Christmas 2020 Act 1 Full Dialogue: Space Cadet

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

IMPORTANT NOTE: Act 2 is slated to start TOMORROW, December 17th.  Act 1 isn’t going anywhere, so if you didn’t finish it you’ll still have time to. Look for Act 2 to start around 9am ET.  (1400 UTC)
You’ll need Ned and Marge free for the first round of tasks (and those earning event currency).  Also, 1 new premium character combo will be released.  150 donuts for the combo.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year Tappers, Christmas in TSTO!  And this year EA is insulting everyone with a true Sacrilegious Christmas…nothing says 2020 quite like this! Also always, loads of dialogue with this one, so be sure to read along to see what happens! And of course, I’ll be posting it as each week wraps up…

Now on with the Act 1 Dialogue…

The Ol’ Frazzle Dazzle Pt. 1
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Homer: Click…and drag. Click…and drag. Click…and drag. Three items in the cart. Marge. Lisa. Bart. Woohoo! I’m done with all my Christmas clicking!
Maggie: *sucking sounds*
Homer: You know about Christmas?
Maggie: *sucking sounds*
Homer: Okay, what do you want?
Maggie: *sucking sounds*
Homer: One pacifier coming up! Clicked…and dragged! Free three-day delivery? Tell that to someone who started shopping before the 23rd! Verify shipping address? Who’s working for who? Nog break!
Make Homer Drink Eggnog- 6s
Make Maggie Verify Homer’s Shipping Address- 6s
Marge: Homer, you just drank a gallon of eggnog!
Homer: We need to finish it off. It’s Christmas Eve Eve — and we all know the government takes it away on the 26th. Why can’t we keep it until New Years?! It’s seasonal! Seasonal!

The Ol’ Frazzle Dazzle Pt. 2
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Marge: I’ll pick up some more eggnog on the way back from the mall.
Homer: Remember to get more nutmeg, too! And more nog! And more nutmeg! And more nog!
Marge: Stop that!
Homer: It’s hard to get the balance right!
Marge: My sisters are coming over for Christmas so we need to finish putting up the decorations.
Homer: Your sisters? But Christmas is the season of love!
Marge: I’m taking the kids to see Santa. You can Christmas-ify the house until we get back.
Homer: I’m going to make our house a vision of Christmas electric cheer!
Make Homer Cause A Citywide Blackout- 6s
Make Marge Take the Kids to the Mall- 6s
Make Maggie Update Pacifier Quantity in Shopping Cart- 6s
Homer: *moaning* Blacking out the town was way funnier when it happened to Chevy Chase!
Movement Ad Truck: Feeling Frazzled? Join the Movementarians for a Frazzle-Free Holiday Feast!
Homer: I am feeling frazzled! I do love feasting! This ad truck knows me better than I know myself! Can you really deliver a frazzle-free holiday?
Recruiter: Yes! We at the Movementarians create a frazzle-free zone by removing frazzles, which are inter-dimensional grumpiness gremlins. We use our spaceship to dump them in a distant nebula.
Homer: You had me at spaceship! How much does this frazzle-free holiday cost?
Recruiter: The initial frazzle test is free. After that, it’s all-you-can-earn.
Homer: Did you say all-you-can-eat?
Recruiter: Sure, that too.

Space Cadet Pt. 1
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Recruiter: Your great benevolence, this is the new recruit I told you of.
The Leader: Ah, yes. Homer Simpson. I’ve just been looking over your test results.
Homer: Oh, no. Is it positive? Or negative? Which one is bad and which one am I?
The Leader: Well, according to the F-reader, you’re fully frazzled! You’re going to have to work really hard and buy many Movementarian books and video tapes if you want to get frazzle-free.
Homer: Don’t we have suckers to do that stuff for us?
The Leader: Until you find us new suckers, you’re the sucker.
Homer: How do we find new suckers?
The Leader: The same way we found you — with the ad truck. Here are the keys.
Homer: Can I play ice cream truck music while I drive around?
Recruiter: Hmm. That would bring out many children, sir. Children are young and impressionable.
The Leader: So that’s a yes.
Homer: Woohoo!
Make Homer Drive the Movementarian Ad Truck- 4hrs
Make Patty Chase the Movementarian Ad Truck- 4hrs
Make Selma Chase the Movementarian Ad Truck- 4hrs
Collect Cult Pamphlets- x125
Recruiter: Congratulations on your new recruits, Homer. You are now a Level One member of our cult!
Homer: Woohoo! Level one is the highest level I’ve ever reached in anything! Lemme just park the ad truck and we can talk spaceship plans…
Patty: We want to be frazzle-free!
Homer: *gasp* I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is an ice cream truck!
Selma: Then I’ll have a Fudgsicle.
Homer: We’re out of ice cream.
Recruiter: Did you two wish to take the Movementarian personality test and join our family?
Homer: Their results came back. They have no personalities.
Selma: Too bad, fatty. We’re joining your cult anyway, out of spite.

