Springfield’s Got Talent: Dialog Recap

If you’ve been zapping through your tapping or just want a reminder on what the writers got up to for this mini event you’re in luck. Here’s a post with all the dialog and tasks just for you.

Here’s what’s in this post:

Intro: How Can I Use You Today?
Main quest: Springfield Idle  -Parts 1 to 5
Outro: Show Business Blues

Intro: How Can I Use You Today?

Manager Nigel: Homer! Barney! Seymour! Apu! My favorite quartet! I knew you’d still be hanging out together at the barbershop!
Homer: What? We’re not hanging out…are we?
Apu: We just happen to be getting haircuts at the same time.
Barney: *belches* Pure coincidence.
Skinner: Yeah, and Mother thinks she’s the only one who cuts my hair — so if anyone asks: I was never here.
Manager Nigel: Oh, well, I just assumed since the “Be Sharps” were a Barbershop Quartet and now all four of you are sitting here at a barbershop that—
Homer: Who the heck are you? A fan of ours or something?
Manager Nigel: *chuckles* No, it’s me, Nigel! I was the “Be Sharps” manager, remember?!
Barney: Oh yeah! You’re that Austrian guy!
Manager Nigel: *coughs* Australian. But I can be Austrian. I went on a “Sound of Music Tour” once. I even signed a Von Trapp Cover Choir.
Homer: Sure you did…
Manager Nigel: And now, I’m back to sign you guys for “The Be Sharps Reunion Tour”!
Homer: Forget it, Manager-I-Don’t-Really-Remember! All the Be Sharps ever gave us was fame, fortune, and a bunch of platinum records that don’t work when you put them in a record player.
Skinner: And even if we did reunite, nobody wants to listen to a barbershop quartet anymore. It’s so passé.
Manager Nigel: Well, there must be something you guys would be interested in singing.
Homer: I said “forget it!” Or at least I think I did — it was 3 or 4 taps ago…
Manager Nigel: Well, if you change your mind, you’ll get a moderate signing bonus and your own tour bus with an operational air hockey table inside.
Homer: Well, I suppose I could mull it over…if I had a beer in my hand.
Barney: I, too, would like to reconsider…with a beer in my hand.
Barney: Oh, and my girlfriend will have a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat.
Homer: You’re already back with Yoko?!
Barney: She inspires me.

• Make Barney Finagle Free Drinks Out of Nigel – 6 seconds
• Make Homer Run Up Nigel’s Bar Tab – 6 seconds
• Make Skinner Try To Order a Ginger Ale – 6 seconds

Manager Nigel: Have you guys thought about singing sea shanties? Those are all the rage now!
Sea Captain: SOON MAY THE SPRINGFIELDIAN COME / TO STEAL OUR SUGAR, TEA AND RUM
Homer: That’s more in his wheelhouse.
Apu: What about hard-driving rock ballads?!
Apu: *sings* HOPIN’ FOR A DRE-EAM! HOPIN’! / FOCUS LIKE A LASER BEAM / I’LL KEEP FIGHTING TILL I WANT SOMETHING GREAT
Apu: No? Okay. Your loss.
Manager Nigel: There must be some kind of old timey music that people are into now… Gregorian chants? Protest songs? 1950s commercial jingles?
Skinner: Nigel, why are you so desperate to try to get the Be Sharps back together?
Homer: Yeah! Leave the past in the past!
Manager Nigel: Well, the truth is, I lost all my money in the Metaverse, and my only skills are managing and mismanaging musical groups…
Manager Nigel: But if you guys aren’t interested, that’s all right. I mean, how hard could it be to find the next big thing in little, ol’ Springfield? Like Sea Captain for example…?
Sea Captain: My only manager’s the sea — and the sea’s tellin’ me to “regretfully pass”.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP
When completed this triggers the event quests and store items

Prize 1: Springfield Idle part 1

Victor Kleskow: All right, Springfield Academy of Music. Today, you’re performing in front of a talent manager looking to find the next big act… whatever that means.
Victor Kleskow: We’re playing “Caravan”. Lisa, you can be first chair.
Lisa: Thanks.
Victor Kleskow: Too polite. I change my mind — you’re Second Chair now. Database, you’re First Chair.
Victor Kleskow: *conducts orchestra*
Manager Nigel: *listens to kids play orchestral music*
Manager Nigel: Okay, stop-stop-stop! What is this garbage? I thought you said these kids were talented? You guys stink!
Manager Nigel: Can any of you sing or dance?
Martin: I can waltz!
Martin: *waltzes* 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3!
Uter: I can yodel.
Uter: *yodels*
Manager Nigel: Get off the stage! None of you are talented enough to be the next Be Sharps!
Victor Kleskow: Hey! I’m the only one around here who gets to belittle the children.
Milhouse: Thanks, Mr. Kleskow.
Victor Kleskow: Shut up, Milhouse.

