Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
The clock is ticking down on the All This Jazz mini-event. As the event winds down it’s time to take a look back at the dialogue for this event, just in case you missed it while tapping to fast! So here’s the full dialogue for the All This Jazz mini-event main questline…
Lisa: Wow, Dad. I’ve never seen you read an actual newspaper before.
Homer: Oh, this? This is just a large-print — wait, it IS a newspaper! Let’s see… *reading* “Explosion at Nuclear Plant”, “Serial Killer on the Loose”… Ooh, here’s something: “Plans Unveiled For New CostMo”!
Lisa: How many more CostMos do we need in Springfield? I can see three from our window right now.
Homer: Yeah, but to make room for this one, they get to finally tear down that dumb memorial bridge.
Lisa: No! Not the Springfield Memorial Bridge!
Homer: Oh, I’m sure they’ll build a new bridge somewhere to memorialize the old one.
Lisa: But they can’t tear it down! It was Bleeding Gums Murphy’s favorite spot to play his saxophone. It’s where we first met.
Homer: Look Lisa, nobody likes that bridge. It’s ugly and it doesn’t do that cool thing where it lifts up to let giant boats pass under it. Because of those two things, it deserves to go.
Lisa: Ugh, why am I wasting my time talking to you when I can be wasting my time talking to the mayor! *storms out*
Homer: *flips page* Man, newspapers got weird. No sports section, and twelve pages of obituaries?.
Make Lisa Go Straight to the Mayor- 30s
Make Homer Read More of His Newspaper- 30s
Quimby: Look, Miss Not-Old-Enough-To-Vote-Yet, CostMo is my biggest political donor.
Lisa: That’s your argument?
Quimby: Well, yeah. Plus, that bridge doesn’t do that cool thing where it lifts up—
Lisa: …to let boats pass under it. Yeah, I know…
Quimby: Well, then I’m glad we agree. The bridge is set to detonate this Sunday.
Lisa: But Springfield Memorial Bridge is a historic landmark!
Quimby: It is? Shoot! Our laws forbid historic landmarks from being destroyed.
Lisa: Oh, I just meant, you know… historic to me.
Quimby: Ok, I don’t have time for your nonsense anymore. Plus, I have a three o’clock tennis lesson with my mistress. Today we’re practicing our ground strokes.
Lisa: Wait, what if I can raise enough money to repair the bridge? Would you agree to move the CostMo somewhere else?
Quimby: Fine. If you can raise a million dollars by the end of the week, then I’ll save the bridge.
Lisa: But it only costs half of that to repair it.
Quimby: The rest is, er-uh, a campaign donation.
Lisa: Ok, whatever it takes to save the bridge. But in the future, you really should be more covert about your bribes and kickbacks.
Song and Dance Pt. 1
Lisa: Mr. Palmer? Mr. Le Marquez? I’m not sure if you remember me, but…
Skinny Palmer: How could we forget the younger sister of jazz maestro Tic Tock Simpson!
Marbles Le Marquez: The Skinny Palmer Trio hasn’t been the same since we lost Tic Tock. Now we’re just the *sobbing* Skinny Palmer Duo.
Lisa: I don’t care if you’re a duo or trio or even an ensemble! They’re tearing down Springfield Memorial Bridge to build a CostMo!
Marbles Le Marquez: Bleeding Gums Murphy’s favorite saxophonin’ spot?! But that bridge represents all things jazz in Springfield.
Lisa: Our only hope is raising enough money to fix the bridge…and to bribe the mayor.
Skinny Palmer: How much are we talkin’?
Lisa: Well, a “Save The Bridge Jazz Benefit Concert” could do the trick.
Marbles Le Marquez: You find the venue, and we’ll provide the music.
Lisa: I feel like the third member of the trio!
Skinny Palmer: Well, give us some saxophone, then.
Lisa: *plays saxophone*
Marbles Le Marquez: Maybe next year.
Make Lisa Find a Venue for the Benefit Concert- 4hrs
Collect Vinyl Records- x125. 4hrs.
Homer: Ah, yeah. Take the G-train, baby. Groovetone!
