A Hard Play’s Night: Dialog Recap

 
If you’ve been zapping through your tapping and it’s all been a bit of a blur or if you just fancied a reminder of what the writers got up to this time you’re in luck.
Here’s all the dialog and tasks for this mini event …

Here’s what’s in this post:
• Intro: The Long Strokes of Summer
• Prize Track: A Hard Play’s Night parts 1 to 5
• Outro: The Final Curtain

Intro: The Long Strokes of Summer

Skinner: Now, to start the school year off with a bang, our Springfield Elementary Orchestra will play Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 5. Allegro con brio”.
Bart: More like “allegro con boring”!
Milhouse: …
Milhouse: That joke fell flat, Bart.
Nelson: Yeah, that was like a reverse “haw-haw”! A “wah-wah”, if you will.
Bart: Come on, it’s the first day back at school. It takes some time to get back into rhythm.
Skinner: And to conduct this classical piece, our very own, Mr. Largo.
Dewey Largo: Ok, kids… and a-one, and a-two…
Superintendent Chalmers: “BAH-BAH-BUM….” Classic.
Nelson: Hey, not too shabby for a bunch of dorkestra nerds.
Dewey Largo: *conducting noises*
Lisa: Is Mr. Largo falling asleep or is he just lost in the music?
Dewey Largo: Zzzzzzzzzzz…
Lisa: He IS asleep!
Ralph: The Music Wizard is making spells with his wand!
Lisa: And his baton is moving all over the place!
Database: His erratic conducting is modulating the tempo at the speed of Liszt!
Dewey Largo: *snoring*
Skinner: He’s playing in the key of Zzzz!
Milhouse: Wait, Largo’s not the only one asleep — ALL the teachers are!
Miss Hoover: *snoring*
Ms Peyton: *snoring*
Coach Pommelhorst: *snoring*
Superintendent Chalmers: Why in God’s name are all the teachers asleep?! SKINNER!

• Make Dewey Largo Wake Up – 6 seconds
• Make Ralph Stick Random Objects in His Mouth – 6 seconds
• Make Bart Tell Another Joke – 6 seconds

Superintendent Chalmers: Why does your entire faculty look like they’ve been working nights at the coal mine?!
Skinner: I can assure you that only two people have part-time jobs at the coal mine.
Superintendent Chalmers: It’s only the first day of school and these teachers are practically sedated! What kind of sick operation are you running here, Skinner?!
Skinner: I don’t know the answer to that question but believe me when I say: I will personally get to the bottom of this.
Superintendent Chalmers: I don’t believe you — but I do believe him. Tell me what’s really going on, Willie.
Willy: The toupée-wearin’ Principal’s been workin’ the teachers all summer! And now they’re sleepin’ harder than a Highlander after a midnight sheep toss.
Skinner: I should have never brought you along for moral support.
Willy: Willie only supports two things: his entire family in Scotland and Aberdeen FC!
Superintendent Chalmers: The teachers have been working all summer? On what?!
Skinner: Not ALL summer! It was just a weeklong seminar preparing the faculty for the potential onslaught of students using AI to do all their homework and write all their essays.
Superintendent Chalmers: That’d be enough to put me to sleep and kill my summer. Fantastic work, Skinner. You single-handedly ruined the only positive aspect of being a teacher: a three-month break.
Skinner: I was only trying to prepare us for this new age of artificial intelligence.
Superintendent Chalmers: I don’t think this school has to worry about ANY kind of intelligence.
Willy: He also made us all paint the school.
Skinner: But that’s what teachers do in the summer.
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner, I’m very disappointed in your school’s performance today, but I’m going to come back next week. If you don’t put on a performance that wows me: *guillotine noise*
Skinner: Chalmers, it’ll be the best show Springfield Elementary has ever put on!
Superintendent Chalmers: Don’t raise my expectations, Skinner. If you were smart, you’d know that you should always lower your boss’ expectations so that you can then wildly exceed them.
Skinner: Okay, it’ll be the worst show Springfield Elementary has ever put on!

