ling who can simultaneously play the flute, twirl a lasso, hula hoop, and paint. Homer and Marge change their minds about P&S being guardians after Ling says “Help Me.” Prior to this the only thing we heard her say was “Momma” in the first episode I mentioned.
Poor Ling. Unhealthy parenting aside, I’m interested that Ling appears to be the only member of the Simpsons family to have aged. The Nahasapeemapetilon kids were babies once too and now are at least Maggie’s age. (I guess Sanjay’s son counts now too but he would have aged by a lot. Maybe only people with heritage from the Asian continent can age in the show?) Maybe the aging is the result of all that mothering, lack of praise, and second-hand smoke?
In this same season in “Dangers on a Train” (S24:E22), Ling stay toddler age. She does appear younger when she’s next to Maggie but still has her pigtails and overalls. Definitely not a baby anymore. Patty & Selma are returning from Ling and Maggie’s Baby Beethovens class. Ling plays violin as well as flute. Leave it Selma to chastise her for playing Mozart.
Ling’s last appearance I’ll point out is in one of the most recent episodes from the current season. “Puffless” (S27:E3) is a P&S episode so Ling should be in it. Not surprisingly, she’s present at Grandma Bouvier’s 80th birthday party but somehow avoided the five terabytes of vacation slides but was back when her Mom and Aunt burn down the house after deciding to quit smoking. Ling is myseriously absent from the rest of the episode other than appearing in a picture and being addressed as one of the causes of P&S’s apartment smelling. Pretty sure it’s the iguana and smoke but oh well and have we even addressed their smoking indoors with a child?
Anyhoo… so there’s your origin for Ling Bouvier… the mysterious aging, disappearing and reappearing (sometimes) baby/toddler. Interesting to note that she’s the only Bouvier not voiced by Julie Cavner. What do you think of her? Did you splurge the donuts? Sound off in the comments and keep on thinking of the children, they’re beginning to outnumber the adults you know.
TTFN… Wookiee out!