Lisa: Who are you talking to?
Homer: Oh, didn’t you hear? Your old man is getting the band back together. We are what happens when jazz meets funk, then ditches funk for ROCK! You know, we could come sing at your concert thingamajig…
Lisa: Oh, yeah…but all the money goes to save that bridge you hate, so…
Homer: Well, I’m starting to warm up to that bridge.
Lisa: Ugh, your weird Dad-band can’t play.
Homer: What about during sound check?
Song and Dance Pt. 2
Skinny Palmer: Lisa, this venue is the size of two Superdomes. You realize that the jazz community in Springfield is extremely small. Since Tic Tock left, our fan base probably couldn’t fill a garage, let alone this.
Marbles Le Marquez: Two car or four car garage?
Skinny Palmer: When someone says “garage”, you imagine a four car garage? Check your privilege.
Lisa: Fine, we’ll just have the concert at Jazzy Goodtime’s. But even then, how am I going to get enough fans to buy tickets?
Skinny Palmer: Marbles, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Marbles Le Marquez: I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m excited!
Skinny Palmer: I’m thinking that promoting the concert is not our problem!
Marbles Le Marquez: *low fiving* Outta sight!
Skinny Palmer: Groovay, groovay!
Lisa: Okay…well, I’m going to go off by myself and find some people in town who appreciate jazz.
Marbles Le Marquez: Let us know when you’ve given up.
Lisa: I liked them better when they were a trio.
Make Lisa Promote the Jazz Benefit Concert- 4hrs
Make Skinny Palmer Recruit Jazz Musicians for the Concert- 4hrs
Collect Vinyl Records- x125. 4hrs.
Lisa: *playing saxophone* Jazz lovers of Springfield! I hope you are enjoying these cool jazz stylings. If you’d like to hear more, come to the “Save The Bridge Jazz Benefit Concert” this Friday night!
Agnes: I’d rather read the YA vampire book my son’s writing!
Skinner: Really? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Agnes: Does it end with the heartthrob vampire teaming up with the humans to take on all the “evil” vampires?
Skinner: *gulps* Am I that predictable?
Lisa: Ugh, at this rate, no one’s going to buy a ticket. All right, my next song is “Fly Me to The Moon”. *plays saxophone*
Homer: Boo! I’m trying to have a nice day out with my family and your jazz-noise is ruining it!
Lisa: Even my Dad is booing me… Bleeding Gums Murphy, if you’re listening, I need all the jazz powers you can summon. *plays saxophone*
CBG: Save it for KJAZZ!
Lisa: *getting idea* KJAZZ, that’s it!
Song and Dance Pt. 3
Hans Moleman: This is KJAZZ radio and you’re listening to “Moleman in the Morning”. Sponsored by the Piano Tuners Union — When We Strike, We Strike A Chord. Today, I am joined by Lisa Simpson and the Skinny Palmer Duo for some “Bebop Banter”. Now, Lisa. I hear through the groovy grapevine that you’re putting on a little jazz concert?
Lisa: That’s right! We’re raising money for—
Skinny Palmer: Lisa, I’ve got this one… Folks, Moleman, jazzos and jazzettes, we got a couple cool cats bluesin’ down a hot groove this fresh and funky Friday over at Jazzy Goodtime’s.
Lisa: Yeah and it’s all to benefit—
Skinny Palmer: They’re gonna be layin’ licks smooth and sultry, poppin’ off the top of the bebop, hittin’ the drop, nonstop. And when we hit the refrain, you will be transported to the jazz promised land.
Hans Moleman: Well, you heard it here first, listeners. It’s gonna be a hot show on Friday over at Jazzy Goodtime’s! We’ll be back with more “Moleman in the Morning” after a short break. Catch you on the B-side.
Make Lisa Promote the Benefit Concert on KJAZZ- 2hrs
Make Skinny Palmer Improvise Scat on KJAZZ- 2hrs
Collect Vinyl Records- x125. 4hrs.
Hans Moleman: Time for some “Skat in the Hat”.