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP

Prize Track: A Hard Play’s Night parts 1 to 5

A Hard Play’s Night, part 1:
Stage Manager Marge (Skin)

Skinner: Thank you for coming, Ms. Peyton.
Ms Peyton: Well, you summoned me, so… not really a choice in coming.
Skinner: I want to cut to the chase here. I’d like to offer you an exciting opportunity.
Skinner: You see, I’ve noticed that several of the staff seem…a bit worn out.
Ms Peyton: Yeah, one super boring seminar can really suck the life out of you it seems. Plus, all that painting we had to do in the hot sun.
Skinner: Well, I had an idea to make it up to the staff.
Skinner: If you could organize a school play, then it could give the rest of the faculty some much needed time off, and more importantly show Chalmers what our school is made of.
Ms Peyton: You want to give the entire faculty a vacation and have me organize a whole play by myself? Because I sold my magic wand to buy school supplies out-of-pocket.
Skinner: No, no, I don’t expect you to do one thing! I expect you to get the parents involved and then make THEM do it. It’s called “parent participation” — it’s all the rage at other schools.
Ms Peyton: Hmmm, parents…I can work with that. What kind of play did you have in mind?
Skinner: The only kind: old enough that the copyright’s expired.

• Collect Playbills – x 165
• Make Ms. Peyton Contact Parents – 4 hours
• Make Parents Find Time to Come to School – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Marge Happily Come to School – 4 hours

Ms Peyton: Thank you all for coming in on such short notice.
Marge: I’m just glad this isn’t about Bart! Or is it…?
Homer: Yeah, ’cause if it is, we’re not paying for another lawyer — he’s gonna have to represent himself.
Ms Peyton: This isn’t about Bart. And if it was, I wouldn’t have summoned every parent at the school.
Homer: Hey, when this kid jumps, I’m required to ask “how high” and “what’s the damage”.
Marge: That was pretty good, Homer.
Homer: Thanks! Words are just flowing through me today. Maybe this intermittent fasting stuff’s finally paying dividends.
Marge: Eating between 8am and midnight isn’t “intermittent fasting”.
Ms Peyton: Homer, do you actually think that’s what “intermittent fasting” is?
Homer: I can eat my way through half a fridge and two fully stocked pantries in the middle of the night… so, yeah, this fasting stuff has been a major sacrifice.
Kirk: Can we please speed this meeting up? I’m not allowed to keep meat or fish in my trunk for more than an hour when I’m delivering groceries.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Stage Manager Marge (Skin)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 2:
Whitewashed fence (Decoration)

Ms Peyton: So, here’s the deal, parents: we have one week to transform Mark Twain’s “Tom Sawyer” into the best musical Springfield Elementary has ever staged.
Homer: Mark Twain didn’t write “Tom Sawyer” — it’s a “Rush” song!
Wiggum: Homer’s right!
Homer: A MODERN-DAY WARRIOR / MEAN, MEAN STRIDE / TODAY’S TOM SAWYER / MEAN, MEAN PRIDE
Homer: Bands back then had so much drum…
Wiggum: They did indeed, Homer. They did indeed.
Ms Peyton: Look, you guys are all here today because we need your help to make this the best play our school has ever staged.
Luann: So now you’re subcontracting your own job to us parents? What gives you the right?
Kirk: Yeah, does that mean we’ll get a cut of the school budget or a chunk of your sweet teacher salary?
Ms Peyton: No. And it’s not subcontracting, it’s “parental participation”.
Ms Peyton: As for the budget, I can offer you all the leftover school pizza your hearts desire.
Homer: I’m in! *eats pizza*
Ms Peyton: Okay, so here’s a stack of “Tom Sawyer: The Musical” scripts for you all to read.
Helen Lovejoy: Why does it have to be “Tom Sawyer”? Shouldn’t we…oh, I don’t know, pick something less political?
Ms Peyton: Political? Tom Sawyer is a cultural landmark.
Ms Peyton: Its realistic depiction of ordinary American life remains a candid reflection of the complexities within our society then and now.
Helen Lovejoy: It was just a suggestion…
Ms Peyton: So, are you parents in for some “parent participation”?
Marge: I’m in!
Kirk: Fine…I’m in.
Sarah Wiggum: I’m in.
Homer: Mmm…participation pizza!

