Heaven Won’t Wait: Act 2 Dialog Recap

If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time then you’re in luck. Here’s all the dialog and tasks for Act 2 of this event

What’s in this post
• Prize track parts 1 to 5

Prize Track: The Rapture-tastic Express parts 1 to 5

The Rapture-tastic Express part 1:

Lisa: Can you help us fix Eden before God gets back, Jesus?
Jesus Christ: I’d love to, Lisa, but we have to think of the Hell-less.
Lisa: *snaps fingers* I’ve got it! You can let them into Heaven!
Jesus Christ: Uh, yeah, about that…
Jesus Christ: Not right for their needs… Not enough services…
Lisa: So you’re a NOMCY?
Lisa: Not On My Cloud.
Jesus Christ: Ah. Right.
God: What the crap did you people do to my garden?!
God: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE!
God: I mean, I totally can because I knew that this is what you all were going to do because I know everything, but still, I’m very angry and disappointed.
God: Time to flex the ol’ Rapture Muscles. *huge thunder sound*
Ned: You…you just crushed my house with a giant bowling pin.
God: Sorry about that. I was aiming for Homer’s.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, what do we do? I — I don’t know what to argue now. His logic doesn’t make any sense!
Ned: Well, uh, Your Almightyness, you did send us your only son to ordain a New Covenant where you weren’t going to hit us with your wrath anymore.
God: Then how come you guys never stop talking about how everything is my wrath?
Ned: It’s, uh, possible we’ve gotten confused on a few points here and there.
Ned: Jesus, you were there at the time, maybe you could quote a few relevant Bible passages to your father?
Jesus Christ: You mean the covenant that didn’t come into effect until I died? Thanks for the reminder, dude.

• Collect Halos – x 155
• Make Jesus Take a Bribe – 4 hours
• Make Ned Question His Faith – 4 hours

Lisa: Why are there wads of cash sticking out of the hole in your side?
Jesus Christ: *shrugs* I dunno. Stuff winds up there.
Lisa: Are you getting kickbacks from developers for green-lighting their projects based on false claims that they’ll help the Hell-less?
Jesus Christ: That’s the thing about being divine in human form — I also share human weaknesses.
Lisa: So your “advocacy for the Hell-less” is actually a racket perpetuating Hell-less-ness!
Jesus Christ: If I didn’t sin, I wouldn’t be doing my job.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and skin: Crushed Flanders’ House

The Rapture-tastic Express part 2:

Ned: Boy, I think God is really angry this time! What are we going to do?
Homer: You could buy a ticket for my Rapture Bus and get out of town with me!
Moe: Does that even make sense?
Homer: Only three seats left.
Moe: Give me all three — I don’t like sitting next to bus weirdos.

• Collect Halos – x 155
• Make Homer Sell Tickets for His Rapture Bus – 4 hours
• Make Springfielders Buy Tickets for the Rapture Bus x 5x- 4 hours
• Make Burns Buy the Rapture Bus – 4 hours

Homer: Mr. Burns, I’m surprised you want to leave town on a bus.
Burns: Oh my, never! I wouldn’t be caught dead on a bus.
Burns: No, my friends and I are leaving town on our private jets. I just don’t want the usual riffraff following us.
Lisa: Even if you could run away from the apocalypse, which you can’t, without the “riffraff”, who’s going to do all the work to take care of you?
Burns: I’ve got Smithers.
Smithers: And I’ve got you, sir.
Burns: Shut up and put my bags on the plane.
Smithers: Yes, sir.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and building: The Jesus Cube

The Rapture-tastic Express part 3:

Ned: People, this isn’t like a hurricane! There’s no escape when God decides to end the world!
Lisa: Then where did the rich guys go?
Jesus Christ: I maybe kind-of, sort-of sent them straight to the depths of Hell.
Ned: I’m starting to think maybe I was wrong about rich people all being good.
Ned: Who could have guessed that the Bible meant what it said about loving money more than people being evil and the rich not getting into heaven?
Jesus Christ: Yeah, I really can’t stand rich people. They all act like they think they’re me!
Homer: Yeah, rich guys are jerks!
Lisa: You love rich guys.
Homer: Not when they don’t take me with them.

• Collect Halos – x 155
• Make Mr. Burns Go to Hell – 4 hours
• Make The Rich Texan Go to Hell – 4 hours
• Make Ned Make a Sorry Expression – 4 hours
• Make Homer Make Sorry-Not-Sorry Expression – 4 hours

Ned: Oh Lord, I know I pray a lot—
God: Yes, you do! Knock it off. I’m not bailing you out this time!
God: Now stop distracting me! Planning a giant flood that will wipe out everyone requires more precision than you’d think.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: Rapture Bus

The Rapture-tastic Express part 4:

Ned: I’ve tried everything I can think of. I guess this is really it.
Lisa: You can’t give up, Mr. Flanders. God’s just being stubborn. He’s probably testing your faith.
Lisa: He seems to do that a lot.
Ned: By golly, you’re right, Lisa! I’m going to pray even harder than before!
Homer: Or you can just relax and let me take care of everything — I’ve got a plan!
Lisa: Yeah…I wouldn’t stop praying just yet.

• Collect Halos – x 155
• Make Lisa Try to Figure Out What to Do Next – 4 hours
• Make Homer Build Giant Sign Out of Empty Donut Boxes – 4 hours
• Make Ned Pray Even Harder – 4 hours

Lisa: You built a giant sign out of empty donut boxes that says “DER GOD, WEER SORREE”.
Homer: Oh, I misspelled “Dear”.
Lisa: And “we’re”.
Homer: Really? I did not know that.
Lisa: And “sorry”.
Homer: That I did know — I have a lot of practice writing “sorry” on notes to your mother.
Homer: But in this case I deliberately misspelled it so it would rhyme with “weer”.
Lisa: That’s not how rhymes work.
Homer: It’s not? Then I don’t understand rap music at all.
God: Okay, I’m back. Let’s hear what you have to say this time.
Ned: I knew Lisa was right! I just kept praying and my faith was rewarded.
God: No, I was just amused by Homer’s sign.
God: That’s why I created stupid people in the first place. You never know what idiots are going to do.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and decoration: Heavenly Playscape

The Rapture-tastic Express part 5:

Lisa: You said earlier that you knew we were going to screw up again. Well, you made us, and you knew we would fail. Is that really a fair test?
God: Eh, that’s kind of a good point.
Homer: On the other hand, even if you didn’t know, we one-hundred percent would have done the same stupid stuff anyway.
God: Say, that’s right!
Lisa: Not helping, Dad.
God: Okay, enough with all this philosophical, theological debate! Fine, I won’t wipe you all out—
Ned: Hurray!
God: But as of right now, no one is getting into Heaven anymore! I’m building a wall around Heaven!
Lisa: There’s already a gate.
God: That was just for show. You could always go around it. Not sure why more people didn’t, really.
Ned: If Heaven is closed, and Hell is full, where will we spend eternity?
God: You should have thought of that earlier! I guess you’ll have to stay right where you are!
Homer: Woohoo! We’re going to live forever!
Homer: Build the wall! Build the wall!

• Collect Halos – x 195
• Make God Build a Wall Around Heaven – 4 hours
• Make Ned Ponder Eternity in the Absence of God – 4 hours
• Make Homer Be Happy He Can Pig Out Forever – 4 hours

Ned: You seem really happy about this, Homer.
Homer: Call me nuts, but to me living forever seems like a pretty good deal.
Ned: You don’t live next to you.
Ned: My God, why hast thou forsaken me!

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP and character: Angela

That’s Act 2 wrapped up, back on Sunday with the Act 3 Rundown