Super Safi’s Monday Morning Musings 94 – Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Morning Musically-Minded, Medically-Minded, Masticators!

(Today’s post is sponsored by the letter “M”)

Over the past 600+ episodes, The Simpsons has taken us on an amazing journey involving music, science, and food to name a few concepts.

And what better way to start your week, than by discussing some of these concepts Monday morning?

So let’s get started this week by talking about another Simpsons original song.

In the ninety fourth episode of The Simpsons, Homer and Apu (Season 05, Episode 13), Homer gets sick eating spoiled food from the Kwik-E-Mart. He then joins forces with Kent Brockman and the channel 6 news team to catch Apu. He wears a camera under his hat and they reveal Apu’s ‘dirty’ secrets.

As a result of the expose, Apu is fired from the Kwik-E-Mart. Feeling responsible for his own downfall and for making Homer sick, Apu goes to the Simpsons house and apologizes. He then volunteers to help make things better at the Simpsons household. He performs a variety of household chores. He goes shopping, stocks the cans, cooks dinner, and even introduces Homer to ‘napkins’.

While Apu initially sings with all of the Simpsons about how much he doesn’t need the Kwik-E-Mart, the family soon realizes Apu is lying as they find him crying on the roof.

Homer: “Hey, he’s not happy at all! He lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!”

So Homer goes to India with Apu to try and get his job back. They trek to the first convenience store, the Kwik-E-Mart head office, to meet with the head of the Kwik-E-Mart.

He permits visitors three questions, of which Apu only needs one. Unfortunately, Homer wastes all three questions by asking “Are you really the Head of the Kwik-E-Mart?” and following up with “Really?”, and “You?”. The response to each one is “Yes.” The head of the Kwik-E-Mart hopes their visit has been informative and, much to Apu’s dismay, asks them to leave and “come again”.

But have you ever wondered what song Apu and the Simpsons sang?

Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

“Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?” is a song about how much Apu prefers the Simpsons’ house to working at the Kwik-E-Mart. The music for the song was composed by Alf Clausen and the lyrics written by Greg Daniels (of The Office fame). The song was nominated for an Emmy award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Music and Lyrics.

Alf Clausen (March 28, 1941 – Present)

Greg Daniels ( June 13, 1963 – Present)

Here are the lyrics:

Apu:
You see…
Whether igloo, hut, or lean-to,
Or a geodesic dome,
There’s no structure I have been to
Which I’d rather call my home.
Abe:
Hello.
(Apu takes Abe’s cane and Abe falls to the floor.)
Apu:
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks
But now I’ve come to loooooooove your quirks.
Maggie, with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophize,
Bart’s adept at spinning lies.
Homer’s a delightful fella.
Sorry ’bout the salmonella.
Homer:
Heh-heh. That’s okay.
Apu:
(taking Abe’s chair and climbing on top of it)
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here’s the tricky part,
Oh, won’t you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge:
Their floors are sticky-mart!
Lisa:
They made Dad sick-e-mart!
Bart:
Let’s hurl a brick-e-mart!
Homer:
The Kwik-E-Mart is real—
D’oh!
All:
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu:
Not meeeeeeeeeee!
The Simpsons (simultaneously):
Forget the Kwik-E-Mart!
Good-bye to Kwik-E-Mart!
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu:
Not me!

Now that we’ve learned more about a classic The Simpsons original song, be sure to come back next week when we continue our Monday morning musings with the next episode of The Simpsons.

Did you remember the episode? What’s your favourite Apu-centric episode of The Simpsons? What about your favourite The Simpsons original song? Did you remember the lyrics? Were you familiar with the Emmy nomination? Sound off in the comments below. You know we love hearing from you.