• Collect Playbills – x 125
• Make Ms. Peyton Try to Control the Meeting – 4 hours
• Make Parents Continue to Object – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Marge Happily Pull Out Her Stage Binder – 4 hours

Ms Peyton: So, do I have any volunteers for set design?
Marge: I’d love to do set design!
Ms Peyton: Wow, that was fast. Thanks Marge!
Marge: Absolutely! And would you mind if I also handled all of the stage management and costuming, too?
Marge: I don’t want to come off too strong, but back in high school I was a pretty big deal as the theater class stage manager.
Ms Peyton: I doubt anyone here would mind.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Whitewashed fence (Decoration)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 3:
Springfield Playhouse (Building)

Marge: Bart! Lisa! Come downstairs, I’ve got news from school!
Bart: If a wasp hive exploded in Skinner’s office and/or car, I had no knowledge of it.
Marge: No, it’s not that! It’s good news!
Lisa: Did the school finally accept my advanced curriculum proposal?
Marge: Nope, something way better than that!
Bart: Well now you’re just hyping this up too much — it’ll probably be a total let down.
Marge: The school’s putting on a play, and guess who’s directing?
Bart: Awesome. Now I’m betting one of us ends up as the lead, because that’s our usual luck.
Marge: Well, Bart, since you mentioned it…

• Collect Playbills – x 165
• Make Marge Change Into Her Stage Manager Outfit – 4 hours
• Make Bart Pretend to Be Deaf – 4 hours
• Make Lisa Brace Herself for Bad News – 4 hours

Stage Manager Marge: The play we’ll be putting on is a musical adaptation of Tom Sawyer.
Lisa: Wait, is that already a thing that exists or do we have to write a bunch of songs about Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn?
Stage Manager Marge: Shh, Lisa! If we don’t ask those questions, we don’t have to worry about answering them!
Lisa: I mean, that is kind of an important question that needs answering…
Stage Manager Marge: Well, and this isn’t nepotism or anything, but I think Bart…
Bart: Fine, fine, I’ll play Tom Sawyer. I mean, it’s sort of a role I was born to play.
Stage Manager Marge: I wish that wasn’t the case, but it really is…

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Springfield Playhouse (Building)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 4:
Stage Props Bundle (Decorations)

Martin: So we are to be thespians? Delightful!
Nelson: If this play doesn’t involve me pounding him, I’d rather go back to math.
Ralph: I’m going to be a tree!
Ms Peyton: Thank you, children. Please sit down so we can talk about our play.
Ms Peyton: We will be performing a musical adaptation of Mark Twain’s classic American story, Tom Sawyer.
Milhouse: I’ll play Tom Sawyer if Lisa’s Becky!
Nelson: *punches Milhouse* Stop being a creep, Milhouse.
Milhouse: Wait, a musical? Oh no, that’s going to mean singing.
Janey: And the costumes from that time period will not even be slightly cute.
Ms Peyton: Here to help me explain our plans, let me welcome Marge Simpson, who will be helping out with our set design and costuming.
Stage Manager Marge: Hello, children!
Ms Peyton: So, Marge, would you like to let everyone know who will be playing Tom Sawyer?
Stage Manager Marge: My special guy, Bart Simpson!
Nelson: Haw-haw!
Stage Manager Marge: And for the role of Huckleberry Finn, Nelson Muntz!
Nelson: Haw-Huck?!

• Collect Playbills – x 125
• Make Bart Attempt to Disappear – 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Be Extremely Proud – 4 hours
• Make Ms. Peyton Try to Hide Her Amusement – 4 hours
• Make Nelson Memorize His Script – 4 hours
• Make Students Protest This Whole Fiasco – x 5, 4 hours

Martin: Bart’s casting is clearly nepotism at work!
Milhouse: Yeah, I don’t think Bart’s even read Tom Sawyer! I mean, neither have I…
Martin: I doubt that Bart could properly convey the complexities of Tom Sawyer’s loss of innocence in the immoral harsh world he’s forced to navigate.
Ralph: I get to play a tree!
Ms Peyton: Well, Marge, as Stage Manager, you get the fun and rewarding task of calming the kids down and preparing them for curtain call. I’m going to go get a much-deserved massage.
Stage Manager Marge: All right! Who wants to help build a set? No one? Because “no volunteers” means “all of you”.
Ms Peyton: Nicely done, I’m stealing that.

