A Hard Play’s Night: Dialog Recap

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If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this mini event …

Here’s what’s in this post:
• Intro: The Long Strokes of Summer
• Prize Track: A Hard Play’s Night parts 1 to 5
• Outro: The Final Curtain

Intro: The Long Strokes of Summer

Skinner: Now, to start the school year off with a bang, our Springfield Elementary Orchestra will play Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 5. Allegro con brio”.
Bart: More like “allegro con boring”!
Milhouse: That joke fell flat, Bart.
Nelson: Yeah, that was like a reverse “haw-haw”! A “wah-wah”, if you will.
Bart: Come on, it’s the first day back at school. It takes some time to get back into rhythm.
Skinner: And to conduct this classical piece, our very own, Mr. Largo.
Dewey Largo: Ok, kids… and a-one, and a-two…
Superintendent Chalmers: “BAH-BAH-BUM….” Classic.
Nelson: Hey, not too shabby for a bunch of dorkestra nerds.
Dewey Largo: *conducting noises*
Lisa: Is Mr. Largo falling asleep or is he just lost in the music?
Dewey Largo: Zzzzzzzzzzz…
Lisa: He IS asleep!
Ralph: The Music Wizard is making spells with his wand!
Lisa: And his baton is moving all over the place!
Database: His erratic conducting is modulating the tempo at the speed of Liszt!
Dewey Largo: *snoring*
Skinner: He’s playing in the key of Zzzz!
Milhouse: Wait, Largo’s not the only one asleep — ALL the teachers are!
Miss Hoover: *snoring*
Ms Peyton: *snoring*
Coach Pommelhorst: *snoring*
Superintendent Chalmers: Why in God’s name are all the teachers asleep?! SKINNER!

• Make Dewey Largo Wake Up – 6 seconds
• Make Ralph Stick Random Objects in His Mouth – 6 seconds
• Make Bart Tell Another Joke – 6 seconds

Superintendent Chalmers: Why does your entire faculty look like they’ve been working nights at the coal mine?!
Skinner: I can assure you that only two people have part-time jobs at the coal mine.
Superintendent Chalmers: It’s only the first day of school and these teachers are practically sedated! What kind of sick operation are you running here, Skinner?!
Skinner: I don’t know the answer to that question but believe me when I say: I will personally get to the bottom of this.
Superintendent Chalmers: I don’t believe you — but I do believe him. Tell me what’s really going on, Willie.
Willy: The toupée-wearin’ Principal’s been workin’ the teachers all summer! And now they’re sleepin’ harder than a Highlander after a midnight sheep toss.
Skinner: I should have never brought you along for moral support.
Willy: Willie only supports two things: his entire family in Scotland and Aberdeen FC!
Superintendent Chalmers: The teachers have been working all summer? On what?!
Skinner: Not ALL summer! It was just a weeklong seminar preparing the faculty for the potential onslaught of students using AI to do all their homework and write all their essays.
Superintendent Chalmers: That’d be enough to put me to sleep and kill my summer. Fantastic work, Skinner. You single-handedly ruined the only positive aspect of being a teacher: a three-month break.
Skinner: I was only trying to prepare us for this new age of artificial intelligence.
Superintendent Chalmers: I don’t think this school has to worry about ANY kind of intelligence.
Willy: He also made us all paint the school.
Skinner: But that’s what teachers do in the summer.
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner, I’m very disappointed in your school’s performance today, but I’m going to come back next week. If you don’t put on a performance that wows me: *guillotine noise*
Skinner: Chalmers, it’ll be the best show Springfield Elementary has ever put on!
Superintendent Chalmers: Don’t raise my expectations, Skinner. If you were smart, you’d know that you should always lower your boss’ expectations so that you can then wildly exceed them.
Skinner: Okay, it’ll be the worst show Springfield Elementary has ever put on!

