THOH XXXI Act 3 Full Dialogue: Stairway to Hell

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

IMPORTANT NOTE: Act 4 is slated to start TOMORROW, November 10thAct 3 (or Acts 1 and 2 for that matter) isn’t going anywhere, so if you didn’t finish it you’ll still have time to. Look for Act 4 to start around 10am ET (1500 UTC) tomorrow (Tuesday).
You’ll need Lisa, Bart and Homer free for the first round of tasks (and those earning event currency).  Also, 1 new premium character combo will be released.  125 donuts for the combo.

Now on with the full dialogue for Act 3…

Stairway to Hell Pt. 1
Auto starts

Bart: Hi, Mom, I’m home! I got straight A’s again.
Marge: I’m so proud of my little hellion! Say, where’s Lisa?
Bart: She got detention — for like eternity.
Marge: What?! Why?
Bart: I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening. That’s why I got the A+ in Not Really Listening.
Marge: Homer! Get in here!
Homer: Not now! The sports team from our town is playing the sports team from another town and I’m cheering them on for geographic reasons.
Make Marge Pressure Homer Into Rescuing Lisa- 1hr
Make Homer Pretend Not to Hear Marge- 1hr
Make Bart Catch Up With Milhouse-4hrs
Collect Forbidden Donuts-
x175. 4hrs
Marge: Stop pretending you can’t hear me, I unplugged the TV!
Homer: Theater of the mind, Marge! Theater of the mind.
Marge: When he was in kindergarten and Bart glued his teacher to the chalkboard, we agreed that I would handle all of his school discipline problems and you would handle Lisa’s. Well your time has come. You need to get our daughter back!
Homer: I hate deals that come back to bite me in the butt.

Stairway to Hell Pt. 2
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Homer: How does a church-doin’ guy like me get to Hell?
Marge: You’ve missed “doin'” church every Sunday this year.
Homer: Church of the mind, Marge. Church of the mind.
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman interrupting your lives with another convenient newsflash! Inexplicably, the former home known as the Murder House has mysteriously reappeared in Springfield. Explore more of the mysteries of hidden Springfield tonight on Channel 6 News at 7! Because we have nothing else.
Homer: That’s how I’ll get to Hell! Spooky house back from the dead where people were murdered! It’s gotta be a portal to Hell!
Marge: Homer, be careful. I don’t know why, but murder houses give me a creepy feeling.
Make Homer Accidentally Destroy the Murder House Again- 2hrs
Collect Forbidden Donuts- x125. 4hrs
Homer: Uh, I guess you’re not a portal to Hell after all.
Murder Home: *Murder House rebuilds itself*
Homer: That’s cool. Too cool to get me to Hell School. I’m out of here!

Stairway to Hell Pt. 3
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Ned: Why so glum, chum?
Homer: Stupid Christian Flanders, you’re no help! I need a way to get to Hell to rescue Lisa from eternal detention.
Ned: Is that all? Why, there’s a Stairway to Heck behind the church!
Homer: What?
Ned: I use it to scare kids straight on Halloween.
Make Homer Take the Stairway to Hell- 3hrs
Collect Forbidden Donuts- x150. 4hrs
Homer: So this is Hell, huh? Smokier than I expected.
Demon Moe: There’s no air quality regulations down here. Just pure freedom, baby! *cough-cough* Ugh, gotta love it!
Homer: Demon Moe, serve me up a Flaming Moe!
Demon Moe: Comin’ right up! Fire and brimstone on the rim!

Stairway to Hell Pt. 4
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Homer: Oh man, the drinks here sure beat the surface world junk!
Old Scratch: Glad to see you’re liking the place.
Homer: What’s not to like? Sure, it’s a little hot but it’s a dry heat. And best of all: no Flanders! Uh, just one problem…I can’t stay. I need to save Lisa from eternal detention and bring her back home. Little advice: don’t have kids.
Old Scratch: I’m afraid her going home is a problem. Y’see, I got a deal goin’ with Lisa, for her soul and Bart’s.
Homer: Care to make a new deal like Franklin Roosevelt over there?
FDR: How did I deserve Hell? Eleanor musta talked about my behavior.
Make Homer Make a Deal With Old Scratch- 1hr
Make Old Scratch Try to Explain the Deal to Homer- 2hrs
Collect Forbidden Donuts- x150. 4hrs
Homer: So Lisa gets straight A’s and she and Bart are home-free!
Old Scratch: No! If she gets GOOD grades, then you all stay in Hell! If she gets BAD grades, you all get to go home!
Homer: I still don’t get it.
Old Scratch: Ugh! And I thought getting into fiddle contests with Charlie Daniels was a pain.

Stairway to Hell Pt. 5
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Hell Teacher: All right, Lisafer. Time for your torture demonstration.
Lisafer: Ha! I’ll easily fail this one. No demon is going to flinch at my lame tickle torture.
Hell Teacher: Oh, you won’t be torturing one of our demons! It seems we have a new volunteer.
Lisafer: What? Who?
Homer: Hi, honey! I’m here to help you get an A! Or an F. I can’t remember.
Make Lisafer Torture Homer- 4hrs
Make Homer Get Tickle Tortured- 8hrs
Collect Forbidden Donuts- x125. 4hrs
Homer: Hee-hee-hee… I think I tore my tickle muscle!
Hell Teacher: Good job, Lisa!
Lisafer: I hope you mean “good job” doing a bad job.
Hell Teacher: A+!
Homer: Way to go, sweetie!
Lisafer: *groan*

Thoughts on the Act 3 dialogue?  Looking forward to Act 4 starting to continue the story?  Have you completed Act 3? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

4 responses to “THOH XXXI Act 3 Full Dialogue: Stairway to Hell

  1. Another Event Act, another group of Event Prizes to sort thru (what to keep, what to store – it’s a HELL 🔥 of a decision!) 🤔

  2. Please bring back the Michael Jackson episode. That episode is one of my favorites, MJ was found innocent by a jury of his peers in a court of law. By removing his episode from circulation you are dismissing our justice system. These 2 people have no evidence to support their claims. They are suing the Estate for billions and one of the cases was thrown out of court recently their was no bases for claim.

  3. Lets just call it what it is..Led Zeppelin Versus ACDC

    There’s a stairway to Heaven. Maybe next act..

    And a Stairway/Highway to Hell

    • So, does the relative size of the pathways say anything about the expected amounts of traffic? 🙂

      I’ve got lots of versions of both tunes, but I have to say the originals are the best!

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