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Stage Props Bundle (Decorations)

A Hard Play’s Night, part 5:
Elementary Play Stage (Building)

Miss Hoover: Peace and quiet. I’d forgotten what it felt like.
Willy: Aye, lassie. ‘Tis a right good day, it is.
Coach Krupt: *bursts in* They’ve got him doing it all wrong!
Miss Hoover: If this is about that play, I don’t want to hear about it. That’s a problem for the parents to deal with.
Coach Krupt: No, it’s not the play. It’s that boy they have playing Tom Sawyer. He’s doing the whitewashing and he’s doing it all wrong!
Willy: Bart Simpson. I should have known he’d muck up a simple task like that.
Miss Hoover: When did we all start caring so much about painting?
Coach Krupt: It doesn’t matter. We spent the entire summer painting this godforsaken school.
Miss Hoover: I know. We’re practically experts.
Coach Krupt: Let’s BOMBARD him with some information! We’re teachers, aren’t we?
Miss Hoover: Fine! If it’ll make you all shut up, let’s go teach Tom Sawyer the proper method of applying a consistent topcoat!

• Collect Playbills – x 205
• Make Teachers Storm the Stage – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Bart Get Educated on Proper Painting Technique – 4 hours
• Make Bart Sawyer Get Educated on Proper Painting Technique – 4 hours
• Make Students Watch With Morbid Fascination – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Finish Building The Set – 4 hours

Miss Hoover: Down, then up! It’s not rocket science!
Bart: Sure, but you guys understand that this is a prop fence! It’s made of cardboard.
Coach Krupt: Respect the art of painting or no BOMBARDMENT all year!
Martin: “No bombardment”? Sounds like a good deal.
Coach Krupt: *throws dodgeball* BOMBARDMENT!
Martin: Ow!

Reward: 100 $$s, 10 XP and Elementary Play Stage (Building)

Outro: The Final Curtain

Bart Sawyer: Whitewash duty, such a joy / Best believe, I ain’t got no ploy!
Martin: Tom Sawyer, you sly fox! / Giving us your chores, while you skip rocks!
Milhouse: Paint it up, paint it down / Tom’s turned his work, into our playground!
Janey: Yes, time has turned this white fence brown / But by day’s end, we’ll paint the town!
Broccoli Ralph: I’m a tree, yes, I’m a tree, I’m a tree, I’m a tree! Take a break and lean against me!
Sarah Wiggum: Did our boy just remember his lines and sing them properly, or did you accidentally give me the good Scotch on the way over here?
Wiggum: Our boy’s a star.

• Make Bart Finish the Play – 4 hours
• Make Bart Sawyer Finish the Play – 4 hours
• Make Stage Manager Marge Be Extremely Proud – 4 hours
• Make Teachers Be Confused That This Worked – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Parents Unexpectedly Enjoy the Play – x 5, 4 hours
• Make Ms. Peyton Finally Relax – 4 hours

Bart Sawyer: Sayonara Missouri! *takes a bow* *curtain falls*
Stage Manager Marge: And that’s it! We did it, everyone!
Skinner: Wait, what’s going on? Is that real applause?
Superintendent Chalmers: That was the best play your school has ever put on. And your teachers seem to have finally received the rest they deserved. Good work, Seymour.
Skinner: Why…thank you, sir!
Stage Manager Marge: You did so good, Bart!
Bart Sawyer: Mom! Everyone’s still around, wait until we’re home.
Stage Manager Marge: Nope! I’m just so proud of my special little guy. *picks up Bart and hugs him*

Reward: 200 $$s, 20 XP

That wraps things up for this event, back when the next update hits.