Space Cadet Pt. 2
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Krusty Claus: Okay, kid, have you been naughty or nice this year?
Bart: I’m non-binary, naughtiness-versus-niceness-wise. Others see me as naughty, but I self-identify as nice.
Krusty Claus: Uh, okay. What do you want?
Bart: A white Christmas.
Krusty Claus: Does smog from wildfires count?
Bart: I mean the new CrimeTown video game: “White Christmas: The Cali Cartel Comes Home for the Holidays”. It’s about a Christmas Eve turf battle between rival cocaine gangs.
Krusty Claus: The elves have been hitting the nog early, so I’m not sure I can help you out.
Bart: I see. It would be a shame if anything happened to that sweet ride of yours.
Krusty Claus: My sleigh? Do your worst, kid. I drive a Lexus.
Bart: I know. License plate: MR LAFF. Parked beside the dumpster.
Krusty Claus: Let me reach out to the elves.
Make Bart Wait for Krusty Claus to Make a Call-4hrs
Make Lisa Wait in Line- 4hrs
Make Marge Shop for Presents- 4hrs
Collect Cult Pamphlets- x125
Krusty Claus: I think you’re going to be very happy when you look under the tree on Christmas morning!
Bart: If I’m not, I’ll have a whole year to work off whatever I do in response before next Christmas. You wouldn’t like me when I’m naughty.

Space Cadet Pt. 3
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Recruiter: Homer, your next task is to spread germs at salad bars around town.
Homer: No way! It violates my morals to have anything to do with salad! And you don’t make brainwashed followers with salad.
Recruiter: Then you can always clean more bathrooms.
Homer: Isn’t there a faster way to ascend to the spaceship?
Recruiter: Well, sure. You could always star in an action movie, become an international icon, and use your platform to promote the views of the Movementarians.
Homer: As long as it doesn’t involve salad.
Make Homer Star in an Action Movie-4hrs
Make Patty Ascend the Movementarian Ranks- 4hrs
Make Selma Ascend the Movementarian Ranks- 4hrs
Collect Cult Pamphlets- x125
Recruiter: Bad news, Homer. Your international box office was disappointing. We can only advance you one level.
Homer: What about the streaming revenues?
Recruiter: Those are a complete black box.
Selma: Speaking of Homer being an international disappointment, Patty and I are Level Three now and we’ll be your supervisors.
Homer: *gasp*
Patty: Fan me with some pamphlets, Level Two-ling!
Selma: Massage my feet with the F-reader!
Homer: There has to be another way to the spaceship!

Space Cadet Pt. 4
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Marge: Homie, we’re home! Homie?
Lisa: Mom, there’s a note here from Dad.
Marge: *reading* “My dearest Marge. By the time you read this, I’ll be in space. But don’t worry, they probably have time machines in space so I’ll come back before you even read this. Turn around, I’m right behind you.”
Lisa: He’s not there, just keep reading.
Marge: *reading* “Oh, am I not behind you? In that case, I met a beautiful alien girl and we’ve started a family. But you’ll always be my first love. Sincerely, Homie. PS: Maggie is in the hammock.”
Marge: *reading* “PPS: The Movementarians are coming over for Christmas — to recruit you and the kids. Don’t join, it’s a bunch of baloney.”
Ned: *poking head through the window* Did I hear you say Movementarians? Why, those zealots make my blood boil.
Marge: Ned, will you help me go save Homer from a cult again?
Ned: Sure thing, neighborino!
Make Marge Follow the Spaceship-4hrs
Make Ned Follow the Spaceship- 4hrs
Collect Cult Pamphlets- x150

Space Cadet Pt. 5
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The Leader: Homer, I’ve heard good things of your recruiting efforts with the ad truck. It seems you’re to thank for us finally nailing that 4-11 demographic. Soon we’ll move onto the all-important 18-49.
Recruiter: It’s time, Homer, for your next ascension ceremony.
Homer: And then I get to fly the spaceship?
The Leader: Uh, no. But you get this cool badge on your robe.
Homer: Ooh, can I tap it to talk to other people on the spaceship like an intercom?
The Leader: No, but that’s not a bad idea. Can we make that happen?
Recruiter: I’ll get right on it, sir.
Make Homer Ascend- 4hrs
Make The Leader Review Badge Intercom Prototypes- 4hrs
Collect Cult Pamphlets- x125
Recruiter: *answering door* Yes, can I help you?
Marge: I’m looking for my husband, Homer.
Recruiter: Homer? Sorry, don’t know him.
Marge: I know he’s here! Let me in!
Recruiter: Look, lady. There’s no Homer Simpson here, now scram.
Marge: Well now…I never mentioned his last name.
Ned: Oldest trick in the book, and you walked right into it.

Thoughts on the Act 1 dialogue?  Looking forward to Act 2 starting to continue the story?  Have you completed Act 1? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!