Skinny Palmer: Skippity bah-dop, doo-diddly bebop, doo-bopparang-a-bah-dop-dop-diddly-bepop…
Lisa: Are we ever going to talk about the benefit concert?! We’re raising money to repair Springfield Memorial Bridge in memory of Bleeding Gums Murphy!
Hans Moleman: Well, why didn’t you say so?
Skinny Palmer: Excuse me, can I finish now? Doo-wop, bippity-bop! And I’m done.
Song and Dance Pt. 4
Lisa: I can’t believe every single person who called into the radio show asked to see Tic Tock Simpson.
Marbles Le Marquez: Except for that one guy who just breathed heavily into the phone for a while. That was weird.
Moe: No, I called about him too. Just froze up when they put me “on air”.
Lisa: Was Bart really that good?
Skinny Palmer: He’s one of the best ten-year-old drummers I’ve ever played with.
Lisa: *sigh* I think I’m gonna regret this…
Marbles Le Marquez: Regret what? Are you talking to us?
Make Lisa Ask Tic Tock to Come Out of Retirement- 4hrs
Collect Vinyl Records- x125. 4hrs
Lisa: Bart, I don’t want some long drawn-out negotiation, but…I need your help.
Bart: You do all my chores for six months.
Lisa: You don’t even know what I was going to ask.
Bart: Something lame I’m sure.
Lisa: It isn’t lame! It’s for a good cause!
Bart: Good cause? Make it a year of chores.
Song and Dance Pt. 5
Skinny Palmer: Lisa, this benefit concert is really hoppin’! I can feel the doo-woppity-bah-bops in my soul.
Marbles Le Marquez: Blind Willie Witherspoon is almost done playing his set. Hoo-dog, that cat knows his way around an umbrella.
Lisa: But we’re almost to the end of the acts and we haven’t made nearly enough money. It’s time to bring in the big guns. And by guns, I mean Bart. Alright, Bart. You ready to give the people what they want?
Tic Tock Simpson: I’m not Bart. I’m Tic Tock “Skippity Bop” Simpson.
Make Lisa Resent Bart’s Innate Musical Talent- 4hrs
Make Tic Tock “Skippity Bop” Simpson Give the People What They Want- 4hrs
Collect Vinyl Records- x125. 4hrs
Tic Tock Simpson: *drum solo*
Lisa: Wow, he really is good.
Sideshow Raheem: Boo!
Moe: Boo! You suck!
Lisa: Why is everyone booing? They’re all specifically here for Tic Tock Simpson.
Knifey Spooney: Boo! We want TikTok Simpson!
Lisa: But…this IS Tic Tock Simpson!
Jack The Ripper: No, TikTok Simpson! From that TikTok video where he did the funny dance!
Lisa: *gasp* That’s what you were asking for?
Knifey Spooney: *chanting* DO THE DANCE!
Rod And Todd: *chanting* DO THE DANCE!
Matt Groening: *chanting* DO THE DANCE!
Tic Tock Simpson: Lisa, if I do the dance, then you have to add another year of chores!
Lisa: This better work!
Tic Tock Simpson: *does the dance*
Knifey Spooney: Woo! Now I can empty my wallet and donate to save the bridge!
Rod And Todd: Yay! Take our entire allowances!
Ned: You don’t have allowances! I guess it is for charity though.
CBG: The original TikTok video was better. But since I’m here, I might as well donate!
When the Moon Hits Your Eye
Lisa: Well, I suppose people still don’t “get” jazz. But at least we raised enough money to repair the bridge.
Bleeding Gums Murphy: And you did a beautiful job, Lisa.
Lisa: *gasp* Bleeding Gums Murphy?! But…I thought you were—
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Dead? Lisa, I may be gone, but I’m not dead.
Lisa: What do you mean?
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Well, do you still think about me when you pass this bridge?
Lisa: Of course I do.
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Well, then there you go. I’m not dead as long as this bridge exists. *plays saxophone* Want to join?
Lisa: *plays saxophone* I think we make an awesome duo.
And that’s it my friends, the All This Jazz Full Dialogue!
Thoughts on this jazzy event? Enjoy the dialogue? Prizes? Sounds off below you know we love hearing from you!