• Collect Microphones – x 125
• Make Lisa Take Offense – 4 hours
• Make Parents of Musical Kids Take Offense – x3, 4 hours

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Springfield Academy of Music

Prize 2: Springfield Idle part 2

Homer: How dare you say the kids in Springfield don’t have talent!
Manager Nigel: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that the kids don’t have talent.
Homer: Really?
Manager Nigel: I meant to say no one here has any talent.
Homer: Why you—! We should throw this guy into the tire fire.
Manager Nigel: Relax! If you want to prove me wrong, I’m going to give every untalented weirdo in here a chance. I’m going to televise a special “Springfield’s Got Talent” competition!
Homer: Oh, it’s one of those updates… Fine! If I know this game I live in at all, then we will prove you wrong! And you’ll be hoisted on your own…
Homer: What’s that word, Lisa?
Lisa: “Petard”.
Homer: That’s a real word?
Lisa: Yes. The phrase is from Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”.
Homer: I didn’t ask for the whole backstory.
Homer: Anyway, Nigel. We’re gonna hoist you on your own “petard”.
Homer: Wait, where’d he go? Did he leave before I said “petard”?
Lisa: Seems so.
Homer: Now I feel like I was the one who got hoisted.

• Collect Microphones – x 145
• Make Springfielders Desperately Try to Develop Talent – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Celebrities Volunteer to Be Judges – x 3, 4 hours

Wolfcastle: I will be a celebrity judge for this competition show.
Manager Nigel: But the show is about talent, and no offense, you don’t really have any.
Wolfcastle: That didn’t stop Howie Mandel.
Manager Nigel: Fair point.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: 8 Track Shack

Prize 3: Springfield Idle part 3

Manager Nigel: Welcome to “Springfield’s Got Talent”!
Manager Nigel: I’m joined by celebrity judges Rainier Wolfcastle, Bumblebee Man, and your favorite DJ who wears a helmet: Der Zip Zorp.
Der Zip Zorp: *record scratch*
Manager Nigel: Our first contestant is: Chief Wiggum!
Wiggum: I was an original founding member of the Be Sharps. But I have formed a new quartet called the Be Sheriffs.
Manager Nigel: And what will you be singing?
Wiggum: We’re doing a classic cover of the Be Sharps’ “Baby On Board”. Hit it, Lou!
Lou: BABY ON BOARD, HOW I’VE ADORED
Eddie: THAT SIGN ON MY CAR’S WINDOW PANE
Wiggum: THE BOUNCE IN MY STEP, LOADED WITH PEP / CAUSE I’M DRIVING IN THE CARPOOL LANE
Homer: This song’s catchy, but super lame.
Bart: You wrote it.
Homer: D’OH!
Manager Nigel: And what does our panel of celebrity judges think?
Wolfcastle: I liked it, but it lacked pizazz.
Bumblebee Man: No.
Der Zip Zorp: *rejection record scratch*
Manager Nigel: Okay, who do we have next?
Skinner: Alright, Mother, now you’ll see that those tap dancing lessons you forced me to take through my entire childhood…and high school…and college will finally pay off!
Agnes: Somehow I doubt it.

• Collect Microphones – x 165
• Make Skinner Flashback on Stage – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Feel Embarrassed for Everyone – 4 hours
• Make Homer Get Warmed Up for His Turn – 4 hours

Skinner: The lights…the pressure…it’s too much! Can’t…can’t do it! Can’t tap dance around Charlie! Gotta kill ’em all!
Der Zip Zorp: *electronic beeping*
Manager Nigel: I don’t know either, Der Zip Zorp.
Wolfcastle: I know what’s happening. He’s having a flashback to the Nam. I performed a scene exactly like this in “McBain 5: McBain Harder” — but with less crying.
Agnes: Probably less bedwetting too.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: Mike Pop’s Recording Studio

Prize 4: Springfield Idle part 4

Manager Nigel: Our next contestant is: Abe Simpson.
Grampa: What? Where am I?
Wolfcastle: You’re competing on a talent show.
Grampa: Oh yeah! My talent is that I can make anyone fall asleep in less than thirty seconds.
Manager Nigel: How is that possible?
Grampa: Well, it’s just like when I used to live in a beach town that had two saltwater taffy joints. One taffy used saltwater from the bay, the other used saltwater from the sea…
Grampa: Could ya tell the difference? Boy, oh boy, you couldn’t.
Manager Nigel: *falls asleep, snores*
Wolfcastle: *intense German snores*
Bumblebee Man: Ay-Ay-Ay-ZZZZZZ…
Grampa: But then, Shoeless Joe Jackson came in one day and said “sure, anyone can kiss a camel. But you have to initiate it…”
Homer: Get off the stage, you— *snores*
Bart: *listening to music with headphones* Whoa, did everyone in here drop dead?

