Springfield Enlightened Act 4 Full Dialogue: Buddhism Sans

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we prepare for the Springfield Enlightened event to end TOMORROW, it’s time to wrap up Act 4, and the event, with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!

So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Buddhism Sans…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

Buddhism Sans Pt. 1
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Siddmartha: Mom, he’s destroying my philosophy. He’s luring away my followers with raucous parties and fatty treats.
Queen Gautama: You may want to reconsider your approach if that’s all it takes to lure away followers.
Prince Gautama: Oh, snap. Walked right into that one.
Siddmartha: Mom!
Queen Gautama: What do you want me to do, Siddmartha? I love my children equally.
Siddmartha: You could send him to the tower and still love him equally.
Queen Gautama: True. Guards, escort the prince to the tower so he can think about what he’s done.
Prince Gautama: Wait, what? I can think about what I’ve done just fine from down here!
Siddmartha: Snap back at ya!
Make Prince Gautama Think About What He’s Done- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Taunt the Prince- 4hrs
Make Homer Bless Members of Buddhism With Donuts- 4hrs
Collect Yin Yangs- x125.
Prince Gautama: Aw, there’s nothing to do in the tower but spit on the peasants.
Skinner: Mother, is it really necessary for you to fix my hair?
Agnes:  I’ve been flattening your cowlick since you were two years old, Seymour! Now hold still or it won’t stay down!
Skinner: *splat* Gah! Did someone just spit on my head?!
Prince Gautama: Bullseye!
Agnes: Ah, perfect. Thank you!

Buddhism Sans Pt. 2
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Siddmartha: I want everyone gathered here to know that Prince Gautama has renounced his actions in creating Buddhism with Donuts. So, feel free to return to the regular Buddhism.
Homer: Sans donuts?
Siddmartha: We’ll find other things to replace donuts. Have you tried granola?
Barney: What about beer?
Siddmartha: Unfortunately, no. In addition to no donuts, there’s no beer.
Wiggum: And what about donut beer?
Siddmartha: Is that a thing?
Moe: I could probably make that a thing.
Siddmartha: Let’s just stick to kombucha. It’s healthy and trendy. And kinda close to donut beer.
Moe: Donut beer, eh?
Make Siddmartha Pass Out Kombucha- 4hrs
Make Homer Try Granola- 4hrs
Make Barney Try Kombucha- 4hrs
Make Moe Brew Donut Beer- 4hrs
Collect Yin Yangs- x125.
Barney: *burp* Kombucha’s not half bad! Crunchy too!
Siddmartha: You’re drinking a jar of pickles.
Moe: Here you go, Barney. Freshly brewed kombucha, just for you.
Barney: Ah, thanks! *belch*
Moe: *whispering* Psst, it’s donut beer. Don’t tell the Buddha girl.
Siddmartha: If anyone wants to talk about me WITHOUT me hearing it, I’ll be at the Bodhi tree.

Buddhism Sans Pt. 3
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The Dalai Lama: I sense a disturbance in this place. Something to do with…donuts?
Lisa: *gasp* I thought my Dalai Lama tracker app was malfunctioning, but you’re actually here!
The Dalai Lama: Ah, you must be Siddmartha.
Lisa: No, actually, this is Siddmartha.
Siddmartha: Hey.
The Dalai Lama: *looks back and forth between them* Really? Uh, okay. Siddmartha, my Lama sense was tingling. It told me you were about to do something regrettable.
Siddmartha: Like handing out knuckle sandwiches?
The Dalai Lama: Yes, like that. You know that Buddhism does not condone violence.
Siddmartha: Well, what about stuffing your face with sugary, deep-fried, fatty donuts? That’s all these people seem to do.
The Dalai Lama: Actually, there’s no prohibition on sweet treats such as donuts. It’s all about balance.
Homer: Woo hoo! Mr. Lama is the best!
Make Lisa Achieve Enlightenment- 4hrs
 Make The Dalai Lama Impart Wisdom- 4hrs
Make Homer Eat a Whole Box of Donuts- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Contemplate Balance- 4hrs
Collect Yin Yangs- x100.
Siddmartha: So it’s not so much about what you eat, rather it’s about keeping your chi in balance.
The Dalai Lama: Correct. As with all things, donuts should be enjoyed in moderation.
Homer: Hello, Dalai. Does moderation mean “at every meal”?
The Dalai Lama: No.
Homer: D’oh!

Buddhism Sans Pt. 4
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The Dalai Lama: Thank you for showing me around this lovely little town.
Siddmartha: My pleasure. I thought we could round out the tour with a donut at Lard Lad.
The Dalai Lama: Excellent idea! I’m famished and I can get a bit grouchy when I’m hungry.
Siddmartha: That’s called being hangry.
The Dalai Lama: Oh, that’s clever. I’ll have to remember to include that in my teachings.
Make The Dalai Lama Have a Donut- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Have a Donut- 4hrs
Make Springfielders Take Pictures of The Dalai Lama- 4hrs. x5
Collect Yin Yangs- x100.
The Dalai Lama: Wait, people are buying these things by the DOZEN?
Siddmartha:Often multiple dozens. Sometimes by the display case.
The Dalai Lama: They have families that large?
Siddmartha: Eh, no.
The Dalai Lama: But that’s an obscene number of donuts!
Siddmartha: Perhaps now you see why I tried to put a stop to it.
The Dalai Lama: And they put donuts in their beer?!
Siddmartha: Remember, balance in all things. Especially our emotions.
The Dalai Lama: *takes a big breath* Yes, right now I am balancing an equal amount of anger and sadness.

Buddhism Sans Pt. 5
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Siddmartha: I think we could both use a little Zen time, so I’ve booked us a class making salt mandalas.
The Dalai Lama: Delightful. I need something to concentrate on so I can bring back my inner calm.
Siddmartha: It’s good to know that even you can lose your calm every now and then.
The Dalai Lama: I’m enlightened. I’m not a saint.
Siddmartha: Buddhism doesn’t have saints!
The Dalai Lama: …
Siddmartha: Sorry, I’ll feel better after the class.
Make The Dalai Lama Make a Salt Mandala- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Make a Salt Mandala- 4hrs
Make Homer Make a Donut-shaped Salt Mandala- 4hrs
Collect Yin Yangs- x200.
The Dalai Lama: Ah, here we are. Entering the temple, I can feel the calm wash over me.
Siddmartha: Hey, Lenny. Hey, Carl. I guess nobody else showed up for the class, huh? Is it back to just you two attending all the Buddhist events?
Lenny: It’s not all bad. We get dibs on the best meditation mats!
Carl: Are you — the Dalai Lama?
The Dalai Lama: Yes. Are you Carl?
Carl: Yes. *faints*
The Dalai Lama: It looks like everything is back in balance.

Buddha School Dropouts
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Siddmartha: It seems the town has returned to its former ambivalence toward Buddhism.
Lisa: Yes, they’ve officially dropped the Buddhism from the “Buddhism with Donuts” philosophy.
Siddmartha: But that just leaves “Donuts”.
Homer: And that’s just the way we like it.

And that’s it my friends!  The full dialogue for Act 4 of Springfield Enlightened, and the END of the Event!

Thoughts on the dialogue? Did you read it live or catch up on it here? What was your favorite part of Act 4? The Event?  Ready for it to end? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!