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP


Prize Track: A Hard Play’s Night parts 1 to 5

A Hard Play’s Night, part 1:
Stage Manager Marge (Skin)
Stage Manager Marge
Skinner: Thank you for coming, Ms. Peyton.
Ms Peyton: Well, you summoned me, so… not really a choice in coming.
Skinner: I want to cut to the chase here. I’d like to offer you an exciting opportunity.
Skinner: You see, I’ve noticed that several of the staff seem…a bit worn out.
Ms Peyton: Yeah, one super boring seminar can really suck the life out of you it seems. Plus, all that painting we had to do in the hot sun.
Skinner: Well, I had an idea to make it up to the staff.
Skinner: If you could organize a school play, then it could give the rest of the faculty some much needed time off, and more importantly show Chalmers what our school is made of.
Ms Peyton: You want to give the entire faculty a vacation and have me organize a whole play by myself? Because I sold my magic wand to buy school supplies out-of-pocket.
Skinner: No, no, I don’t expect you to do one thing! I expect you to get the parents involved and then make THEM do it. It’s called “parent participation” — it’s all the rage at other schools.
Ms Peyton: Hmmm, parents…I can work with that. What kind of play did you have in mind?
Skinner: The only kind: old enough that the copyright’s expired.

• Collect Playbills – x 165
• Make Ms. Peyton Contact Parents – 4 hours
• Make Parents Find Time to Come to School – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Marge Happily Come to School – 4 hours

Ms Peyton: Thank you all for coming in on such short notice.
Marge: I’m just glad this isn’t about Bart! Or is it…?
Homer: Yeah, ’cause if it is, we’re not paying for another lawyer — he’s gonna have to represent himself.
Ms Peyton: This isn’t about Bart. And if it was, I wouldn’t have summoned every parent at the school.
Homer: Hey, when this kid jumps, I’m required to ask “how high” and “what’s the damage”.
Marge: That was pretty good, Homer.
Homer: Thanks! Words are just flowing through me today. Maybe this intermittent fasting stuff’s finally paying dividends.
Marge: Eating between 8am and midnight isn’t “intermittent fasting”.
Ms Peyton: Homer, do you actually think that’s what “intermittent fasting” is?
Homer: I can eat my way through half a fridge and two fully stocked pantries in the middle of the night… so, yeah, this fasting stuff has been a major sacrifice.
Kirk: Can we please speed this meeting up? I’m not allowed to keep meat or fish in my trunk for more than an hour when I’m delivering groceries.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Stage Manager Marge (Skin)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 2:
Whitewashed fence (Decoration)
Whitewashed Fence
Ms Peyton: So, here’s the deal, parents: we have one week to transform Mark Twain’s “Tom Sawyer” into the best musical Springfield Elementary has ever staged.
Homer: Mark Twain didn’t write “Tom Sawyer” — it’s a “Rush” song!
Wiggum: Homer’s right!
Homer: Bands back then had so much drum…
Wiggum: They did indeed, Homer. They did indeed.
Ms Peyton: Look, you guys are all here today because we need your help to make this the best play our school has ever staged.
Luann: So now you’re subcontracting your own job to us parents? What gives you the right?
Kirk: Yeah, does that mean we’ll get a cut of the school budget or a chunk of your sweet teacher salary?
Ms Peyton: No. And it’s not subcontracting, it’s “parental participation”.
Ms Peyton: As for the budget, I can offer you all the leftover school pizza your hearts desire.
Homer: I’m in! *eats pizza*
Ms Peyton: Okay, so here’s a stack of “Tom Sawyer: The Musical” scripts for you all to read.
Helen Lovejoy: Why does it have to be “Tom Sawyer”? Shouldn’t we…oh, I don’t know, pick something less political?
Ms Peyton: Political? Tom Sawyer is a cultural landmark.
Ms Peyton: Its realistic depiction of ordinary American life remains a candid reflection of the complexities within our society then and now.
Helen Lovejoy: It was just a suggestion…
Ms Peyton: So, are you parents in for some “parent participation”?
Marge: I’m in!
Kirk: Fine…I’m in.
Sarah Wiggum: I’m in.
Homer: Mmm…participation pizza!