• Collect Microphones – x 185
• Make Bart Steal Twenty Bucks Out of Homer’s Wallet – 4 hours
• Make Grampa Tell Another Story – 4 hours
• Make Homer Drool in His Sleep – 4 hours

Grampa: In my day, in the National League, the home plate umpire was chosen from the crowd, got to sit in an easy chair, and could send any player to jail for one week.
Grampa: And in the American League there wasn’t an umpire at all. They’d prop up a twin-sized mattress behind the plate with a hole cut in the middle. Sometimes the ball would bounce back and in front of the hitter so you’d get a second swing…
Wolfcastle: *snores*

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: Duff Gardens Stage

Prize 5: Springfield Idle part 5

Wolfcastle: A truly stunning lack of talent. Although, that old man gave me the best sleep I’ve had since the premiere screening of “McBain 11: Mendoza’s Ghost”.
Marge: Can it really be true that Springfield doesn’t have any talent anymore?
Manager Nigel: Of course it’s true, I’ve been saying it all week! You people really are the most talentless lot I’ve ever seen.
Manager Nigel: It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with your water supply.
Burns: Oh, the water is perfectly safe! See? I’ll even drink some.
Burns: *fills glass of water*
Manager Nigel: Well, aren’t you going to drink it?
Burns: Yes, of course! *takes tiny sip*
Homer: Well, there is one talent Springfield’s got that Nigel hasn’t seen yet…
Manager Nigel: Uh, hang on. Where did you get all those torches and pitchforks, and why did security allow them into the building?

• Collect Microphones – x 205
• Make Springfielders Chase Nigel Out of the Building – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Mr. Burns Release The Hounds on Nigel – 4 hours

Manager Nigel: *running from angry mob*
Apu: *throwing Squishees at Nigel*
Manager Nigel: Even you, Apu de Beaumarchais?!
Apu: That stage name is dead to me!
Barney: *belches* *throws beer bottle*
Manager Nigel: And you too, Barney? I thought Yoko and you were pacifists!
Barney: We broke up! The Be Sharps wrote a song about it!
Homer: SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS BIGGER THAN JESUS / BUT IN THE END THAT NEVER PLEASED US
Manager Nigel: I guess Springfield does have talent.

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and character: Manager Nigel

Outro: Show Business Blues

Manager Nigel: You guys are gonna love this tape! It’s a bunch of talentless hacks humiliating themselves on stage!
Polystar Executive: Sorry, Nigel, but I’m afraid your show’s a non-starter. And it’s not just because you brought us a VHS tape that we can’t even watch because it’s a VHS tape.
Manager Nigel: Non-starter? What are you talking about?
Polystar Executive: Times have changed. No one wants to see smug Hollywood Tesla-driving elites making fun of regular Ford F-150 folk anymore.
Polystar Executive: Kindness and sincerity are the new cynicism.
Manager Nigel: Like that’ll last.
Polystar Executive: See? That was very cynical of you. You should work on that. Anyway, good luck in all your endeavors.
Manager Nigel: I guess I have to go back to Springfield…

• Make Nigel Fly Back To Springfield – 4 hours
• Make Homer Pick Up Nigel From the Airport – 4 hours

Manager Nigel: Thanks for picking me up from the airport, Homer.
Homer: Anytime, former manager.
Manager Nigel: Speaking of that, I still think a Be Sharps Reunion Tour would be a huge hit in the nostalgia musical market.
Homer: Oh, the Be Sharps aren’t getting back together…but I do have a job for you.
Manager Nigel: You do? What is it? Because I need the money.
Homer: Eldercare.
Grampa: Hi there, Nigel.
Manager Nigel: You want me to babysit your dad?
Homer: Oh, he’s easy. Just nod at him every ten or so seconds.
Grampa: This drive from the airport used to be much quicker.
Manager Nigel: *nods*
Grampa: But the longest drive I’ve ever driven was from Charleston to Albany. Turns out my parking brake was on the whole drive.
Manager Nigel: *nods*
Grampa: When I got to Albany two months later, the Kodak factory was closed and I was out a job…
Manager Nigel: *rolls out of moving car* I CAN’T DO THIS! I QUIT!
Grampa: What’s that guy’s problem?

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP
When completed this triggers the You’ve Finished message, grants a Shattered Token and unlocks the Shattered Dreams box.

. . . and that’s a wrap. Yeah, I know – nostalgia ain’t what it used to be but there’s your look back on the dialog and quests from the event itself.
Anything stand out for you? Did you enjoy this or were you just rattling through to pass the time? Do let us know what you made of it all in the comments.