• Collect Playbills – x 125
• Make Ms. Peyton Try to Control the Meeting – 4 hours
• Make Parents Continue to Object – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Marge Happily Pull Out Her Stage Binder – 4 hours

Ms Peyton: So, do I have any volunteers for set design?
Marge: I’d love to do set design!
Ms Peyton: Wow, that was fast. Thanks Marge!
Marge: Absolutely! And would you mind if I also handled all of the stage management and costuming, too?
Marge: I don’t want to come off too strong, but back in high school I was a pretty big deal as the theater class stage manager.
Ms Peyton: I doubt anyone here would mind.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Whitewashed fence (Decoration)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 3:
Springfield Playhouse (Building)
Springfield Playhouse
Marge: Bart! Lisa! Come downstairs, I’ve got news from school!
Bart: If a wasp hive exploded in Skinner’s office and/or car, I had no knowledge of it.
Marge: No, it’s not that! It’s good news!
Lisa: Did the school finally accept my advanced curriculum proposal?
Marge: Nope, something way better than that!
Bart: Well now you’re just hyping this up too much — it’ll probably be a total let down.
Marge: The school’s putting on a play, and guess who’s directing?
Bart: Awesome. Now I’m betting one of us ends up as the lead, because that’s our usual luck.
Marge: Well, Bart, since you mentioned it…

• Collect Playbills – x 165
• Make Marge Change Into Her Stage Manager Outfit – 4 hours
• Make Bart Pretend to Be Deaf – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Brace Herself for Bad News – 4 hours

Stage Manager Marge: The play we’ll be putting on is a musical adaptation of Tom Sawyer.
Lisa: Wait, is that already a thing that exists or do we have to write a bunch of songs about Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn?
Stage Manager Marge: Shh, Lisa! If we don’t ask those questions, we don’t have to worry about answering them!
Lisa: I mean, that is kind of an important question that needs answering…
Stage Manager Marge: Well, and this isn’t nepotism or anything, but I think Bart…
Bart: Fine, fine, I’ll play Tom Sawyer. I mean, it’s sort of a role I was born to play.
Stage Manager Marge: I wish that wasn’t the case, but it really is…

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Springfield Playhouse (Building)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 4:
Stage Props Bundle (Decorations)
Stage Props Bundle
Martin: So we are to be thespians? Delightful!
Nelson: If this play doesn’t involve me pounding him, I’d rather go back to math.
Ralph: I’m going to be a tree!
Ms Peyton: Thank you, children. Please sit down so we can talk about our play.
Ms Peyton: We will be performing a musical adaptation of Mark Twain’s classic American story, Tom Sawyer.
Milhouse: I’ll play Tom Sawyer if Lisa’s Becky!
Nelson: *punches Milhouse* Stop being a creep, Milhouse.
Milhouse: Wait, a musical? Oh no, that’s going to mean singing.
Janey: And the costumes from that time period will not even be slightly cute.
Ms Peyton: Here to help me explain our plans, let me welcome Marge Simpson, who will be helping out with our set design and costuming.
Stage Manager Marge: Hello, children!
Ms Peyton: So, Marge, would you like to let everyone know who will be playing Tom Sawyer?
Stage Manager Marge: My special guy, Bart Simpson!
Nelson: Haw-haw!
Stage Manager Marge: And for the role of Huckleberry Finn, Nelson Muntz!
Nelson: Haw-Huck?!

• Collect Playbills – x 125
• Make Bart Attempt to Disappear – 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Be Extremely Proud – 4 hours
• Make Ms. Peyton Try to Hide Her Amusement – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Memorize His Script – 4 hours
• Make Students Protest This Whole Fiasco – x 5, 4 hours

Martin: Bart’s casting is clearly nepotism at work!
Milhouse: Yeah, I don’t think Bart’s even read Tom Sawyer! I mean, neither have I…
Martin: I doubt that Bart could properly convey the complexities of Tom Sawyer’s loss of innocence in the immoral harsh world he’s forced to navigate.
Ralph: I get to play a tree!
Ms Peyton: Well, Marge, as Stage Manager, you get the fun and rewarding task of calming the kids down and preparing them for curtain call. I’m going to go get a much-deserved massage.
Stage Manager Marge: All right! Who wants to help build a set? No one? Because “no volunteers” means “all of you”.
Ms Peyton: Nicely done, I’m stealing that.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Stage Props Bundle (Decorations)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 5:
Elementary Play Stage (Building)
Elementary Play Stage
Miss Hoover: Peace and quiet. I’d forgotten what it felt like.
Willy: Aye, lassie. ‘Tis a right good day, it is.
Coach Krupt: *bursts in* They’ve got him doing it all wrong!
Miss Hoover: If this is about that play, I don’t want to hear about it. That’s a problem for the parents to deal with.
Coach Krupt: No, it’s not the play. It’s that boy they have playing Tom Sawyer. He’s doing the whitewashing and he’s doing it all wrong!
Willy: Bart Simpson. I should have known he’d muck up a simple task like that.
Miss Hoover: When did we all start caring so much about painting?
Coach Krupt: It doesn’t matter. We spent the entire summer painting this godforsaken school.
Miss Hoover: I know. We’re practically experts.
Coach Krupt: Let’s BOMBARD him with some information! We’re teachers, aren’t we?
Miss Hoover: Fine! If it’ll make you all shut up, let’s go teach Tom Sawyer the proper method of applying a consistent topcoat!

• Collect Playbills – x 205
• Make Teachers Storm the Stage – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Bart Get Educated on Proper Painting Technique – 4 hours
• Make Bart Sawyer Get Educated on Proper Painting Technique – 4 hours
• Make Students Watch With Morbid Fascination – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Finish Building The Set – 4 hours

Miss Hoover: Down, then up! It’s not rocket science!
Bart: Sure, but you guys understand that this is a prop fence! It’s made of cardboard.
Coach Krupt: Respect the art of painting or no BOMBARDMENT all year!
Martin: “No bombardment”? Sounds like a good deal.
Coach Krupt: *throws dodgeball* BOMBARDMENT!
Martin: Ow!

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Elementary Play Stage (Building)


Outro: The Final Curtain

Bart Sawyer: Whitewash duty, such a joy / Best believe, I ain’t got no ploy!
Martin: Tom Sawyer, you sly fox! / Giving us your chores, while you skip rocks!
Milhouse: Paint it up, paint it down / Tom’s turned his work, into our playground!
Janey: Yes, time has turned this white fence brown / But by day’s end, we’ll paint the town!
Broccoli Ralph: I’m a tree, yes, I’m a tree, I’m a tree, I’m a tree! Take a break and lean against me!
Sarah Wiggum: Did our boy just remember his lines and sing them properly, or did you accidentally give me the good Scotch on the way over here?
Wiggum: Our boy’s a star.

• Make Bart Finish the Play – 4 hours
• Make Bart Sawyer Finish the Play – 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Be Extremely Proud – 4 hours
• Make Teachers Be Confused That This Worked – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Parents Unexpectedly Enjoy the Play – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Ms. Peyton Finally Relax – 4 hours

Bart Sawyer: Sayonara Missouri! *takes a bow* *curtain falls*
Stage Manager Marge: And that’s it! We did it, everyone!
Skinner: Wait, what’s going on? Is that real applause?
Superintendent Chalmers: That was the best play your school has ever put on. And your teachers seem to have finally received the rest they deserved. Good work, Seymour.
Skinner: Why…thank you, sir!
Stage Manager Marge: You did so good, Bart!
Bart Sawyer: Mom! Everyone’s still around, wait until we’re home.
Stage Manager Marge: Nope! I’m just so proud of my special little guy. *picks up Bart and hugs him*

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP


That wraps things up for this event, back when the next update hits.

6 responses to “A Hard Play’s Night: Dialog Recap

  1. New halloween event is coming!! Look on Facebook !!

  2. When is treehouse of horror 34 event coming? I’ve been saving up donuts forever. The last mini event sucked.

  3. Appreciate the dialog posts.

    Sometimes I get caught tapping in non ideal situations or environments and miss out on some laughs!

    Cheers 🍻

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